A/N: Hey. What's up? I wrote this story so do please read it. hope you'll enjoy it. and drop a review if you got time. thanks a bunch!
oooooOoOooooo
For you,
You said I gave you too much already. But it's never enough. Those little gifts and gestures I gave you were nothing but a speck to let you know I love you so much.
And every day I think tomorrow might be the last or the next hour will be the end. The moments I spent thinking, wishing that I should be with you were endless. Wasted. But the waiting makes me look forward on the limited time we get to be together. To drown you more and repeatedly tell you I love you.
-wt
ooooOoOoooo
She doesn't want to go home. She doesn't want to go back there. To sleep in their bed. To smell his scent on their pillows. And the reality that he's no longer there. She would be sleeping alone in the cold bed. And live in the world he ceased to exist.
With heavy feet she changed to her night clothes and lied on the bed but as seshumaru's comforting scent touched her nose, a whimper escaped her throat and little drops of tears choked her.
Rin's chest feels like it's going to explode. It's too much for her.
"You're so unfair, Seshumaru. I miss you so much already but I can't even get to see you even though I want to."
"Why do you have to leave?! Now I'm crying because of you! My face is flooded with my tears and you're not even here to make me stop! You're not….here….anymore. It's too painful."
The realization added to her torture tenfold. Her body shook at the intensity but she can't stop. Her chest was hurting. She started to scratch the pain with her nails but it was useless.
It's there. Eating her alive.
For hours she cried, and then when finally sleep crept into her swollen brown eyes she laid her head on the pillow that is filled with his scent. Pricking her once again.
Looking blankly at the ceiling she closed her eyes.
"Neh, seshumaru. Embrace me tonight please. And don't let go. Don't let leave Me. please." she pleaded out loud.
Minutes passed and nothing, it's not like she expected a pair of arms to hold her but even so the cold silence of the room was painful.
She let out a small sob and coiled to her side.
'There would be no arms to hold me now. No warmth. No more seshumaru.' She regretted that thought crossing her mind as it earned another sob from her battered form.
"Maybe in dreams I can get to see you. I can be there with you. Right, seshumaru?" she hoped as the tiredness and the cold chill lulled her to sleep.
She wants to die.
That's what she decided that morning. After reading the letters he wrote her she made up her mind.
Inuyasha and the others said that's its going to be all right. The pain would fade. But what do they know about? They know nothing of her pain. The emptiness she feels growing inside her.
Kagome won't know about these feelings. This want, the urge to hold the person you love, to kiss him, to embrace you in his arms, tell him I love you and the reality that's making it impossible. Because he's gone. Her seshumaru is gone. And Inuyasha isn't.
'I want to hold him too. To feel his arms around me again.'
Everything stopped making sense after that day. Her friends tell her it's the pain of her loss. She doesn't know if they are right. Maybe they are. Maybe not.
She just wants to be with him again. That's all she's thought about.
'If I die, I can be with him again. right?'
Nothing changed. Everything's still the same.
'She didn't change anything.' He thought.
And he knows where she is.
'The bedroom.'
It didn't take him long for his legs to take him there.
In seconds he found himself standing outside their bedroom.
Standing there he can hear the faint sounds of her voice and sobs.
"Rin." he sighed. With soft steps he walked towards the bed and lied beside her.
Gathering her small figure against him, he kissed her.
"Don't cry. I'm here. I won't leave you. sshh." he whispered.
He felt her coil against him; her petite figure snuggled perfectly against his.
"I won't leave you, Rin." planting a small kiss on her forehead.
He watched her as the sobs finally subsided and all he can hear are small sniffs as sleep took her to the world of dreams.
Seshumaru held her close gazing at her sleeping visage.
He toyed with her hair that falls to cover her eyes. Pulling it close to his nose, trying to smell her sweet scent once again.
"Seshumaru." She uttered in her sleep. Clutching tightly on her pillow as a single tear fell on her face.
"I'm right here by your side, Rin. I won't let you be alone." Surrounding her with his embrace.
"I'm right here." He soothed. Holding her closer than before as if his embrace wasn't enough to let her feel that he's there with her. And its not. It will never be.
Morning came and he found her no longer beside him. Leaving the bed, he sauntered out the room intending to find her.
