Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own Castle or any of the characters. (:
Richard Castle:
I love her. And I finally told her that when she was lying in my arms dying. You would think I would be braver… that I could've told her before she had gotten shot right in front of me. It's like those movies you see… The man tells the woman that he loves her so that she will come back to life. And it always works.
But why did I wait so long? I could've told her so many times before. Like when she kissed me. Okay, sure that was only a decoy… but it was real to me. And I'm sure it was real to her too.
I have always loved her… I love the way she never gives up on anything she does. I love that crooked smile, and those beautiful eyes. I love her stubbornness although it almost cost us everything. I love the way she interrogates those criminals that we catch together. I love her strength. She never breaks down, even when she is hurting. I love that she always has advice for me about Alexis. I love that she doesn't judge anybody. I love that she is supportive of everybody. I love her, I love her, I love her.
You don't know how badly I'm hurting right now… I'm sitting here waiting in this hospital to hear if the love of my life is going to live, or if I have to help plan her funeral, too. I never felt this way about Meredith, Alexis's mother. I don't regret her though, because Alexis is my life. But I've never felt any love like this before. I never knew love could be like this. Just hearing Kate's name makes my heart skip a beat. And I know that sounds cheesy… but it's the truth. I think about her all the time.
I think about her when I'm lying in bed at night – about how amazing it would be if I could finally tell her how I feel. But I waited until she was dying. I feel so stupid. I feel like I wasted our time. What if she dies? What if I have to live the rest of my life not knowing what it is like to kiss her, to make love to her, or to grow old with her? And what if she wakes up and doesn't feel the same way that I do?
What am I saying? Of course she loves me. Have you seen the way that she looks at me? Because I have. And you didn't feel the way that she kissed me. I've never felt anything like it. I've never felt more in love than I had at that moment. And it was just one kiss…
I've never really been in love with anybody, and I don't think that she has either. We have had little flings, like her fling with Josh that is still going on. I think I need to tell him how I feel… I think he already knows though. It's so obvious.
Esposito and Ryan are sitting across from me, drinking coffee, and waiting for the news like me. But they don't have as much on the line as I do. Nobody does. Except for Kate. She is on that operating table, her life hanging by a thread because she knew too much. I guess that is the risk you take when you become a cop. But she doesn't deserve it. I wish that I could kill the man who did this to her, but I'd go to jail and that wouldn't help at all.
The time is ticking away… 2 hours, 3 hours, 4 hours, 5 hours, and 6 hours later I see the surgeon, blood on his hands literally. "Family of Katherine Beckett?" he calls and Kate's father answers, because we are not family no matter how badly I wish we were.
He looked at me from across the room, and I could tell he wasn't happy. But I wasn't going to give up on her though. The doctor left and he walked over to me. "Go see her… they lost her on the table, but they revived her," he says, looking at me. "You love her, and she loves you. Don't let that go. She is in critical condition, but I know she will be okay with your help."
"Thank you," I say, not even giving it a second thought. All I want to do is see her. I don't want my last image of her to be her lying in my arms dying.
Walking into the room, I see her laying in the bed, hooked up to machines… but at least they are letting me know she is alive. She looks as beautiful as she ever has, but I'm sure she wouldn't agree.
"Do you regret going after your mom's killer now, Kate?" I'm pretty sure this isn't the right thing to say. "I do… I love you, Kate. I don't know if you knew before, but you know now. And if you don't wake up, I'm never going to know what it's like to love you because you were too stubborn before to let me." Nothing. She is just laying there, and all I can do is wait. Maybe talking to her some more will wake her up… It always works in the movies. "I don't think I could handle having to bury you, Kate. I've never loved anybody like this. I wish you would wake up so I could tell you this, and you could actually respond. I know you love me…" Come on Kate…
It was all hazy after that. I fell asleep, and when I woke up she was there looking at me.
Another chapter sometime soon. Hope you enjoyed and would love some comments and feedback! (: