Turtle Vengeance
A/N
So, uh…. Yeah. recent chapter of Heaven and Hell (By Abundant E(Fantastic story by the way)) inspired me. Tobirama is a turtle? Why yes. Yes he is.
I know In this, TOTALLY not canon, but HEY. Its a parody(Not a very good one mind you) but… Turtles. Ugh, finally someone who understands me. Literally a , this wasnt edited, so... I'm sorry.
Disclaimer- I do not own anything in this fic, not Kiyomi, not Tobirama, not anything.
Enjoy my not so funny fic… Haha….
A turtle.
Tobirama attempted to make complete and legit sense of the entire situation, silently hoping the information would give someone to blame. To reverse it maybe, if not kill the person responsible.
He tried jumping again.
He barely avoided rolling over.
A turtle. Tobirama Senju, creator and master of the Hiraishin jutsu, brother of the God of Shinobi was… A turtle.
He checked again. Still a turtle.
Even if he was a small useless reptile, it seemed he still had retained his keen hearing. He heard a crunch, the sound of voices, and he instinctively reacted, jumping into the trees and hiding his chakra expertly while he hid in the best tree, to find the intruder and sniff out the best ways to take them out swiftly if things went badly. Because even if he was a turtle, he still had to be fabulous.
Except… He didn't.
That time, he actually did roll over.
And that time… He was stuck. Tobirama Senju was stuck because he rolled over.
He couldn't even muster up the strength to be wary for his life he was in such large denial. A turtle? He was stuck on his back. Stuck on his back.
I rolled his eyes at his bad luck. The oncoming pair just stepped into the clearing.
The first was mildly familiar, knew her vaguely for various reasons and the other…
Kiyomi. Literally the last person on earth he wanted to see at that moment. Somehow even Madara seemed more appealing, which made no sense at all. He told himself it was because the younger Uchiha was just that unbearable. Tobirama hoped if he stayed still, if he played dead or something he would not be found by the pair, but alas… His Senju origins never failed, making it so whenever an Uchiha was around… Bad things happened.
"Woah, hey! It's a turtle!"
Kiyomi's friend ran toward his turtle form(Akiye, he remembered) and kneeled right over him. "A cute one too! Hey Kiyomi!"
The girl responded by walking over, and Tobirama could crane his head to look up at her form. Her lips pressed tightly to her cheek, and she blinked down at him. The little turtle recodnized that as her thinking face. Usually he didn't care for it, generally she thought of dumb and unnecessary things, but the current state of things it seemed like 'Hey, I think that turtle is Tobirama' would be something she would say.
"... I don't remember turtle's being a thing in Konoha."
Tobirama was relieved, counting his lucky stars. The one time she actually thought of something remotely intelligent it seemed, it had nothing to do with Tobirama gone turtle.
Kiyomi leaned down, and gripped his shell. Tobirama succummed to instinct, curling into the cover his new body provided as the familiar Uchiha gently flipped him back over.
When he felt her let go, he peaked out of his shell, making sure they were far enough away. When it was confirmed, he immediately jumped out and began to run as fast as possible out of the clearing and away from the two Uchiha, predators be damned.
He was running silently for about five minutes, before a sound cut through his thought process.
"... We should take 'em home, Kiyomi."
He stopped moving. First was Oh right, still in the clearing and the other was Fuck dammit, no this is a terrible terrible idea and What kind of roommate does Kiyomi have Anyways? Who wants a turtle as a pet?
"Why?" he heard Kiyomi sigh. Next thing he realized, he was being lifted and pressed against a very squishy-
…
He refused to identify it.
He was face to face with Kiyomi, and Akiye held him up as if to present him(Something he did not particularly like, and he suddenly understood why Kiyomi was so against being 'pitted off for marriage as a prize').
"Aw, come on Kiyomi!" Akiye pleaded, and Tobirama could hear the grin. "Would ya look at 'em? He's adorable!"
"What would we do with him?" Kiyomi countered, not sounding too against it though.
"I dunno. What we want?" Tobirama felt a headache coming on. "We can keep 'em in the kitchen? Pleeeaaase?"
Kiyomi sighed. There was a moments pause before the other girl began to slowly nod her head, reluctantly, mind. "Alright! But only until it stops raining."
.
As soon as he was taken and dropped onto their kitchen counter by the sink, he took a vow to not move an inch until he found a way out of the mess he found himself in. He had already been in the same spot for a few hours, simply glowering at everything within his line one sight(AKA, Akiye. Kiyomi had taken off the second she got back for some reason). Akiye kinda just sat in the living room, looking completely present and ready for anything. Tobirama was just waiting until she left. But when he realized she actually wasn't going anywhere and was simply dressed for partying for absolutely no apparent reason… Well. Saying he was disappointed was an understatement.
The door slammed open, and Tobirama turned to see Kiyomi. She took the least amount of steps to the living area, before flopping on the floor in front of her roommate. They didn't really say anything at first and although later he would say he didn't care to hear some women skwak, he couldn't deny he listened in anyway.
"... Ya look like shit."
That was Akiye's voice, and at first Tobirama was confused. Werent women supposed to assure each other that they were gorgeous or something all the time? Hashirama always said that women needed to be told they were pretty all the time, and although Tobirama wasn't completely uninformed about the other gender…
"Thanks." Came Kiyomi's dull reply. "I try."
