His fist clenched the makeshift cane more tightly. He still wasn't used to walking with one of these things. Its tip dug into the ground, and he still had to fight his instincts to keep from putting too much weight on his injured leg. It was an annoying experience that readily revealed the character flaws of a merchant like him, but at least it was a temporary one.
Frankly it was the least of his concerns and he knew it. He banished it from his thoughts and chuckled at himself. The real problem was something even further from his realm of expertise, and he couldn't help but doubt whether he was on the right track to solving it. His worries made him forget himself, and as his free hand instinctively reached up to touch his breast pocket he lost his balance and once again stumbled forward.
Fortunately for him, he had grown quite used to stumbling in the past few months. He suppressed another inwardly-aimed chuckle and opted to sigh instead. His mind wandered as he paused to look up at the clear winter sky above Sovereign. It seemed like such a different town to him, now that everything had been settled.
In fact it felt so much smaller to him that he couldn't help but slow down and wander on his way back to the inn. His mind was full of scattered thoughts to sort out first. There was simply so much he had yet to overcome before he could honor his new contract properly. He took in a deep breath of the cool air and forced himself to smile. It was a time of happiness, so he shouldn't let himself get down.
He just couldn't help but feel crushed by the weight of reality. For a brief moment he had let himself get swept up in the thrilling prospect of owning his own shop in Lesco, but in truth he ended up dodging an arrow when he resold it. After all, he couldn't just give up on his trade route without finding someone to replace him. It wasn't just arrogance or pride to say that people were genuinely relying on him.
And now that he'd made a break from his old guild, there would be complications when he returned to the south to sort these problems out. That wasn't even counting the debts he had left to repay, both contractual and obligatory. His willful evasion of these problems may have ended up being worth the risk, but that didn't mean they would just go away. The problems had piled up so high that he honestly couldn't see making it through them all without Holo's support.
His eyes darted to and fro, but he only saw more and more problems. When he spied a nearby pub his smile broadened into a grin of self-mockery. He heaved himself forward, but in the end he couldn't resist. Surely he could be forgiven for hobbling his way there for a little while? He needed a stiff drink to calm his nerves. He needed a place where he could sort his thoughts out. Even if it only earned him scorn, he had to clear his mind before he returned to Holo.
Before he knew it, his hands were holding a glass of cheap wine as he stared into it. One by one he prioritized his concerns. He'd deal with his guild and debts when the time came. What was important now was leaving town soon to resume trading along his old route. More than anything, he had to find people to take his place. That meant pushing forward as soon as possible, and doing so required overcoming a significant obstacle: Holo.
She still hadn't made up her mind about whether to go to Yoitsu with him. She may have forced him to give up on that contract, true, but that didn't mean he could just drop the issue. It didn't matter that she had formed an even more dear contract with him, he still wanted to be there for her when she revisited her old homeland. They were so close right now, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.
There were several possibilities. She could go with him now, and then immediately afterward they would resume their journey to the south and head wherever the road might take them. Or, he could part ways with her and she could go there herself. He knew she would reunite with him eventually, but he didn't want her to go there with anyone else. And that wasn't just out of some nebulous sense of jealousy. He knew she loved him.
Taking her home was just one of the few things that he could truly do for her. If he didn't, then it would weigh even more heavily on him. He'd undoubtedly find other ways to help her, yes, but this felt like the most important hurdle in her life. Worse, she knew he wouldn't want her to go with anyone but him, which meant she was more likely to end up going on her own. That felt like a worst case scenario.
One way or the other it was clearly a difficult decision, and it wasn't a decision he could make for her this time. At least not directly. All he could do was nudge her along. He had delayed as long as he could so she could mull it over, but he couldn't bear to see her struggling with it. He soon broke down and did what he had wanted to do ever since they settled their dispute in Kumerson.
Once again he clutched at his breast pocket, hoping the path he had chosen was the right one. He had selfishly chosen it himself, after all. But it was all he could do for her, no matter which choice she made. This way she might not even have to make a choice at all. Regardless, it was conceited. It was arrogant. It was why he was nervously fidgeting in a pub on his own, trying desperately to muster up the courage he needed to return to her.
Suddenly he snapped out of it. Someone was watching him, and he visibly flinched in his seat when he saw who it was. Before he could even collect himself, a man whose clothes didn't quite match his image had seated himself at the same table. From anyone else in Sovereign it would have been a rude and imperious gesture, but this man commanded respect. Lawrence nearly shot up to his feet in response, only thwarted by his injury.
