Title: Little Red…

Word count: 938

Summary: After a night out catching weevils, Jack and Ianto return to the Hub. It's empty, there's a stopwatch and a photocopier… It would be a waste not to. (Set some time during season two.)

Warnings: Rimming, sex on unstable surfaces.

Disclaimer: The characters belong to the BBC. I do not profit monetarily from this (or any other) fanfic.

A/N: This is a birthday fic for Carot, spawned by a careless joke. (Just be grateful there's no fisting.)

Happy Birthday, Your Highness.

Jack pushed the weevil into an empty cell at the Hub and locked the door behind it.

"And stay there!" He admonished it. "Honestly, pensioners?"

Ianto was bent over double by the stairs, laughing.

"Did you see their faces?" He gasped. "I thought that old lady was about to have a heart attack!"

"How dare you laugh," said Jack in mock anger, a smile tugging at his lips. "She could have been seriously injured when it crashed into her walker. Thank God we were there to save Bingo night..." His words disintegrated into chuckles.

They leaned against the wall, side by side, reliving some of the more memorable events earlier that night, until they could do nothing but smile. Suddenly Jack fixed Ianto with a heated look.

"You know, the Hub's empty apart from us," he said. Ianto cleared his throat.

"So it is."

"I was just thinking, earlier... Ever had a rimjob?"

Ianto swallowed.

"No," he said. "No, I can't say I have."

"Want one?"

Ianto considered this. Then he pushed himself off the wall.

"Why don't we move this to your office? I don't really fancy having an audience."

They left the cells, leaving a trail of discarded clothing behind them. Once they had reached the office and Jack had locked the door – never let it be said he didn't learn from his mistakes – the former time agent turned to lean against the door. He looked Ianto over appreciatively.

"Bend over by the table," he said. Ianto did as he was told, slightly apprehensive, and caught a glimpse of something familiar on the desk.

"Oh, so that's where my stopwatch ended up," he said; only to follow it up with a yelp as Jack parted his arse cheeks.

"Mmm." Jack murmured with his face right up there, breathing hot air over Ianto. "You could start it now, see how long it takes you to come."

"Is that what – ah! – you've been doing with it?"

Jack made an indeterminable noise, which Ianto found understandable as his boss was currently licking right into his anus. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation.

"That's quite a long tongue you have," he said shakily, and promptly regretted opening his mouth when Jack pulled back to answer.

"All the better to fuck you with," he said and Ianto could hear the grin in his voice. "You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were blushing down here."

Then Jack got back to licking and wriggling his tongue and, oh God, sucking, and Ianto stopped thinking for a while. His legs were getting rather wobbly and his cock was desperate for attention when Jack suddenly retreated and left him panting. Ianto heard him open a desk drawer and curse the darkness.

"What are you doing?" He asked, trying his best not to sound petulant, but actually he had been rather enjoying himself and what could possibly be more important at this precise moment?

"Condoms," Jack said, "and lube."

That was alright, then.

He was a little surprised when Jack grabbed him and herded him towards a dark shape in the corner of the office, but went along with it, because so far Jack's ideas had been very good.

"Here, sit on this," Jack said as he helped him clamber up on the thing, following swiftly behind to straddle Ianto. "I want to ride you."

"But I'm all ready," Ianto protested, gasping when Jack tugged at his tie – the only piece of clothing he was still wearing – and smiled in the darkness. "Won't it take time?"

"Nope," said Jack, pushing the condom into his hand and ripping the other package open. "I did myself earlier."

So, while he had been occupied by Jack's tongue in his arse, Jack had been fingering himself open... The mental image made Ianto pause, and it took a moment before he could finish putting the condom on. Then Jack was lowering himself onto his cock, slowly, and he had to close his eyes. The scent of Jack in his nose and the groans Jack was making almost distracted him from the way the surface beneath him was heating up and making loud noises, not to mention shaking slightly.

"What-?" Ianto gasped. Jack shushed him and clapped a hand over his eyes when he went to open them.

"Come on, just fuck me." Jack demanded.

Well, okay, Ianto thought, maybe the strange things going on beneath him weren't so important right now, and the rocking movement of it was actually rather helpful if he matched the thrusts of his hips to it. Somehow he ended up coming hard with his tie blindfolding him and Jack clenching around him, and he might have whispered Cariad in the afterglow of his orgasm but that was nobody else's business.

Two days later, Ianto was making coffee for Jack and Gwen, who had come in early that morning. They were discussing alien artefacts when he brought them their drinks, black with two sugars for Gwen and slightly Irished with cream for Jack. He was putting the cups down carefully on the table in Jack's office when Gwen got up to examine something in a corner of the room.

"That's new," she said. "When did you get a photocopier?"

"Oh, a while back," said Jack. "I thought we might need one."

"Looks like somebody's already been using it," Gwen said and reached for the papers in the out-tray. Suddenly Ianto got a very bad feeling about what they might contain.

"No, don't-" He began, but it was too late.

"Oh God!"

"Oh, yeah," said Jack sheepishly. "I forgot about those."