Title: Breaking Seamus
AU 6th year
Warnings: One sided slash, angst, self hurt
Disclaimer: I do not own Seamus, just playing with an Irishman for a while, please dont sue!

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Chapter One: Shatter

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As Seamus sat on his bed in the tower flipping through quidditch weekly, he didn't know that this evening would be the beginning of the worst moments of his life.

Dean Thomas walked into his room in a very bad mood. Seeing Seamus sitting alone, Dean walked over and sat on his legs. Seamus yelled his displeasure, but upon seeing the look on his face quickly quieted and asked him what was wrong.

"Ginny dumped me" Dean said flatly, not noticing the odd look that came to his friends eye as he said that. "She said it was because I treated her like she was a fragile child who couldn't do anything, but I know why. It was because of Harry. I've seen the way he's been looking at her recently, and I bet she has too. And after all who would choose me over the great Harry Potter." Dean continued miserably.

Seamus couldn't believe what he was hearing. Ginny left Dean! Ginny left Dean! His mind kept yelling triumphantly. Seamus knew he shouldn't be so happy when his friend was so sad, but this thing with Ginny had been killing him for months. Then when Dean said "Who would choose me…?" the words seemed to go straight through his mind and right to his heart, because with out thinking, which was something that often happened to Seamus, he said "I would." And when Dean looked up at him, Seamus couldn't help it. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to his best friends. It was the best moment of his life, which was quickly followed by the worst.

"What the Bloody Hell! Disgusting, What in Merlins name are you… ugh… I'm I'm not a, a fairy!" Dean yelled scrambling up and away from the Irishman. Seamus recovered his mind rather quickly despite his lips still seeming to tingle where they had been pressed to Deans. He recovered enough to plaster on a fake grin and say, "Nor am I, I was only messin with ye mate", even though his chest felt like it was caving in and he was going to throw up.

"Why?" Dean exclaimed. "Somethin needed ta be takin yer mind off a that girl, not use be in mopin over her, and yer a fool if ye think Harry is the source of all that girl's issues." Seamus told him. Dean shook is head back and forth seeming to accept this as just Seamus being Seamus and with an exasperated smile replied, "you bloody tosser" and laughed. Seamus gave his…friend… a wink and announced, "well now that that's settled, I needa piss an a shower."

What Seamus really needed was to get out of the room, before his fake smiles became far too obvious. What he needed was the sounds of the shower to cover up the gasps that seemed about ready to break free. What he needed was to not cry, because blokes didn't cry. But then again, most blokes weren't in love with their best mates. Their very Male best mates. And Seamus wondered what kind of dark curse could feel worse than this. He bet there wasn't one.

Seamus turned away just in time, because his face would have been a dead giveaway to the state of his mind. As he neared the adjoined bathroom his pace increased, even though he knew he could not run like he wanted to.

He turned on the shower and quickly shed his clothes, his breathing becoming labored. Seamus felt like he couldn't get enough air in his lungs. Soon his whole body was shaking as he stepped into the shower. Fists clenched at his side, the Irishman tried to rein in his emotions, and he utterly failed.

Gasping sobs poured from his lips, his eyes red and wet not just from the shower spray. Dean's words echoed in his head, like a funeral march. His knees getting weak, Seamus slid to the floor, cutting his left arm on the shower knob in the process. The red swirls washing down the drain were oddly therapeutic. Seamus watched them with a numb sort of detached curiosity. The sharp pain in his arm acting as a kind of block from the excruciating pain in his heart. It slowly became easier to breathe.

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Please Review, I'm new to this and could use the advise!! Let me know if I should post the rest, or let it be as a one shot. I'm my own beta so please excuse any mistakes, and thanks for reading!