He watched in awe as the barkeeper quickly rushed over to their table, hastily offering the man a glass of wine. It was quickly sniffed and handed back to him dismissively, along with the instruction to "bring something actually worth drinking." Lawrence never ceased to be impressed by the man's candor. Few people could pull off such pomp in such a venue, especially not with such gravitas. And this very important figure was obviously here just to speak with him.
But what exactly could Lawrence say to Milicky? He simply watched him remove his coat and stare back, tapping his finger impatiently on the table between them. As his eyes narrowed, Lawrence swallowed to force his heart back down his throat. This was the man who even Holo had shown fear to; what could he possibly want from Lawrence? All the forced platitudes that needed to be said after the Solar coins incident had long since been said, and Milicky had only been willing to speak with Holo since then.
"Mr. Lawrence."
"Um.. y-yes? Ah!"
Fortunately, the barkeeper had quickly returned and offered them a bottle of wine that looked so aged and luxurious that Lawrence had no idea if someone in his station in life should even touch it. Yet seeing the barkeeper meekly scuttle off compelled him to pour a glass for Milicky. The only reason he didn't was that Milicky's palm had shot up to stop him. Milicky lifted the bottle himself, and casually popped its cork like a man who viewed such expensive things as tiresome and trifling formalities.
As he sniffed the open bottle the barest hint of a smile crossed his face. But he didn't pour himself a glass immediately; instead he held the bottle out toward Lawrence. After blinking stupidly for a moment, Lawrence quickly finished his own glass of wine, which was then refilled to the brim. He refrained from cringing, knowing that it was at best dishonoring the wine to reuse his glass. Milicky was clearly a man pressed for time.
Lawrence gulped, again wondering why such a man would come to him. He watched Milicky sip his wine before suddenly drinking half of it at once. He could hardly miss what Milicky's uncharacteristic and blunt behavior was meant to express: there was no gap in their social statuses while they sat here. Lawrence may have been little more than a fly on the wall as they conducted their prior business, but right now he was apparently Milicky's equal.
"Mr. Lawrence."
"...Yes, Mr. Milicky?"
"I trust that the supplies you purchased all meet your approval?"
Lawrence meekly nodded his head. He was surprised that Milicky would be keeping such a close eye on him, but a moment later he noticed that Milicky was patiently waiting for him to give a clear spoken answer.
"Ah, well, I'm not really qualified to judge the quality of all the goods, but at least I can trust that they were made with great care."
A faint smile finally appeared Milicky's face, and Lawrence wasn't sure if it was due to his fluster or his words.
"Good. Then my instructions were properly relayed."
Lawrence felt a little uneasy to hear that, but he was still confused as to why Milicky would continue involving himself in his affairs now that his role in the Solar coins debacle was over.
"Worry not, I simply wished to ensure that you received the proper respect you are due."
Given how sincere he sounded, it seemed that Milicky really did hold Lawrence in some esteem. Not knowing how to react, Lawrence raised his glass to his mouth to stall for time. It was far from the bitter wine he had ordered, so he could at least make a show of savoring it.
"It was the least I could do for someone of your caliber."
Lawrence nearly snorted the wine back out. He didn't really suffer from a lack of confidence or self-respect, but it seemed like he was always receiving praise that out-measured his actual contributions. It made him feel uneasy, even if he knew it wasn't sarcasm. After all, he would never have been here if it hadn't been for Holo, and Hildir and Milicky each played far greater roles than he ever had. Yet Milicky continued speaking when he saw Lawrence's confused reaction.
"It seems you misunderstand me, Mr. Lawrence. I was not referring to your role in solving that silly dispute between that rabbit and his company."
Lawrence looked up at Milicky, utterly lost. Milicky sighed, but it didn't seem to be one born from ill will.
"You see, long ago a certain man fell in love with a certain woman. It was clear from the onset that he would outlive her, but love has a way of making such things seem irrelevant at the time. Her eyes could pierce into his soul and set ablaze the passion that lay within, and against such a thing not even the endless march of time can stand. At least, that is how it always seems at the time."
Of course it was clear who Milicky was referring to, but not why. And yet, Lawrence had no choice but to listen like a child receiving a lecture that could turn into a scolding at any time.
