A/N: Not making any sort of profit. All recognizable material belongs to Janet Evanovich

Chapter 1- The Dress

Stephanie couldn't breathe. The higher the zipper on the dress went the more she felt like she was suffocating. She needed this dress to zip. Today was her wedding day. Today she was going to marry the man of her dreams. At least she was pretty convinced he was the man of her dreams…right? Of course he was…definitely maybe. A very solid maybe…..shit. If she could just get this dress zipped she was marching her ass down that aisle.

"Damn white girl, you sure this is your dress? Because I have to be honest with you I don't think this zipper is going to make it over your ass without bustin," exclaimed Lula while wrestling with said zipper.

Stephanie could feel the beads of sweat starting to run down her back from the exertion of trying to suck in her body and force it into the dress. She blew out a breath, "Find a way to make it fit, I need this dress to fit. It is supposed to fit".

Steph seen her Grandma Mazur look up from her Cosmo magazine and take in the scene of Lula trying to get the dress to zip up Steph's body. "Well ain't that a pip. In 30 minutes you are supposed to be walking down that aisle and it looks like you have got no chance of getting that dress to zip. Should have laid off the Boston cremes, and tasty cakes, and cheese doodles, and let's not forget about all that birthday cake."

Steph knew she should have tried on the dress again closer to the wedding but she thought it would be fine. She knew she had gained a few extra pounds by the way she had to lie down on the bed and suck it in just to get her jeans to zip recently, but they did still fit so this damn dress should fit too.

It was a gorgeous dress. She decided since it was her second wedding that she would go with a cream colored gown instead of white. I mean she wasn't exactly a virgin the first time she wore white at her wedding but at least not everyone knew that for sure. I mean now she had already been married and divorced and everyone knew for a fact that this girl had done the dirty.

Of course her Mother and Valerie would have to choose this moment to walk back in. Her mother looked at the scene unfolding before her and gasped. "Oh my god, your dress doesn't fit! I told you to go on a diet. I warned you this was going to happen. I've waited all this time for a wedding and now you're going to ruin it. That man is never going to marry you if you have to walk down the aisle in your jeans and T-shirt."

Valerie was looking over at Steph while her Mother started doing hail Marys and crossing herself. When Valerie reached Steph's abdomen she gasped, "Oh my god! You're pregnant, right? That is why you can't get the dress to fit? Look at her stomach, you see that distinctive bulge? Yup, definitely pregnant, you don't get that distinctive bump from birthday cake, and pineapple upside down cake. That is definitely a baby bump. Well that settles it, now he has to marry you even if you can't get into that dress."

Stephanie felt her eye starting to twitch. "I am not pregnant!" At least she didn't think she was. She started doing math in her head to try and figure out when she had her last period and when it was due again. Shit! She couldn't think in this suffocating dress with her family standing around nodding to confirm to each other that this is why her dress didn't fit. In a moment of clarity she realized that she should be covered since she was on the pill (which she almost always remembered to take) and just to be positive they always used condoms as an added precaution. So there that settled it she used protection every time so there was no…oh no! She used protection every time except one time. Crap! Why did this stuff always happen to her? Most likely though she had just gained a little weight, right? She couldn't walk down that aisle though until she knew.

"She just got real pale like she just realized she is pregnant."

"I am going to be a Grandma again! You are finally giving me grandchildren. I never thought this day would come."

"Don't faint on me white girl, you have yourself a wedding to get to. I didn't spend all the money on a bridesmaid dress to have you faint on me. Not only that but I am missing out on a shoe sale right now at Macy's for this."

"This is a real pip Steph. Leave it to you to find out this exciting news on your wedding day. I have to say though I am curious. You were seeing both of those men with their fine asses until very recently so which one is the father?"

