Chapter 1-Hello

A/N: Okay, well this is a story I thought up after reading Deathly Hallows and I thought it would be interesting to see how Snape had been privately coping with the death of Lily Potter, and how he celebrated her sad death day, on different years. SO, this does have spoilers for Deathly Hallows as well as the other books and so if you haven't read them yet, I don't suggest reading this. There are a few lines taken from Deathly Hallows. Anywhoo, I hope you enjoy. .

IF YOU HAVE NOT READ DEATHLY HALLOWS, DO NOT READ THIS!!!

Disclaimer: No, I do not own any of the song excerpts in these chapters, or the characters OR the dialogue used from the books. I am simply borrowing them, for the sake of literature pleasure. Makes sense? Okay, good, moving on. Geez.

Playground school bell rings again

Rain clouds come and play again

Has no one told you she's not breathing?

Hello I'm your mind giving you

Someone to talk to…

Hello

-Evanescence

October 31, 1981

"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!"

"Stand aside you silly girl…stand aside now…"

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-"

"This is my last warning-"

"Not Harry! Please…have mercy…have mercy…Not Harry! Not Harry! Please-I'll do anything-"

"Stand aside-stand aside, girl-"

"Avada Kedavra." (A/N: Deathly Hallows, Page 281)

And that night, Lily Potter died; fell to the ground, her hair sprawled around her as her son was put to the mercy of Lord Voldemort.

November 1, 1981

My mind was one large blank. Dead. It was a word I had heard many times, in many places. But now…all I wanted, truly, was to feel the grasp of that word. To be dead. It was not a pleasant feeling, but it was the only feeling my mind were allow me to feel. I could see her, in my mind's eye, beautiful, as always, her warm face paled by that cruel reaper, Death. Her eyes, oh her wonderful eyes, I could see them too, lifeless, cold. A chill ran down my spine as I thought of these unspeakable things. Why was it I could never manage happiness? Why did all these horrid things have to fall on my doorstep? Why could someone like James Potter have the luxury of loving Lily Evans, while I fought just to keep her alive, keep her happy, for my own?

All these thoughts ran through my mind, as I stared at Dumbledore, and I slumped into the chair, heart shattering into a million pieces. I know I looked a wreck. I felt like one, my whole world was one. I wanted to feel anger towards the menace that did this to her, I wanted to feel resentment to the man standing over me, I wanted to feel sadness for my own loss, and yet, all I could feel, was the desire to die. Slowly, I forced myself to look at Dumbledore, eyes burning with unshed tears. I heard myself speak, slowly, hoarsely and distantly, in a voice I was beginning to doubt was my own. "I thought…you were going…to keep her… safe …" even the words were distant. They sounded childish, but they were the truth. I had been a fool, I knew, thinking he would be able to protect her. I was foolish to have thought the Dark Lord could ever count more than her.

"She and James put their faith in the wrong person," Dumbledore replied, each word burning into my mind like hot flames, licking away at what was left of my feeble heart. "Rather like you, Severus. Weren't you hoping that Lord Voldemort would spare her?"

These words were even worse. Yes, I had hoped. I had been stupid. I did not need him to tell me. I could scarce breathe, in the wave of feeling that was trying to force itself on me, pulling me down. Dumbledore went on, talking some more, but I was barely listening. I caught faint words, but I barely held onto their meaning. The only meaning I could grasp was: She was dead, and I would never, ever see her again.

"Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and colour of Lily Evans's eyes, I am sure?" I stood at these words, anger finally getting the best of me, triumphing over my numbness of feeling.

"DON'T!" I heard my own hoarse angry voice cry out, in desperation and anger. "Gone…Dead…"

Yes, Lily Potter was gone. She was dead. The whole school was celebrating the vanquish of the Dark Lord, the whole world was celebrating and I…I couldn't muster even a small sneer. I couldn't lift my soul to anything. I could see the students, laughing, overjoyed. For what? Lily Potter was gone. She was dead. To me, there was absolutely nothing to be happy about. Gone, dead. Two words I never wanted to hear, and I was forced to hear them both, in my own mind. My own mind was a traitor to me. It was working against me, making me think of nothing but death, as pathetic as is sounds.

I found it hard to speak to anyone, so I preferred to stay alone. I did not join in the celebrations, any of them. My whole world had collapsed. Despite the fact I had not spoken to Lily for what seemed like ages, I still loved her. I thought of her every day, and I even bought a small present on her birthday, just in case. But I knew very well I'd never give them to her, and I was most likely never going to see her again. But at least I knew she lived, and that she was happy. Now, she was far from alive and happy, and I couldn't help but blame myself. If only I hadn't told Voldemort about the prophecy, if only I'd been less keen on gaining his favor. If only I'd listened to Lily when I had the chance. Now her son was alive, alone, without his parents; and I was alive, alone, without Lily, my once only and best friend. Life could be so cruel sometimes. Dumbledore found that the best way for things to get better was to…move on, but I could not do that. Not when I walked through the school halls, and my memories crept back up on me, wherever I went. I could see Lily, in everyone, in everything. It was the hardest year of my life…

"Severus?"

"Lily?"

She giggled. "Don't do that."

"All right, what is it then?"

"At this Hogwarts school…are we going to fit in there?" she looked so concerned, so worried, for someone so young. Her hair was in braids, one on each side of her head, her eyes widened with curiosity.

"I already told you we would," I replied, rolling my eyes.

She was silent for a moment, contemplating this. Then she said "Not like that. I mean…will we be special at school? Will they know you're Severus Snape, and I'm Lily Evans?"

"Oh! You mean will they remember us, when we're gone?" I tried to understand what she meant, and when I got silence as a reply, I took it I was right. I couldn't help laughing a bit. "Of course we will! I mean, you'll probably be great at it, and they'll probably make you a prefect and Head Girl, so your name'll be on trophies and stuff, so yeah, you'll be famous."

Lily frowned at me. "Are you making fun of me?" her nose wrinkled up.

"Not at all," I frowned back.

Lily seemed to relax. "Oh…okay…"

And she was remembered. By me, if no one else. I went up to the trophy room the day after her death. I saw her name, alongside that of James Potter. Head Girl. I always knew she would be. She was so smart, so brave, so strong. Who else could be Head Girl but her? Had I only known James Potter would be Head Boy, I would have never ever have encouraged her…or would I? I don't know what I would have done, which is why, I suppose, I never knew…

I went to Godric's Hollow the next day, determined to see her grave. I had to see, where she lay. Tears pricked my eyes as the cold November winds nipped at me, but seeing her name on stone made it all too real for me. I touched the cold white marble, tracing over the letters with my finger.

Lily Potter, born 30 January 1960, died 31 October 1981

The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.

Tears spilt freely down my face at the words. Died. She was really dead. Underground. Below my feet, right there. I wondered if she was still as beautiful as she had been alive, even if she was cold. Was her hair still bright, soft and slightly curled at the ends? Were her eyes still green, even though the life had left them? These were questions I asked myself over and over again, never really finding an answer. I supposed she was still beautiful, still wonderful, still the perfect flower I had loved in life. And the thought alone was enough to reduce me to tears of anguish. I didn't care if anyone saw me. All I cared about, was that I was alone, and my Lily was gone, without me.

"Why didn't you take me with you?"

A/N: Okay, well, that was my first chapter. I'll have more. . Review please! I love it when you do. It encourages me to write more. xD