Welcome to tonight's shot; this has drama and fluff and contains possible trigger warnings.
Legal: I own nothing but the idea.
Important things to know before reading:
*Takes place in 12B just after Cam's suicide
*Jay never dated and is not engaged to Manny and he still lives in Toronto
The Good Girls are Home with Broken Hearts
(CLARE)
"NO NO THIS IS WRONG," Eli yells tossing his script into the air.
"Eli calm down," I tell him as he begins ripping out the pages.
A couple of days ago Eli found Cam's body and I thought Eli was handling it okay but then I found out he took MDMA at some rave. I was worried about him mixing drugs with his medications and we fought about it. We sort of made up, he asked me to come over and help with the script for his zombie movie tonight. Only things weren't exactly going well.
"I can't calm down I had so many ideas last night and now they are all gone. I need more inspiration," he says going to his bedside table and taking out a small pill box.
"Eli what is that?"
"Inspiration," he replies.
"That's drugs isn't it? You're taking drugs again. Eli stop you can't mix narcotics and your prescription," I say trying to take the pill box from him.
"No I need that," he growls shoving me away and I fall back on the bed.
"Eli you don't need them, they're mind altering drugs they're bad for you," I argue trying to take the box again.
"No I think you're bad for me. I don't know why I ever got back together with you. You are everything that's wrong in this relationship. Nothing I do is ever right for you! GET OUT JUST GET OUT!" Eli hollers.
I grab my things and run from his room and his house, I start walking home in an angry huff but my anger turns to tears the more I walk. By the time I get home I can hardly see I'm crying so hard. If I walk in blubbering like this my family will know something is wrong and I'll have to explain what is wrong and what Eli did. My mom will want to talk and I'm just not ready to talk so I keep walking. I walk to the one place where I know no one will care that I'm crying or ask many questions. I turn into the woods and start walking to the ravine before I reach The Dot and I find Maya in the trees.
She nods to me and I nod to her, she's been crying too and she still is. She doesn't ask me why I'm crying and I don't ask her either, although it's safe to assume she's crying over Cam. I motion for her to follow me and she does, we walk to where all the kids hang out, the clearing in the woods that was long ago marked out by the bad kids as a place for them to hang out and be away from home. It's fairly empty tonight; only a few kids are here. Two boys are sitting on the torn out car seat but when we walk over and I wave my arm for them to get up they do. Maya and I look pretty miserable and no one says anything to us. We stay there for a while, crying in our own little bubble of misery. We're both crying over boys and while not crying about the same thing our crying is connected, events that collided our lives together in turmoil and misery. By midnight we both decide we'd better get home. We leave the ravine together and begin walking down the street but a car horn startles us both, we look over to see our older siblings in Jake's truck.
"Where the hell have you two been?" Jake questions.
"I didn't want to come home," Maya replies.
"Neither did I."
"Maya your curfew is ten on school nights and if you're upset about Cam you're supposed to tell one of us," Katie admonishes.
"And you were supposed to be at Eli's," Jake says although he sounds more annoyed than worried.
"I was and then I wasn't," I reply.
"Both of you in," Jake commands.
Katie gets out and Maya and I crawl into the little fold down seats in the back, they are very uncomfortable but the Matlin's only live a couple blocks away. Jake pulls up to the Matlin house and we all get out, I tell Maya goodbye and Jake walks them to the door so I get in the passenger seat. Maya goes straight in while Jake kisses Katie at the door and then Jake drives us home.
"Clare Diana Edwards you cannot just go off on your own at all hours on a school night," Mom snaps at me when I walk in.
"I'm seventeen Mom not eleven and I wasn't wandering. Eli and I broke up and I wanted to be alone. I'm going to bed," I tell them and go up to my room.
I get ready for bed and in bed but I don't really sleep. I analyze every moment of mine and Eli's relationship, thinking about it all over and over. When my alarm goes off the next morning I've barely slept at all and I feel awful.
"Do you want me to talk to Eli today?" Jake offers as we drive to school.
"No," I shake my head.
A part of me hopes that Eli was just having an episode; a part of me knows he wasn't and doesn't care. I spent all night torturing myself on everything I'd done wrong, then blaming Eli for everything and then dissecting every relationship I've ever had.
Jake parks at school and I see Maya on the steps with Katie, Tris, Tori and Zig. She's staring at the memorial painting that's supposed to go on the garden shed as tribute to Cam. She's not yelling or crying or anything really just staring at it. Jake goes over to Katie and I nod to Maya as I walk past her but she doesn't seem to notice me. Her friends are talking to her, trying to get her attention but she's just lost in her head.
