Ben 10 Alien Force is the property of team Man of Action. Those lucky ducks.
We join our antihero, Doctor Animo, fresh from his gentle ravaging at the hands of a hideous exotic beast. Groggy, he woke up and looked around. His pants were off and there was a vast amount of horrible smelling goo on the ground, and also covering him. He frowned.
"I really don't like where this story is going," he said weakly.
He sighed and lifted himself off the ground. He wandered on shaky legs, heading toward a cave. His Null Guardian friend was nowhere to be found, having preferred to love and run. Inside the cave, Doctor Animo lit a fire before carefully sitting down on a rock.
"Maybe I should kill myself," he pondered aloud. He began to cry again.
Later on, he fell asleep. When he woke up, he was shocked to find the Null Guardian in the cave with him.
"Oh, so you did come back," Doctor Animo muttered. "Well, what do you want from me now?" He looked away, pouting.
The Null Guardian screeched at him. It lifted its wing to reveal a shiny piece of jewelry.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" Doctor Animo questioned. "I don't care for jewelry. I would prefer world conquest."
The Null Guardian screeched again, offering a piece of food tucked in its various tentacles.
"Thanks, but I'm not hungry," Doctor Animo said. "I think I'll just go back to sleep for a few hours, or weeks. Or maybe forever." He laid down to rest. Shortly after, he fell asleep again.
When he woke up, he was PREGNANT.
He wasn't aware of it, however.
He barfed for seemingly no reason. Then again two hours after. Then two more hours after that. Soon, he came to a dire conclusion.
"I'm PREGNANT!" he yelled.
He had been a practitioner of veterinary medicine long enough to know how to spot pregnancy, but even his dabbling in genetic abominations hadn't prepared him for the possibility of him ever becoming pregnant himself.
"It would seem that interspecies nookie had some even stranger side effects on me," he muttered.
A screech behind him caused him to turn. He gasped.
"YOU! You did this to me!" he yelled accusingly.
The Null Guardian screeched and covered its hideous mouth face with a wing.
"I don't care if you did it out of love, it's MY BODY!" Doctor Animo wailed. "I'm not ready for this." He fell back into his familiar fetal position. "I don't know if I should go through with it."
The Null Guardian screeched.
"Laws like that don't apply here, you fanged fuckwit!" Doctor Animo yelled. "As if I would obey them anyway. I'm a criminal. I follow no dictated morals."
The Null Guardian screeched loudly.
"Nobody asked you!" Doctor Animo yelled back.
The Null Guardian threw itself onto the ground and began to cry. Somehow.
"Oh, fine. If it will shut you up, I'll have the baby," Doctor Animo said, sighing heavily.
Due to Null Guardians having an increased gestation period of only two weeks and humans being violently impregnated by Null Guardians having a gestation period of only two days, Doctor Animo went into labor without having to stretch the scenes with useless cutesy filler.
"Aaaaaaagh!" Doctor Animo screamed, being struck by stereotypical labor pains. His eyes watered. He trembled violently. "Please tell me this thing isn't going to come out of my ass!"
The Null Guardian flew to his side and screeched.
"I don't care if it's an egg...if it comes out of my ass, we're going to have a problem," he grunted nervously. Sweat poured down from his temples.
The Null Guardian screeched while tilting its head to one side.
"Because...the human anus can only take so much before it's seriously damaged. That goes for the sensitive lower internal organs, such as the sigmoid colon. We humans will die from the injuries and blood loss. The average yaoi fan knows nothing of this," Doctor Animo detailed quickly while his breathing became more labored. "Which makes for very amusing and disgusting deconstruction parodies of man-baby woe." He threw his head back and cried out due to a particularly sharp contraction. "AAARG! And I don't want to become a statistic! I really don't." He began to cry quite forcefully, tears bursting from his ducts with the force of a fire hose.
The Null Guardian screeched and brought a tentacle to his shoulder in comfort. The gesture didn't help the situation much.
Doctor Animo screamed again. He grunted, legs shaking. He sobbed heavily. The Null Guardian held his hand tightly, screeching in its native tongue. It's words might have been, "PUSH, PUSH!" in encouragement. But they also might not have been continued for 13 hours. Through means which will never be properly detailed, Doctor Animo successfully laid an egg without dying.
"Oh, it's over. Thank God!" He panted heavily. He looked at the egg in his arms. "This is horrific. Yet I am deeply moved." His eyes welled with tears. "I feel...something inside me...filling with...love! I think...I do want to be...a father!"
The Null Guardian screeched.
"Just because I laid the egg doesn't make me a woman, you bastard!" Doctor Animo snarled.
The Null Guardian screeched angrily.
"Oh for fuck's sake! Fine, you're the father." He shook his head angrily. "It's not like you can even tell the males and females of your species apart anyway! Or how to tell if you even have biological sexes at all."
The egg cracked open. Inside was a beautiful otherwise human looking baby girl with leathery Null Guardian wings and a tentacle for a tail.
"Holy shit!" Doctor Animo exclaimed. "This makes even less sense than I had imagined before. But okay."
The baby cooed at him. He removed the broken shell pieces and cradled her in his arms.
"Aww! What a beautiful creature you are." His eyes widened, his pupils enlarging with uncharacteristic warmness and love. "I think I shall call you Logic Destroyer. Because that is what you do," Doctor Animo said. Tears leaked down his face.
The Null Guardian screeched.
"No, you visit her on weekends every other month. Or perhaps NEVER! " Doctor Animo said, pulling out a gun. He fired into the Null Guardian's giant head. "She's mine, bitch! All mine!" He let out a vicious laugh. "I'll raise her to be evil and harness her unspeakable powers for my own villainous purposes."
The baby giggled happily, revealing a mouth filled with needle-like fangs.
"Come, Logic Destroyer, we shall go forth into the world and bring much chaos and destruction!" Doctor Animo cried.
They cheerfully walked off into the depths of the Null Void.
(TBC?! ?! ?! !?)