"Of course like all good things those flames eventually burned out, leaving behind only embers. And yet those embers ever smouldered, as though time had forgotten them. They never became ashes the man could spread over his love's grave, and so he stayed there with her indefinitely. He would not suffer anyone to disturb her rest. From the mightiest pack of hounds to the lowliest hare they hunted, that man chased them all away for his beloved."
Milicky had an air of poetry about him, but even he seemed to be struggling to find the words to say. In fact he seemed to be forcing himself to continue.
"And then, one day, the man finally looked in his mirror and saw a strange reflection. At first he was repulsed, until the reflection spoke back to him: 'Why do you linger so? See, you will make him weep.' When that reflection pointed at his wife's grave behind the mirror, the man was puzzled. He squinted as closely as he could, and finally saw a tiny ant marching its way around the grave. All the man could do from his side of the mirror was furiously watch that ant, but as he did his fury slowly subsided with understanding. The ant didn't even know where it was going, it just kept marching on, righting itself each time it stumbled, always searching for a goal that was just beyond its reach. It was when the man finally realized what the ant was striving for..."
Milicky trailed off for a moment and downed the rest of his wine.
"...that he immediately wanted to help it."
Lawrence had been around Holo long enough to begin grasping such symbolic words, but there was no need this time. Still, he remained quiet, having no idea how he could defend that ant's behavior.
"But all the man could do was reach into the mirror, and move the ant's goal slightly closer to it."
With that Milicky smiled more broadly at Lawrence, whose hand instinctively covered his breast pocket once more.
"Ah. Then I suppose you're saying the ant shouldn't rest for too long, and should keep striving toward that goal?"
"Indeed. After all, if he had kept calling himself small and insignificant he may have gone entirely unnoticed."
Lawrence finally smiled and thanked Milicky for his support. He pushed his seat back forcefully, wanting to make a loud noise to announce his intent. He had a certain reflection to return to, even if he needed to pour the rest of his glass down his throat to gain the courage to do so. And yet, Milicky still waved to the bartender to bring them another bottle. The man stared back, dumbfounded, but did as he was instructed.
Soon Lawrence found himself being guided out the door, an unopened bottle in hand. His face was red, knowing how much it cost and just who had paid for it. But he swallowed his concerns as Milicky nodded forcefully, then spun around and walked away. Lawrence knew he had to be just as deliberate, and so he did his best. His cane stuck in the ground as usual, but this time there was no way he'd let himself stumble.
If there was one thing he couldn't forget, it was his optimism. Even Holo had said as much; there was no point in over-thinking things. Making a clean break with his own past was really the only way left for him to help nudge Holo in the same direction. Worrying about her expectations was counter-productive. If he had to, he would drag her into the future with him, kicking and screaming at him all the way. That was just the kind of relationship they had.
But the silence was deafening as he entered their inn. Myuri and his men were all in high demand lately. Even the innkeeper seemed to be out, presumably on his daily rounds to procure all of the supplies needed to run the place. Normally Lawrence would have enjoyed such silence, but right now it only made him remember that he should have returned here a while ago. Holo had been waiting for him for quite some time.
Each creak of the stairs increased his doubt. Even if he wasn't injured he still would have climbed them more and more slowly. Lucky for him he still had that excuse, because he had broken out in a cold sweat by the time he was at the top of the stairs. The bottle of wine was pressed up against his breast pocket, and he was practically hyperventilating. He paused to catch his breath and took several deeper ones before he trudged on to their door.
Once there he paused again, and had to bite his lower lip and encourage himself to go on; "Be optimistic! You've already come this far!" Regardless, it took him a few more moments to muster up the bravery to reach for the handle. Only then did he realize that he had no hands free to actually do so. Just as he wondered what to do, he gasped sharply... the door was opened for him.
"Fool."
That was all she said. She barely even looked at him, opting rather to snatch the bottle of wine from his hand and walk back to the bed. He stared at her back as it receded from him, and slowly exhaled. He really wasn't made for this sort of thing. "Keep moving," he told himself, "gotta keep moving." He began taking off his gloves as she plopped down on the side of the bed, biting into the cork on the bottle and staring at him with cold eyes.
"I guess I'm lucky I at least brought that with me, huh?"
