Apathetic Silence:While having a discussion about our Naruto x-over Gundam stories (which will most probably not be posted here or in any site for that matter given how far off we've gone from the beginning) with CrAzY-SiLLy-Me (my cousin for those who aren't aware of it yet), she has somewhat convinced me to explore Sasuke's characterization further, as well as to play a bit with Sakura's reactions to every situation. If I remember most of her words, it would be something like this:

"Sasuke isn't the type who would just keep waiting. For Sakura, it's most likely the case with the way Kishimoto is portraying her feelings for Sasuke. All I'm saying is there's a big possibility that if ever they do end up together, Sasuke wouldn't be the one who would feel confident, rather, he's the one who would feel more insecure despite his awareness of his looks or popularity – leading to being possessive or unsure of himself."

To clear things up, we were on the discussion of the part where Sakura had requested a "cool-off" in their relationship in the Gundam story we've been working on for years, and I couldn't help but ask her how she made Sasuke react the way he did. I do get that he's hurt over that fact, but to suddenly be in so much depression, and then easily assuming things when he sees Sakura with the third wheel… I did clarify that I got the idea, I just needed explaining as to why Sasuke chose to leave the crew if he loves Sakura.

Of course, her response was immediate: "Sasuke wanted to know how she truly feels for him – because during the times they've had-had an almost break-up, it was always Sakura who couldn't take it anymore, and this time around, he wanted to be sure if she really didn't want him any longer."

It is for that purpose that I challenged myself to write this in Sasuke's point of view – so that I could have a better grasp of my cousin's comprehension for the character whom majority of the fandom have grown to despise. And while I may think he was stupid for being the way he is, I can't completely blame him for his chosen actions – and I quote my cousin "Try having the one person you admire betray you, and then later finding out that he was used by the very country he had protected – wouldn't that leave you mentally and emotionally unstable like Sasuke? And don't even get me that 'theraphy' shit because those guys don't even exist in their world."

And that prompted me this idea, the idea of insecurities; I had her read it first though, to see if I got it down right, if the emotions were portrayed well, and she gave it two thumbs up – literally.

I am thankful about her explanation for her understanding of Sasuke's character and behavior depending on a story.

Also, this will be my own personal one-shot collection called the "ICE BREAKER CHRONICLES" series. It's going to be filled with random ideas that I'll either sum up into a one-shot, or will just end up as a one-shot.

ICE BREAKER CHRONICLES
"Insecurities"

"For crying out loud! You're the famous Uchiha Sasuke! Who else can compete with you?"

It was odd to hear the dobe say something like that about me – making it sound like a compliment when we've been insulting each other for so long. I knew he only said that because he wanted me to feel better, but I'm a realist – I know what's in front of me, I know what's going to or about to happen.

Past mistakes and experiences have taught me that.

"Sasuke, I'm serious."

I don't doubt that since he used my name.

"What even made you believe that Sakura no longer has feelings for you?"

At that instant, a scene flashed before my eyes – and I remember seeing her smile, seeing her walking alongside someone and enjoying his company.

"Does the name Daisuke ring a bell?" I almost ground out, but managed to say it in a normal tone. It suddenly felt too warm in my Jounin uniform, and the Leaf headband around my forehead felt heavier.

I noticed the frown on Naruto's face, and I guess we both share the same feelings when it came to the purple-haired ANBU Captain.

"Huh. Dark messy hair, deep violet eyes, and also charming – yeah, he is a competition."

I sulked even more, but it didn't stop me from glaring at the person who had been quiet the whole time.

"However, I don't recall them having shared an intimate bond or relationship during your defect, Sasuke."

"Now that sensei has mentioned it, neither do I."

I took a quick glance at my former mentor who still read that damn book of his, and then looked over at Naruto who was pursing his lower lip out – his deep in thought expression from way back in our genin days.

"You have nothing to worry about Sasuke, trust me on this."