"Yeah," Akiye continued on wickedly, "I'd be a real shame-"
"If you were going to say something about Tobirama," Kiyomi cut her off, and the mentioned man(Turtle) blinked slowly. It seemed it wasn't just him who got teased mercilessly about it… "I didn't even see him today."
Thankfully, Akiye seemed to shut up about it, instead listening in as Kiyomi continued.
"Anyways, I'm hungry."
Akiye laughed. "Don't make anything alone. Ya're cooking is so… Weird."
"Food is weird…" Came Kiyomi's intelligent defense, as she stood up and walked in the kitchen. She took mild note of Tobirama, placing him on the ground momentarily so she could get the bowls.
She looked inside, not seeing any.
"... Akiye, when was the last time we did dishes?"
She waited a moment, before Akiye's muffled response came from her own bedroom. "You broke em all, remember?"
Kiyomi scowled, looking at the stove and into the pan with the eggy food inside. She grabbed a chopstick and poked it as if it would explode(And with the way they lived, with Kiyomi kind of looking like trash, and their kitchen a mess, Tobirama was surprised it didn't). She then took some directly out of the pan, and took a tentative bite. She shrugged, apparently satisfied, before just taking the whole pan of old eggs and sitting on the floor. Tobirama just kind of stood before her in disbelief. Did she not have a table? Not like he cared at all, but…
She looked down at him, and he stared(Glared) back. She was silent for a moment, before taking out a piece of egg and holding it out to him. Tobirama glowered some more, before 'briskly' walking over to her, stretching his turtle neck out and taking the egg off her chopstick. He drew back quickly, and continued glaring at her while he chewed.
Taking note of his behavior, she poked him with her chopstick. "You have a bad attitude, you know that?"
Tobirama didn't say a word, being that he was a turtle, and also that even if he could speak he wouldn't say anything anyways. He would just keep glaring. He did just keep glaring.
"Tobitle." She poked him again. "Thats your name now. Bad attitude, the glare… All of it is Tobirama. Also, I'm pretty sure Tobirama is just a turtle. Its his spirit animal, I'm sure of it. And he'll have little turtle babies. All of them will be little Tobitles."
He blanked out. He couldn't even comprehend what she even just said. But at the very least, it didn't seem she knew that he was Tobirama just that… Wait a minute. Bad attitude? And what made him seem like a turtle anyways?
He bit her leg indignantly, and she yelped. "What the actual-?!"
She glared at him, and he glared back. Not appreciating his behavior, and pretending he really was Tobirama just for a second gave her the resolve and satisfaction to flip him over quickly, and not at all politely. "Rude!" She exclaimed, as Tobitle flailed about angrily on his back.
Vengeance was hers.
But not quite, because… Well. He stopped moving. Like, completely. His tongue was even sticking out for dramatic effect.
She looked at the turtle with wide eyes. She scooted closer. "Did I kill it…?" She asked herself, and poked him with her finger. Suddenly he was back to life, because he bit her once again and she flew back. "What the fuck?!"
Tobitle flopped back over again, and although she couldn't see it... Tobirama was laughing.
Irritated, she looked at the ill mannered turtle, before suddenly getting an incredible idea. She got up, and walked out of the room. Tobirama inwardly smirked. He won.
Except he didnt , because Kiyomi walked back in.
Expecting to be kicked across the room, or buried in the floor boards or something, he was sure to tuck into his shell as a protective measure. But when none of that happened, and she simply crouched there for several minutes, he peeked out curiously.
But that was all she needed apparently, because before he could blink something was taped to his forehead, and he was flipped over onto his feet. He was out of his shell, blinking in surprise. Kiyomi laughed loudly.
"Ha! Now you're Tobitle… There's the stupid forehead protector. Damn thing is the bane of my existence, but its funny on you!"
Needless to say, Tobirama was not amused. Like she had said, she taped his human forehead protector (A makeshift forehead protector) on his turtle forehead. not the real one of course- It was just cut gray paper with the messy black scrawl of the Konoha symbol(He didn't even understand, who adds that much swirl to the Konoha leaf? It looked terrible).
She picked him up and that time he did not fight. Only holding his head high, because he knew that his forehead protector was freaking awesome and Kiyomi just had a terrible sense of taste. She put him back on the counter, and walked away with a slight grin on her face.
When he heard voices in the other room, he thought bitterly to himself- When he became Hokage(And it was kinda just a fact he was going to, because he was Tobirama, of course he was. He was glorious), he would make all ninja in Konoha wear forehead protectors like his.
.
The next week, Kiyomi found herself locked in her house, hidden away from the onslaught of Tobitle forehead protectors. For some reason, almost every ninja was wearing special Tobirama forehead protectors. Without asking any questions, she walked back to her house and locked herself in her room.
That entire day, Tobirama the human being(Not turtle) however, stood on the top of the hokage mountains onlooking the village in front of a awkward Hashirama, hair blowing in the wind and arms crossed, the epitome of a future Hokage-
"Uh, Tobirama… What are you doing?"
-Because Tobirama was just that fabulous.
.