From: "Bonham"
To: "A"
Sub: Howdy!
Hey A, how's it going matey? Been a while since I last got mail from you. We be well here, James be driving us up the wall like usual but we be used to it already.
Anyway, I thought I'd let you know that 'is Lordship is planning a little trip to Paris 'round next month. 'e's got his eyes on some statue that was just recently dug up, made by a fellow called Don Tello or somethin', and 'e says it be a blarmy waste to leave it with the Frogs and it belongs to 'im by right and all that. So we'll be popping by to liberate it in a fortnight or so. Better make sure your boss isn't around to muck up the operation – just kidding!
Best,
Bonham
From: "Agent A"
To: "Bonham"
Sub: Re: Howdy!
Hello Bonham, good to hear from you. Sorry I've been out of touch all this time, we were on a mission in Turkey. One fine mess, let me tell you. I can't go into details, but we're lucky we all got back in one piece. We didn't get what we were after either, and the Major's been in one hell of a bad mood ever since we got back. Made G burst into tears the other day. If a new mission doesn't come up soon, I reckon we'll all be checking ourselves into a mental hospital!
Tchüß
A
P.S. Z just got in and said there's a possibility we'll be going to Brussels in a couple of weeks. No briefing yet but the Major was humming, so it's probably a mission. It's Belgium, not France, but I sure hope we don't bump into you again! Keep your fingers crossed!
From: "Agent A"
To: "Bonham"
Sub: Emergency!
Bonham, big trouble! That statue Lord Gloria's planning to steal – was it made by Donatello by any chance? Get back to me as soon as possible!
A
From: "Bonham"
To "A"
Sub: Re: Emergency!
Aye, that was the name of the fellow who made it. What's going on, A? You sound pretty upset!
Bonham
From: "Agent A"
To "Bonham"
Sub: Re: Re: Emergency!
Trust me, I have good reason to be upset! That thing we came to Brussels for? Well it wasn't where it was supposed to be, and we found out it was smuggled to France before we got here. Want to guess how it was smuggled? Stashed in the ear of a statue made by Donatello, which was recently dug up and is going to be exhibited in Paris! It's the Achilles story all over again! Please tell me Lord Gloria hasn't stolen it yet!
A
From: "Bonham"
To: "A"
Sub: Re: Re: Re: Emergency!
Blimey, mate, that's real big trouble! No, milord hasn't stolen it yet, but we'll be moving in tonight at midnight, in two hours! Want me to search it for that thing you be looking for?
Bonham
From: "Agent A"
To: "Bonham"
Sub: Re: Re: Re: Re: Emergency!
For the love of God, no! The Major will kill me if he gets wind I told you about any of this! We'll be there around midnight too, and I think the Major will head straight to the museum even at this hour! You can imagine what's going to happen if they run into each other, right?! Can't you postpone the theft or something until we've searched the statue?
A
From: "Bonham"
To: "A"
Sub: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Emergency!
Impossible, mate! You know how milord gets when 'e's set 'is mind to steal something! And if he finds there's something the Major's after on it too, he'll want it all the more! Besides, James'll kick up a storm if we waste the money we spent on the operation! I'll try to delay things a bit 'ere, but I can't promise you more than a few minutes. Just get 'ere as fast as you can, search the bloody thing and try to be gone before we move in!
Bonham
From: "Agent A"
To: "Bonham"
Sub: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Emergency!
Understood. We're getting on the plane now, so I'll have my phone shut off. Let's hope we arrive before you. If not…it was good to know you and may God have mercy on our souls.
A
From: "Agent A"
To: "Bonham"
Sub: Grüßen!
Guten Morgen Bonham, I hope you're doing well! Haven't heard from you since Paris. I hope you fellows have recovered – we're still working on it! Honestly, Lord Gloria and the Major will give us a heart attack one of these days. When we caught you in the middle of stealing the statue and Lord Gloria dared the Major to body-search him to prove he hadn't taken anything from it, I really thought he was going to get a bullet this time. Please try to get him to be less…daring around the Major, I really fear for his safety sometimes. I sure hope we don't cross paths with you lads again any time soon – don't get me wrong, it's always nice to see you, but every time Lord Gloria and the Major meet I feel I'm losing a few years of my life. Anyway, at least we've got a chance for a bit of R'n'R now. The Major has taken a few days' holiday – said the Chief forced him into it. Didn't say if he was going anywhere, although I'm guessing he'll spend it breathing down his servants' neck at the Schloss. Well, at least I'll get to spend some time with my wife – we'll catch a movie tonight, and if the weather holds we plan to go on a picnic in the weekend. You should take some time off too, you've earned it!
Tchüß
A
From: "Bonham"
To: "A"
Sub: Re: Grüßen!
Hey A, good to hear from you again, matey! Been a while, right? Cripes, don't mention Paris, I'm still trying to forget about that! Milord be the best thief in the world, but 'e be too daredevil sometimes! I've been with 'im so many years, and I still can't tell what stunt 'e's going to pull every time! I just about fainted when 'e snatched that microfilm thing and ran off with the Major after him! And then we had to search for 'em for hours in the alleys of that Mon-mart place, and with James screeching all the while about milord molesting the Major – longest night of my life, I tell you, and I thought for sure milord 'ould be a goner by the time we found them! Well, at least 'e returned in one piece, praised be the Lord, you fellows got your microfilm and our boys moved the statue while milord was playing tag with Uncle NATO, so I s'pose all's well that ends well. I still wonder how they got so bloody far that we didn't even hear a peep of them all the time we were searching, but no matter. The main thing's we all got out safe, and we got a pretty good ransom for that statue too – James be on cloud nine after 'e cashed it in. And milord gave us a couple of weeks off to get ourselves some rest – I've found this nice spot for trout fishing near North Downs, and I plan to just put my feet up and kick back over there, you know? Milord went off too, said 'e was going to some ski resort in Switzerland to 'get back in touch with Mother Nature'. Chasing pretty skier boys I call it, but whatevs. You have a good time too with the missus and I'll mail you again soon to brag about the trout I caught!
Best,
Bonham