How could I not? These were the people who haven't given up on me – that is if I ignored the fact that Kakashi and I almost had a fight to death had Naruto not arrived.

…How could I forget that day wherein I almost killed Sakura?

"That's gotta be it…"

"Huh?" Both of them said, perhaps confused as to what I just uttered.

"I almost… killed her."

I didn't know what my two companions did, but I could feel how the silence was too heavy for my liking, and I began to entertain other thoughts as to why my five-month girlfriend had suddenly grown distant.

It felt like our roles were suddenly reversed during the first week of our relationship. But while I had a hard time adjusting to the physical affections and intimacy, she helped me out by gradually moving from intertwined fingers to warm hugs, and then came the short but sweet kisses, until it grew a lot more intense during the end of our first month together.

I had a good reason for being that way at the beginning – I mean… I was deprived from the warmth of love and affection at a young age, clearly I would grow up being emotionally unstable and unprepared for such intimate touches.

But even then, whenever Sakura would embrace me – I couldn't find it in my heart to push her away right after that incident at the Forest of Death during the Chuunin exams.

If I was still my old self at that time, I would have continued to push her away, but I didn't – ever since Orochimaru gave me the mark, I hadn't clung onto someone so desperately, hadn't depended on someone's warmth so much…

"…teme? Teme!"

I blinked a few times, but my expression remained languid.

"Sensei… I think he's lost it."

"Sasuke, pull yourself together, you can't just… be idle if you think there's a problem."

"I need her…" I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper.

The dobe may not have heard me, but I knew Kakashi did – it would explain his silence and his subtle glance at my direction, as opposed to Naruto's outburst of not getting what I said.

"I… all this time…" I lowered my head as my bangs fell over my face, the forehead protector the only thing preventing them from completely hiding my eyes. "…I've been unconsciously… dependent on her…"

"You know, you sound as if you've already known that, and it's only now that you're voicing it out."

I didn't really get the whole sentence that Kakashi had spoken, but I did understand what he meant.

"Do something about it." He told me in a much hushed voice, before going back to his reading.

I looked up and stood, afterwards, placed some money on the counter of Ichiraku and turned to leave, ignoring Naruto's questions and deciding to leave it to my former sensei to explain.

As I walked down the street of the village, I barely managed to nod back at the greetings I got from civilians who have come to accept my return, as well as to kids who have grown to admire the name I carry.

Sakura and the rest of the team had apparently convinced the Hokage of what had truly happened to my brother, and had insisted that it be announced – not like the villagers needed convincing about the elders' corruption, it was partly the reason why most had welcomed me almost in an instant.

To put it bluntly, I did Konoha a favor by ridding them of Danzo.

At the thought of the deceased man, my eyes narrow and form a glare, and my hands that were in the comfort of my pockets clench in anger.

I had to remind myself that I shouldn't be thinking about that, but instead, focus on the problem I'm facing right now.

Sakura may or may not have feelings for that Daisuke guy, and while Naruto and the rest claim that she has no other relation to him besides being friends, I get the feeling that the guy holds feelings for her and that Sakura might be…

No. I can't think that way just yet.

It didn't take long for me to hear her voice and how happy it sounded, but when she mentioned that name, all feeling of warmth just flew out the window, and replacing it was anger and –dare I say it- envy.

"All you've ever done is flatter me, you know that?"

"I make it a point to give credit when it's due."

"Daisuke, really, you should know by now that I'm committed to someone."

For her to not even mention my name already made me feel a lot less confident.

"Yeah, I know… Sasuke, right?"

"Yeah… Sasuke…"

The way he said it made me a bit smug, since I sensed the defeated tone of his voice. However, when Sakura murmured my name, it was too weak or too soft for my liking – it didn't even feel like there was a hint of affection in it.

"I presume… things are going well with the two of you?"

"Of course."

