Just a little idea I had. I doubt I'll ever write out the story behind this little... drabble? But the idea wouldn't leave me alone and I liked how this turned out.
"Calleigh, the things they did to me..." Ryan's voice broke and he looked away, hiding the tears that threatened to fall. Damn, why was this so hard? All he wanted to do was explain what he saw to be a simple fact, but he couldn't even mention the subject without tearing up like a little girl. He took a deep breath and tried again, choosing this time to skip over the last three years of captivity and torture he'd been forced to endure.
"The only thing that kept me sane during... that time, was knowing that you guys would never give up on me..."
Calleigh nodded not taking her eyes from his for even a second. "And we didn't Ryan. Not once."
Ryan nodded, looking at the ceiling. Floor. Anywhere but her eyes. He couldn't count the times he'd heard that line within the last few months. At first it had been comforting. Just to know that no matter how it had sometimes felt, he'd never suffered alone. But after a while those words had lost their meaning and turned repetitive, sounding more like a line you'd rehearsed for a play, or a lie you'd tell a child than the actual truth.
He swallowed, unable to meet her gaze. "I know."
A hand gently touched his shoulder.
"Look," Calleigh's voice was soft, and Ryan knew that if he looked up he'd find her blue eyes looking back with glaring sincerity. "There's a crime scene that needs processing right now, but if you ever -and I mean ever- want to talk... you know where to find me. Ok?"
Ryan felt his heart fall and looked over at the wall, giving a small, but insincere nod on his part. He'd heard that one to. From far too many people. So why was it they never listened?
Calleigh removed her hand from his thin frame, staying a moment longer as if to be sure he was alright before taking her leave. Ryan wished he could have reassured her. Told her how much good their talk had done him and how much he appreciated having her as a friend. But he couldn't. All he felt was that another piece of his heart had been ripped out and stomped on.
He knew he'd never really fit in at CSI. There always seemed to be some kind of tension or misunderstanding between him and the rest of the team, but that didn't stop Ryan from feeling close. He was too embarrassed to admit it out loud, but they were probably the closest thing to family he'd ever had. But now of all times it was apparent to him that this was a feeling they didn't, and never had shared. To them, he was just a friend. An old colleague who had gone through hell, but come back alive. That was it. And it surprised him each and every day just how much this revelation actually hurt.
Aww, poor Ryan! :( Just to clarify, I could never think that's actually how the team feels about Ryan, but when you're going through a hard time it's easy to misinterpret things and feel alone.
That said, you can thank/blame my terrible week for this little piece of fiction. Reviews are love. I could really use some cheering up right now.