She's Got You
Arizona opens the door to her hotel room, startling to see her soon to be ex wife standing on the other side. "Hi…oh, you're not bringing me extra pillows."
"You did something impulsive," Callie blurts out, causing Arizona to instinctively feel defensive. Oh goodie, let's point out all the ways that I fucked up. She waits guardedly as her wife continues.
"You were thinking about yourself, it seemed right at the time and uh, you made a mistake. One mistake."
"Look, do we have to get into this now?" Or ever, really? Arizona's eyes widen when Callie keeps talking.
"I did something like that today." Arizona isn't expecting to hear those words come out of the brunette's mouth, and struggles with how to respond. Somehow, asking if Callie had slept with Dr. Boswell didn't really seem the appropriate thing to say in this situation.
"Oh, uh, okay," she encourages, curious as to what Callie will say next.
"Look, I have something to ask," Callie looks away briefly before taking a breath and continuing. "And you should probably take some time to think about it. I don't need an answer tonight."
Curious, Arizona watches her wife struggle to say what's on her mind.
"But I would like to know if you'll come home." The words she had been longing to hear for months loop over and over in the blonde's brain as she stands in the doorway and watches in disbelief as Callie walks away. Come back home. Callie wants her to come back home. She had wanted this more than anything had been waiting for this moment since that fateful day of the storm. So, why aren't you running after her? Go on! Run after her, take her into your arms, and tell her you don't need to think about it, of course you're coming home! Stunned, Arizona is frozen in place for a long moment before she slowly goes back inside her room and shuts the door. Making her way to the bed, she sighs as she lays down and self-consciously pulls her robe tighter to her. The tears sting her eyes, but her voice is flat as she speaks to the younger woman standing wrapped in a sheet.
"You should get dressed now." She feels the lump forming in her throat and swallows. "And leave." Refusing to make eye contact, Arizona stares at the ceiling and tries to ignore the broken hearted intern who tearfully gathers her clothes and puts them on before making a hasty exit. It's only when she hears the hotel room door click that she allows the tears to fall.
Two hours later she finds herself hesitating before knocking on the door to Callie's apartment…our apartment. Her heart skips a beat as she hears her wife get closer to the door, feeling hopeful that maybe, just maybe, things will start to get back on track. The plane crash started a chain reaction of events that turned Arizona Robbins' life upside down. Her daughter lost her dad. She lost her leg. She lost her wife. She lost her identity. She lost her baby. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she pushes away the negative thoughts and feelings, determined to get her life back. And the first step in doing so is on the other side of this door. Her wife's brown eyes widen when she opens the door, and the blonde notices that she tugs her robe tighter around her. With her dark wavy hair rumpled, it's obvious that she woke her up.
"Oh, hi. I didn't know you were coming over." Callie's eyes drop down to the suitcase in the other woman's hand and she let's out a breath before moving them back up to blue eyes, searching for a moment before once again looking away. "I thought you were going to take some time."
Arizona shifts uncomfortably. This wasn't quite the greeting she had expected or hoped for. Knowing she still has repair work to do, she sucks in a breath. "I don't need time, Calliope. I love you. I miss you and Sophia. I want to come home."
"Okay, then come on in." Callie opens the door and reaches for the suitcase, pulling her hand away at the last minute. "I just put Sophia in bed, but you can go check on her if you want."
"I'd love to," Arizona smiles. Setting the suitcase down, she walks to her daughter's room. Stopping in the doorway, she stares at the sleeping girl for a moment before moving over to sit on the bed. Running her hand over the dark curls, she leans down and kisses her tiny forehead. "Hey Baby Girl, Mommy's home. I've missed you. And I'll be here when you wake up." She tucks the blanket up over the sleeping little girl before standing up and moving back to the living room, startling when she sees her wife making up a bed on the couch. "So, do you want to talk?"
"Not really." Callie fluffs the pillow in her hands before placing it on the couch.
Arizona takes a step forward and reaches for the brunette's hand, narrowing her eyes when the other woman pulls it away. "So, what happens now?"
"What do you mean?"
"You came to me, Calliope. You asked me to come home. I told you I don't need to think about it; I want this. I want you. I want us back."
Callie's eyes remain guarded as she nods but avoids eye contact with her wife. "I know you do. And you're right; I did ask you to come home. I want this too, I do. But it's going to take time. I want to forgive you, and I can. It's just going to take a little time before I can just…" Her voice trails off and an uneasy silence grows between them for a long minute.
"Okay, well, I guess it's a start, right?" Arizona once again reaches out for her wife's hand, thankful when she doesn't pull away. "I'm just glad to be home." She squeezes her hand before dropping it. "So, we'll talk tomorrow?"
"Yeah, tomorrow." Callie walks down the hall toward the bedroom, turning back to smile weakly at the blonde. "Arizona, I'm glad you're home."