I closed my eyes and leaned against the wooden fence, preferring to keep myself hidden until their conversation ended, or at least, until Sakura would be left alone. If not, well… I guess I'll just see what I'd do then.

"Then, may I ask why you do not seem so happy?"

At Daisuke's question, I immediately opened my eyes and strained my ears in order to hear better – hoping that whatever her answer, it wouldn't be words I have been dreading…

"…You're the first to notice, Daisuke."

There was a pause on her part, and I had to bite back a growl at how long she was taking in proceeding.

"Lately… I just feel like I haven't made the right decision."

"About..?"

"About us."

And the next thing I knew, I was out of there and heading at an inhumane speed back to the apartment I shared with her.

What was that all about? What did she mean by right decisions?

I know it's still too early to assume things, I know I should have stayed to listen to the very end of the conversation – but something in me just told me to run, to get out of there before I hear anymore, to just leave before the damage grows worse.

I wasn't blind to the fact that there was something bothering Sakura during my return from that week-long mission I had with the dobe and Hyuuga, and while she may have been happy to see me back, there was something different from her smile and her expression – it wasn't as enthusiastic as I had expected or gotten used to, it was lacking – most of all, it was forced.

By the time I got to the street leading to our apartment, the sun had already set and gave way to the stars and the moon.

My pride was telling me to just break it off before any more damage was done, but I couldn't even imagine myself to break her heart again.

Everyone is used to my impassive face, but they don't know the inner turmoil I always go through – whether it's taking another human's life because of a mission, or being confronted with hard decisions.

Right now, I don't know what my face looks like, but I'm betting it's still as blank as ever, yet that clenching feeling in my chest prevented me from keeping up the cold façade, and instead, my eyes shut tight and my right fist just suddenly punched the wall nearby, creating a crack and causing the skin on my knuckles to tear. My nose scrunched up at the scent of copper, and I brought my hand up to see blood.

The pain my hand currently felt was nothing to the searing agony my heart was going through.

People say I feel nothing, and that I am probably the last ninja from the original team seven to feel - but they have no idea just how hard it is to keep maintaining this emotionless mask for years…

I'm still human – even if all they've been seeing is a monster.

I'm not ignorant to the select few population who still bear a grudge against me, I'm not stupid to believe that everyone who has been civil with me has completely forgiven me. And I'm certain that even my teammates still have a small ounce of doubt in them when it comes to me.

My bleeding hand pressed against the wall before me, and I ended up leaning my forehead onto the rock-hard wall, my eyes shutting the moment I heard my headband come into contact with it.

"Aniki…"

Why I thought of my brother all of a sudden, I'm not sure. Maybe because I remember the times when I felt helpless, he was always there to offer me a hand – but now…

"…Damn it."

…He's gone. It's my fault he's gone. He may not have died by my hands but he still died in my presence - after our battle, and before he took his last breath, he poked my forehead, apologized… and smiled.

"…Why…"

My knees gave in as everything just came rushing to me…

The history of the clan, the decision Itachi had to make, the way my brother was used, my stupidity for being blinded and consumed by hatred and darkness… everything.

"I can't…" my fists clenched as I could no longer hold back the tears that I've withheld for so damn long. "…I just can't… aniki…"

…

…

…

…

I don't know how long I was there, but to be honest, I was pretty surprised at the view I saw when I opened my eyes.

"Thank god you're awake!"

My eyes felt a bit… swollen. There was this uncomfortable feeling on my cheeks – like something had been there yet has completely gone, living only a sticky feeling I found irritating.

"Sasuke, hey, can you hear me?"

I blinked once more and turned to her voice – Sakura's voice.

"You're… you haven't lost your memories, right? Because I checked if you had any wounds, but all I saw are the small cuts on your knuckles and… oh god you punched that wall didn't you?"

Memories from yesterday's incidents came back to me – my conversation with Naruto and Kakashi, to Sakura and Daisuke's, and then my contemplations on everything that had happened to me…

"Don't worry me like that again."

