Hurrah, I finished another story, and about time, too.
This one in particular was requested by my buddy ZackMcdohl, mostly because I lost a tiny bet we were arguing over the correct spelling of Neon Genesis Evangelion... and please don't ask why, and not to mention this happened last fall... He requested a KuroFay, and not a super angsty one but a fluffy one, and I came out with this.
I also waited for the main storyline to be updated and go further in, because at the time of the request, I had just witnessed some rather angsty moments between the two. I rather like where the story currently stands, and felt that a scenario like this seemed rather appropriate.
I do feel, however, that Fay and Kurogane are rather OOC, so if they are, I'm sorry.
Warning: Spoilers for 180 and above.
Disclaimer: If I were CLAMP, this would've been published in manga form already.
Reminisce
Sakura was right: the desert could get very cold at nighttime. He certainly hadn't expected that, since Fay had firmly believed that he had once lived in a country that more than defined the word "cold".
The blonde bent over Syaoran, who had fallen asleep very quickly, and snugly tucked the boy's faded, tattered, and borrowed green cloak to ensure his warmth. Syaoran stirred slightly, hugging Mokona closer to him, who had crawled under the cloak to sleep with him. Fay wagered that Mokona had sensed the pain in Syaoran's heart: a heart bursting with fear, anger, and the anxiety to save his princess. The battle was looming nearer, but for now, the boy was allowed a few hours of an oblivious, blissful sleep.
The blonde sighed sadly, stroking Syaoran's hair just a bit. It was unfair, for such young people to be burdened so heavily. He'd known that from experience, and upon meeting the desperate children on that rainy day so very long ago, he had admitted to himself that their fates were much too unfair.
Fay ran his hand through Syaoran hair once again, smiling as he pictured what Mokona would be saying at that very moment if the little white creature were watching him.
Fay-mommy is so caring, Fay-mommy loves his son very much!
A light smile played on his lips. He then pulled his hand away from his "son" and stood up, looking across the dimming fire at the sleeping figure draped in the black cloak. Time to make sure "daddy" would be comfortable, too.
The desert wind blew a small string of sand over their little camp. Fay brushed it out of his face, then kneeled down to brush it off Kurogane's cloak, taking his time in doing so. His hand reached the ninja's face, and he left it there for a moment. It was rare for him to be able to gaze at the dark, handsome face that belonged to Kurogane without him telling the blonde to stop staring at him because he found it annoying.
"Stop staring at me. It's annoying, and creepy."
Fay yanked his hand away, plopping backward onto the sand in surprise. Now it was creepy, too. Kurogane opened one eye and smirked.
"You didn't get all the sand, either. You suck at brushing sand off."
Having gotten over his shock, Fay smirked back.
"I lived in a country with snow, Kuro-sama. Do you think I ever had any experience with sand in Celes? It's not like we had sunny tropical beaches to go and build sandcastles at," Fay said, straightening up to sit in front of Kurogane, who had now sat up from his sleeping position and brushed the remainder of the sand out of his face and hair. "You should be asleep, Kuro-sama. We don't know what will happen tomorrow."
"Then you should be resting, too," Kurogane said, meeting the blonde's single golden eye. Long gone were the days when the two would only meet eye to eye with one of them laughing hysterically, the other glaring back in rage. Now, the two would gaze at one another with eyes full of concern and care, and they both loved it that way, too.
"I can't sleep," Fay admitted, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his arms on them. Kurogane looked at him, studying the blonde man's face.
"What's on your mind?"
Had this been so many months ago or was it weeks, or years? Traveling through time didn't help them keep track of time itself, Kurogane wouldn't have cared, and Fay wouldn't have even said a thing. The two stared at the campfire, watching the flames leap and lick up the dry wood.
"Kurogane?"
The man in question looked at Fay, slightly taken aback at the full use of his name by the blonde.
"Yeah?"
"I..." Fay's mouth remained open, as if unsure of what exactly to say. He didn't appear to be on the verge of changing his mind, however, so Kurogane waited patiently. Several moments passed, though, and Kurogane's patience ebbed just a bit.
