A/N: As you can tell by the title, this is pretty much a retelling of Conker's Bad Fur Day, but with Riley as the lead. Some scenes, characters and locations are ripped straight from the game, while others are altered or completely ommited and replaced with my own ideas.

XXX

Riley sat in his throne, a look of complete hatred and depression on his face, and holding what appeared to be a glass of milk. Around his throne were some of the most bizzare characters you'll ever see. Two weasel guards, a paintbrush and a paintcan, a pitchfork taped together in the middle, a small cat with body armor that covered his whole body, three female cogs, a piece of blue cheese with eyes, a rat that had stitches covering his whole body, and even Huey was there, wearing a brown jacket and jeans.

Riley narrating: Well, dere I am. King Riley, king of all the land. Who would'a thunk it, not me, I can tell you that. I bet you're wondering how I got here, with all these strange characters sorrounding my throne, and how I'm even king in the first place, well I'll tell ya'. It all started yesterday, one of the worst days of my life, my bad bling day.

The night before yesterday.

It was another one of Thugnificent's parties and the place was jumpin'!

Riley Freeman, more commonly known as Young Reezy or R. Escobar, danced to the music. Riley was now 18 and hadn't changed at all in the past 10 years, he was still the loud-mouthed gangsta he always was. Riley was dressed in a white shirt over a black, long sleeve shirt, and ridiculously baggy black jeans, it was a wonder they hadn't fell down and revealed his boxers.

"Wassup Esco?" Thugnificent called as he pushed through the crowd and made his way to Riley.

"Wassup Thug? This party's crazy man, I still can't believe chu let them wiggers in here!" Riley said, smiling the whole time.

"Well you know, I figured 'get the party as crazy as possible, and if the cops come, then the party was a succes!'!" Thugnificent threw his arms out in a dramatic fashion.

He and Riley knocked their drinks together.

12:13.

Riley was feeling awfully drunk by this time, barely able to stand up straight.

"I think iz time I made leave," Riley slurred.

"Hey Esco, where you goin'?" Thugnificent asked.

"Home...I feel horrible."

"Alright, just be careful, these streats are mean at night."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Riley trudged out of the house, swaying the whole way. He swayed down the street, trying not to fall down.

"Gotta get home...I can see it now, she'll be all 'Where was yo black ass?!' Or something else that gives me a headache."

Riley came up to a fork in the road with signs pointing in different directions. Riley cocked his head to the side, he couldn't read it, he was too drunk.

"What does it say?"

A monk in a red robe walked out of the shadowy night, mumbling stuff to himself while reading a tablet. He sat down, leaning against the pole.

"Uh-oh!" Riley held his mouth, but that didn't stop it.

He hurled all over the ground, right next to the monk. The monk hissed and brought his head up, he looked like a lizard.

"heh, sorry man, didn't see yas," Riley slurred.

The monk hissed again. Not wanting to be close to this wierdo anymore, Riley chose a random path and walked his way down it.

In the morning.

"Oh...my head!" Riley groaned.

He sat up and rubbed his temples, ignoring that it only made his hangover worse. Riley opened his eyes, he was on a small island that was close to a waterfall and a concrete bridge that was past the waterfall.

"Where am I?"

"Hey, kid!"

"Who said that?!" Riley jumped up and got into a fighting pose, regreting it when the sudden motion caused him to throw up what he had left in his stomach.

"Come here!" Said the voice.

Riley looked around, the only place on this island was a small crop field with a scarecrow on it.

He trudged into the field.

"Hey!" slurred the scarecrow, suddenly coming to life, "How're you?"

Riley was about to answer, but a horrible feeling in his stomach caused him to bend over.

"Hey, watch it! I can't get outta the way if you decide to throw up on me," The scarecrow complained.

"Where am I?" Riley asked after managing to stop.

"You're in my field, I'm Birdy."

"Beardy?"

"No...Birdy, 'cause I scare birdies."

"Oh...well, hello. I'm Riley, but most folks call me Young Reezy, or R. Escobar." Riley did some gangsta hand motions, but he just ended up looking stupid because he was so hungover and woozy.

"You look don't look to good, Freezy. Use the context sensitive pad."

"The what?"

Birdy pointed to the ground, Riley was standing on what looked like a big pressure pad.

"Concentrate," Birdy said.

TING

A lightbulb appeared over Riley's head, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a big bottle of beer.

"Don't mind if I do!" Birdy snatched the bottle and chugged it down.

"How does that help me?" Riley asked.

"It doesn't. Use it again."

This time, Riley pulled out a bottle of helium. Birdy snatched that and took the helium straight from the bottle.

"Really nice helium," He said in a hilariously squeeky voice, "Use the pads young padawan, you are special...goodnight!" Birdy slumped over and passed out.

Riley swayed out of the field.

TING

He looked down, he was standing on one. He reached behind his back and pulled out a glass of water and a pill. He dropped the pill in the water and watched it disintigrate, then chugged the glass. He instantly felt better.

"Aaaahh...I feel much better! Now then, time to leave this place."

Riley jumped into the water and swam over to another very small island, right at the tip of the waterfall. There were platforms hanging from the wall up to the bridge.

"Gotta do thid just right." Riley got back as far as he could and dashed forward.

Right at the tip of the ledge, Riley put all his force behind a jump. He soared to the platform and managed to catch the side with his hands. He pulled himself up and rolled onto the platform.

"Now I just gotta do that five more times...s--t!"

As he jumped around, he noticed he was getting better, and got on the last one with ease.

On the bridge was a giant gargoyle, blocking the path.

"Damn, you're a big fella!" Riley exclaimed as he walked up to the gargoyle.

"What do you want?" It demanded.

"To get past you."

"I don't think so. Have you ever tried to sit on those perches we gargoyles usually sit on, goes right up you arse, that's why I came here. It took me twenty years to get comfy on this stone bridge and I'm not moving!"

"Is a'right?" Riley whipped out an over-sized frying pan and smacked the gargoyle upside the head.

"A frying pan?! Hahahaha, you stupid..." The gargoyle apparently was not good at balancing and began to sway, "woah, WOAH...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" He fell down the waterfall and crashed with such force that the bridge shook and knocked Riley on his butt.

"Great, now my ass hurts!" Riley complained as he rubbed his soar bottom.

He got up and walked through the tunnel that lead who knows where.

In a castle.

A very big panther in kingly robes and a crown on his head was sitting on his throne and drinking milk.

"Aaaaahhh...refreshing."

"More milk, sire?" ASked a skinny weasel holding a spear.

The king nodded and the weasel poured him some more milk. He took a small drink and set it on the table next to the throne, whcih had a busted leg so the grass broke and the milk was spilled everywhere.

The two weasel guards cowered in fear, the king was pissed.

"ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAARRRR!!!"
XXX
A/N: Okay, so that was pretty much an exact replica of Conker's first level, but with slightly different dialouge and the boulder didn't block the path.

Please review.