This was a collaboration between Todd (kneelb4todd on tumblr), who wrote the first 1/3, Ayesha (prongsmydeer), who wrote the second 2/3, and myself (batdude). Please enjoy. Or else.
"Leave him ALONE!" Lily shouted as she (verb, past tense) across the grass. Her (synonym for red) hair flung about her face (adverb) as she stood in front of him.
"All right, Evans?" said Potter, putting his hand to his hair and (verb ending in –ing) it.
"Leave him alone," Lily repeated. She was so (adjective) with Potter! This was the last (noun). "What's he done to you?"
"Well," said Potter, appearing to be (verb ending in –ing), "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…"
The (synonym for crowd) laughed, obviously enjoying Potter's joke like the (noun, plural) they were. Severus still (verb) under the Impedimenta Jinx, (verb ending in –ing) soap from his mouth and looking (adjective). Lily's blood boiled at Potter's stupid, (adverb) joking—couldn't they all see it wasn't (adjective) treating someone like that?
"You think you're funny," she said (adverb), "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."
"I will if you go out with me Evans," said Potter quickly. Lily felt (adjective) at the unexpected turn of events. "Go on… Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."
Lily could barely (verb). James Potter was asking her out? He was the smartest, most popular, most (synonym for sexy) guy at Hogwarts. He was the Quidditch hero and had loads of (noun, plural) falling over at his feet. She was just Lily Evans, whose best friend was (verb ending in –ing) on the ground. What would James Potter want (preposition) her?
"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the Giant Squid," she finally (verb, past tense).
"Bad luck, Prongs," said Sirius (adverb). "OI!"
Lily had forgotten about Severus for a (brief) moment after Potter had asked her out… She found Potter (synonym for insufferable), but she was not immune to his (adjective). But (dramatic monologue about why she hated James Potter). She was distracted from these thoughts when Snape (verb, past tense) Potter, causing (synonym for red) to drip down his face.
Potter, however, reacted quickly. Snape was soon in the air, his pants visible to the (adjective) crowd. Potter and his (synonym for friends) were laughing.
Lily, admittedly, had been (adverb) amused by the sight of her friend hanging upside down, but she grew (synonym for furious) again. "LEAVE HIM ALONE" Lily (verb, past tense). She drew her wand, causing (noun) among Potter and Black.
"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you," Potter said. He showed clear (noun) when confronted with the idea. Lily didn't (verb) why.
Lily's (noun) clenched. "Take the curse off him, then!"
Potter (magical interlude). "There you go," he said as Snape (verb, past tense), "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus—"
"I don't need help from filthy Mudbloods like her!"
Lily felt (noun, emotion) in her heart. She and Severus had been growing apart for a long time. Even if that (synonym for attractive and/or idiot) Potter hadn't (verb, past tense), things would have come to a head.
"Fine," she said (adverb). "I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus."
Potter, enraged, snarled at Severus, "Apologize to Evans!"
Lily (verb, past tense), "I don't want you to make him apologize to me! You're just as bad as he is!"
"What?" Potter (synonym for what a puppy does when he is in pain). "I'd NEVER call you a—(you know what)!"
"Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can—I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK."
She (synonym for spun around super quickly) so that her robes (also) spun around super quickly. The tears that had threatened to (verb) fell down her cheeks as she (verb, past tense) away.
"Evans!" James shouted after her. "Hey, EVANS!"
She ignored him and headed towards the Gryffindor Common room to (verb) in solitude, but ten minutes later, she found herself face-to-chest (preposition) a panting, sweaty James Potter.
"How did you get here so fast?" asked Lily, disoriented, hastily (verb ending in –ing) her tears away.
"That's not important," said James, as he stuffed his (noun, not what you're thinking) back into his jeans. Lily rolled her (this time it is a body part). She was still furious with him, but (monologue about his charm).
"Potter, leave me alone," she (first 4 letters of a Hogwarts house, past tense). She wasn't exactly sure why he was still there. He never had (verb, past tense) nice to her before, even when she had tried to befriend him back in first year. He had been quite rude to her, which could possibly have been because her best (noun) had been greasy, (synonym for sniveling) Severus Snape, who had hated the Marauders since the moment he'd set eyes on them.
"Merlin, Evans," he said, running his fingers through his already messy hair. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry that your best friend treated you like (uncensored synonym for poop) and called you a—you-know-what."
Lily's anger with the (person of opposite gender) suddenly evaporated, and her shoulders slumped. "To be honest," she (verb, past tense), "he hasn't been the greatest friend to me lately."
At just that moment, her (ex) best friend walked up to the two of them. "Lily—"
Her expression was murderous and mingled with tears, and Potter, noticing (pronoun), said, "Leave her alone, Snivellus."
"I don't need your help!" she protested, but this time, she secretly felt (insert thankful monologue) that James had said that again.
"Thanks," she said, begrudgingly, after Snape (verb, past tense) away.
Potter smiled his (less cringe-worthy synonym for dazzling, swoon-inducing smile), and Lily found herself smiling back. She wasn't exactly certain how he had made her (noun) when she had lost her best friend because of him. It must have had something to do with his boyish charm and dumb glasses. But she still hated (pronoun). He'd bullied her best friend for much too long—wait, her ex-best friend. She'd need some getting used to her new friendship situation.
"Why do you hate me so much?" he asked her (adverb).
Taken aback, Lily flushed. "You think you're so cool but you're not, you bully my best friend—well, he's not my (noun) anymore but you bully him all the time, and you always start the fights—"
Potter (verb, past tense), incredulously. "Are you (censored synonym for fornicating) kidding me? Snivellus is the one who always attacks us first!"
"Oh?" Lily (verb, past tense) an eyebrow, tapping her foot. Her frustration had returned. She quoted (pronoun). "It's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean."
At least Potter had the decency to look embarrassed. "(Apology). Look, I know he's—was—your best friend and all, but he's never been the nicest person to us, so we have no obligation to be nice to him. He's friends with the wrong sort, you know? He hangs around with those psychopaths like Mulciber and Avery and Malfoy, and Malfoy works for—" he (verb, past tense) around him, making sure no one was eavesdropping, and whispered, "—(you know who). And he also called you a—(you know what). That's not something a friend would do."
"I don't need your help to figure that out, Potter," she (verb, past tense). Her fury and frustration had (adverb) vaporized, only to be replaced with the feeling that there was a large, gaping (synonym for abyss) in her middle, not only because she had lost her best friend but also because she knew that the boy she had despised for so long was, despite her (synonym for never-ending urge to be correct in everything she did or said), correct.
Potter (verb, a thing you do with your shoulders). "I'm just looking out for you is all."
"Why?" Lily (query word). "I've never been the nicest person to you."
"I—never mind."
"What?" Lily couldn't (antonym for sit) not knowing. She was surprised to see the (antonym for girl) turning (synonym for red).
"It's not important." It was the second time he had said that in (sixty minutes), and Lily wasn't having it.
"Potter, you're insufferable." She (verb, past tense) on her heel, fully intending to leave, but stopped when (James's last name) grabbed her arm.
"You know, I meant it when I asked you out."
Lily (synonym for turned white). "I, I hardly know you," she managed to (verb).
(Synonym for a person who makes pots) looked devastated.
"But I mean," she (type of arithmetic) hastily, hating to see his (cute) face look so upset, "we could start by becoming friends?"
Potter's face (an act in which a light-bulb's filament is heated by electricity). "I'd like that," he finally said.
The two smiled at each other and walked in opposite (general word for north, south, east, and west), both secretly pleased that Lily Evans was no longer friends with Severus Snape.