It was late and Gil sat alone in his apartment his (what felt like) hundredth cigarette slowly burning down to the filter. It had been a few days since he had seen his tormentor and for that he was glad. However it was somewhat disheartening to be cooped up alone in his apartment for those said few days.
He took another drag of his fading cigarette and draped an arm lazily over the back of his dilapidated couch sinking a little lower into the cushions. "Fucking Pandora" he muttered through a cloud of exhaled smoke.
The raven head stared blankly at the ceiling his gold eyes dull and lackluster from boredom; Boredom which trailed to thinking and stagnation, and thinking which led to doubt and question of self worth.
His leg began to shake uncontrollably as he reached for another cigarette tossing the butt of the previous on the floor carelessly. He struck a match and lit the tobacco stick inhaling deeply letting out the smoke with heavy sigh.
It had been five years since oz had disappeared into the abyss and still he had made no forward progress. He had his own chain and he was a fully established member of Pandora , but still not a single step had been made to retrieve his master from the grips of his dark fate.
Xerxes told him it was getting done, stringing him along with little tidbits of information, Oscar told him to have faith that time would give birth to fruit of his labors. He believed neither and hated one. Or at least he made himself believe he hated Break. If there was no one to be angry at then Gilbert wouldn't have any choice but to hate himself for his undoubted failure and breaking the forever he had promised to Oz.
Standing, he swayed slightly taking another long drag of his tobacco stick stalking over to the frosted window, peering curiously out over the snow covered cobblestone alleyways of the city. His arm slowly started losing feeling from the cold window and something in him broke at the sight of the snow.
His lips trembled slightly and suddenly he could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his breaths feeling slightly pained and shallow as he swallowed compulsively. Emotions flooded his senses anger and sadness being the two most prominent followed closely by frustration. The dark haired male would have given anything for a drink but unfortunately Break had "stopped by " and taken anything he had left for his "well being".
Gilbert let out a low albeit feral growl hitting the window pane in frustration uncaring as he bruised the pale flesh there. He lit another cigarette and started pacing chewing the inside of his lip wearing what he was sure to be an expression of rage, as he contemplated hunting down the silver haired clown and beating him senseless for leaving him alone with nothing to distract him for almost a week.
"How is it I always seem to find you like this?" Questioned an appallingly familiar voice from the doorway.
Gil spun around his teeth clenched, and his hands curled into fists as if he was ready to attack the intruder at any moment. "No thanks to you." He spat. "What do you want?" he snarled straightening from his previously defensive stance.
The Silverette advanced into the room shrugging his shoulders disinterestedly,"Why such the warm welcome Gil-chan?" he asked in a silky tone leaning provocatively on the back of the couch as he slipped a piece of candy into his mouth. "Can't a concerned friend check up on you? I mean after all we are Friends ne?"
The raven head scowled at the man intruding in his house "No…because you always have ulterior motives."
Break rocked back lifting his feet of the ground balancing on the couch for a moment "Ooooh Gilllll-chan, it has always turned out in your favor ne? In fact I was starting to think you liked my visits."
Gilbert was never usually short with anyone and Break had earned a special place in his heart, almost as deep as oz had (but never more of course) but Gil would never admit it, and he would never admit the reason he was furious right now was because this was the first time he had seen The fool since he had gone on "vacation". It hurt him somehow, he knew break had a lot on his plate but he had managed at some point to trick himself into thinking he was potentially more important to the hatter. The truth was Gil was about to lose his cool with one of the few people who didn't quite deserve it.
He lifted his gaze to meet the single red eye and it was over. He saw how Xerxes changed as he sensed something was off about his lover.
"Why don't you just leave Break." He said icily cringing inwardly at his own hollow tone.
"I don't think I want to." He replied softly holding Gilbert's gaze until the raven head looked away. "I think my presence is needed here." He crossed the small distance between them quickly and silently cupping the soft pale skin of Gil's face the smallest look of concern washing across his visage like a wave breaking on the sand.
The dark haired male hadn't even heard the other move and in reaction jumped away from the contact, smashing his head on the window pane since he had nowhere else to escape to. His gold eyes were wide and feral for a moment before he caught himself. He panted lightly eyeing Break like he was poison hands folding up over his chest protectively.
Break returned his gaze and made another attempt to console the other.
"Don't. Touch. Me." He ground out suddenly feeling extremely vulnerable like a cornered animal.
"tch, don't be such a child" scolded the Silverette allowing the other a moment to absorb his words before he closed the distance between their lips leavin a chaste kiss there as he pulled away from a furious Gil.
"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME!" he shouted irately lunging at the slighter male.
Break smiled lightly and cover his lips with his sleeve concealed hand "I didn't touch you with my hands Gil, you never said my lips couldn't touch you."
"why you—now who is being a child!" he asked whilst trying to catch the fool who was dancing all over his living room(if it could be called such) evading each attempt effortlessly.
Gilbert eyed Break as he sidled towards the front of the couch a dangerous look in his single red eye. Alarms sounded somewhere in the back of the raven's head but he dutifully ignored them since he was looking for something akin to a fight.
He leapt forward again half expecting the other to move but much to his displeasure (or pleasure he wasn't quite sure) he collided with the slighter body and they went tumbling back onto the couch Gil letting out a small yelp of surprise at the sudden change of altitude..
Suddenly soft, warm lips claimed the raven's in a passionate kiss. Despite himself Gilbert found that he was kissing back fervently losing himself in the delightful feeling of the silverette's mouth against his; Sweet and smoke melding together in perfection as their tongues explored each cavern with an unspoken urgency.