"Me too." Arizona waits for the door to shut before sitting back on the couch. She stares at the ceiling for a few minutes, rubbing her chest in a vain attempt to make the heaviness disappear. When it doesn't, she sighs in resignation, takes off her leg, and lies down on the couch closing her eyes and silently hoping for sleep to come quickly.
Arizona wakes up early the next morning, having tossed and turned most of the night. Callie comes out of the bedroom about 7 am, a guarded expression on her face. "Hey, did you sleep okay?" Arizona opens her mouth to respond, but quickly shuts it when her wife walks past without waiting for an answer. Disappointed, she shrugs and gets up and follows the brunette into the kitchen. She accepts the cup of coffee offered and takes a couple of big drinks. "I've missed your coffee."
"Really? Why? It's just coffee." Callie gets down the cereal so that Sophia's breakfast will be ready when the little girl wakes up.
"Well, uh, maybe I just miss having coffee with my wife." She sets her cup down on the table and moves over to stand by the other woman. Reaching out, she lightly runs her hand up and down Callie's arm. "It's not just the coffee. I missed you."
Dr. Torres shrugs as she turns away. "You missed me?"
"Of course I missed you."
"What did you miss exactly?"
The blonde narrows her eyes. "I missed having coffee with you. Eating dinner with you. Talking to you about work and our daughter, sharing our hopes and dreams. I've missed falling asleep with you and hearing you talk in your sleep."
Callie crosses her arms and turns so that she is leaning against the counter. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say to that. You're the one who made the choice to cheat, not me."
Arizona breathes in a shaky breath. "I know. And I've regretted it every day since then. Believe me, if I could go back and change it, I would."
"Yeah, me too."
"So, what's the next step? Do we call the marriage counselor and set up an appointment?"
"Yes. No. I don't know." Callie tightens her arms so that she is hugging herself. "Look, I know that I asked you to come home, and I'm glad you're here. That's my way of saying I want to make this work. But I can't just forget everything that happened. It's going to take some time."
Before the blonde can answer, Sophia runs into the kitchen, excited to have heard her mother's voice. "Mommy!" She runs toward her mother at full speed and leaps into her open arms. "You're here!"
Arizona closes her eyes and relishes the feel of those tiny arms around her neck and the enthusiastic greeting given to her by this little girl. She presses her nose into Sophia's hair and inhales the familiar scent of her shampoo. "I'm here, Baby Girl." She kisses the tiny dimpled cheek and ruffles the dark curls. "Are you hungry? Mama's got your favorite cereal just for you."
After a breakfast dominated by their daughter, the doctors drive to work as an awkward silence rests between them. Arizona stares out the window, trying as hard as she can to ignore the knot settling in her stomach. It's going to be okay. I'm home with my family. Everything is going to be okay.
Arizona pauses and watches Leah talking with some of the other interns. She feels a pang of guilt for her cold dismissal of the younger doctor last night. Leah was not someone that she had ever thought she would become involved with; the whole thing was a freak accident. A drunken one night stand that grew into several nights of drunken and sober sexual encounters. In spite of Arizona's attempts to keep things casual, she knows that Leah really wanted more from her, and she feels horrible for allowing this thing between them to go on as long as it did. Sighing in resignation, she walks away without making her presence known.
Hours later Arizona finds herself sitting in the doctor's lounge drinking coffee and reviewing charts. Hearing the door open, she looks up and sees Leah standing a few feet away. "I hear that you assisted Dr. Torres in surgery earlier. How did that go?" Dr. Robbins had tried to talk to Callie earlier about Murphy, but other than asking how many times she had slept with someone else, her wife had decided that she didn't need to know the details. Still, Arizona can't help but feel a little apprehensive about the situation.
Leah crosses her arms across her chest and studies her former lover for a long moment before she responds. "It was good. Dr. Torres thinks the patient will make a full recovery." She pulls out a chair to sit down, pausing when she notices the other doctor flinch slightly. "I'm sorry. Am I making you uncomfortable?"
"Not at all."
The silence stretches out between them for a beat before Leah sighs and looks down. "Well, it's awkward for me."
"It doesn't have to be."
Leah looks into Arizona's eyes and feels her heart break at what she sees looking back at her. Pity, not desire or longing or love. Pity. She bites the inside of her cheek, desperate to keep her emotions in check. "So, are you two really back together now?"
"We are." The older doctor's voice is gentle and soft.
Although she knows that she should just accept what she is hearing and gracefully exit, Leah finds herself rambling nervously. "Are you like, together together, or are you just trying to see what happens? Do you…"
Arizona cuts her off. "Leah. Don't."
"Don't what?"
Her voice is still gentle, yet more firm as she dips her head down to make eye contact with the intern. "Don't make this awkward."