"What is it?" he urged. Fay's head was bowed, but when Kurogane spoke, he lifted his face back up. To his surprise, the blonde man sitting across from him wore a smile of gratitude.
"I never thanked you, did I?"
The ninja frowned.
"For what?"
"For saving me," replied the blonde, his left hand fingering over his eyepatch. His eye wandered to the black sleeve that concealed the ninja's artificial left arm. "More than one time, too."
"Tch. That's all you wanted to say?" snorted Kurogane, though he wore a smile that looked rather triumphant. Fay chuckled lightly.
"Did Kuro-sama really want to keep me here that badly?" Fay mused, his finger now tracing figures in the sand. Kurogane noticed that the drawings resembled the magic inscriptions Fay would write out in midair when he'd used his magic. It saddened him that he had rarely ever seen him do that; on the occasions he had seen the blonde use magic, it had either been in a fight for their lives, a bloody battle against a familiar friend, or against the ninja himself.
"You didn't want to die. You'd said you couldn't die yet."
"True, I said that."
"Then why were you so angry?"
Again, Fay didn't immediately speak. He traced the ghosts of his magic spells on the sand for a moment longer, then shrugged and sighed.
"I couldn't believe someone actually found it worth the effort to save me, to keep me alive... to not let me die..." Fay didn't look up, though he felt Kurogane's gaze burned onto him. "I had been taught and raised believing I was nothing but a bother, a burden... I did my best to stay away from everyone, especially Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan. I saw the pain on Syaoran-kun's face at Yuuko's shop that day, and I kept myself from feeling sorry for him, I was so determined. Then Sakura-chan finally woke up, and even through her own pain... she smiled. At you, at me, at Syaoran-kun... it was more than enough to melt anyone's heart."
Fay laughed quietly, then looked up at Kurogane, whose expression was rather hard to read.
"Her kindness melted my heart enough to let you in, I suppose," admitted the blonde. "I thought all the teasing really would make you hate me more. I guess it sort of backfired on me." Fay laughed again, and another smirk inched its way onto the ninja's face.
"It did make me hate you, at first. I'd just been banished from my country, then forced to travel with a sleeping girl, a troubled kid, and a pathetic blonde mage who was more annoying than a flea-infested bed," Kurogane said, though his smirk had grown into a wide, teasing smile. It was something Fay had never seen, and he loved it. He laughed along as the ninja kept going. "It kinda got adjusted to me, though. I knew I wasn't going to be so lucky as to get back to Nihon right away, so I dealt with it. I understood why the princess needed our help. I understood why the kid was so troubled. It was you, though, that I just couldn't understand. It was easy to know that those smiles were fake, but why they were... I just didn't get it." Kurogane looked up to see Fay smiling sadly at him, almost apologetically.
"I'm sorry, Kuro-sama."
"Tch, forget about it," replied the ninja, though Fay knew that he had accepted his apology. Another wave of comfortable silence followed, and this time, Kurogane broke the silence. "It's gone, isn't it? Your world."
The blonde man's face fell, no longer bothering to hide the pain in his heart. Nobody knew what would happen the following day, but if he survived whatever was to happen in those massive ruins...he would have no idea what to do next. With no family, and no home world, Fay had tried to push the idea out of his head. He wasn't denying the probability that something might happen to him, but he knew that he was definitely going to put up a fight for his life.
Kurogane easily read Fay's expression, yet was unsure of what to say himself. He started to feel rather guilty about bringing up a painful subject and began to rack his mind for a different topic, but Fay spoke out before he asked the mage whether he had gotten over his hate for sushi.
"It is. Celes is gone, but," a gold eye met red eyes once again, "don't worry about me, Kuro-sama. Valeria was my home. So was Celes. I'll find another home, soon, and I know I'll be safe. It also depends on how hospitable Syaoran is."
"Eh? What does the kid have to do with you finding a home...?" Kurogane said, frowning in the direction of the sleeping boy.
"No, not Syaoran-kun. Syaoran." Fay placed his fingers over his eyepatch once again. "He still has my eye, doesn't he? Unless I get it back, I can't stay alive without you around. So, I believe that the possibility of having to move in with you is rather high, Kuro-sama. That is, unless you don't me wandering off on my own and letting me die-"
"Shut up! You think I'd let you do that after taking on the responsibility to save your sorry ass?!"
