Regrets
Summary: Little Jeller ficlet set post 2.18 and inspired by something gypsyscarfwoman said during one of our discussions. What she said was way angstier but I decided to fluff it up a bit because we must send positive vibes into the universe to get a renewal, right?

"No!" Her voice was loud and assertive and he'd barely had time to look up from the paperwork he was signing. He'd heard the door open and by the time he looked up, she'd stomped her way towards his desk and was standing in front of him, hands on her waist and a stubborn look in her eyes.

"Sorry, what?" He managed to say, confused as to what exactly she was refusing considering he hadn't seen her yet today. It was barely after 7am. He had come in early, of course, to get things started after the day they'd had yesterday.

Nas was gone, sacrificed herself so the team can continue their hunt for Shepherd. It was clear Matthew Weitz was not backing down on his witch hunt, and Nas had chosen to be the one to take the fall. And as much as they all hated it, they knew it had to be done. Sandstorm was a priority now and everyone had to make a sacrifice at some point.

And so there he was, going through the tedious paperwork trying to keep things on track, when Jane barged in. "No," she said again, staring him down defiantly, "I don't agree."

"You don't agree?"

"What you said last night," she said, "I don't agree. And I'm not just gonna take a step back and let you do this. Not again."

"Jane," he said, his head dropping, already exhausted by the conversation that was about to happen.

"It's not what I want," she told him, "and I know it's not what you want. Not what you really want."

"It's not about what we want, Jane," he said.

"That's bullshit," she said, "and you know it."

"Jane," he murmured, knowing very well that the longer they stayed in this conversation the weaker his argument would get.

"I know what you're going to say, Kurt," she said, calmly this time, "I've been trying to convince myself of it for hours, since you left last night, but I just…"

It was her turn to look down, suddenly losing all the strength that she was carrying with her when she first walked in.

He got up and made his way towards her, walking slowly until he was right in front of her, turning his back to the bull pen, hiding her from the rest of the NYO.

"Jane, last night was-"

"Please don't say it was a mistake," she whispered, "say anything but not that it was a mistake."

He shook his head and moved even closer to her. "It wasn't a mistake, Jane," he replied, just as quietly, "but that doesn't mean we can… that we… not right now."

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and pleading, just as they had been when he came over last night. After the rough interrogation and the long day they'd had; the case concerning the orphanage hitting close to home for both her and Roman, he had to pass by and check on her. And after they'd talked for a while and he was sure they were both ok, he'd gotten up to leave. She had walked him to the door and thanked him, looked up at him just as she was now, and he wasn't sure who had moved in first, but one of them did. And the other kissed them back, just as desperately.

When they pulled back a few minutes later, breathless, it immediately turned awkward. One of them said they'd just been caught in the moment, and the other said it had been a long day. And they both agreed to pretend none of it happened. And then they turned around and went their separate ways.

"We can't do this," he said, "not with everything that's happening. Not right now."

"Then when?"

Her words caught him by surprise and when he opened his mouth to speak, he found he didn't have the right answer.

But she did.

"Kurt, everyday we get up and do our job, we aren't guaranteed another," she said, "we put our lives on the line every single day. Every time we gear up, we don't know if we're coming back alive."

He swallowed hard at her words, as true as they were, it wasn't easy hearing how fragile their lives were.

"I don't want us to wait until this is over because we don't know when it will be over," she said confidently, "or even if it will be. But I know one thing, and that is whatever happened yesterday… it wasn't a mistake and I know I don't want to pretend it never happened."

"Jane," he said, "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to regret-"

"I have many regrets in my life, Kurt" she said, "but this won't be one. If anything, not doing something about it would be my only regret."

She took a step back then, her own confession shocking her slightly, "unless," she whispered, "unless you honestly do think it was a mistake. Unless you don't feel the same."

"You know I do," he said, "you must know that I do."

She bit her lip and shook her head slightly. The sight of her broke his heart and he moved towards her, closing the distance again. His hands came to her arms, holding on to her gently, he smiled. With a curled finger under her chin, he lifted her face up to look at him.

He just looked at her for a moment, smiling, until her frown gave way to a small timid smile.

He leaned in slowly, stopping just before his nose brushed hers. "No regrets?" He whispered and she shook her head, smiling fully now.

"No regrets," she said before closing the distance between them.