I opened the bottle and let pills fall in my shaking hands. The newspaper is open to an entertainment page. There's news about Draco Malfoy seen with another girl. Like anything is new. He's always seen with girls.

But… I love him. His grinning picture at the paper had my heart skipping a beat. It's been a year and he still has that effect on me. And it's just on paper.

"Bitch!" He slapped me hard and I fell on the floor, my hand on my face. "Draco, stop!"

"You are not my boss!" He shouted and took a swig of his bottle. "I am so sick and tired of you, Hermione!" He staggered as he lied down on the couch and I can hear him saying stuff like there are more girls who are willing. My heart ached. I need to leave him.

I opened my eyes. Yes, he had hurt me. But my heart still yearns for him. And I don't want to feel the pain. I need him but he doesn't want me anymore. I went to my bed and slowly put the pills in my mouth. After a few minutes, I feel my heart beat going slow and before I fell, he's the last person that I thought about.

I love you, Draco.

Goodbye, my once lover.

It's been over a year since I saw Hermione. I don't know what happened between the two of us. All I know is that she left me. I don't blame her. I cheated on her too many times. I always get drunk and made many drunken mistakes. It's all on me.

All.

On.

Me.

I stare blankly at my book. The wind blew into my office making the pages to change and some pictures to drop from the desk. Photos of Hermione and I stared at me. I started to get breathless. She's too beautiful, it hurts. Why did I ever hurt her?

Blaise walked in and I immediately stuffed the photos on the drawers. He smirked when he saw the mess on my desk. "Don't ever leave your window open when it's windy outside. My phone started ringing as Blaise went back to wherever he came from.

I grabbed my phone from my pocket and went outside. "Hello?"

"Draco… shesfladhowd"

"What? Gin is that you?" I asked.

"Yes… Draco. She's dead." I felt my heart and the time stopped. Ginny doesn't need to tell me who it is. Hermione. My angel. No. This can't be happening.

"Gin are you sure?" I asked, my voice shaking though I tried to stay chill. I heard her whimpering in the phone and a muffled yes.

"How?"

"She – She- she killed herself." I felt tears stung my eyes. She couldn't. She wouldn't. She won't.

"Draco.." Ginny's voice interrupting my thoughts. "She left something. For you."

"What is it?"

"A letter. Where are you? I'm going to give it to you." So, I told her where I am and 30 minutes later Ginny arrived. Her eyes all red and puffy from crying. And the usually composed woman is shaking like a leaf and her hair is all over the place. "Here" and she left.

I stared at it before walking inside.

"Draco you okay?" Blaise asked me, worry filling his voice. He stood up from his spot and laid a hand on my shoulder. "What are you holding?" I gave it to him. The envelope still unopened and I saw Hermione's pretty scrawl behind.

Draco.

"Who's this from?" Harry asked.

"My ex. My dead ex-girlfriend." I felt Blaise's eyes on me.

"When?"

"Just last night." And then I cried like an idiot in front of them. I felt Blaise pulling me in a hug and I continued sobbing. I calmed down after a few minutes and he hand me the letter.

"You should read this. Alone." He stood up and walked out of the room, leaving me all alone. I put the envelope in my nose and smelled it. Smells like her perfume. I teared up again and quickly wiped them away. I carefully ripped the side of the envelope and shook it. A ring and a paper fell out.

The ring. I've forgotten all about it. I gave it to her for our two year anniversary. Before my drinking started. I unfolded the paper and started reading.

Dear Draco,

Hi. You probably wouldn't care enough to read this but I still need too. I feel so FOOLISH falling in love you. I mean, I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world because I have you. Draco Malfoy. In my life. My boyfriend. My lover. You are my everything.

Remember the first time that we went out? You took me skating because I love to. And you suck at it. But you still took me because you know I love it. Your arms were around me, holding on for balance. But I didn't mind. Just to be that close to you is enough to get me on cloud nine. And we fell. Remember that? You were laughing so hard and I was on top of you but you want us to stay like that. And when the snow started to fall you kissed me and said that you're falling for me. And I cried because I was so happy. Remember that?

And all those surprises that you planned for me. My 21st birthday. Our trip to Paris. All of those things unmentioned. Those were the happy days.

And you make me go crazy. Just by a simple hand on my shoulder. Just hearing your voice. Just being near you. Just being able to touch you and feel you. It's enough to make me happy and crazy with love.

I love every single thing about you. Your smile, your laugh, your energy. The way you always dance and hum all over the place. The way you play your guitar. The way you sing. The way you woo me.

I've missed you all those times we were apart. I miss waking up in the morning and you were there beside me, smiling at me and telling me you love me so many time. Oh, how I miss you saying you love me!

But I have to leave you because when you're drunk you hit me. And I'm not the type of girl who would put up with that. And you have tons of girls hanging around you when I left you. It broke my heart. It tore my soul. It hurt ME. But, you were happy. I guess, you feel so tight when we're together. And freedom is what you need. And I love you too much so I gave it to you. Even if it means letting you go.

It's been a year, right? Well, I still am not over you. I guess, I never will get over you. You ARE my first love, Malfoy. My one and only. My everything. And seeing you happy makes me happy. But I can't live without you anymore. I need you but I can't have you.

I love you, Draco. Always and forever. Even if my heart stops beating, remember that I love you.

Goodbye

Hermione

My hands shook as I folded Hermione's letter to me. She still loves me. And I still do. No one can replace her in my heart even if I tried. And she really needs to leave me that time. I physically and emotionally hurt her.

Tears fell down and I didn't bother to wipe them. I deserve the pain that I am feeling now. She took her life because of me. I can never forgive myself. I opened the letter again and read the part where she wrote down she loves me. More tears sprung out of my eyes.

I love you, too, Hermione.

Goodbye, my lover.