Passing through the hall seshumaru heard a short squeal of giggles coming from the living room. Smiling at himself he walked towards the direction of the sound.
And there he found her. His Rin. Sitting on the sofa, a girl with a scent of marshmallows and chocolate, the person that meant the world to him and with a smile plastered on her lips.
His eyes caught a box full of folded papers and envelopes scattered on the floor.
"What's this?. Reading my sappy horrible handwritten letters is making you laugh?." He asked. Quite amused at the whole idea himself.
"You know, reading these gives me a clue of what you were thinking about." She whispered. Gripping the edge of a letter.
"Rin." he started. He gently grasped for her hands, trying to ease the pain she feels with the small gesture.
One little tear fell from the curves of her cheeks and landed on the back of his palm.
He looked at her.
"Rin." he said again.
The pain he saw on her face was more than enough to squeeze his chest. What can he ever do to stop her from hurting.
"Don't cry Rin. It's all right. I'm here." Caressing her soft wet cheeks. "I'm here." He whispered loud enough for her to hear yet he wasn't sure if she ever did.
He watched her put the letters back to the box. Her dainty small hands gently cradling the varied colored envelopes as if it's her most important keepsake.
Seshumaru felt so useless. He's there. With her. And yet he can do nothing to erase the pain she feels. All he can do is tell her it's going to be all right when he fucking knows it's not.
The day didn't even get better after that morning. He spent the remaining hours looking at the photographs framed on their wall. And every picture he looks at bores holes in his chest, a heavy feeling growing inside him. The emptiness.
He heard the door open and close, his keen nose catching the sweet smell of chocolate slowly filling the room and the strong stink of alcohol.
Seshumaru sighed. "Not again." he grumbled.
A pair of staggering feet confirmed the scent his nose picked out
"Why do you keep doing this to yourself Rin?." frowning at the drunk feature trying to make her way through the house.
"You'll only end up hurting yourself." Clenching his fists in frustration. "This is getting you nowhere. Liquor isn't the answer to this! Destroying your life will only hurt those people around you…" Closing his eyes, he felt the hot tears coming down his cold face. "Rin. Please."
A melancholic laugh surged from her throat followed by a series of sobs.
"Hmmm….you always tells me not to drink but you always buy me a bottle or two whenever I tell you to. Stupid Seshumaru!"
He replied with a sad smile. "Well, how can I say no to you. You know your way around me too well."
"You're just too unfair Seshumaru. So….un…unfair." she cried. "How…could…you."
"I know. I know Rin. I'm sorry." he answered sadly, looking away from her.
"But you have to let me go now Rin. You have to accept it."
Touching her cheeks, he flinched.
"Please don't let your life end like this. You have time to heal. It…it would help you forget about me. Please Rin, let me go. I'm already gone. You have your life to live and a future to be happy without me."
Her cries turned to sobs with his name leaving her lips over and over.
"Seshumaru, Where are you? You said you'll be there for me whenever I need you. I…need you here…..with me…"
Her voice was so weak, hoarse from too much crying.
He held her.
"I'm here Rin. I'm here with you. I'm right here." Clenching his teeth out of frustration.
"I want you here….. I want you here with me…" she whispered again.
He held her closer. Tighter against him.
He can feel her warmth. The rapid beating of her chest. Her hot tears soaking his chest. Everything. He can feel her.
But she can't. She can't see him. Nor his arms enfolding her. Nothing. Just the cold. The pain breaking her.
His tight embrace is nothing but an illusion. His comforts are mute. Nothing reaches her. because he's nothing but a ghost. Dead.
"Oh Rin. I'm here." He still soothed. He knows it's useless yet he can't stop telling her that.
"I'll kiss your tears away. I'll hold you against me whenever you sleep. I'm here. Your seshumaru is here embracing you." his body shook as he felt his own tears quickly make its way down to the cold floor.
"Your seshumaru will always be here…holding you.."
"Seshumaru…"
The end
A/FN: There you have it. I know the ending's not you want it to be or expect it to be but I want it to be that way…. I want it to end that way. You just have to accept the death of a person even how painful it is, right? Anyhoo, don't forget to drop a review. Thanks!
Ja Ne.