She sighed as he looked away and casually tossed his gloves on the desk. He took off his coat, groaning in frustration as he leaned into his cane and struggled. Of course anyone would know that sitting down first was the better idea, but there was a reason he opted to struggle instead. Lucky for him, Holo would probably think he was just anxious because he'd left her alone. Sure enough-
"Just how long were you going to leave me all alone in this place? It is so quiet I could hear my own lonely thoughts echoing off of the walls."
He smiled as she lifted the bottle up and took a long swig, whereupon he took the chance to remove what was in his breast pocket and conceal it under his coat.
"Sorry. I'm just a little slower than usual, that's all."
Using his injury as an excuse was obviously a terrible idea, but he still purposely gave her the ammunition she needed to go on the offensive.
"Oh, do stop hiding behind that weak excuse. You have been using it far too much lately."
She looked up at him with a disgruntled look of disapproval, but her tail revealed the truth. She knew him well enough to understand that he was giving her a chance to vent her frustrations. He sat down next to her, knowing that she was trying to avoid discussing Yoitsu. Clearly she hadn't come to a decision yet. Of course, he really should have known better than to be so transparent while sitting next to a veritable mind reader.
"Mmph!"
The wine bottle was being shoved into his face, and he had little choice but to welcome it. For a moment he was genuinely concerned that she might pour the entire bottle down his throat, but because he wasn't offering much resistance she quickly gave up. He coughed for a moment as she sighed impatiently.
"Jeez..."
He looked over at her with a hurt look on his face, then smiled when she turned away again. The way her arms were crossed made it clear that she actually was upset about being left alone so much. As usual she was 'balancing the scales' by trying to get him angry at her. He resisted the urge to reach out and wrap his arms around her, and instead opted to counterattack.
"Well then, you'll be happy to know that I won't have to anymore. Our preparations are more or less done. We can leave anytime you want."
It was cruel of him to be so blunt, but that was the role he had to play. Sure enough, her eyes turned back on him with a doubtful look of concern. He'd been right all along; she really wasn't going to come to a decision about Yoitsu anytime soon.
"Of course, just because I have no choice but to head back down south doesn't mean you have to come along."
She grinned back deviously at his challenge, knowing that he was really saying "don't you dare think I'm going to let you go to Yoitsu on your own." But the hurt look in her eyes didn't vanish. She knew she was the one making him say such things, and that she was going to join him back down in the south one way or the other. But she still clearly thought he was forcing her to make a choice right now.
"You truly have become capable of standing up to me. But..."
She casually poked her finger up against his chest and played her final card.
"I do not think I could bear to see you become as cruel as I."
His smile faded slightly at her half-act, knowing that she was just struggling to buy time. But he had none left to give her. Besides, there was no way she could have missed how hard his heart was pounding right now. This was it: it was time to play his last card, too.
"Huh?"
She shivered as he took her by the hand and carefully did his best to kneel on the ground in front of her. Everything had been leading to this moment. Soon she would know why he had been leaving her alone more than usual. Having to withstand the pain of such a pose in his injured state was bad enough without having to keep his face from turning crimson as well.
"There's something more important you have to decide anyhow."
Every fiber of his being struggled to remain composed, but he forced himself to gently uncurl her fingers. He had been keeping something close to his heart ever since he picked it up, and now the time had come to delicately slide it on her finger. A dozen conflicted emotions and thoughts blazed through his mind, but he did his best to ignore all of them. Putting the ring on her finger had to come first.
"Holo... you don't have to make your mind up about anything else right now. Just this."
It was all pointless pageantry. He already knew her answer, even if it had taken days to convince himself of that fact. He was only doing this so she wouldn't have to make up her mind about Yoitsu right away. They could come back some other time. But forcing the issue now would show his sincerity, and not just about their marriage. This was his way of making sure that at least a part of him would be there with her when she finally went to Yoitsu.
His leg was throbbing with pain, but he kept staring up at her with the most serious look he could hold. He watched her lift her hand in disbelief, looking at the intricate golden band. She ran her fingertip along the lupine image set into it, as though unsure of what it was. His nerves were just too shot to see that; he couldn't help but tease her, even at such a crucial moment.
"It's called an engagement ring. Think of it as my oath to keep my end of our new contract. I somehow managed to get them to make me one, though it took a while."
