This idea came from a review by a guest. I think it's gone in a different direction from what the guest requested - I think they might have wanted the focus to be more on Cal - so I need to decide whether I want to post the Chapter 2 I've written and accept that stories don't always do what they're meant to, or write a new Chapter 2 that's more in keeping with the idea. If I post the story as I've written it, it will be two chapters.
Ethan jumped as a hand descended on his shoulder. "Don't do that!" he cried out, feeling his heart thump in his chest as his gaze fell over the railings to the floor a long way below.
"Ethan?" Cal didn't let go of him. Instead, he put his arm right around Ethan and held him tightly. His voice was soothing. "It's okay, Nibbles. You're okay."
"I will be if you stop manhandling me," muttered Ethan, embarrassed and annoyed by his reaction.
Cal loosened his hold, but only slightly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you jump when you were so close to the stairs."
"What difference does that make?" Ethan hadn't meant to snap, but he was having a difficult day; a stressful day, and he couldn't be bothered with this. "If you think I've got a problem with the height, Caleb, then you're wrong. I'm over that now and even if I wasn't, I've never had a problem with the stairs. I've walked up and down these stairs a million times and I'm fine."
"You're shaking," said Cal. He really did look worried. He slowly turned Ethan to face him, his hands on Ethan's shoulders. "What is it, Nibbles?"
Ethan pulled away from him. "You startled me, all right? Creeping up on me like that. And it's nothing to do with the stairs. It would have startled me just as much if you'd done it in the staff room."
Cal was the one looking startled now. He half-extended a hand towards Ethan, but Ethan took a step away, moving himself further from the stairs as well as from Cal. Cal looked at him, confused and slightly irritated. "Ethan, what's wrong?"
"Nothing!" said Ethan. He glared at Cal. "Except that my brother's annoying me."
"I just wanted to talk to you!" Cal was beginning to lose his temper now too. "I just wanted to ask if you wanted to come with me to visit Mum and Mum after work."
Ethan tensed. "I'm going out after work," he said in a low voice.
"Where to?"
"To the pub," said Ethan. "Where else?"
Cal looked at him in disbelief. "Ethan, you can go to the pub anytime! This is our mums and you haven't been to see them for ages."
"How do you know?" said Ethan. "Have you been there every day?" He'd meant to go. He'd thought about going. But he was hurting so badly from what Emilie had given him and the lies Matilda had told him. He didn't think he could visit the graveyards without crying and he didn't want them to see him like that.
"I know I've been a lot more times than you!" Cal was almost shouting. He took a couple of breaths and lowered his voice. "What's wrong, Ethan? I know it's tough for you. I can't even imagine what you're going through. But this 'be more Cal' business of yours… getting drunk every other night… coming in at 3am with traffic cones and without your glasses…"
"That happened once!" snapped Ethan. "I lost my glasses once when I wasn't used to drinking and I brought the traffic cone home because… because…" Ethan stopped. He had no idea why he'd brought the traffic cone home with him. "…because I wanted to! And don't say you've never brought a traffic cone home with you because I remember hiding it under my bed for you."
"I was seventeen!" said Cal. "And that was just… me. I've always been a drunken idiot. At times. But this isn't you."
Ethan glared at him. His chest felt tight and he could barely get the words out. "How do you know who I am? Did you ever take the trouble to find out?"
"Ethan, what's wrong with you? Of course I know who you are," said Cal. "You're my geeky little brother who loves medical research and walking holidays and stupid puns."
"Yes, well, maybe that wasn't the real me!" said Ethan, his voice hoarse from the ache in his throat. "Maybe that's who I felt I ought to be to make up for who you are!"
Cal's mouth opened. No sound came out for several seconds. Hurt came to his eyes. For a moment or two, it looked as though tears might follow, but then Cal swallowed and when he spoke, his voice was firm. "No. You don't mean that. If that was true, maybe you'd have been like that when you were at home with Mum, but you left home a long time ago. You had plenty of time to start being yourself, but you didn't. Because you were already yourself."
"Maybe I was just afraid to be myself!" said Ethan. "Because I'd had so much time being someone else, I'd forgotten how to be me."
Cal shook his head. "No, Ethan. Listen to me. Listen to yourself. I know you're upset. Devastated. You have every right to be. And you know, you have basically got the right idea."
"How big of you, Caleb!" Ethan almost spat the words.
"You want to live your life and do all the things you want to do, and that's what you should be doing," said Cal. "The things you've been putting off. The things you've been too scared to try. But they've got to be the things you want to do. Not the things I want and not the things you think you ought to-"
"Will you stop telling me what to do!" Ethan was shouting now and he knew the whole waiting room would be able to hear, but he didn't care. "This isn't even about what I'm doing, is it? You just want to tell me I'm wrong so you can feel better."
Cal took a step towards him, his arms outstretched. "Ethan, no. That's not it at all."
"Just get your hands off me!" shouted Ethan, and shoved Cal hard in the chest. He knew, somewhere in his mind, that he needed to stop this. He might be the kind of guy who liked to get drunk, but that didn't mean he wanted to fight his brother. He never wanted that. But Cal was just so… Cal.
Cal came towards him again. "Ethan, calm down. If you keep on like this someone will report you; you'll get suspended… do you really want that?"
"And you said I was the goody-goody!" said Ethan.
Cal's hands closed around his shoulders. "Ethan-"
"Get off!" Ethan shoved him again, harder. Cal staggered back a few paces and his foot twisted underneath him. He put out his hand to catch himself, but there was nothing there. Only empty air. He cried out as he fell but the floor wasn't there. Only the stairs. He rolled over and over, crying out in pain as one step and then another hit him and bruised him and flung him further and further down.
At last, he stopped falling. He lay still. There was silence.
The whole ED seemed to be silent.
Ethan felt his legs giving way. He landed on his knees at the top of the stairs. He didn't want to look at his brother; at what he'd done to his brother, but it was as though someone had grasped his head and turned it and forced him to look.
Cal was still lying still. He hadn't moved or made a sound, but there was something red beside his face that hadn't been there before. Blood.
Ethan felt sick. He'd seen a lot of blood in his lifetime; he'd even seen his brother's blood before, but not like this. He tried to breathe, but the air seemed thick and it wouldn't go in. He reached instinctively for the banister, afraid for a moment that he might pitch down the stairs next, then he decided he didn't care. He deserved it. This was all his fault.
He hadn't meant it, but it had happened. He'd just wanted to get Cal away from him. Stop him from saying the words Ethan didn't want to hear. He hadn't even pushed Cal towards the stairs – at least, he didn't think so. But Cal had turned his ankle and staggered and that was Ethan's fault.
He could hear voices now. Someone was running up the stairs to Cal: a whole group of people. Connie, Robyn, David, Louise. They checked Cal's airway and breathing. Ethan heard Connie's voice giving orders; calling for a stretcher; trying to stop the bleeding. She said nothing to Ethan. None of them even looked at him.
Why should they?
Ethan fell forward against the banister. He felt pain as his head hit it, but he knew he deserved it. Hot tears fell down his cheeks and his awkward breaths became sobs.
And Cal still didn't move.
What if he never moves? thought Ethan as he sobbed harder. He wanted to help me. He was worried about me. And he was right. He was so right…
He closed his eyes and let more tears fall. Please be okay, Cal. Please be okay. If you hate me, that's fine. You can hate me forever if you like. Just please be okay…