Feeling slightly defensive, Leah flinches. "You think I'm making this awkward?"
"Look, you don't want to do this to yourself. Don't be that person who waits around to see if it works out with me and Callie. Don't do that to yourself."
"I'm a big girl." Although she hates feeling so desperate and needy, Murphy doesn't want to let this amazing woman out of her life.
"You're a young, beautiful woman with so much to offer. You deserve to put yourself out there and find someone who can appreciate and love you with all their heart. And you're not going to ever find that if you put your life on hold so you can wait in the background to see if I can work it out with my wife."
"I just…" her words falter as she struggles to keep her emotions in check. Failing miserably, she blows out a breath as tears start to fall.
Acting purely on instinct, Arizona pulls the other woman into a tight hug and tries to comfort her. "I'm sorry, Leah. I never meant to hurt you."
Leah closes her eyes, taking comfort in the familiar arms holding her. She breathes in the older doctor's scent, a unique blend of Calvin Klein's Euphoria and hospital disinfectant. "No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so…"
The door to the lounge opens and both women look over at dark brown eyes glaring at them. "Am I interrupting something?"
Arizona steps back and lets go of Leah as she takes in her wife's fiery eyes and crossed arms. She feels the ever familiar clench in her stomach and wonders to herself if that feeling of guilt, shame, and dread will ever go away.
"I'm going to…"
"Dr. Murphy, would you please takes these charts and find a quiet place to finish the audits for me?"
Leah bristles at the cold professional tone being directed her way. "I'll get right on that, Dr. Robbins." She grabs the pile of charts and finds an empty desk to try to work on her assigned task.
Arizona sees the flash of hurt in Leah's eyes and feels her stomach clench knowing that she is responsible for hurting this woman. As the door closes, she turns back to face her wife, knowing that she is responsible for hurting her as well.
Callie's voice is cold and hard as she eyes her wife. "It was HER? Your ten plus times…was Murphy? Are you freaking kidding me?"
Her natural defenses kicking in, the blonde struggles to keep her calm. "I told you that I was with someone. I asked if you wanted to know details. YOU said you didn't need to know."
"She's a child! An intern! And I have to see her here every day. Why couldn't you have found some waitress or bartender to screw? Why did it have to be someone from here? I mean, it's bad enough that everyone here knows about Lauren, but at least she's gone." Callie runs her hand down her face and shakes her head. "Just when I thought you couldn't hurt me anymore." She jerks away when the blonde tries to touch her shoulder. "Don't. Just don't." Turning on her heel, she walks to the door, stopping when Arizona rushes up and pushes the door shut with her hand. "I can't do this right now."
"Look, I realize that you're hurt, but you're the one who reached out to me. And as soon as you did, I ended it with her." Arizona feels that ever present stab of guilt as she recalls how quickly she broke things off with Leah. "We're back together and part of that was admitting that we both made mistakes."
Callie snorts. "Yeah, well, some of us have made more mistakes than others."
Arizona's voice is tinged with annoyance. "We both have made mistakes. But we're trying to start fresh. You can't keep throwing this up in my face. I can't change what happened with Lauren, but this, with Leah, it wasn't like that. We weren't together. You didn't want anything to do with me."
Anger flashes in dark brown eyes. "So you're turning this around on me? Making it my fault?"
"Look, I love you and I'm so very sorry that I hurt you." Arizona takes a breath and wills herself to soften her tone. "My point is that I can't keep apologizing to you. And you have got to stop playing the victim."
"I'm not doing any such thing!"
"You're the one who reached out and asked me to come home. And I'm so glad that you did." She reaches out and takes her wife's hands, thankful that she doesn't pull away. "If you want to make this work, then I'm all in. But I'm not going to be your whipping boy and I'm not going to keep apologizing for the past. I want to move forward, not constantly looking back."
"I want that too." Callie's voice is barely a whisper.
Arizona lips curl up into a small smile. "Good, then we're on the same page." She takes a deep breath. "And if we're going to make this work, then we need to sleep in the same bed."
Callie's eyes widen and she drops Arizona's hands, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. "I, uh, I don't know if I'm ready for that."
"I'm not going to keep sleeping on the couch. I want to sleep with my wife."
The silence grows between them, causing Arizona's stomach to churn once again.
"Fine."
Smiling in spite of the less than enthusiastic response, the blonde nods. "Okay. Good."
"I've got to get back to work." Opening the door, she pauses to say something else, but changes her mind and walks out of the room.
Arizona picks up her coffee cup with a shaky hand, wondering why her anxiety hasn't calmed down. She walks back out to the floor, stopping when she sees Leah sitting at the desk, her head buried in charts. She studies her former lover for a few moments, noticing that the spark in the younger woman's eyes has been replaced by sadness. She moves to approach the intern and offer help with the chart audits, but stops when another doctor approaches Dr. Murphy and leans against the desk.