In fact he had been waiting for it for days now, worrying with every breath he took that it might not be ready in time. The smiths at the furnace all knew him by name now, and were impressed with the design he and Fran had come up with. But their teasing was nothing compared to the financial blow he had suffered. He knew why it cost so much, of course, but it still pained him to pay so much for little more than a reshaped gold coin.
"This is what has kept you for the past few days?"
He watched as she pulled her knees to her chest and set her chin on them, bringing the ring right up to her face in the process. She studied it carefully as he studied her gentle smile.
"...An engagement ring, huh..."
He pushed himself up and sat down beside her, wondering if her glazed eyes would well over entirely. He did his best to keep from wincing as he rubbed his leg, and just kept staring at her until her eyes closed. But all that came from her lips was a giggle; she was clearly having a tough time finding the words to say. She breathed in slowly until she regained her composure.
"It seems I will never be able to run away from you now."
Even now, she was still Holo. Just like him, she had to turn everything serious into a joke in order to keep from getting too emotional. Indeed, she had even forced her lips upward in an attempt to create her usual smirk.
"But can your love truly keep matching the brilliance of this ring?"
His own smile widened. He didn't even realize how closely he had drawn his face to hers.
"Of course. So make sure to keep it as polished as your tail."
She was the only thing he could see, even when he closed his eyes and puckered his lips. Finally, he felt just what he been longing for all of these months. But wait... surely he'd felt this specific sensation before? He reopened his eyes, and was instantly dismayed. She had brought her fingers up between them and pressed them to his lips, staring at him like she didn't know what to do with him.
"W-why... you...!"
His face was so red it felt like it would burst. But he couldn't even bring himself to be angry; he didn't even know what he was feeling. Especially after she broke out into a fit of giggles that turned into joyous laughter. If she hadn't looked at him apologetically and taken his hand, he might have mistaken her entirely.
"Sorry! Sorry! I just... could not resist!"
Was this really what he had just spent so much of his meager fortune for? Was this really all he had to look forward to as they traveled south, preparing for their future? No, he had to calm down. She was just using her usual tactics to make sure she wouldn't be the most foolish-looking one between them. He knew that. He had to remain optimistic.
"I just... have to know..."
Know what? She was staring at the ring on her finger too closely for him to get a reading on what she meant.
"What is it?"
Her smile twisted awkwardly as she forced herself to answer.
"I am sure I saw something interesting on the inside of the ring. Whatever did you have inscribed on it?"
What a wily girl. Of course she could just remove it to take a look herself, but she knew she could hide behind not wanting to take it off. She wanted to hear him say it out loud.
"Hmm? I thought you would enjoy finding that out for yourself in secret?"
She quickly put on her finest scowl and turned away from him with an indignant "hmph!"
"My patience is already at its end."
Her patience? Why would she say that while acting so tough, especially clutching her legs like that? Surely she hadn't been waiting for him to...?
Oh, what a pair of fools they were. With a tiny sigh, he shifted his body up behind hers and took her hands in his. He knew her body had seized up, and he didn't have to keep his eyes open to know that her tail had flared out slightly. He just placed his chin on her shoulder and pressed the side of his face against hers.
"I love you from the bottom of my heart. That's what I had inscribed on it."
He felt her body slowly relax as her hands gripped his tightly. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her body and held her. He began a mental countdown in his head, knowing what was coming next. Sure enough, her body soon shook with laughter.
"...That is such a hammy line to go with, is it not?"
He maintained his composure, knowing that she couldn't help herself. Slowly, she twisted her body around, pulling his arms down and turning to face him. She seemed too choked up to say what she truly wanted to say, and just brought their joined hands up to her face. She nuzzled them against her cheek until she finally managed to squeeze those words out.
"But it is just the one I longed to hear..."
Both of their faces were now flushed. He brought their still-joined hands up to his, unable to resist mimicking her gesture with his own cheek. He saw her swallow hard, and wondered just how much of her pride went down with that gulp. But she seemed to realize how un-Wisewolf-like her actions were, and forced their hands away so they were staring into each others' eyes.
As expected, he was the one that would have to make the final move, so he pulled her closer and finally locked lips with hers. As they lost themselves in the moment, he finally forgot about trading, coins, and all the other things that normally filled his mind. He was resolved to make sure Holo forgot about Yoitsu, Pasloe, and all the other things in her mind as well.
~ Dedicated to Ajisai Denden. Thank you for the wonderful Harvest! I hope I did it justice!