So I wrote this a while ago in Geology class (cause rocks and Tiva always go in the same sentance)... and I'm just getting around to typing it up. This is just a little drabble about what Tony's thinking during season 4. Enjoy!
Contrast
I was sure she could tell. She had to be able to notice the pain in my eyes over the last couple months. I was so torn apart I could hardly do my job. It was eating me up inside, ripping my heart into millions of pieces and I wasn't sure if I wanted to put them back together. Choosing would be the death of me, of that I was certain. I still couldn't help it.
Every day I hated myself more and more. I was falling in love. Again.
When I was here, she wasn't. When I was there, it seemed like she didn't exist.
I was torn between loving my assignment and loving my friend. They were equally off-limits, for both could only end badly. In a way, both were failures. Failure on my part to resist.
One scared me; one couldn't hurt a fly. One laughed at my jokes while the other got annoyed. One was honest with me, the other kept secrets. She was there every day, but she occupied my nights. One saw my flaws, the other didn't even know my real name. She knew what I had done, the other thought she did. One appreciated my movie references, she simply rolled her eyes. She was my best friend, but she was my girlfriend. They were similar, yet so very very different. She was cute, funny, friendly, and open about her emotions. She was bitter, quiet, and closed off.
One loved me back.
It was so clear which one I should be with but something inside me rebelled against it. All the things that separated them made her all the more appealing. She was wild, dangerous, and a little unstable. She was flirty, teasing, infuriating. She was dark, exotic, and intriguing.
I shared my life with her, she knew me inside and out. All my flaws, all my anger. I wanted to apologize to her, but I knew that was just a sign of weakness. I shouldn't let her see my inner demons, but she never left. The more you knew someone, the more they could hurt you. But was I strong enough to choose her?
{End}
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