"Hey, are you okay?"
Leah looks up at Stephanie and forces a smile. "I'm just peachy. I get to do chart audits while Robbins goes and kisses Torres' ass. Never been better."
"What are you talking about?"
Arizona had started to walk away, but stops when she hears Murphy's response. Picking up a chart, she pretends to study it while eavesdropping on the conversation.
"Didn't you hear the great news? They're back together."
Stephanie puts a hand on her friend's shoulder and gives a gentle squeeze. "Were you really that into her?"
Oh, Leah. Arizona's heart breaks a little for the pain she is causing the younger woman.
"Why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep falling in love with people who can't love me back?" Her lips tremble and she wipes at her eyes.
Arizona's eyebrows disappear into her forehead. Love? You love me?
"Love? You love her?"
"Yeah, I know. I feel so stupid. I mean, this whole thing started over booze and grilled cheese sandwiches. It was never more than just sex, she was always clear about that. She never lied to me or led me on, but I guess I hoped that maybe she would…"
"You thought she would love you back?"
Leah chuckles mirthlessly. "I can't eat grilled cheese anymore without thinking about her."
Stephanie shrugs. "Oh wow."
Leah shrugs. "I know. How could I think someone as amazing as Arizona Robbins could really love me?"
Oh, honey, I'm really not that wonderful.
"You think she's that wonderful?" Stephanie can't hide her surprise. She knew that her friend had a thing for the older doctor, but she had no idea how deep her feelings were.
Leah looks at her friend, her eyes sparkling as she talks about the object of her affection. "Are you kidding me? Arizona Robbins is the most amazing woman I've ever known. She's obviously beautiful, but she's so much more than that. She's funny and smart. You wouldn't believe how fast she can make a joke or a comment that has me in stitches. She's the most honest person I've ever known."
Oh wow. I had no idea. The chart in her hands forgotten, Arizona is glued to the conversation she has no business listening to.
"Honey, she cheated on her wife."
Ouch! Low blow, Stephanie. True, but still, it's a low blow.
Leah instantly feels defensive for the blonde. "It's not like she set out to cheat."
Stephanie shrugs. "Look, I like Arizona. But she did cheat."
"Can you blame her? My God, have you seen how Torres treats her? She doesn't appreciate her. She's just bossy and pushy and she's not very nice to her. And it's not just since the whole Dr. Boswell thing. I've noticed it for as long as I've been here."
"Maybe Robbins likes being bossed around."
Hey, nobody bosses me around!
"No, I don't think so. Did you know that she had a miscarriage earlier this year?"
"I had no idea."
"Yeah, and guess who's shoulder she was crying on? It wasn't her dear loving wife who was there for her. No, she was too caught up in herself to be there for her. Callie was so wrapped up in herself that she either didn't see or didn't care about what Arizona was going through. How devastated she was to lose the baby. I was the one who was there for her."
Arizona covers her mouth with her hand as the memories of that dark time in her life come flooding back. She had forgotten about the night she broke down after a particularly difficult surgery on a newborn infant and cried on Murphy's shoulder. She feels like she should interrupt and defend her wife, but finds that she can't disagree with Leah's observations about Callie totally ignoring the devastating loss she felt after losing their baby. She is so lost in her reflection that she doesn't notice that Jo walks up and joins in on the conversation.
"What are you guys talking about?" Jo sits down in a chair close to Stephanie and frowns at the sight of the charts in front of her friend.
"I was just telling Stephanie that I can totally understand why Robbins slept with Dr. Boswell."
Jo leans closer and lowers her voice. "Oh, me too. Dr. Boswell is hot. I don't swing that way, but I would have gone gay for her."
Stephanie sits down and joins their huddle. "Are you kidding me? I think any woman would go gay for her. She's gorgeous."
Leah grins. "Yeah, she is. Maybe I should've gone after her instead of Robbins."
Arizona feels a pang of jealously shoot through her. Whoa, what the hell?
Leah continues, her face brightening. "Maybe it's not too late. Does anyone know where Dr. Boswell is now? Maybe I can look her up."
Jo nudges her friend's shoulder with her own. "You want to hook up with Boswell? Bond over having your heart broken by the great Arizona Robbins? Or are you really interested in her?"
Hold on a minute! I didn't break Lauren's heart! Arizona moves a little closer, suddenly anxious to hear her former lover's response.
Stephanie searches Murphy's face. "Are you a lesbian now?"