My thoughts were cut off when she suddenly hugged my still lying form, and I just ended up returning the embrace due to reflex.

"Geez Sasuke…" she said in a soft voice before helping me sit up. "I thought you were attacked when I first saw you lying there, I mean… your head was against the wall and there was a crater!"

"…Sorry."

"I-what?"

I kept my head lowered and my eyes half-closed, briefly noting that she had removed my jounin vest and headband, not to mention that my small wounds were already healed.

"I'm sorry." I repeated, a little louder this time.

"What… what are you apologizing for Sasuke?"

"…For worrying you," I whispered while closing my eyes. "For always worrying you."

"Sasuke…"

"I… I know that… I'm not exactly the greatest guy there is, and that I can't make you the happiest girl alive, but…" I was feeling a lot nervous and hesitant – even to the point where I started shaking. "Sakura." I called her name in hopes of gaining more confidence, and it helped when I met her gaze, seeing her eyes wide and glossy. "If I can't give you the happiness you deserve… then… I think we should just end this."

"Wha… what brought this on?"

"You and…" my brows furrowed a bit at the thought of Daisuke. "I'm too messed up for you Sakura. I don't want you to suffer or feel unhappy being with me because I love you too much. So we should just-"

Before I could even continue, a tap on the window had caught our attention, and we turned to see a hawk with a small scroll attached to its leg.

Sakura let the bird in and watched as it flew towards me, meaning that the message was for me.

"I have to go." I told her after reading the short text from the Hokage. "I'll be gone for another week."

"What are the details?"

"I don't know yet – she just told me to be ready when I get there, which is probably why she stated how long it might take."

"…That means you have to leave as soon as possible…"

"…Aa." I pushed off the blankets and got up, afterwards, looked towards her. "It might take longer than a week."

"…Sasuke…"

"It's an A-rank solo mission."

The enemies were a lot harder to take down than I thought. Despite the Hokage's confidence in my skills, I hadn't been fighting by myself for so long – not since I came back to Konoha.

Instincts and reflex were what kept me from dying just yet, and I don't know how long I can keep this up – not when there were more of them coming.

"Your damn nation must be crazy to send you alone!"

I almost commented how right he possibly was, but I was known by many for not agreeing too easily.

…In the past at least.

"Feh. You're crazy to think you'll take me down." I scoffed as I released a bunch of senbon-shaped chidori, sending the needles towards the vital points on the other rogue nins that have arrived.

I told myself to wait just a little longer, to endure the fight a bit more…

That scroll had to get to the Hokage, but the moment the first batch of these nins attacked, I knew I had to send it ahead.

By now, the hawk I summoned must be near the border of Konoha, and when it does get there, I can stop fighting…

"His movements are growing slower! Get him!"

I've always been fighting in order to survive… in order to fulfill my vengeance – but where did that get me? Where did that lead me?

"He's going down this time!"

I've been given too many chances, it's about time I actually repent for them – what's a better way than to just die here now that the scroll is safe?

"Got him!"

I never thought how inviting the forest ground felt…

"Search the scroll! We need that!"

"Heh…" And even if I knew I was defeated, I was still the victor of this battle. "…It's in Konoha by now."

And the punch I got was the last thing I felt.

Why is it that wherever I go, I always end up being surrounded by darkness?

"…It must be a curse…"

…that voice – it couldn't…

"What are you still doing here, little brother?"

"…I must be dead… if I'm not dreaming…"

"It's not time yet."

I figured; even during his death, Itachi still continues to tell me what I should do, where I should be.

"Go."

I wanted to scream – to tell him to wait…

But his back soon faded, and along with it the blackness of my surroundings.

Next thing I knew, I heard crying… a beeping of a machine… and when I forced my eyes to open – damn. I felt blinded by the whiteness of the room.

"Where…" I coughed, my throat feeling dry.

"Sasuke!"

Everything happened so fast after that – Sakura assisting me to sit up and offering a cup of water.

