The Self-Confidence Revelation
'That was an extremely enjoyable evening Amy, thank you.'
The evening had been awful. She had agreed to accompany Sheldon to a university talk within the field of theoretical physics, the exact subject matter of which she didn't care to remember. However much Sheldon insisted that his particular area of expertise was vastly superior to her own, Amy knew that neurobiology ranked above all other sciences. It governed life itself for goodness' sake. But she wasn't going to argue with him.
But then again, when she saw him locked into the grip of new research, a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth, she couldn't help but admire him. She couldn't even imagine the speed at which his awe inspiring brain was spinning through the new information and was no doubt developing new theories of its own. Clearly Dr Sheldon Lee Cooper knew how passion felt, even if was for science rather than her. And for Amy, that was enough. That was why she was glad she had attended the event after all.
She turned round to look at Sheldon standing in front of the door to her flat. 'You're welcome.' She spoke softly, smiling at the floor. 'Can I offer you a cold beverage?'
'No I do not believe I require any refreshments at present,' he said, his face set on his default blankness.
'Well, goodnight then' she awkwardly replied.
He turned to walk away, then froze. She saw him twitch his left hand, and then he spun round to face her.
'Amy, I'm sorry, I don't express my gratitude often enough, when clearly you are deserving of it. I know this evening's events did not hold the same allure for you as they did for me, but regardless of your disinterest, you still went with me. So..' He took a step closer to her and captured her gaze, 'I mean it when I say thank you. Very few people would humour me in that way.'
Sheldon's proximity to her made her feel weak. He tilted his head to the side waiting for her response, still looking into her eyes. 'He is so adorable' she thought.
'I wasn't humouring you, I attended because you care so much about it. And if you're happy, so am I.'
She smiled up at him, and reached for his hand. Instinctively, he jolted it away from her, and jerked his head back. Their eye contact shattered. And just like that, Amy's happiness shattered alongside it. This was why their relationship was a joke to their friends. Because Sheldon, her own boyfriend, was repulsed by her touch.
Quickly she closed her eyes, and took a step back. Her eyes stung with unshed tears, but she refused to let him see just how much he had hurt her.
'Goodnight Sheldon' she said flatly, and walked towards her bedroom. She heard his retreating footsteps.
She quietly slipped inside her room, closed the door and leaned her back against it. Silently, a tear ran down her cheek. Five minutes passed, and she stayed in this position. She had just began thinking of preparing herself for bed when-
*Knock knock knock* 'Amy?'
*Knock knock knock* 'Amy?'
*Knock knock knock* 'Amy?'
She felt the knock through the door when his knuckles connected with the wood, on her back, and felt the conveyed vibrations of his touch gratefully. She sighed, and pulled the door open to face him. She took a breath in preparation of addressing him, when he cut into her speech with his own words.
'I may not be sufficiently proficient in understanding human emotions to conform to societal expectations, but I do however understand that I upset you in withdrawing my hand from your touch. I apologise. I care about your feelings Amy, and I would never willingly and knowingly upset you.' Here he drew a shaky breath. 'You mean... You mean a lot to me.'
He couldn't meet her eye at this point, but she knew he was sincere.
She paused to process his outburst, and said with a sad smile 'I appreciate that. Thank you.'
Looking at her with shifty eyes, he hesitantly said 'Can I ask though, why my unwillingness to participate in touching affects you so deeply?'
She took a minute to consider her answer, and then began to speak. 'Sheldon, all my life I've been the girl that nobody looks twice at. For a girl to go through her life never receiving compliments, never believing that she is someone who can be loved, life can feel so lonely. When I met you, suddenly there was somebody who thought I was attractive, at least in some ways. I know I'm not the prettiest girl around, but you made me feel like a princess. So thank you for that. But when you seem so disgusted at even touching me, that tiny, fragile flower that is my confidence, that you nurtured, withers and dies.'
Another tear slid down her cheek, and she started to close the door so that she didn't have to face him anymore, when he held on fast to the handle so that she couldn't follow through with her intention. She saw the tendons standing out on his hand, so tight was his grip.
He just looked at her in silence, taking her in. Quietly, so that she almost couldn't hear him, he then said 'I don't believe that nobody ever looked twice.' She just tearfully smiled.
'Amy, I don't know what you've been told in the past, but to me, you're amazing. You're intelligent, extremely so. And you're..' He paused, blushing. 'You're very attractive.' She noticed his voice had suddenly become very low.
'I'm not disgusted by your touch, the fact that I jerked away from you was only a result of a reflex conditioned by years of not wanting to touch other people. But then I met you, and that changed, as scary as that seems to me.'
He moved closer to her, and caught a tear on her cheek. The fact that he was touching her made her breath catch, which he heard and it made him smile.
'Actually, there's something I've been wanting to do for a while, I've just never had the courage to do it. I'm sorry if my conduct seems ungentlemanly but I can't...'
And suddenly he surged forward and kissed her. Or at least he tried to, but he didn't move his lips. Awkwardly, he put his hands on her shoulders. Amy didn't have time to respond to his kiss before he pulled back ever so slightly, his hands still on her shoulders, his nose still touching hers. Faintly embarrassed, he said 'I've never done this before, so you'll have to guide me.'
Amy replied 'I don't really know what I'm doing either, so lets just find out together. Relax' she demanded, smiling.
Gently this time, he again pressed his lips to hers. Amy began to move her lips, and he soon caught on. He could feel her breath in his mouth, and instead of thinking about the millions of germs swirling inside both of their mouths, or that the temperature of his skin was getting too hot, or the fact that his heart was beating way too fast, or the millions of other things he usually kept tabs on in his brilliant mind, he just thought about her. The way she smelt. How soft her skin was. The way she sighed into him and the heat radiating from her and oh god how her lips felt pressed against his. Gently, she moved his hands down from her shoulders onto her waist and buried her hands in his hair, pulling him closer. A faint growl from deep in his throat caught Amy off guard, and she smiled against his lips, which he felt and mirrored. She broke away, taking in a gulp of air, luxuriating in the feel of his hug around her waist.
'I don't know why we didn't do that sooner,' breathed Sheldon, looking dazed. He brought his head back down to rest his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, breathing heavily. After a few minutes of silence and just holding one another, he pulled back to look at her, her eyes huge and glossy, her chest still rapidly going up and down, and the way her hair fell just so past her shoulders. He'd always liked her hair.
Ever so softly, he said 'To me, you're beautiful.'
She swallowed, and simply said 'I know.'