I walk inside to go to my locker but I see Eli under the stairs to the second level, sitting on the bench under there but he's not alone. He's with that Talia girl, the one who gave him the MDMA. She's giving me a gloating smile, and then she places a small white tab on Eli's tongue. He smirks at me, I can see him moving his tongue in his mouth and melting the tablet, every few seconds his tongue protrudes from his mouth to show me how the tablet is melting. He's doing it on purpose, the boy I love, the boy I was ready to give my virginity to just a couple of days ago is delighting in this torture of me. I glare at them and go to my locker. It's a half day today and there's a memorial after lunch in memory of Cam.
"So I guess you and Eli are done," Adam comments as he approaches my locker and I look at him, "I saw him making out with that girl under the stairs."
"Talia, she's the one that gave him the MDMA. We broke up last night, no car crashes but it wasn't pretty."
"He'll want you back in a few weeks, he'll come back to his senses and he'll want you back you know he will."
"I don't want to talk about it Adam I'm going to class," I reply slamming my locker shut.
Since Eli was in full view of everyone when he was making out nearly everyone that comes into class after me makes a remark about it. Either asking if we broke up or telling me Eli was making out with Talia as if I'd somehow missed it. Apparently the MDMA took it's effect because Eli skipped class and goes running through the halls. At lunch I hear that his father came to pick him up and he has a three day suspension beginning Monday. Everyone who is not staying for the memorial goes home and the rest of us gather out front. I stay in the back of the crowd and watch Miss Sauve talk about the tragedy of student death. Only a few of the Ice Hounds are here but they had their own memorial service already. And I imagine given their reputation most of them are off drinking somewhere. Maya gets up after Miss Sauve is done. Everyone watches her expecting her to cry or talk about how wonderful Cam was. Instead she does the opposite; talking about his decision to kill himself and that he wouldn't talk to anyone. When she's done she runs down the stairs, past everyone that's in shock over her speech and when she gets to me she turns her head. She looks at me, a look that says "run with me because you're in pain too" and I do. We run to the ravine again but this time it's full of kids so we keep running.
(JAY)
"Hey Owen," I grin until he looks at me with a haggard look. "What happened to you?"
"A kid at DeGrassi committed suicide, he was on my hockey team, dating one of my brother's best friends. There was a memorial for him today but most of the team didn't go, we had our own memorial. I came in here to get a drink but even that doesn't sound very good," Owen tells me.
"Dude that sucks I'm sorry, DeGrassi does seem to be a vortex of bad. Come on let's go out, get your mind off things," I say putting my hand on his shoulder.
We go out to my car and I drive us around aimlessly, keeping silent unless Owen wants to talk. After a short time he does talk, telling me about Cam and sharing a few memories.
"Wait pull over I know those girls," he says and I see two girls sitting in a diner. A thin blonde and a curvy brunette, the brunette looks out the window and there's something familiar about her.
"The one with short light brown hair looks familiar," I comment as I park the car.
"Clare Edwards," Owen says and it takes me a second to recognize the name.
"Edwards yeah she's Darcy's little sister only I remember a skinny girl with glasses and long hair."
"Yeah she grew up and she's been dating this kid named Eli for pretty much ever but they broke up today. The blonde is Maya, the one that was dating Cam," Owen tells me as we walk to the entrance and go into the diner. "What are you two doing here?" Owen asks as we sit down next to them. He sits next to Maya and I sit next to Clare.
"Jay?" Clare asks looking at me closely.
"Hey, it's been a while," I smile.
"You know Owen? Well I guess that makes sense but how did you find us?" Clare questions.
"Driving around, what are you two doing all the way out here?" Owen answers.
"Maya made a speech at the memorial and then we ran and just kept running," Clare says.
"Cam's death was not your fault Maya," Owen tells her.
"I know, I know it wasn't. It was his fault. I told him to talk to me and he wouldn't. We were doing well and then he killed himself," Maya rambles slightly and shifts her milkshake glass side to side.
"So bad breakup?" I ask Clare after a moment of silence.
"I don't know, he didn't crash his car this time. He just blamed me for everything and told me to leave and today he was making out with the girl that gave him drugs. Intentionally teasing me that he was taking more drugs and kissing her. I love him, I was ready to give myself to him and since finding Cam's body he's been pushing me away. Then again we've been strained since Asher. He said he understood b…" she stops and looks at all of us taking a breath. "Sorry I didn't mean to ramble, guess I had some things to get off my chest," Clare apologizes.
