Running
Chapter 1: "Failing Strength"
Just do it! Edward thought furiously at himself. Just do it. Right now. She wants you to do it. It would only take one bite-the space of a moment, and she would be yours, forever.
Stop it, Edward thought to himself calmly. You cannot do that.
Why not? Who would stop you? She's already a part of the family…and she wants it!
She's only seventeen, she does not know what she wants.
You're only seventeen! And you know exactly what you want! You want to lean in, lick your way down her neck and to place a kiss on her pulse point. You want to hear and feel the warm blood rushing through her veins. Faster, harder. You want to pull back your lips, drag your teeth across her flesh. You want to hear her breath hitch.
NO! I could never do that to her! I could never condemn her to an existence like mine!
And you want to bite. You want her delicious blood gushing into your mouth, running down your throat and filling you, strengthening you, so sweet you know you will never stop.
No.
You want her forever.
No, not like that...
You want-
"Edward?"
He came back to himself with a violent jolt, as if he had fallen from a great height to land in Bella's bed with her head against his chest. Though he didn't need the air, he took a few deep breaths. The action would have been calming if the air had not been so saturated with Bella's irresistible scent. He feels the venom rushing into his mouth and nearly gags.
God, he had been so close to-what if he actually-With a herculean effort Edward dragged himself outside of his mental battle and tried to focus on the thread of the conversation.
"I'm sorry, I was (planning to damn you to eternal hell) distracted. What were you saying?"
"You kinda proved my point. I was just saying that you feel a thousand miles away." Bella looks up at him with such adoration and concern that makes Edward feels sick. What could he have done, he wonders, to deserve someone who cares so much about him?
"I suppose I just have a lot on my mind." Bella thinks he's referring to the attacks in Seattle and he lets her.
"You're eyes are getting really dark. Maybe it's time for a hunting trip?" Bella suggests.
Edward tries a smile, but it falters halfway when he thinks of how close he was to hunting without even leaving the room…I need to get out of here. Now.
"Maybe it is." he replies, gently extricating himself from the bed and moving to the window slightly faster than human speed would allow.
"What? Right now?" Bella asks, pouting.
"No," he says and that half-smile again flickers across his face. "I'm just going to take a walk. Get some fresh air."
Bella nods and sighs.
"I'll see you in the morning," Edward says. Bella's goodbye has barely left her lips before he's gone; dropping out of the window and into the darkness.
Jacob runs. He runs without a destination, without any real beginning or end. He runs because this is the only time he feels truly free.
Free from the unintentional intrusions of his pack mates; free from their pity. Free from the bitter hatred of the Cullens, his most special species of hate reserved, of course, for Edward. Free from the terrible leaping, dropping sensation he feels whenever he thinks about Bella. And Jacob hopes that one day, if he simply runs fast enough, he will be free from himself completely. Free to leave Jacob behind and keep running.
Now, in his wolf form, the forest thrums around him and inside him. He feels connected to every rock and tree and creature, even as they all fly by him, fast enough to blend into a blur of greens and browns and blacks. Here and now, Jacob is just one miniscule part of the transcendent ebb and flow of life.
His thoughts are simpler in wolf form. More like rapid impressions of images and sensations than fully formed ideas. He is consumed by the now. The wolf lives only in the present, another way he is free.
The wolf senses a doe a short ways away and changes course accordingly. Jacob lets it. It would feel nice to kill something tonight.
He gains steadily on the doe. Though he is much faster in wolf form, he is not quite as agile. The deer frantically changes direction, hoping to shake Jacob. He growls in anticipation. So close. A few more bounds and-
Jacob yelps in surprise and momentary pain as something slams into him at speed, knocking the breath from his lungs. A very cold, very hard something. And what is that god awful smell? Then it clicks. A leech. The leech.
Edward had lost track of where exactly he was. He knew the forest well by now, every hidden path and clearing. He could find his way when he was ready. Originally, he had planned to return to his home and his family, but with the state his mind was in, that idea seemed equal parts repulsing and amusing. His walk became a run, then a sprint in no particular direction, merely away. He could not face his family, now. He could barely face himself.
Why can't you just turn her already? Are you really too weak to take what you want? What both of you want?
I am not weak! She does not want this curse. She cannot!
She is so fragile, so tenuous, so mortal. If you do not turn her, she will die. Today, tomorrow, decades from now…Will you watch her suffer and slip away when you could save her? When you could live together and love each other for eternity?
