Rant One: Body-Snatching
Randomly waking up with a voice in your head must be a troubling experience, I would imagine.
"Hello there, I'm just going to borrow your vessel for a bit of time, do you mind? No, no, don't trouble yourself, I'll just take it and get it back to you when I'm through wreaking havoc on your entire life. Just get some rest and you'll be back in control in no time.
"Be sure not to question this, either. That will simply drive you insane."
My host—or rather, former host, would agree from experience, the whole ordeal is quite disconcerting.
But despite the unpleasantries of a stolen body, I don't think he has ever stopped to consider what it's like for the thief. Because, to be perfectly honest, the act of using said stolen body is not much better.
This is the point of my short stream of consciousness you now have gracing your eyes at this very moment. It's about time people came to appreciate that neither parties truly profit from the act of body snatching. It simply is horrendous on all sides.
For one thing, the Landlord is first and foremost the greatest pain in the arse. Even when you suppress the little darling, he'll always adore the attempt of trying to regain control once again. This will lead to the very uncomfortable feeling of having sledgehammers slamming against your skull. Should you ever desire to acquire a small taste of such a discomfort, I would suggest finding a very large bell tower, sticking your head directly inside of said bell, and having a friend suddenly ring the bronze beauty without warning. The following pain will be just an iota of the agony that comes with a resistant host.
If you do in fact manage to suppress the host's mind despite this pain, then the next obstacle is your motor skills. Put simply, three thousand years without a physical body makes things difficult to get back into step with, so to say. So on top of having to keep your concentration firmly planted on continuing to hold your dear Landlord within the confines of his Soul Room, you now have to remember what it's like to walk. So you will spend the next four or five hours in a continual verbatim of left right left right left right. This is not only tedious, but by the end of it you have successfully cursed every single piece of furniture in the migraine-inducing host's bedroom that you have no doubt bruised "your" knee on multiple times.
And don't even get me started on the concept of learning modern table manners. Take my word for it, dear mortals, you will be fully willing to unceremoniously screw over any such niceties by this point in time.
And then, of course, there is acting like your host should you cross any friend or family member's path. Even with the fact that you have your host's mind at your disposal, your acting needs to be on excellent par with the expected mannerisms. And, should you be in a similar situation as mine where you despise your Landlord for previously stated migraines, it is difficult to imitate without sarcasm.
If you somehow manage all of this, then congratulations, you have taken the first step to parasitic villainy. How wonderful for you.
And this, dear folks, is part one of why I should have more things to occupy my time.
Stay tuned for more if you dare.