Author's Note: My third ever fanfiction.
I've been reading a lot of Matt/Mello fanfictions. At first, it was a "oh, I'm bored" sort of thing, then it evolved into a "oh, they're okay" sort of thing. And, somehow, along the way, I suddenly found out that I like Matt/Near a lot. Pft, yeah, I don't know how my mind works either.
Anyway, implied Matt/Near and implied Matt/Mello.
...Well, if you squint.
I can't write romance, honestly.
And, actually, this could be K+, but Mello drops the F-bomb once, so it's rated T for safety.
I woke up at five in the morning to write this because inspiration suddenly slapped me in the face while I was trying to get back to sleep. (And, it was fanfiction inspiration! I never have fanfiction inspiration!) It was actually meant to be more angsty but...
Anyway, please tell me if you see any grammar/spelling errors and/or want to give me a critique. I love spellcheckers and critics.
Disclaimer (because all the cool kids are doing it): If Death Note belonged to me, the ending would've been more epic with a lot more explosions and gun fights and blood/gore. And, everyone connected to the Death Note would have died somehow in one way or another. I would also find some way to kill off some shinigami too in a really cool battle, which I would somehow or another incorporate dragons into. As none of the above happened, evident by the fact that Death Note has more of a fanbase than a hatebase, I suppose you can conclude that I do not own Death Note.
When Mello left, all Matt could do to cope was mope. At first, he only moped in his room, for days on end. Then, he was forced to leave, so he moped everywhere else, in the classrooms, in the hallways, outside.
It was so bad that even video games didn't help much.
It was so bad that all that helped was following Near around.
It was so bad that Near didn't even mind that Matt followed him around.
It was like a dog following its master, like how Matt followed Mello around before. Matt needed someone there for him, and Near knew that, and Matt knew that, and everyone else in Wammy's House knew that. So, Matt followed Near, and Near let him, with his silence as a consent.
Sometimes, though, sometimes, Near would talk. The moments were sudden and spontaneous. Somehow, Near always knew exactly what to say. Somehow, Matt always felt better after talking with Near.
"You can just move on."
Matt nearly jumped in surprise at that and paused his game. It took him a moment to process what Near said and consider it before answering, "I'm... I'm just incapable of doing that. Mello is... Mello. He's amazing. He's the sun. He draws people in and doesn't let them pull away. I'm only a... a..." He stopped. He was about to say planet, but that wasn't accurate. He felt smaller, much smaller. Finally, "I'm only a piece of space debris."
There was silence.
It was so long that Matt almost thought that Near wasn't going to answer. But, the moment he turned back to his video game, Near said, very quietly, almost inaudibly, "Even space debris can be useful."
Matt found himself speechless for a moment. Then, "Yeah," he replied, finding that his voice was just as quiet, "Yeah." And, somehow, it made him feel so much better.
When Matt left, the only one Matt said goodbye to was Near. He was planning on leaving without warning like Mello did, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He had to say goodbye to Near. He just had to.
"Near, I'm leaving." He felt the words were meaningless, forced. Near was intelligent. He would've figured out without Matt having to say it out loud. But, Matt felt the need to say those words, the need to make this situation real.
Near didn't look up. He continued to play with his puzzles, putting them together, taking them apart. Somehow, Matt found that he didn't really mind.
"To find Mello." It wasn't a question.
"Yeah. To find Mello."
Finally, the boy looked up, eyes meeting Matt's, unreadable, as always. "I'll see you later then."
Matt found himself smiling. "Yeah. I'll see you later then."
When Mello called, asking (demanding) Matt's help, Matt is so overwhelmed. And the moment Mello hung up, he almost dialed for the SPK and asked for Near. Then, he realized that he was back to being Mello's lapdog now, Mello's space debris now, and Mello hated Near. So, he didn't call Near. Instead, he smoked to try to calm himself down.
It worked, but it didn't work as well as Near would've.
When Matt and Mello are finally together again, after not seeing each other for years, Mello is the same as always yet more so. He's rough, demanding, brimming with hatred, of Kira, of Near, of everyone. He's everything that Matt had been drawn to and more.
"Matt, stop playing those fucking video games and do some surveillance, dammit."
"I will once I beat this level." Matt usually earned a punch for that, which he sometimes dodged and sometimes didn't.
It was like Mello had never left.
When Mello decided on the most appropriate suicide mission (though he doesn't actually call it a suicide mission, even though they both know it is) to unmask Kira and win this fight, Matt found that he wasn't even the least bit nervous or sad or scared. It was like he had always known that it would turn out this way, that his end would not come of old age or food poisoning or something. He was going out with a bang, just like he liked it.
He didn't have anyone to say goodbye to, anyway, except for maybe Near. But, Mello still hated Near, so that was pretty much out of the question.
Matt kinda wanted to say goodbye to Mello too, to get things out of the way and all. But, Mello doesn't want to admit that they're going to die, doesn't want to admit defeat, so Matt can't do that either. Instead, he just plays his video games and smokes his cigarettes and hopes that he hasn't forgotten to do something else before he dies.
When Matt gets shot, he suddenly realizes that he might have forgotten to take in the laundry, that he might have forgotten to wash the dishes, that he might have forgotten to finish that last level in the new game that he just got. He suddenly realizes that he has so much more to do, that he doesn't want to die even if it is with a bang.
He realizes that he should have called Near and said goodbye, even if Mello found out and got angry at him. He realizes that he should have said goodbye to Mello, even if Mello would have yelled at him and rejected it.
Then, as he's lying there, with blood dripping out of him and staining the pavement, as he's just about to die, Matt remembers what Near told him, seemingly an eternity ago.
"Even space debris can be useful."
And, in his last few seconds, Matt smiles. Near was right. He always was, after all.