Fay smirked, then plopped backward onto the sand.
"I thought so."
"You never change, do you?" Kurogane grunted, looking down at the blonde man lying beside him. Fay's gaze lingered on the sky above him as he seriously pondered the question.
"Hm... actually, I don't think I'm the same person I was when I first met you, Kuro-sama. You ended up meeting 'Yuui-san', which I hoped no one would ever meet."
"Then who did you want me to know forever?"
Fay fell silent. He had wondered, for the longest time, who he really was. While traveling with the others, he realized that he had led everyone else to believe someone he was not. He wasn't as happy as he always led on to believe. His heart was far heavier than anyone could ever imagine. And he wasn't "Fay". Yet, he had realized that he never even developed who he was. Fay always did what he could for those he cared for, never caring much about himself, and as he traveled with the kids, the ninja and the pork bun, he realized he had definitely strayed very far from ever developing his own self-being. He became known as the mother figure, the selfless, blonde magician who kept his own promises.
"I... don't know. I don't even know who I am, really. I'm neither Fay, my brother... nor Yuui, myself..."
"No. You're not your brother, but you chose to live for him, didn't you?" Fay looked up at him, slightly confused at what Kurogane was getting at. "Even if you kept the name 'Yuui', you'd probably still be as annoying and pathetic as you are right now. You want to keep some form of your brother's memory alive, so you bear his name. Even then, it's grown into something you've made for yourself. I don't think your brother was originally born as 'Fay D. Fluorite', do you?"
The blonde remained speechless. Several moments passed with him gazing distantly at Kurogane, and Kurogane staring back at Fay uncertainly. Had he offended him, somehow? Then, Fay bowed his head, and Kurogane noticed his shoulders were shaking. Rather alarmed now, Kurogane hesitantly reached out an arm.
"Er... mage...?"
Kurogane yelped (as quietly as possible) in surprised when Fay suddenly threw himself into his arms, smiling widely through his tears.
"I thought you'd forgotten my name, Kuro-sama!" Fay gasped happily.
"W-why?" Kurogane stuttered, still attempting to recover over the man now clinging onto his cloak. Fay wiped his face with the back of his hand, but continued to smile.
"You always call me 'mage', or 'blonde', or 'idiot', or 'pathetic', that I was sure you didn't remember me mentioning my name at Yuuko's shop so long ago!" Fay laid his head against Kurogane's shoulder, and Kurogane (very self consciously) placed one arm around him (just to make sure he didn't topple backward onto the sand, of course...)
"T-that's what you're so worked up about?" Kurogane said, very thankful that it was dark and that the campfire was starting to burn itself out (although he definitely wasn't blushing, that was for sure). "You really are pathetic..."
Fay chuckled, closing his eye, and smiling warmly. He wished that it could remain like this forever: no more epic, death defying battles, or worries on how low their provisions were. He'd be perfectly content to sit safely in Kurogane's arms, kept warm by him, for the rest of his life. Therefore, he decided to enjoy the moment he had now, since he was sure that even Yuuko would be unable to grant such a wish.
"Thank you, Kuro-sama. Thank you, for helping me find out who I am... thank you for everything..."
"Don't talk as if you're going to die!"
"We don't know what will happen tomorrow..."
"Tch, you really never change, do you? Always so cryptic..."
"I'm serious!" Fay pulled away slightly to look directly at Kurogane. "I don't want to die tomorrow, and I definitely don't want anything to happen to Syaoran-kun, or Sakura-chan, or Mokona, or you! But Fei-Wang has done so much damage without being near us... anything is possible. I'd rather... go into battle fully content than regret never having said anything to you, whether we come out unscratched or not."
Fay reached out a hand and placed it against Kurogane's cheek.
"Thank you, for always being there for Syaoran-kun and Sakura-chan."
"Thanks for feeding them so they wouldn't have to starve to death."
"Aww, Kuro-sama is thanking me, too?"
"Shut up, it's your turn!"
"Very well. Thank you allowing me to give you your nicknames!"
"I never allowed them!"
"It's your turn!"