"That's okay; it's good to get things off your chest. Since you two don't seem to be drinking your milkshakes why don't you drive around with us. I know a great spot that's quiet and you can see the stars," I offer.
"Yes please," Maya says and Clare nods.
We get back in my car and the girls call their parents, each of them saying they're staying at friend's houses. Owen doesn't need to call his parents. I drive us to a spot I used to come to a lot with Alex. I have a couple of blankets in the car and I take them out putting them on the grass. I put the blankets together, Clare and Maya sit in the middle, Owen sits next to Maya and I sit next to Clare. We don't say anything just sit there in the dark looking at the stars and city lights. After a while Clare leans on me and shortly after Maya leans on Owen. We stay up all night, sitting in silence and watching the sunrise.
"We should get some breakfast," I comment when the sun is up.
"Thanks for this, I feel much better actually," Maya says as we get in my car. Owen opens the passenger door and motions for Clare to get in. When she's in he gets in the back with Maya.
"No problem," I smile and look at Clare, "feeling any better?"
"Yes, I do feel better, still worried about Eli or maybe still in love with him," she sighs.
I find a restaurant that's open for breakfast and we stop to eat. We stay fairly silent at breakfast but Maya talk a little about her relationship with Cam. After breakfast I drop Owen and Maya at his place since he says she'll be staying at his place for the weekend so he and his brother can keep an eye on her. After dropping them off I take Clare home.
"Here, my number if you need to call me to get things off your chest again," I say scribbling my number on the back of an old receipt in my car.
"Thanks," Clare smiles taking the receipt and she gets out of the car. I watch her until she's inside and then I drive home to get some sleep.
(CLARE)
I lean against my locker and close my eyes hoping to teleport myself away from the whispers and the gawking eyes. I thought it would end after last Friday, that the weekend would pass and the rumors would die. I'm sure Maya thought the same but the weekend only brought more rumors and more gawking eyes for the both of us. I didn't like it but I could almost understand it for her, after her speech at Cam's memorial which I thought was a great speech and perfectly founded that she feel that way. Everyone also knew that she'd spent the whole weekend at the Milligan house and people suspected something was going on with her and Owen. They spurned her because they thought she was with Owen so soon after Cam. I knew better, I knew Owen was looking out for her and while he might have feelings other than friendship for her that neither would act on them until Maya was ready.
It was Wednesday now and the rumors hadn't died down at all, it had been nearly a week and the rumors were just growing. After escaping on Friday night with Jay and Owen I slept most of Saturday and when I woke up I called Maya, we'd talked pretty much all weekend. We talked about Cam and Eli, our sisters, parents and pretty much everything. We talked for hours bonding over our depression and how we were both unlucky in relationships. It was nice to talk with someone who understood even a portion of what I felt. We also stayed home all weekend, talking to each other about our broken hearts. Owen and Tris had tried to get Maya to go out and Adam, Alli and Jenna had tried to get me to go out. But Maya and I didn't want to go out, we didn't want to face people.
As for me after Eli had gone running through the halls and caused a commotion it fueled the rumors. Knowing he was suspended for three days fueled the rumors and Talia seemed to revel in adding fire to them. She spread a new rumor every day and kept people talking and whispering about me. Our friends stood by us including Owen but the rest of the school enjoyed talking about us. Eli is supposed to return to school tomorrow, I have a feeling it's just going to make things worse.
"Clare?" Adam's voice brings my eyes open and I look at my friend.
"Have you talked to him?" I question.
"I spoke with him last night, he seemed kind of out of it and he's still really angry at you. His anger is totally unfounded and I don't understand it at all. I told him he was being stupid, not that he listened. He's supposed to come back tomorrow are you going to be okay? I can totally ignore him tomorrow if you want or we can ask Owen to beat him up and Drew can help," Adam offers and I smile a little.
"What I want is to go back to the last day before winter break and not have kissed Eli. I know he's still your friend I don't want you to turn your back on him thanks for the support though," I say kissing Adam's cheek.
Owen, Maya and Tris join us and we hang out until the bell and then we all walk Maya to class. Owen waves to us and I walk to class with Adam. I can't stop thinking about Eli's return tomorrow and I know that things need to be said, things that can't wait until school tomorrow, at least things that shouldn't be said in front of the whole school. So when the lunch bell rings I stash my stuff in my locker and head for the front steps.
"You eating lunch with us?" Owen asks.
"No I'm going to see Eli," I reply.
"After everything he did why would you go and see him?" Maya questions and Adam gives me a look as he joins us.