Leah sighs and closes the chart in front of her. "I don't know what I am. All I know is that I fell in love with Arizona." Tears threaten to spill out of her sad eyes. "I mean, I really love her. All I want is for her to be happy and be loved and worshipped in the way that she deserves. I just don't think she can have that with her wife. Torres sees her as broken or damaged. But she's not either of those things. She's been through so much, things that would break most people. But she's so much stronger because of it. She's stronger than she even knows. And I hate Callie for not seeing that. She's been given this gift, this amazing person who loves her and wants to be with her, and she doesn't appreciate what she has." She swallows the lump building in her throat. "I would give anything for her to feel that way about me."
Arizona feels her heart clench at those words and a wave of sadness and loss wash over her.
"So, the whole one leg thing doesn't bother you?"
Arizona flinches at hearing her deepest insecurity spoken out loud by someone else.
"Are you kidding me? Two legs, one leg, no leg, Arizona Robbins is freaking sexy as hell. Combined with the adorable girl next door thing she has going on, she's in a league all her own. Nobody else even comes close."
Stephanie and Jo roll their eyes. "You've got it bad."
Arizona drops the chart and scrambles to quickly pick it up and move out of sight. She walks down the hall and circles back around to a hidden alcove where she can continue to listen in without being observed.
The sound of the dropped chart and the older doctor's movements catch the attention of the small group of interns. "Did you hear something?" Jo shrugs and turns back to the group.
Stephanie and Jo both wrap a supportive arm around their friend. "Well, Arizona is a big girl and she can take care of herself. But as your friend, I think you need to stop crying and moping over Robbins and get on with your life."
Hey! I'm not THAT easy to get over. Arizona leans in closer, finding it a little harder to eavesdrop from this new location. Sheesh!
"I agree," Jo chimes in. "Why don't you see if you can find Boswell, give her a call and ask her out? You need to get back out there."
"Who needs to get out where?" Stephanie walks up to the closely huddled group.
"Murphy needs to get out there and start dating. I think she needs to call Dr. Boswell and ask her out."
No she shouldn't. She really shouldn't. The intensity of her jealousy surprises the blonde as she suddenly feels the need to keep Leah far away from Lauren, far away from any woman for that matter.
"Dr. Boswell is hot." Shane winks at the ladies and waggles his eyebrows. "I'd give anything for one night with her. Too bad she liked the ladies. She has no idea what she missed out on." He waves his hand up and down his body in an exaggerated motion.
Arizona rolls her eyes. As if she'd ever look at you like that. She can't help but chuckle to herself at the younger doctors' fawning over Lauren. She can't help but feel a twisted sense of pride that the beautiful surgeon everyone is gushing over chose HER out of everyone in the hospital. Oh, yeah, I've still got it.
Her eyes remain fixated on the young blonde intern as she starts to notice Leah in a different light. She feels an overwhelming sense of sadness at having overlooked just how good of a person the intern really is and for the first time begins to question why she limited their encounters to casual sex.
"What are you doing over here?" Arizona startles when her wife walks up behind her and once again drops the chart she had been holding. She bends down to pick it up, glancing one last time at Leah.
Callie notices and sighs loudly. Although she doesn't say anything, the blonde hears the annoyance loud and clear. She forces a smile and as they begin to walk toward the elevator. "I didn't expect to see you again so soon."
"Do you want to tell me what was going on back there?"
"What do you mean?"
Callie furrows her brows as she turns back and sees Murphy gaze adoringly at her wife. She waits until the elevator door closes before turning to face the other woman. "I think you have a problem."
"Huh?"
"I think Murphy is in love with you."
Unsure of what to say, Arizona tries to play it off. "How do you know that? I mean, no she isn't. It was just a casual thing for both of us. And I told you, it's over. It's not going to be a problem."
"Well, I think she's going to become a problem. You know she's not the most emotionally stable person in the hospital. Really, what in the world were you thinking?" She puts her hand up before Arizona can speak. "I'm sorry. I forgot I'm not allowed to be upset about this."
"Are we really going to do this right here? Right now?"
"I'm just saying you're going to have to do something about Murphy. Talk to her and let her know that you're back with me and whatever this thing between the two of you was, she needs to know that it's over."
Arizona flinches at the arrogance in her wife's tone. "I need to do that, huh?" Folding her hands in front of her, she turns to face the brunette. "What else do you think I need to do?"
Oblivious to the irritation and annoyance radiating off the blonde, Callie pauses to think for a moment before speaking. "You need to get her reassigned to someone else. I don't want her working with you."
"So, what, you don't think I'm professional enough to work side by side with someone I've slept with?"
"It's not about you, Arizona. It's about me. I don't want to have to think about you spending hours with your little plaything. That's not going to help me to get past what you did."
"That's not fair to Leah. You know if I ask to have her reassigned, that's going to look like there's a problem with her performance. I don't want to do anything to hurt her career."
"So Murphy's career is more important to you than my feelings? That's not a good way to start out our reconciliation."
Arizona takes a deep breath and tries to keep her voice calm. "I know we still have a lot to work through. Did you call the marriage counselor or do you want me to?"
