I NEVER WATCHED TEEN WOLF BUT I THINK I HAVE READ THE FANFICTION AND WIKI ENOUGH TO DO THIS!
Stiles used to think he was a good son.
He used to think he was a good friend.
There was a lot of things he used to think himself as but right now, with all that had happened in his life, he could not think himself as good anymore. He could not see himself through the same naïve view ever again because he has lost whatever little shred of precious innocence he have left.
Instead of telling the truth to his father like any good son would have, he kept all of it in, bottling all of it in to the point where he scrambled blindly to discern which one is the truth and which is lies. He either deflected or outright lied to his father whenever another mysterious death happened in town.
He wanted nothing more than to just tell him, to spill every dirty little secrets that he had hidden away throughout the years. Their relationship used to be an open one, each never keeping any secret from the other but now Stiles couldn't help but lament the broken relationship between them. What used to bring comfort to him are now too painful to bear.
Stiles loves his dad, he really does but he could never burden his father with the knowledge of his son running with the wolves, that Stiles is constantly throwing himself into the path of danger every time a supernatural creature come to the town.
He does not want for his dad to worry about him every time he came home with bruised cheeks or busted lips. Just let him think it as wounds from his clumsiness or from bullies even. He would rather his father only worry about him being bullied than fearing each wound is from a dangerous creature that should only be myth. His father already worried enough as it is and Stiles does not want to add any more to his plate. Besides, his father would definitely work himself into a frenzy to protect Stiles if he knew just what kind of creature he had been facing against.
It kills him more inside when he has to tell him another lie and it hurts more than being maimed by werewolf when he saw that weary face drawing taut with frustration and those eyes clouding with disappointment. If this is the pain that he has to go through if he wants to keep his father safe, then Stiles will gladly pay it. Facing the disappointment of his father is better than staring down the black lid of a coffin being lowered down into the ground.
Innocence is bliss after all and Stiles will fight tooth and nail to make sure his father never know the horror he went through after he had dragged Scott into the Preserve that one particular night.
As for Scott, Stiles does not even know where to begin.
He had known the curly haired asthmatic boy ever since they were in grade school They had been perpetually attached to the hip ever since then, always being there for each other no matter what. Scott was there when his mom grew worse, when the cancer finally took its toll over her and Stiles was there for him when his parent divorced. Through thick and thin, the two of them faced the adversaries of life together, shouldering the other when one of them crumbled under the strain of hardship. Between tears and laughter, they had formed a bond of brotherhood that Stiles still could not believe he have with anyone.
Scott had been his rock ever since his mom had passed away and he had guarded him with jealous abandon. It was a normal thing for them to dabble in mischief but Stiles questioned himself more than once on his decision to bring Scott into the woods on that night where everything changed for them. If only he had been bright enough to think about going there himself first before bringing Scott or better yet, if only he had never dragged him there at all.
Sure Scott had assured him that the bite had changed his life for the better but Stiles would beg to differ. Despite what people think, Stiles is not oblivious, in fact he was far from it. He could see the heavy weight of grief and guilt weighing down on those shoulders and it would only hunch further each time someone else got injured or worse, killed. If the cost of making Scott a healthy teenager is this disastrous, Stiles would rather for the Hispanic teen to forever be asthmatic. It is better to see him wheezing for breath than see those eyes darken with self-loathing and grief.
It is his fault that Scott got dragged into this nightmare that they called life. If it were not for his need to dig up about the half of a body, Scott would still be his cheery and bright self. He would have never had to feel the pain of being clawed out by rivalling werewolf and he would have never feared about what would happen tomorrow, of the unseeing threat that loomed to swallow them whole. He should live the life as a normal teenager whose worst pain are blue ball and darkest fear of not being laid.
It is Stiles' fault that his best friend learned just how painful it is to lose the love of his life and it is Stiles' fault that Scott lose the precious innocence he still has left.
His own mistake had started a chain reaction that had affected the life of those around him. He had caused for Scott to become something he wasn't. He had caused Allison's death. He had caused Lydia to become something she feared. He had caused Jackson to become a monster. He had driven Erica and Boyd into their untimely death. He had caused many citizens of Beacon Hills to lose their family.
And all of it because he could not hold in his own curiosity.
Maybe his mother was right after all. He is a poison to those around him. He only knows how to corrupt the people around him and slowly kill them in the most painful way possible.
The Nogitsune was proof enough that he brings nothing but pain to everyone. It was better that he had plunged himself with that sword when he had the chance or perhaps put a bullet into his own head using one of the many guns his father had kept in the house. His foolish mistake had caused so much pain for them and Stiles would forever remember the sensation of sick glee he had felt when it was him who instigated it.
Every time he closed his eyes, he could still see the crimson liquid staining his hands, feel the warmth of it on his palms as his nose flared at the coppery scent. Even if it was the action done by the Nogitsune, Stiles was aware of it, he was aware of what his body was doing and he is aware that he was the one who caused all of it.
It was he who caused the hospital's electric supply cable to split, injuring and killing dozens of bystanders. It was he who placed the arrow that imbedded itself into Coach Finstock. It was he who placed the explosion in the station and it caused the death of many officers. It was he who gutted Scott at the vet and every single death that happened during the Nogitsune was all his fault.
He is a poison that lured in the darkness that was the fox and it is only his own weakness that allowed for the creature to easily possess him.
People told him it was not his fault, that he is not held accountable for the actions of the Nogitsune but he could see that they barely believed themselves. Even Scott, who avoided him like the plague after Allison's funeral. Stiles does not blame him because it was he after all who caused her death. Lydia and his dad was tentative around him, treating him as if they are walking on egg shells. Isaac and Ethan left the town for good and Stiles thinks it is for the best because they had lost too much as it is.
He deserved all of their hate for making them lose the people they loved and it is just simply unfair that he is still alive when many died for something that was his mistake to begin with. He deserves the ache that flared in his chest whenever they 'forgot' to invite him to a Pack meeting and deserves the wary looks in his friends' eyes whenever they came face to face.
And all he can say is 'Sorry.'
'Sorry for being a bad son.'
'Sorry for being a bad friend.'
'Sorry for causing all of it.'
'Sorry for killing so many people.'
It sounded so pathetic to his own ear and Stiles felt so hollow inside as he writes it down on the wall and on the floor of his own room using the same red liquid that flowed freely through the deep cut on his wrist. He knew he does not have the right to choose the coward way out after making so many people lose their lives but he does not want to let the poison that he is end up corrupting those around him again.
He does not want for the darkness to touch anyone ever again.
He does not want to hurt his precious people again.
He does not want to lose any of them again.
He does not want the monster inside of him to find its way out again because that is what he is.
He is a monster.
And monster need to be killed.
SHOULD I MAKE IT MULTICHAPTERS?