"Don't worry I'm not thinking about getting back together with him or anything. Some things need to be said, before he comes back to school tomorrow and not in front of the whole school. I'll see you guys later," I tell them and go out to the bus stop. The bus comes by in a few minutes and I take it to the stop near Eli's house. His parents are both gone, his mom is at work but I'm not sure where his dad is. I take a deep breath and knock on the door.
"What are you doing here?" Eli asks but steps aside to let me in.
"We need to talk and I didn't want to leave it until school tomorrow," I tell him.
"Talk about what?" He asks sitting on the sofa and taking a drink from an alcohol bottle.
"Eli why are you drinking? Taking super ecstasy wasn't bad enough you decided to mix alcohol in too? Are you trying to kill yourself?"
"You make me feel like killing myself I was nothing when I was with you," he replies lacing his words with venom.
I try telling myself that his anger is stemmed by the alcohol but it doesn't work and the words stab at me. I feel tears pushing at my eyes and my mind races with thoughts, "Is that truly how he feels? If he hates me that much why did he get back together with me? Why did he want to make a plan for sleeping together? Is that all he wanted?"
"Eli we need to talk and I'm not going to do it while you're drinking," I tell him with as much of a firm voice as I can muster.
"Well I'm not fucking talking to you sober, I can't even look at you," he replies taking another sip from the bottle. I've never been one to give up so I try to take the bottle, I grab for it and Eli pushes me away. Then he takes the bottle and hits me on the arm with it, the bottle doesn't break but it hurts. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING! I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU!"
"Well I have things to say to you and you're going to listen," I tell him.
"NO I WON'T!" Eli hollers standing up and pushing me again, not a small push to get me away from him but a forceful violent push intending to cause me harm. I fall back hitting part of my back on the coffee table. When I'm on the ground Eli doesn't stop, he hovers over me grabbing my shirt and he punches me. "I WON'T EVER FUCKING LISTEN TO YOU AGAIN GET THAT THROUG YOUR BIG THICK HEAD."
He raises his fist to punch me again but I kick him, first in the gut and then the balls and then I run. As fast as I can I run, I don't want to go home and I'm not going back to school so I run to the ravine. I hide in the van, curling up on the old mattress and start sobbing.
(JAY)
"Hey Owen," I answer my ringing cell phone. I had just gotten off work and into my car when my cell started ringing.
"Clare's missing," he tells me.
"What do you mean she's missing?"
"She went to talk to Eli at lunch and never returned. I have to head to practice but we already checked his place and hers. Adam looked at his house and Alli's house and they're her best friends so we don't know where else she'd go. I'm about to drop Tris and Maya off at my place but Adam, Drew and Bianca are still looking and I gave them your number in case they find her."
"Good I'm in my car, I'll start looking," I reply and hang up although I really don't know where Clare might go. I drive for a bit and then stop at The Dot, both to see if she's there and get some coffee, she's not there and no one has seen her. I send a text out to some kids I know that hang at the ravine in case they see her while they're out. I include a description and then get back in my car but almost instantly get a text that she's in the van at the ravine. I get out of my car and walk to the ravine, I open the van door and find her crying, curled up and sobbing. I put my hand on her back so she knows I'm here and she hisses in pain pulling away from me. I pull my hand away as she picks up to look at me but part of her face remains hidden by hair and her arm.
"How did you find me?"
"I have friends here," I tell her as she sits up and I see a dark bruise on her face. "Eli do that?" I question keeping my voice calm but my fists clench and Clare nods. "Did he hurt you anywhere else?" I inquire.
"He pushed me down I fell on the coffee table and hurt my back."
"Come I'm taking you to my place you can stay the night and I'll get you cleaned up," I tell her holding out my hand.
We start walking back to my car and I text Owen that she's safe and with me and sleeping at my place tonight. I tell him that Eli hurt her and we can deal with him later. Owen's at practice but he'll see it later and he was smart enough to send me Adam's number. I send a similar text to Adam then we get in my car and I drive us to my apartment. Clare sent a text to her mom while I was driving telling her she was sleeping at Alli's.
"Take off your shirt let me see your back," I tell her when we're in my apartment. She begins taking her shirt off but hisses in pain so I help her. It looks pretty bad, there's a deep purple bruise and some of the skin was scraped away. "You'll have to take off your bra too, I promise I won't look," I assure her in a soothing voice. She turns a bit more before taking her bra off and it sets it on the sofa. "I'm going to get some ice for both bruises and after you ice them I'll put some salve on them."
