Disclaimer: I don't own "Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Chat Noir", nor any of its characters. The cover image is mine.
Author's note: Not only my first Miraculous fiction, but also my first written in English AND the first published on this website. Ugh, so many firsts…
Anyway, English is not my first language (as you can see) and not even the second or the third… for this reason, please, if something isn't right (grammar, spelling, etc.) point it out. Always trying to improve^^
Thank you for reading and enjoy!
-Chotsu
In hindsight, she thought it was before her all along.
Adrien Agreste. Chat Noir.
The model. The classmate. The friend. The crush.
The hero. The partner. The friend. The crush.
One bashful, one unashamed.
It was there before her eyes all along. And she knew, she knew, she knew. Somewhere, in the depth of her conscience, Marinette knew that one was the other and the other was the one. She knew but she decided to not see it. To cover her eyes with the image of Adrien, not even sparing a glance in Chat Noir's direction.
She decided to go blind.
She called herself many thing, but she decided self-deprecation wasn't going to help. Right now, she only opted for "stupid".
But love goes where love wants: if Adrien wasn't going to accept her love, then Chat Noir would be the one. She thought it was silly at the beginning, but it was him who searched for her on the most awful day of her life. It was him who gave her hope. It was him all along. But also, it was Adrien all along. Still, it was a fact unbeknownst to her, and she found herself falling for Chat Noir.
Once again, falling for Adrien Agreste.
If my life – she thought – was a movie, then I bet there would be so many people laughing at me, at my stupidity, at my blindness, at my poor choices, at my… everything.
Because it was so ironic.
She herself would have laughed. Really.
If not for the fact she was crying her heart out.
One day, as the two of them- as he said. One day maybe, she could laugh.
Because once, there were Adrien Agreste and Chat Noir.
Then, Adrien Agreste was Chat Noir and Chat Noir was Adrien Agreste.
And now she could see it.
She stood still before him. Firmness in her blue eyes, ready to spill everything.
Marinette and Adrien were alone in the classroom. It was just a stroke of luck they were given one hour of detention because they fled school – for her part, Marinette couldn't possibly postpone the capture of a building-wrecking akuma on the other side of the city, while for Adrien she couldn't put her finger on it.
It was embarrassing and somewhat exciting hearing their classmates whisper about an "elopement".
He also stood there, a sweet toothy smile directed on her and only her, awaiting.
"There's something really important I want you to know…"
Two years after her hero debut, she found enough confidence to speak with Adrien without stuttering or babbling nonsense… or it was just Ladybug's attitude rubbing off on her. She didn't know, but she liked it.
Hearing those words, Adrien's posture went stiff and his expression took a solemn turn.
Marinette found it cute. Too cute.
With all her might, she repressed her giggle, mirroring his seriousness.
She swallowed deeply, summoning all her courage.
It was now or never.
"I really… really like you, Adrien."
It wasn't a decision she made on a whim. On the contrary, she thought about it for more than two weeks.
And it wasn't because she felt he had to know. Neither it was because she couldn't keep it in anymore. The only reason she confessed was that she truly believed he could love her back.
It was a matter of fact they were closer than before. They were friends.
They spoke, hung around… he went to her house more – more – than once to do homework, school projects, or just to, well, stay together. Adrien seemed so happy whenever he was with her, of course Alya knew for she was the one to point it out – unbeknownst to Marinette and Andrien, Alya herself got closer with Nino while stalking their friends.
It was Adrien newfound attitude towards her that drove Marinette to confess.
But Alya didn't agree with her "sudden" decision. She should have waited.
And maybe she was right, because…
She had hope.
And she could see in Adrien's green, sad eyes, her hope would soon be crushed.
Tikki was observing her holder's crunched form from atop the pillows.
The little kwami tried to comfort her, but Marinette didn't even seem to hear her. Her crying too loud for Tikki's quiet voice.
So she stood there watching her with great apprehension. Not quite fine with stepping aside, but sure it was the right thing to do. At the moment at least.
Now Marinette only needed time for herself, time to let it all out. To cry, to wail. Tikki was there for her, and Marinette knew it. But what Tikki knew, was that Marinette Dupain-Cheng was the strongest girl Paris had ever seen. After all, there was a reason if Tikki chose, out of all the people in the world, Marinette as her holder.