"I don't think we should do marriage counseling. I think you should really go see someone and work on your own issues. Deal with the accident and losing your leg. Figure out why you cheated." The clinical tone of the brunette's voice does not go unnoticed.
"I see. You think that I need to be in therapy to fix me. What about us, Calliope? What about our marriage?"
"Our marriage was just fine until the plane crash. We would've been just fine after if you hadn't been so angry."
Taking another calming breath, Arizona tries to keep control of her emotions. "Look, we really need to talk about this, but not here."
Callie presses the button to stop the elevator and turns on her wife. "What is there to talk about? Are you saying you're not willing to go to therapy?"
"I've been going to therapy for months now. WE need to see someone together. About our marriage. About US."
"What does that mean? Are you trying to say that it's MY fault that you cheated on me?"
"No, that's not what I'm saying. But we obviously had problems or this wouldn't have happened."
"Of course we had problems. You changed after the plane crash. You were so angry with me and you couldn't forgive me for costing you your leg."
Arizona shakes her head. "Yes, but that's not what I'm talking about. Our problems go deeper than that."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Have you ever stopped to think about how you acted when I lost the baby?"
Sadness flashes in brown eyes. "That was hard on both of us."
"I lost our baby, Calliope. OUR baby. The one that we planned together. I'd just gotten through coming to terms with losing my leg and then I lost something even more precious. And you weren't there for me."
"How can you say that? Of course I was there for you."
"No, you weren't. You were all wrapped up in yourself. You didn't even go with me to the doctor's appointment."
"I was working," Callie defends, not liking where this conversation is going.
"I was there with you for every appointment when you were pregnant. And that was our child, but it wasn't our child that we planned."
"How can you say that? You love Sophia!"
"I do. I love her with all my heart. And she's every bit my daughter as she is yours." Arizona blows out a breath and tries to soften her tone. "But you got pregnant. By Mark. I had nothing to do with it. But still, I was there for you every step of the way. I wanted to be there for you. I jumped through all kinds of hoops to make sure that I was. Dealing with Mark for one. I finally found a way to get along with him and you got jealous and wanted me to stop. I feel like I can't win with you."
"I got pregnant because you left me at the airport. YOU were the one who chose to leave. Don't you dare turn that around on me," Callie huffs.
"And why did I do that? I get the opportunity of a lifetime and all I got from you was bitching and moaning about it. Yeah, you were there with me, but you weren't really WITH me. You went out of your way to let me know how miserable you were. I was the one who said don't go, but YOU were the one who made that choice."
"What happened to not looking back? I thought you wanted to forget the past and move forward." Callie tries to put some distance between them, which is impossible considering the small confined space of the elevator.
Arizona continues, as emotions she didn't even realize she had come bubbling to the surface. "I came back to you. For you. And you refused to forgive me. You made me kiss your ass and beg you to forgive me. I gave up the opportunity of a lifetime for you, because you couldn't deal with it. If it had been the other way around, I would've been there with you, celebrating your success. And you still made me beg you to take me back."
Callie feels the impact of her wife's words like a punch to the gut. "I just needed time. You left me. You sent me away and you left."
"You never even apologized to me for that. Did you realize that? You finally decide that you will take me back, but I have to accept Mark's baby. And I did that because I loved you so much. I was all in and I never looked back."
"Until now," Callie sniffs, unable to look the blonde in the eye.
"I love you, Calliope, I do. But you've never put me first. Ever. Time after time I put you and your needs first, but you have never done that for me."
"How can you say that?"
Arizona shrugs. "Can you tell me one time that you put me or my needs ahead of yourself? When you put your dreams to the side so that I could pursue mine?"
Callie's face turns red as she puts her hands on her hips. "How about when I had to decide to cut off your leg so that you could live?"
"But you didn't do that for me, Calliope, you did that for yourself. I told you what I wanted, but when it came down to it, YOU wanted me to live, so don't you dare tell me that you did that for me. You did it for yourself."
"Yeah, and that worked out so well for me, didn't it?" She studies her wife's blue eyes for a moment. "You're never going to be able to forgive me for that, are you?"
"I did forgive you for that. I understood why you did it and I got to a place where I could let it go."
"So then why are you bringing this up now?"
"Because I realize that over and over again I forgive you for hurting me. For letting me down. For putting me last. But you're never going to be able to forgive me for what happened with Lauren. And it's always going to be there between us. Just like everything else." She takes in a shaky breath before continuing. "You're always trying to fix me. You look at me and you see me as broken and damaged. I'm not broken. I'm whole. I'm still me."
"How can you say that? I haven't ever looked at you like that or thought about you like that."