Clare nods and I go to my freezer, I have one ice pack filled with gel and then I use a pack of frozen peas. I wrap both in towels and return to the sofa. I have Clare lie down on her back and position the frozen peas so that they're covering as much of the bruise as possible. It takes a minute of adjusting to get it right but she finally gets comfortable. I then give her the one for her face. She's stretched out along my sofa but as there's nowhere else to sit I lift up her feet and put them on my lap. Since there's nothing else to do right now I turn on the TV and then I take off Clare's shoes and start rubbing her feet. After twenty minutes I take the ice pack from her and go into the washroom for the salve. I tell Clare sit up and I sit behind her gently rubbing the salve on her back. I do the same for the bruise on her face and then I turn off the TV.
"Now tell me everything from the beginning," I assert. She tells me everything beginning with going to Eli's house and ending with running to the ravine. "I'm going to kill him," I growl standing up with every intention of doing so right now.
"Jay no," she says grabbing my hand and then hisses in pain when the movement hurts her. "He needs help not to get beaten up. If you'll take me to Adam's I can talk his dad who's a lawyer and they can call his parents. I'll even press charges for assault.
"Okay let's go to Adam's then," I nod. I hand her back her clothes and help her get dressed. She gave up pretty quickly on trying to hide her breasts and I just did my best not to look, as hard as it was not to.
We get in my car and she tells me how to get to Adam's. I park and follow Clare down to the back and a sliding glass door leading to a finished basement. Three boys are sitting on the sofa doing homework and they look over at us when we walk in.
"Shit Eli actually hit you," says one of them.
"Jay this is my best friend Adam, his brother Drew and that's Dallas he's on the new hockey team and is living with them," Clare introduces us and all the boys nod to me.
"Are you okay?" Adam asks her.
"Not really, can you get your parents I want to talk to them," Clare requests.
"I'll get them," Drew says hopping up and running upstairs.
Before Drew returns Owen shows up with Maya and they see the bruise on Clare's face, I see Owen clench his fist and Maya looks like she might cry. When Drew comes down with his parents Clare introduces me to them. Then she tells them everything from going to Eli's to hiding at the ravine. We show them the bruise on her back and she tells them she wants to press charges. When she's done Audra says she's going to Eli's house to speak with his parents and Omar will follow us to the police station to file assault charges. Adam goes with his mom to talk with Eli's parents. Owen and Maya also follow us to the police station and after she files charges Omar goes home.
"Feel better now?" I ask her as we leave the police station.
"A little, I hope Eli gets help and the bruises will heal a lot faster than the wounds you can't see. It's going to take a while for my broken heart to mend, I haven't exactly had the best success with relationships," Clare says.
"Hey you're in good company my one and only steady girlfriend in high school turned out to be a lesbian," I comment.
"I had to blackmail Anya into a date and then she began taking coke and our best time together was a week before she left for the army," Owen says.
"I went on one date with Zig and my one true boyfriend killed himself and I didn't even see the signs he was in trouble," Maya says looking at her shores and then looks up at us. "Can we go somewhere?"
"Anywhere you want to go," Owen tells her.
"The school, there's something I need to do," she replies.
"We'll follow you guys," I tell Owen. We follow them down to the school and park next to each other. It's dark now but a few of the outside lights are still on. Maya goes to the memorial on the garden shed for Cam and we follow her. We stare at it for a moment and she takes Owen's hand and a deep breath.
"I hate you; I hate you for ending it all without a thought about those that care about you. I hate you for not talking to me, for not trusting that you could tell me anything. I hate you for giving up Cam. I hate that I still love you. You were my first love and now you're gone and I didn't get to say goodbye, I didn't get a say in it at all you just gave up. I hate that you're gone. I hate that you left me with a broken heart that's going to take a long time to love again. Most of all I miss you."
Maya finishes and she turns into Owen and he puts his arm around her. We stand there a minute while she cries a moment. When Clare leans on me I put my arm around her shoulders.
"I know it's going to take you a while to heal and get over the damage Eli has done. I want you to know that I'm here if you need me, for anything you need. If you need to cry or scream or just someone to hold you or just a place to get away from everything," I tell Clare and she looks up at me with a smile.
"Yeah you know I'm always here for you Maya whatever you need," Owen tells her and she smiles at him.
"I think the four of us should go to my place and watch movies while eating big bowls of ice cream," I comment.
"Sounds good to me," Clare nods.
"Me too," Maya agrees.
"You know we might be the ones with the broken hearts but it goes both ways. We're here for you guys when you need us too," Clare says and Maya nods. I look back at Owen and we exchange a smile before we get back in our cars.