This? This is not living! This is existing. This is continuing. I could not condemn her to this, she would hate me!
Or would you hate yourself?
What?
What if she changed? What if she was different when her heart stopped and her skin turned to stone? What if in trying to keep Bella forever, you lost her? What if-
His forward momentum was suddenly and decisively halted by something. A large, furry, russet something.
Not you. Not now. Not when I just want to kill something. His steady growling fills the clearing where they have collided.
"You're welcome to try it, pup." Edward taunts. Knowing Bella would be torn apart to see them fighting and not caring. It scares him that he is not particularly bothered about how Bella would feel. He's been scaring himself a lot lately.
Edwards own growls add a counterpoint to their primal harmony. They begin to stalk in circles, Edward more animal than man probing with his mind, Jacob with his senses.
Jacob pounces first, leaping across their clearing with force and speed with the intention of clawing the hell out of the bloodsucker. He wants to make him feel an iota of the agony Edward caused him, taking Bella. He does not get the chance as Edward deflects him, flipping him up and over the leech using his momentum to send him crashing into a very large, very solid Redwood. Jacob cannot help the pained yelp that leaves his throat as he feels a few ribs crack.
They've already started healing by the time Jacob lands on the forest floor, facing the leech who has the audacity to smirk at him.
Jacob feints this time, changing direction before even he himself is aware of it. He manages to catch Edward off guard and lands on top of him long enough to slash his claws down the leech's face, neck and chest. There are scratches at least. Long and deep. But there is no blood. Jacob wonders if the vampire can even feel pain at all.
Edward almost laughs when this thought touches his mind. "You have no idea," he says aloud. Edward flings Jacob across the clearing with his hands and, with super-human speed, is on the other side to catch him, throw him down, and pin him by his neck. The wolf wriggles and squirms at this, sending the vampire flying with a two-legged kick.
They continue on like this for what might be minutes or hours. Kicking, slashing, ripping, biting, growling. Each knows that the other will do no real damage to the other and neither cares. Ultimately, Edward has the better stamina and when the russet wolf's attacks lose speed and accuracy, the vampire pins him with both arms on the wolf's forelegs. Edward should leave now, he knows. But he feels like he is done running for tonight.
The russet wolf's eyes are feral, glowing with inhuman emotions. He seems to lose a battle with himself, and something gives in the set of his spine and in his eyes. Righteous fury and jealousy give way to exhaustion. One moment, he was a top a huge panting russet wolf, and the next he was a straddling a much smaller boy. Jacob is panting and glaring, but not struggling.
"What are you doing, leech?" he spits out.
Without moving, Edward replies, "I am not sure."
"Well, could you—I dunno- stop?" Jacob makes a token attempt at escape.
"Do you want me to?" It is an odd question, he should already know the answer, but it feels like the right one to ask.
He hears two answers. "Yes!" No. One from Jacob's mouth and one from his mind. Edward wonders at the discrepancy.
Some of this curiosity must show for Jacob yells, "Get out of my head!"
"I could stop reading your mind, but you would still be thinking about me. Why?"
"Because you're crushing me!"
"Ah," is Edward's eloquent reply as he shifts some of his weight off of the boy and to the forest floor beneath him. In a distant corner of his mind, he thinks that it's nice to not worry about literally crushing Jacob beneath him. With Bella on the other hand…
What the hell? Does this leech have no concept of personal space? What is he doing here? Why doesn't he leave? Hell, why don't I leave?
"Indeed, Jacob. Why don't you?"
"I…" His traitorous mind continues. I don't want to leave. This feels—Jacob clamps down on this train of thought. Grimacing when he think of how much Edward must have heard.
"Why don't you leave? You hate me, remember?"
"Not really. You have some…(lack of control physical and mental control, immaturity) distasteful qualities. But I would not say I hate you." Jacob's only crime is loving Bella too much, and Edward is guilty of that himself, is he not?
"I hate you." Jacob says in reply and Edward does not have to read his mind to know he is not being completely honest.
Edward leans forward and down, though there is really no need. The forest is almost eerily silent and Jacob has excellent hearing. For dramatic effect then, Edward whispers his next words directly into Jacob's ear. "Then why are you still here?"
Edward does not know precisely what he expects Jacob to do or say, but the shudder that runs down his spine catches him completely off guard.
So that's part one. Review if you want a part two! Or even if you don't! Just review!