"Yes, you have. I see it in your eyes. Why do you think it was so easy for me to sleep with Lauren? She didn't look at me like damaged goods. She didn't try to fix me. And neither did Leah. Only you." The heaviness in her chest starts to dissipate as a sense of peace comes over her for the first time in years. "And I can't live like that, Calliope. I can't," she breathes, her voice steady and sure.
Callie swallows the lump building in her own throat as she takes in her wife's words. She clenches her jaw and narrows her eyes at the other woman. "So what are you saying?"
"I can't do this anymore. I don't want to. I deserve better," she declares, her voice steady and sure.
"What does that mean? Are you going back to Leah? You think she can love you like I do?"
"No, I don't," Arizona whispers. "I think she can love me better."
The brunette stares at her for a moment without saying a word. Without breaking eye contact, she reaches over and presses the button to restart the elevator. No words are exchanged until the doors open and Callie takes a step to get off. "If you think you can be happier without me, then more power to you. But you'd better be sure, Arizona, because I'm not doing this again. If you leave this time, you don't come back."
"I'm sure. I'll stop by and get my things after work. And I'll talk to you tomorrow about setting up visitation with Sophia."
Callie nods as the door closes. She stands there for a moment and fights back her own tears, knowing in her heart that this time, her wife won't be coming back.
Arizona races to the bar where Stephanie had told her Leah was meeting a woman that Stephanie had set her up with. She didn't care about red lights or cops; all she cared about was finding the younger woman and getting her far away from the hussy at the bar. She feels nauseous as she visualizes someone else's hands touching Murphy and presses her foot down harder on the accelerator. A car blasts its horn when she cuts him off in traffic and the driver flips her off.
"Fuck you," she yells. This is an emergency, after all. The car comes to a screeching halt as Arizona parks haphazardly in an empty parking spot. Now isn't the time to worry about that. She jumps out of the car and runs down the sidewalk toward the entrance as fast as she can. Glancing around the crowded bar, her eyes immediately finding Leah and a beautiful blonde in the center of the dance floor, swaying together as they hold each other tightly. She freezes when the woman runs her hands down to Leah's ass and begins to kiss her. "Oh, hell no," she mutters under her breath. She rushes up to them and grabs the younger woman's arm. "I have to talk to you," she says.
"She's busy right now," the woman declares, as she begins to slowly stroke Leah's back, hips and thighs.
Arizona clenches her fists. "Leah, please," she pleads, looking at the younger woman.
Leah wants to say no; wants to tell her that she is on a date, but she finds that she can't deny Arizona Robbins anything. If Arizona wants to talk, then they'll talk. "Yeah, we can talk." She smiles apologetically at her date. "Let me talk to her for a minute, and then I'll be right back."
Over my dead body! Arizona takes Leah's hand and leads her to a corner table where they can talk privately.
Leah keeps her hands folded together on the table, forcing herself to look anywhere but into those blue eyes across from her. If she looks at Arizona, then all of her efforts to be strong and not reveal the depth of her feelings for her former lover will be for nothing.
"What are you doing here?" Arizona asks quietly.
"What do you mean? And since when is it your business what I do or who I do it with?"
"Come on, Murphy," Arizona pleads.
Leah clears her throat. "Look, you made it crystal clear that you're back with your wife and I respect that." She narrows her eyes at the older woman. "Speaking of which, shouldn't you be home with her now?"
"No, I'm right where I want to be."
"Well, if you're worried about me, then don't. I'm okay. I'm sorry about how emotional I got earlier, but I'm fine. And you're right. We had a good time, but it was just sex. I'm not going to cause problems or make things awkward for you. I wish you both nothing but the best."
"Just sex, huh? Nothing but a good time? Was that really all I was to you?"
Leah tries to force a smile. "Your game, your rules."
"What if I want to change the rules?"
"What? Why would you want to do that?"
Arizona blows out a breath, surprised at how nervous she is, how fearful she is of how Leah might respond to her. "Callie and I aren't getting back together."
Murphy's heart rises in her chest before sinking into her stomach. "I see."
Oh thank God. "Do you?"
Leah's eyes harden as she crosses her arms protectively across her chest. "You couldn't work it out with your wife, so you come back to me. For how long, huh? Until Callie changes her mind again? Until someone better comes along?"
"Leah," Arizona pleads.
"Look, I get it, okay? I knew where I stood when we started sleeping together. You never led me on or lied to me. But I have feelings too, you know, and I don't think I can do this with you again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get back to my date." She goes to stand up, stopping when Arizona grabs her wrist. She turns fiery eyes on the older woman, who can't help but feel a little turned on by this feisty Murphy.
"I think I'm in love with you," Arizona declares.
"You think you're in love with me?"
"I do. I'm pretty sure. I mean, I know that I care about you, a lot. And I think it could be love."
"You're babbling," Leah smiles.