With her Grandma Mazur's comment Steph fled from the church in her half zipped wedding dress. She tottered down the steps of the church in her high heels and started fleeing in the direction of the nearest drug store. She was on a mission to get a pregnancy test. Crap, the nearest drug store had to be at least 5 miles away. As she came to this conclusion she seen a familiar black SUV pull up beside her at the curb and she stopped to watch as the window rolled down. Lester was in the passenger seat and Tank was driving. "Need a lift?"

"Ya, can you take me to the nearest drug store?"

Tank gave her an inquiring look while she climbed in the back seat, "You okay? You look a little pale."

"Yes, I just really need to go to a drug store."

Tank glanced at her in the rear view mirror and Lester gave him a slight shrug. They probably just had a whole conversation with that one shrug but Steph had long since given up trying to analyze all of their non-verbal communication.

When they pulled into a Walgreen's a few minutes later, Tank and Lester made motions of starting to get out of the car. "No! You guys just stay put and I'll be right back in just a few minutes ok?" Geez, how embarrassing would that be to have them watch her buying a pregnancy test on her WEDDING DAY of all days.

When they both just gave her blank stares she took this to be their confirmation that they were in fact going to stay in the car and wait on her. As she was walking into the store she thought that it was a little odd that they had been there as soon as she came out of the church. Before she could put much more thought into this though she realized she was getting a bunch of weird looks. Duh, she thought to herself, you're in a wedding dress and a half zipped one at that. Oh well, she had more pressing issues than worrying about people the people of Trenton seeing part of the back of her lingerie. She was sure that within minutes though the Burg grapevine would be working and the guests at her wedding would soon know she was not presently at the church.

She made it to the pregnancy tests in the store within a couple of minutes and then stood there staring in wonder at all of her options. How does one go about picking out a pregnancy test? She figured she better get a couple just to be safe. I mean she wanted to be sure. She had only had to do this one other time, and that time she had Mary-Lou with her to pick out what kind she should get. These two boxes were just going to have to do. She made her way to the checkout line and ignored the people who were continuing to stare at her even more oddly now that not only was she in a wedding dress but was in fact in line in a wedding dress and holding two boxes of pregnancy tests. Oh well, she thought, she had bigger things to worry about. When it was her turn she handed the cashier her two pregnancy tests and waited for her total.

"That'll be $31.30," said the cashier while giving her the I hate my job stare.

Damn, since when were little sticks you pee on so expensive? As Steph had this thought she came to the horrific conclusion that she had absolutely nothing on her to purchase these pregnancy tests with. Steph blushed a bright shade of red, "Um, I forgot my money in the car, can you wait just one minute while I go grab it?"

The cashier snapped her gum, "Sure, but be quick about it."

Steph walked quickly out to the SUV and tapped on the driver's side window. Tank rolled it down and gave her his blank stare. "Um, I kind of sort of rushed out of the church and forgot my purse, do you have some cash I could borrow? I will pay you back as soon as you drop me back off."

"Sure."

Steph exhaled in relief. She didn't want to have to drive back to the church, face her family, and come back and do this whole procedure all over again. Steph gave an inquiring look at Tank as he opened the car door and stepped out. "I can buy my stuff myself you don't have to go in. It is rang up already I just have to go back in and pay for it."

"That would be fine if I had cash on me. All I have with me is my debit and credit cards. It was poker night last night. I lost."

Crap, crap, crap. Now Tank was going to see what she was buying and she really didn't want that to happen. "You know, actually just take me back to the church and I will get my purse and come back here on my own, it's not a big deal."

"It's fine. Besides, don't you have a wedding to make it to?"

Gulp. "Ya, something like that."

Steph walked sullenly back to the cash register with Tank at her side. The cashier gave him the total and he swiped his card. Since the items were already bagged maybe he wouldn't notice them. Crap, too late he looked at the receipt.

Tank looked at Steph with eyes slightly widened as he handed over the receipt and bag. This was the equivalent of a normal person's jaw hanging open. Steph just blushed and made her way back to the SUV. Could this day get any worse?

A/N: This is my first fanfiction. Please review and let me know what you think. Should I continue? Which man is Stephanie marrying and is she really pregnant?