And when I finally turned to look at her…

"You idiot!"

I did not expect a slap from her.

"You're an idiot!"

And I sure as hell did not expect her to pull me into an embrace.

"You big, big idiot."

"Wha… the scroll..!"

"You wake up in a damn hospital and you worry over the fucking scroll!"

I opened my mouth to speak – but the words died on my mouth when I saw her tears overflowing.

"You… you almost died…"

I think I did die – but I'd rather not tell her that.

"What happened to you? Why… why did… the hawk…"

I turned my head away from her and closed my eyes, trying to recall everything in full detail.

"You're not supposed to give up, you're… you're stubborn! You're too damn prideful to just die! You're… you're Sasuke..!" I flinched when she threw her fist at my shoulder, but I didn't say anything and just let her continue. Her punches hurt so much, but not as much as seeing her like this…

"Sorry…"

What else could I say?

"I… I didn't…" I shook my head. "You would have been-"

"Better off? Don't say that!"

"Sakura…"

"And for the record, you're still my boyfriend as I'm still your girlfriend!"

"…Sakura."

"I didn't agree to our last conversation you bastard. Stop being such a selfish jerk already!"

"Don't you feel…" I began a little while later, feeling so damn pathetic for turning into such a softie. "I mean… with Daisuke and…"

"What brought this on?"

I didn't understand anymore… she told Daisuke about her unhappiness, about being unsure if she made the right decisions…

"I love you Uchiha Sasuke." Her arms enveloped me into those hugs I've gotten so used to, into her arms that just made me feel like everything is going to be alright. "And that means I don't give a damn about your imperfections."

"Sakura…" I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away slightly. "Don't you doubt these decisions of yours?"

"What gave you that idea? You're such an idiot!" She yelled, pulling my hands down and pushing me back on the bed. "Seriously, didn't these past five months tell you anything?"

I sighed and turned away. "You've… been distant. I heard your conversation with Daisuke… what else would I think?"

"You're… are you actually insecure?"

"…I almost killed you before." I told her. "I broke your heart so many damn times. I'm a traitor to this village, I killed an elder of Konoha…"

"But you're still Sasuke."

"…"

"It's you I who I promised my heart to..."

"...Saku-"

"I love you, not Daisuke."

"…You're..." my fingers clench the sheets. "So damn annoying..."

Silence had fallen upon us, and later, she started to laugh.

"This isn't funny Sakura…" I mumbled.

"You're just… so dense."

This time, she was the one who refused to meet my gaze.

"I'm the one with the doubts, Sasuke. It's just that I feel like I'm rushing things with you, and that you're just being driven to do all these just to please me, and even if Ino and the rest say I deserve it, I still feel guilty…"

"I'm… confused as hell right now."

"Sasuke… our intimacy… this whole living under one roof… don't you find it too fast for your liking? We've been together for only five months after all."

I blinked before I raised a brow. "Uh… right. You're talking to a guy who has absolutely no idea how these things work."

She giggled, and I felt a little more relieved at how things grew a bit lighter.

Last week's drama was already too much to handle.

"Well, I just feel like I'm the one making decisions while you just go along with it – I feel like I'm… forcing you, or taking advantage of your naivety with our relationship."

"…You're not." I answered, my gaze softening as a small smile came to my lips before I could even stop it. "If anyone should feel insecure about this relationship, it should be me."

"You've had too much angst in your life Sasuke, it's time for you to take a break from it."

"And it's because of me that you suffered."

"Then…" she leaned down and laid next to me, her arms around my waist as I turned to fully embrace her. "We may as well suffer together, don't you think?"

"Being with me won't… really be the wisest choice."

"It's still my best choice."

"Why are you so… annoying?"

She only smiled at me.

"…I don't even know why I love you."

"I don't either," she murmured. "I just love you."

Apathetic Silence: Well, I'm not sure how I should have ended it anyway...