A/N hello people, me and a friend were talking about thresher maws and somehow got to the topic of having the croc hunter do an episode on them, so here we are.
On the Normandy
"Welcome to the Thresh hunter," Steve Erwin says as he wears shorts and a safari shirt, "on today's episode we have received a report on a giant Thresher," he says on the television.
"Another episode of this?" Shepard asks as he sits in the Normandy's rec-room, "Who put this on?" he asks the crowd.
"I think it was Joker," James says as he gestures to the cripple mocking the Thresh Hunter's accent.
"Cracky that's a big one!" Joker says as he laughs.
"Cracky that's a big one!" Steve exclaims as Kalros appears, "That is Kalros, Mother of all Thresher Maws, it could eat my Mako in one bite! I'm going to go touch it," This get's everyone's attention as Kalros just destroyed the reaper a few weeks ago.
"I got my money on the Hunter," Joker says, "500 credits who wants it?" Immediately everyone in the room takes the bet, "12 to 1, eh?" Joker asks.
"The statistical probability of Steve Erwin surviving his encounter with Kalros is, 3,720 to 1," EDI says.
"Never tell me the odds," Joker says.
"You have to admit, Joker," Garrus says, "those are petty steep odds," he starts watching the screen intensely.
"I'm the luckiest man in the room," Joker tells them.
"Shut up and watch the screen," Ashley says, as Joker listens, "good now I don't have to break your bones."
"Hey-" he says before he sees the glare coming from Shepard, "shutting up," he says as he looks at the screen again.
On Tuchanka.
"I'm almost at Kalros," Steve says as he closes in on Kalros, on foot, starting to sweat, "Cracky, it's bigger than I thought!" he says as he stands a football field away, There is no way I'm coming out of this, he thinks as he starts walking as slowly to it as possible.
"Hurry up, we are running out of film time," the voice of his producer comes through his headset.
Steve makes a mad dash towards Kalros praying to whatever gods, or spirits that would listen that he would get to see his daughter again.
"He's making a run for it!" Javik says as he watches intently his four eyes all in the same direction.
"Come on!" Joker yells as Steve gets about 20 yards away from the beast.
I am quitting after this episode! Steve yells in his head as he sees Kalros start to turn, Bloody hell! he yells in his head over and over.
"He's going to make it," Joker says with a fire in his eyes, "come on, I got credits on this," he says.
Steve reaches Kalros but forgot to start slowing down.
"He's going to run into it," EDI says flatly as a wonderful *Crack* is heard from the TV and every one, except EDI, winces as Steve falls to the ground dazed, "he touched it at least."
Joker feels all the color disappear from his face as Kalros looked at the small man who ran into it.
Cracky that hurt, Steve says in his head as he tries to get back up.
"Come on get up," Joker says clinging to the last thread of hope that Steve could get back up and get back to the Mako, and his hopes become realized when he gets back up and shakes his head.
"Cracky, that was a whopper," Steve says not even looking at Kalros as he runs back to his camera crew that had already started the Mako.
Back on the Normandy
"Run you australian bastard!" Joker yells as everyone's mouths drop as he continues to get closer to the Mako
Steve saw that the Mako had already been started and the door was open so as soon as he jumped in they were on their way, "That was a close one," he says as he wipes the sweat off his brow, "that's all for today's episode of the Thresh Hunter," he announces as the credits replace the screen.
Joker whoops, "Yeah! That's what I'm talking about," he nearly jumps up, but remembers what happened last time he did that, and didn't want to waste his newly earned money on another bone weave.
Throughout the room there was a series of, "Damns" and "Son of a bitches" going around as everyone transferred their credits to Joker's account.
In the Mako
"That was a close call," Steve says as he drinks some water.
"You're telling me," the camera man says, "I thought we were goners for sure," but then he feels a tremor.
"What was that?" Steve asks his driver worried.
"You're not going to like it," he says.
"What is..." he trails off as he sees Kalros right beside him, "Well it was good knowing you boys," he says.
"Likewise," the camera man says.
"It's been an honor Steve," the driver says as Kalros jumps and swallows the Mako whole.
1 week later Normady rec-room.
Joker was enjoying the new seat he had bought from all the credits he earned from last weeks bet, and was going to watch another episode of the Thresh Hunter. That was until the news came on, "We are sorry to announce that The Thresh Hunter, due to the tragic event of Kalros killing him right after the end of the last episode."
Joker looks around at all of his crewmates and saw they were all glaring at him, "Help?" He asks.
Well I guess that is the end of the Thresh hunter, I just noticed this but it kinda seems like a pun that I say this, and I want to thank Jonas Copperwire for giving me this wonderful idea, and Rockstars for giving me the energy to write this extremely late at night.
Hunter out.