Marinette would overcame it all.
It was late that night when Marinette opened her red-rimmed eyes. She was sure she heard something.
Tikki's little form was sitting on her belly, obviously awake to keep her safe from akumas or every other evil.
The girl sweetly and sourly smiled, touched from the kindness of her kwami but also guilty because, after all, it was her own fault if the hero of Paris needed protection for she was too weak to fight back her emotions.
"Tikki…" she lamented with drowsy voice, still confused about her sudden awakening "Have you heard anything?"
"Yes." answered softly her kwami "But I didn't want to leave you alone."
Petting gently her big red head, Marinette got up from her bed and went toward her balcony while Tikki hid between the girl's loose hair and neck.
At first, she saw nothing strange and she was about to get back in her room until she spotted in the dark two glowing green eyes.
It was… unexpected.
This night I was up and about, paw-trolling the city, when I suddenly realised where I was!
She watched him with an unamused frown: he was rolling on her pink couch, playing with a ball of wool Marinette gave him only to make him shut up.
Then I thought: why not come and meet up with my meow-velous purr-incess?
In hindsight, she thought it was a really pathetic excuse. But right that moment, she was glad to have something to occupy her mind with.
Marinette didn't know but, if Chat Noir wasn't a constant before, now he surely was.
He begun to show up on her balcony, night after night. And, while her heart kept on stinging, she found Chat Noir's company rather entertaining.
He was… so caring. So attentive. Chat Noir was always there for her. When she needed to laugh he became funny. When she needed to cry, he became the shoulder to cry on. When she was ill, he was there with a hot infusion. When she was down he was there to keep her up.
And just like that, Chat Noir became the friend she lost in Adrien.
It was curious to say the least. Later on, she would say ironic.
Ladybug always appreciated Chat Noir as a partner. Even as a potential-friend. But not Marinette.
When Marinette was Ladybug, she and the black cat of Paris were two heroes, bounded with the same destiny. Two souls who could understand each other, even though they were nothing more than acquaintances. Nevertheless, Chat always tried to establish a relationship with her – and she wasn't so stupid, she knew what kind of relationship he wanted – only to see his attempt go to waste.
But Marinette and Chat Noir, they lived in two completely different worlds, and it was for this reason that she felt so surprised when she realised how at ease she was with him.
It was the first time in which Marinette truly understood she and Ladybug were the same person. She already knew it, but she seemed to realise it only thank to her developing relationship with her Chaton as Marinette Dupain-Cheng.
So, while her love – and heartache – for Adrien faded in the background, what she felt for the black-leathered hero grew night after night.
"Why did you came here?" she asked one night.
Chat Noir, humming approvingly over her sketchbook – he also was so supportive – only answered tilting cutely his head.
"I mean… when you first came here, two months ago. Tell me the truth."
Sensing the seriousness in his princess voice, he closed the sketchbook, giving her his full attention.
"I…" he hesitated "I saw you, that day, as my civilian self. You were running home at full speed. Crying." he stopped. She could see him tasting the words in his mouth "I guess I was worried? I… you know, I was afraid you'd be akumatized…"
Seeing her face darken, he tried to recover "Don't cat me wrong! I was looking fur-ward to pass some quality time with my won-fur-ful purr-incess! Two cats with one bird!"
She couldn't resist his last sentence: she burst out laughing.
But of course it wasn't the truth.
The truth wasn't in his words, it was in his actions.
Marinette would have found out in due time.
She was once again in love.
Completely, utterly, indissolubly, undoubtedly in love.
She couldn't do anything about it.
Tikki said it was too soon. Alya said it was only a mean to forget Adrien – although her best friend wasn't aware who the "mysterious boy" was.
But Marinette was sure about her feeling. She and she alone knew what was in her heart. It had to be love. Nothing else. Love.
Love. Love. Love.
She was in love with Chat Noir.
She was in love with the person behind the black mask.
She didn't have a clue about his true identity, but it just didn't matter. She would unconditionally love whoever hid behind his mask.
It was foolish – oh so foolish – of her to love the hero of Paris. It was foolish also to think the hero in question would love her back. But…
He loved Ladybug.
And Marinette was Ladybug.
Only, he didn't know.
It didn't matter: if he loved Ladybug, he surely could love her too. They were the same person after all!