Suddenly the Gil remembered he was supposed to be mad, and with great effort he pulled away gasping slightly for air in attempt to clear his hazy mind. He gazed down at the Hatter beneath him assessing his situation as he straddled the older male's hips. There was something tantalizing about the way his silver hair fanned out over the dark upholstery of his crap couch, framing his pale face his single red eye gleaming like a ruby as he captured Gils golden gaze with a sultry glare. Break seemed ethereal, making his next movement almost physically painful.
He shifted to move away but cold hands clamped tightly over his wrists and fought with him. Gilbert struggled to escape and Break struggled for him to stay. An intense feeling was building within his chest and he wasn't sure what it was. He felt panicked afraid of what would happen once the pressure within him became too much and he couldn't hold back whatever this was.
"Let go." Raven's voice sounded broken and disjointed to his own ears and he hated it, he hated his family, he hated break for having so much control over him…he hated how powerless he always seemed to be….
Gilbert managed to wrest one of his hand from Break's bone crushing grip and foolishly in his desire to get away tried to stand whilst the other still clung to him. He managed to get free but in the process he flopped to the floor in an undignified heap inadvertently dragging Xerxes down with him.
Now Break was straddling his hips, unmasked concern loitering uncharacteristically in his eye.
"Gilbert…" Gil felt his stomach drop uncomfortably as ice gripped his chest.
'Don't" he pleaded unsure as to what he was pleading for.
"Do I frighten you?" he whispered softly a knowing look overtaking his delicate features.
"n—no!" gold eyes widened and closed what was happening to him he couldn't think straight and he felt like he was about to explode from emotional overload. Words began bubbling to the forefront of his mind and the one he had wished stayed locked inside his heart leaked out of his mouth.
" I-I hate…you." He felt like his voice died on the last word as something died in eye of the man above him, the hollow knowing look seeped back into the features …
" Do you?" he responded, sounding only mildly interested as his voice betrayed the question within the words.
Gilbert felt a stinging in the corners of his eyes and it felt like there was a weight on his chest. It was cutting off his supply of air rendering him unable to speak past the lump that had suddenly grown in his throat, and would not go away no matter how much he swallowed or coughed.
"I-hate…" oh god everything was coming out horridly wrong and horrendously broken he couldn't tell up from down and it seemed his own suppressed emotions were threatening to suffocate him to death. "How you—how you…m-make me…. feel" he choked out finally something hot trailing slowly down his face.
The face above him was suddenly serious and he wanted to disappear, he hated Break when he was serious, yet it was something he loved. When he was serious he was allowing himself to be real. Very real. Very terrifying. Very enthralling. Break leaned in closer to the younger male fixating him with a painfully guarded gaze, "and how do I make you feel?" he questioned softly.
Gilbert hadn't know when he had started trembling but since the warm hot tears had started to fall he had noticed that his ability to breath had come back, if only marginally. He inhaled shakily gathering the words he wanted to say in his mind, " you make me feel angry…when you act like you are indifferent, you make me sad…when you smile and it doesn't reach your eyes, you make me happy… when you are yourself… you make me jealous when you flirt with another…you make me feel complete but then you break my heart…because—" that pesky lump in his throat was back and he found he had to struggle to breath as more red hot tears leaked from his cracked dam. He swallowed and sucked in air between his teeth his vision clouded by tears as they burned their way down his cheeks, and hesitantly he continued, "You break my heart because you will never—never love me…"
Silence thickened the air between the two until neither male could breath. The weight of the confession that had just been uttered hung tangibly in the silence and it was almost deafening.
Gilbert dropped his eyes to the side sure there must be anger smoldering in the intense red eyes of his lover. More hot tears made tracks down his cheeks against his will and if something didn't happen I Break didn't speak … Gil would just lose his mind. His golden eyes darted over to the Silverette and he opened hismouth ready to tell the other to forget what he just said when Xerxes spoke.
It was so soft Gil almost missed it, "You…love me…"
Gil finally met Break's gaze and he felt uncertain, there was no anger…yet…just shock. His single red eye was wide and if he wasn't mistaken there appeared to be a faint tinge of pink on the hatter's cheeks.
The raven head opened his mouth then closed it unsure of how to respond without sounding like a dithering idiot. He supposed that's what he had meant to say, the ultimate point of why he was feeling so…upset. It wasn't that he hated break…no now he understood. He loved him. Gilbert Nightray had fallen hopelessly in love with the very person he had vowed to hate and in this realization he realized that his forever was starting to break.
"Yes..yes I do…I love you." Because ultimately love and hate were the same emotion and ultimately his hate had become love.
He felt a cold hand caress his cheek and direct his gaze upward towards the other man as laid over him, he held it for a moment then let his lips descend gently unto Gils in a tender kiss that seemed to last forever.
"I love you as well Gil-chan." Break whispered against his lips a small, genuine smile creeping across his face. Gilbert felt the smile and decided to ignore the pet name as he tucked it to the back of his mind. He smiled back and initiated another kiss lifting his arm around the others neck pulling him down so that he lay flush on him. "Never leave me alone for more than a week again." Gil pleaded softly a tinge of humor tainting his voice.
Break just smiled claiming Gil as his once more placing kisses all over and caressing his body until they were both lost in passion induced haze. Both wanting nothing more than to be touched by the other and both uncaring of the fact that they were laying on a cold hard wood floor because they were together; Minds, hearts bodies and souls melding together as one breaking the cold monotony of the harsh everyday life even if only temporarily.