A/N: Well, school's finally over so I have some time to actually get shit on here done! Who knows when I'll update my ongoing story…

Anyway, this is based on a conversation between my friends and me. We had entirely too much fun today – the last day of school – and I apologize in advance for, well, whatever it is I have produced…

I'm also sorry about the plot (or lack thereof…)

Slight Satoshi x Risa. If you squint. A lot. And already have really tiny eyes. Cuz you're Asian. Like me.

~The Three Phases~

The sound of soft chattering filled the ears of a 24 year old man with incredible cerulean colored hair and eyes that matched the unusually beautiful color. A young woman of the same age with shiny, brunette locks accompanied him. Her eyes shone playfully as she drank into oblivion. Compared to his perfectly content companion, there was a hint of annoyance visible on his typically blank face.

"'S matter, Hiwatarrriii-kunn?" Risa Harada slurred, practically glomping her blue haired friend. She giggled incessantly, before he could answer, and continued to do so as she downed another shot.

Satoshi Hiwatari's eyebrow twitched. "Nothing, Harada-san," He forced out with much practiced patience, keeping a straight face. "Although it would be very much appreciated if you would release me."

"Awww c'moonnnn! We're here t'have fuuunn! Y'dun hafta be so meann~!" She wailed, hiccupping after she finished swaying side to side with him as she refused to let him go. Her giggles soon turned into laughter, making his tolerance level decrease sufficiently.

He sighed, running a hand through his azure strands and muttered about a certain friend (if you could call her that) of his who could simply not hold her liquor. The arms wrapped around him tightened and he rolled his eyes as she proceeded the actions of rocking back and forth, much to his disapproval. His observant cobalt eyes gazed down to land on her: Laughing, having a good time, holding him. His eyes lingered on her features longer than he intended to, and he forced himself to look away. He cleared his throat and spoke in monotone, "Harada-san, I don't mean to be rude, but please let go of me."

"B-but…whyyy?" Risa leaned in close – very close! Too close! – to his face, tears forming in her big brown eyes. She pouted and whimpered, resembling a cute lost puppy. Had she not been inebriated, Satoshi was almost certain she would have congratulated herself for mastering the art of appearing innocent.

For a moment, he almost fell for the act, but pulled himself together once he realized just how tightly she had started to squeeze him. "Harada-san…!" He choked out. "Can't breathe…!"

"Ngh…sorrrr…" She mumbled, loosening her grip on Satoshi only slightly, still unwilling to release him from her (unexpectedly strong) grasp.

He sighed again, trying his best to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose considering the circumstances of a happy drunk muttering nonsense on his shoulder. He let his mind wander to how they got to this bar in the first place.

Risa had come up to him, linked arms with him, and told him they were going to have some fun that night. What she really meant was she wanted someone responsible to look after her and take her home once she had finished drinking the night away. It wasn't unfamiliar to Satoshi, seeing as how this was what she did every single weekend.

A nuzzle against his arm pulled him from his thoughts as Risa repeated the motion of rubbing her face on said arm multiple times. He could only sigh and pray that she would soon stop.

She didn't.

Instead, she began purring, a silly grin plastered on her face as she allowed her latest drink to sink in, which she so gracefully downed in a matter of seconds.

And so the former child prodigy and current Chief of Police, Satoshi Hiwatari, sat at a random bar in Azumano while his female companion unremittingly purred against him. If Saehara ever found out about this, it was sure to be the end of our favorite Commander. He could see the headlines: Commander Hiwatari and Unknown Woman Cuddle Together in a Bar. Fantastic.

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, willing away the beginnings of a headache.

"Heeeey Hiwatariii-kunn," Risa paused her cat-like actions. "You okay?" She asked sincerely, seeming considerably sober. But Satoshi knew better.

"Hm." With her distracted, he peeled her arms off of himself and breathed deeply. Free at last.

"H-Hiwatari-kuunnn!"

Maybe not.

"Why'd you doooothaaat?" She whined.

"I was afraid my breathing may become irregular should you have continued…hugging me like that." His eyebrows narrowed when he said "hugging", fully aware that it could hardly have been called that.

"You're so mean!" Risa repeated, half-heartedly hitting him. "I was just trying to hug you and all you do is push me away! Why can't you let me hug you? What did I ever do to you? Huh? Answer me!" It was too late for Satoshi; Risa Harada had already become a blubbering mess.

"Harada-san, please calm down." Satoshi blocked her harmful punches, not really minding the fact that she was sobbing. This was a weekly routine, after all.

"Ever since we met you've been pushing people away!" Her sobs began to cease and her voice rose. "We've been friends for so long, yet you still push me away! Just let me hug you every once in a while!" By now, she was yelling. "Just let me fucking hug you, damn it!" She screeched angrily.

Satoshi's headache was back and in full throttle. She could switch moods when drunk faster than when she was complaining to him while she was on her period, which was saying something. "I'm not pushing you away, Harada-san," He removed his glasses and started the process of rubbing his temples. Again. "I merely wanted some room to breathe. Now if you would please lower your voice – my head is spinning."

She gasped. "Oh! My goodness!" She gripped his shoulders in concern. "I'm shoooo showwy, Hiwatari-kun! Are you okaayyy?" She shook him back and forth, completely unaware of the fact that this only made him feel worse.

Satoshi didn't know whether he should laugh at her constant change of drunken attitude or kindly tell her to get her fucking hands off of him. So he did neither. He opted to sigh instead. In the span of fifteen minutes, Risa Harada had gotten all touchy-feely on him, upset that he wasn't being a nice friend, and gotten pissed off at him for it.

This was going to be a long night.

"And that's what would happen if Risa got drunk and Hiwatari was the only one around to tolerate her drunken blabbering." Riku Harada – older twin of the Haradas – concluded thoughtfully, never breaking eye contact with her boyfriend, Daisuke Niwa. They were outside in the back of Azumano Middle School, enjoying the fresh spring breeze of their last year on campus grounds. "Of course, this would take place about ten years from now, but you get my point. She would go from happy drunk, to emotional drunk, to angry drunk, and repeat."

"Ahaha, that's Risa for you." Daisuke chuckled sheepishly.

"And what, pray tell, are you two lovebirds talking about over here?" Risa's head popped up from around the wall. She marched right up to Daisuke, raising an eyebrow at his uncomfortable, fidgety state, and was about to make a very long, improvised speech that may or may not involve a word or two that it was not their business to talk about people behind said people's backs, when she was interrupted mid-breath.

"I'd like to know as well." A male's voice drifted from around the corner, and soon the other person in question absent-mindedly made his way over to the rest of them. Satoshi leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well?" He prompted.

Riku smirked slyly while Daisuke shifted his gaze between his friends hesitantly. "Well you see," She started out matter-of-factly, wagging about her index finger for effect. "It all begins with the three phases of Risa the Drunkard…"

A/N: Why did I write this?

Oh well…it's written and I can't take it back. I love DNAngel. :P