"You know… I wouldn't have been akumatized."
Her eyes watched, so fond of him, as he turned around toward her. His black suit blending with the shadows. His green eyes so mesmerizing.
They would see each other again the next night.
"Ti-meow-t purr-incess. What do you mean?"
She smiled.
"I don't hold grudges against Adrien. I didn't then and definitely I don't now. He… didn't love me back. I should have known. And I was sad, but never… angry. I didn't want to hurt him, nor to force him to love me. So… I wouldn't have been akumatized."
Marinette took a deep breath before going on "And I'll keep on loving him. Not… not as before. As a friend. Even though we don't talk much right now, we're still friends!"
She watched as his posture suddenly relaxed, as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders.
Then Marinette, flashing a loving smile, added "But… thank you Chat. You helped me so much! I'm so… glad you decided to come and see how I was doing. I wouldn't have recovered so quickly without you."
She turned around, heading toward her room.
From inside, her voice resonated once again.
"See you tomorrow!"
Unexpectedly, the day after, Adrien spoke to her after nearly two months of silence.
I'm sorry Marinette.
That was so ironic.
"I'm sorry Marinette."
She was sure the universe was laughing at her because… who wouldn't laugh?
Because it was happening once again.
I'm really sorry but I… I can't return your feelings.
She knew Chat Noir loved Ladybug, so why…?
"I'm really sorry but I… I can't return your feelings."
He was crying. He was crying and she too was crying. They were hopeless, so hopeless.
Her mind was on autopilot.
Once again she confessed and once again… she was being refused.
"I understand…" she answered. But it was not true: she didn't understand.
Why? Why was he refusing her?
She thought, she thought he saw Ladybug in her! She addressed him the same way Ladybug did, she adopted every aspect of her other self, of herself!
Was he really so blind for Ladybug to not see the true Ladybug was there, in front of him, only without her mask?
I'm in love with someone else.
"I'm in love with someone else."
His hands were cupping her face, gently, trembling.
Her hands were around his wrists, loosely, faintly.
Her blue eyes completely lost.
Because…
One day…
"One day…"
I'm sure you'll find someone else better than me.
"I'm sure you'll find someone else better than me."
Someone who will accept your love and love you back.
"Someone who will accept your love and love you back."
Because… she already knew those lines.
She recognized those words, their positions.
The only difference was, the first time she heard them she wasn't crying, she was smiling. She was smiling because Adrien's green eyes were glistening and sorrowful, and she didn't want to hurt him more than how he was hurting himself. The first time she heard them, she was gripping him tightly, too afraid to let go because, if she let go she would also broke down and then her previous purpose would have gone to waste.
Realization hit her like a train.
All the pieces went to their right places.
Adrien Agreste was Chat Noir and Chat Noir was Adrien Agreste.
She would have laughed for the irony of it all if only she wasn't breaking inside.
It was now so clear why she fell in love with Chat Noir so quickly.
They were the same person.
She fell in love with Adrien first. She then fell out of love only to fall for him again.
For the same person.
And the two of them- he refused Marinette for Ladybug. Her alter ego. Herself.
And it was just so… ironic.
He was still there, she realized, weeping. Strangled words coming out of his mouth. Ramblings with no meaning whatsoever.
Marinette was calm. Tears were streaming down her face, but she was calm. Almost surrendered before the truth.
It was a low murmur, but Chat Noir's- Adrien's keen hearing grasped easily her words.
"What does Ladybug have that I don't?"
He sobbed.
He was her friend. Adrien was her friend. Chat Noir was her friend. And he was sad because he was hurting her. And she understood that.
She gathered all her strength – she couldn't stand the vision of his pain-filled expression.
Because she loved Adrien. She loved Chat Noir.
And now she could see it.
"Please, don't cry…" she hushed "What I said for Adrien, goes for you too. We are friends and we will be friends. Nothing will change that." but then, she couldn't keep it in anymore "Just, please… now leave."
Watching him go she understood something: Adrien was just like herself.
Too blind for his love for Ladybug, he didn't even spare a glance in Marinette direction.
Because there weren't Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Ladybug.
But Marinette Dupain-Cheng was Ladybug and Ladybug was Marinette Dupain-Cheng.
And Adrien still couldn't see it.