Arizona makes a face that causes Leah to giggle. "Yes, I am. Look, I'm sorry about interrupting your date, but I don't want you to date anyone else. I want to date you."
"You want to date me?"
"I want to get to know you, Leah. Not as an intern or a casual sex partner. I want to know the real you. I want to know about your family, what you like and don't like. I want to know how you like your eggs and where you want to travel." She pauses and watches the various emotions playing out in the younger woman's eyes. "I can't say that I'm head over heels in love with you or make you any promises about the future, but I do promise you that I want more from you than just sex. So, what do you say? Do you want to go on a date with me and see what happens?"
"I do, I would love that," Leah smiles. She puts her hands up to stop the surgeon from taking her into her arms. "Oh, no you don't. No touching or kissing until after the date."
"Oh, really?"
Leah giggles at the shocked expression on Arizona's face."Yes, really. What kind of girl do you take me for?"
"Can I hold your hand at least?"
The intern grins. "Of course you can. But nothing else except maybe a good night kiss when you take me home. But only if it's a really good date."
"Hey, it will be a very good date. The best date you've ever had!"
"You think so?" Leah teases.
"Oh, I know so. No doubt in my mind. In fact, it's going to be such a good date that I will bet you won't be able to wait until it's over to kiss me."
"Someone's awfully sure of herself."
"Absolutely I am," Arizona's eyes sparkle as she reaches out and takes Murphy's hand in her own. "I've been on a lot of dates, and I've never had any complaints. Yet. So, what do you say? Shall we get started on this date?"
"Oh, Dr. Robbins, I'm not THAT easy. You have to call me and ask me out properly," Leah teases. "But I suppose I could let you drive me home if you would like."
"I would very much like to do that," Arizona grins as she starts to leads them out of the bar.
"Oh My God!" Leah's outburst at the door causes her to startle.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
Leah makes a face. "Um, I was kind of on a date." Her eyes scan the poorly lit bar in search of the forgotten woman. "I can't just leave her here…can I?
"Um, so what do you want to do?"
"I think she'll be just fine without me, "Leah smiles, as she sees her date cozying up to a young brunette at the bar. "We can go."
They talk about everything and nothing on the drive, and by the time they reach Leah's apartment, the surgeon has no doubt that she wants to get to know this woman better. She gets out of the car and opens the door before walking the intern up to the entrance of her building. "So, I'll call you when I get back to my hotel room?"
"You'd better," Leah breathes, as her eyes fixate on those tantalizing lips and adorable dimples in front of her.
"I'd kiss you goodnight, but since we haven't had our date yet, you'll just have to wait," Arizona smirks. "Unless, you'd like to kiss me?"
The smugness in the other woman's voice does not go unnoticed by Murphy, who looks into sparkling blue eyes. "I would love to kiss you." Slowly, much too slowly for Arizona's liking, she moves her lips closer and closer. Arizona licks her lips in anticipation and she feels her heart pound against her chest when she feels Leah's breath mingle with hers. "Goodnight, Arizona," Leah husks before she plants a long, lingering kiss on her cheek. "Thanks for the ride home," she adds as she turns and walks in her door.
Wait, what the hell was that? Arizona stands outside the building for a moment, a slow smile breaking out on her face. "Well, played, Murphy. Well played." She walks back to her car, glancing up at the younger woman's window before dialing her number.
"You can't be back at your hotel already," Leah breathes as she watches Arizona's car from her window.
"I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tomorrow."
"Hmmm," Leah taps her chin with her index finger. "Let me check my schedule," she teases. "Turns out I am free for dinner tomorrow."
"Good," Arizona smiles. "I'll pick you up at 7."
"I'm looking forward to it."
"Oh, I know you are," Arizona teases. "Me too," she adds. "And Leah?"
"Yes."
Her voice drops an octave, which causes the intern's entire body to tingle. "I promise you tomorrow night…" Arizona purposely draws out each word.
"Yes, Arizona?" Leah is about two seconds from opening the door and rushing back outside.
"Tomorrow night, after I wine and dine you…" Her voice is breathless.
Leah closes her eyes, imagining looking into blue eyes all evening.
"Take you dancing and hold you close… "
She sways back and forth to the music she imagines that they would be dancing to.
"Run my hands up and down your back…"
She takes a deep breath, wanting so desperately to feel those hands on her.
"Press my body into yours… "
The intern walks to the window and looks out to see the blonde looking up at her. "Do you want to come up?
Arizona smiles. "Can you feel it? Feel our bodies together, dancing…"
"Please come up…"
"Then our evening will end and I will take you home…"
"Arizona, please…"
"Remember how you are feeling at this moment, Leah, because tomorrow night… "
"Yes Arizona?"
"It won't be my cheek that you will be kissing…"
Leah exhales the breath that she was holding as she watches the blonde get into her car.
"Good night Leah."
"Good night Arizona."