"Tch. Thanks for all the disgusting sweets."
"You're very welcome. Thank you for helping me when we got separated from the others, when we were with the Yasha clan."
"Eh?"
"You covered for me when I had no idea what anyone was saying, and you even tried to teach me a bit of your language. So, thank you! Or, should I say...aa-ri-ga-toooo...?"
"Iie. I mean, no problem..." Kurogane muttered, trying not to chuckle at Fay's very foreign attempt at his native language from Nihon. "Thanks for being my target practice."
"That wasn't fun! You know I don't know how to use a sword, I don't know where you're coming from next..."
"Shut up, dammit, it's your turn again."
"Oh, fine. Thank you for defending me when I was in danger."
"Thanks... for not dying on me."
Fay blinked at Kurogane's very serious face, then smiled sadly.
"Thank you for teaching me the values of staying alive."
"Thanks... for giving me the chance to fight again." The blonde felt Kurogane's left arm shift uncomfortably, and Fay felt slightly guilty.
"But, it still hurts you..."
"I don't care. It'd hurt more if I couldn't fight anymore. So, thanks for the arm."
"You-you're welcome, Kuro-sama," Fay said, his hand very gently massaging at Kurogane's left shoulder, hoping he could ease a bit of his pain. He proceeded to talk a moment later, though his voice was now barely more than a whisper. "Thank you... for helping me realize what my heart truly desires..."
The blonde's hand moved away from his shoulder and towards Kurogane's neck, before moving back up to his face. Fay's fingers traced Kurogane's rough, weathered lips.
"And most of all, thank you... for letting me fall in love for the first time..."
Kurogane swore that all time, space and dimensions ceased to exist all around them, although it was probably just his own pacing heart that had skipped a beat or two at Fay's words. He'd never, ever felt his heart lurch at the words or sight of anybody else, therefore was very unsure as to what to even do now. Fay continued to smile warmly up at him, though his hand slipped away from his face. He felt the blonde attempt to lean forward once again to rest against his shoulder, and decided to take action, since he was at a complete loss for words.
"Me too."
Well, not at a complete loss, but Kurogane was certainly not a person to sing out a full love ballad to anyone.
Instead, he realized that he was perfectly capable of taking Fay's face into his own hands both generic and artificial, and pulling him closer to his own face. Fay looked utterly bewildered, and Kurogane smirked down at him before crashing his lips against the blonde's soft, pale ones.
Fay's eye remained wide open in shock and surprise, caught incredibly off-guard, that he forgot to move his own lips in response to Kurogane's. The shock quickly wore off, however, and Fay soon felt thrills of passion shoot through him as he wrapped his arms around the ninja's broad shoulders and pulled himself closer to him.
They remained in their embrace for what appeared to be eternity, both unwilling to break the kiss. Their lungs screamed desperately for oxygen, however, and reluctantly, both pulled away, taking deep gulps of air, but remained closely embraced, their noses brushing against one another. Fay smiled mischievously.
"Hyuu, Kuro-sama..."
"Shut up..."
"Okay," Fay said, pulling in for another kiss.
It was very late into the night before both settled into their cots, which they had set up next to one another. They began to succumb to their sleep, Fay curling up against Kurogane, the ninja holding the blonde close to him in his arms. Fay was near slumber when he exhaled softly.
"Will you...always be there for me, Kurogane?" he muttered sleepily.
"Yeah," responded the ninja, running his hand through Fay's golden locks. "I promise. Fay."
Had he been more awake, Fay would have bounced around the campfire in joy after hearing Kurogane address him by name. Sleep was quickly claiming, him, however, so all that Fay could muster was a genuine, sleepy smile, and two words.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Neither knew that the little white magical creature that took them sailing across the dimensions had been watching over them, but Mokona understood when it was appropriate to shout "IT'S LOVE-LOVE!" out loud, and when it was not.
Nevertheless, Mokona laughed silently to herself as she settled back down, fully reassured that true love existed across the universes. And if there was true love, then everything would definitely be okay.
It was requested that Mokona eavesdrop. Hehehe, and I rather liked this, too. But I still think I made Kurogane fluffier than necessary...
Thanks for reading, reviews are much appreciated!!