Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Note: I honestly think this is the longest oneshot I've written. As you know, reviews are love.
Rain was pouring down outside the Hog's Head. Draco Malfoy sat inside sulking with three empty glasses of firewhiskey in front of him. Soon after that he'd already downed one more.
"Give me another." he said but the bar tender shook his head.
"No, you've had plenty." the bar tender said.
"Damnit just give me a drink! It's you job to serve people now give me one more!" Draco started to yell.
"No. You've had enough. I don't want you staying at the Leaky Cauldron again this week. Go home." he stated firmly causing Draco to sink deeper into his seat.
What had he resulted to? A helpless pathetic person going to the pub at least once a week. How much worse could he disgrace the family name?
He may have hated this and the terrible state it always left him in, but still, the alchohol helped at times. It helped him forget everything he hated, everything he wished to forget. Well, almost everything. It made him forget the war, his parents, and how horrible his life had turned out. He almost felt like giving up when these emotions overwhelmed him all at once. This is where he found the alchohol to help, to help him forget all surrounding him, it was his form of solace.
But these things were nothing compared to the one thing he wished to forget most. The one thing he wanted most was the one thing he both loved and hated most out of all of these. He wanted most to forget her. Yes, her. The one person that he desperately tried to forget. Every time he would drink he would keep drinking, hoping the next one would make it stop. Many glasses later, there wasn't a single drop left of the addicting liquid, but it was then filled with lost hope.
He hated her with a burning passion. Mostly he hated her for what she did to him. Her smile, her hair, her eyes, everything would just leave him when he was near her, or thinking about her for that matter. These petty things seemed like they would be easy to forget, but it proved just the opposite. Not even the alcohol could help him with her memories. She was like a perfect photograph burned permanently into his mind.
Mudblood.
This was the term he was most frequently used to calling her by. Though she was just that. She was lower than him, filth, dirt under neath the ridge of his shoe. She didn't deserve his feelings.
Yet he found her so captivating. He hungered for her taste, her touch, her scent. She was like a drug, and he couldn't get enough of her. Every chance he got, he was near her, without the possibility of it being obvious.
Don't ask him when he ever started to notice the girl, he couldn't answer that. Honestly, he didn't know. It was as though these feelings, just came suddenly at one point.
Maybe it was the year she slapped him, showing that she was equal to him on some level. How she wouldn't stand back for what she believed in. She was the first person to stand up to him, physically at least. Showing she wasn't afraid of him, though knowing the fact that she wasn't didn't make him feel any better.
Though, it could have been in their fourth year, when he saw her pass by him and Pansy dressed like she was. He never knew a mudblood could clean up like that.
Or perhaps, his feelings could have just grown over a period of time. He would never know for sure.
Either way, it was why he was in the pub at that very moment. Because of those ridiculous feelings he had obtained for her. It was her bloody fault anyway he was here. Of all the girls, it had to have been her.
It had been two years. Two years since he'd last kissed her, held her, spoke to her, or even seen her for that matter. It had been two, long, agonizing years since he'd heard her mutter those two last words that clawed so deeply at his heart.
How he hated those words. They were the words he was always told in his life. Everyone in his life that he'd loved had told him this. He heard them repeatedly, over and over, until he couldn't take it anymore. They weren't reasons for their faults or accidents that had happened in the past. They were just excuses so that they wouldn't have to tell him the real reason.
She did that. She chose to make an excuse instead of telling him the real reason. But she made her choice. She chose to be with that...blood traitor instead of him.
"Come on, just give me one more." Draco begged.
"Fine. One more. After that you're gone." the bar tender said handing him a newly filled glass.
Pausing, he kept ahold of the drink. As he brought it to his lips, he heard the door open. Someone had walked up to the bar and ordered a Firewhiskey. Draco couldn't see who it was as they were wearing a cloak covering their features. Though when they reached for their drink their cloak fell back revealing it was a girl. She sat down in the chair next to him and he heard her mutter "Thanks" to the bartender.
A thought struck him. That voice. It was so familiar. So soft, so fragile...just like hers. No, it couldn't be.. he thought shaking the thought from his head. But the thought kept returning to him the longer she sat in his presence. The thought wouldn't stop plaguing his mind everytime he'd glance at her. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to believe it was her. He had to know for certain.
Unfortunately, with how many drinks he'd had already, his ideas on figuring this out were set to a minimum. Taking what was left of his drink, he 'accidentally' dumped it in her lap. Looking down and jumping from the coldness of the drink hitting her, the girl began to shout.
"What do you thin-" she stopped abruptly as she seen his face. All the color drained from her face when she recognized him.
"So, it is you." Draco said looking at the girl who had tried to recover her face before he saw.
"I-I don't know what you're talking about." she stuttered looking down at the bar.
"Oh come off it Granger. I know it's you." he said and she slowly removed the hood of her cloak.
Her hair was done up in a bun and her earrings sparkled in the dimly lit room. Obviously she had been dressed up for some sort of occasion.
"What are you doing in a place like this?" she asked.
"I should be asking you the same thing." he stated smirking.
"I-I came to blow off some steam." she said taking a sip of her firewhiskey but began coughing almost immediately as the liquid entered her mouth.
"You're a first with your alcohol, aye? What happened, another fight with the Weasel?" she glared daggers at him.
"That wouldn't be any of your business. And you don't even know what you're talking about." she said suddenly getting offensive. He raised his eyebrows in interest, knowing this was an open opportunity to push her buttons.
"Sure I do. To an extent. You gave up a life with me with money and power to go and marry that wanker." he said.
"I don't have to listen to this." she said and began to walk out the door.
Realizing she wasn't kidding when he saw the door close with her on the other side of it, he took off. He forgot to grab his cloak so as soon as he stepped outside he was pelted repeatedly with rain. Grabbing her shoulder before she got out of reach, he spun her around to see her face.
"Tell me why." he said looking her in the eye.
"Tell you what?" she asked pretending not to understand.
"Tell me why you married him. You never told me, I deserve to know." he said.
"Yes I did. I told you I loved him." she said beginning to walk away again.
"That wasn't why though! You loved me. I could see it in your eyes when you left, you didn't love him."
"What did you expect me to do Draco? What would you do if you were in my position?" she turned around with such force her hood fell off.
"I would have stayed!" he yelled.
Anger coursed through his body. Why did she keep telling him these lies? He knew they weren't true, so why keep persisting that they were? Willingly, she walked away from having a happy life. She knew that she would be happier with him. That was what hurt him most. Him and her both knew she didn't feel for Ron what she felt for him, but she insisted that she did. Was there some real truth behind what she was saying?
"We had to face reality. I'm Hermione Granger. You're Draco Malfoy." she said causing him to roll his eyes.
"What's your point?" he asked.
"I mean. We're too different. I'm expected to be with Ron. I'm best friends with the boy-who-lived and you served the one person who wanted him dead." she said in a hurt voice.
This only made him angrier. He couldn't believe she would throw that in his face. He clenched his fists. She took a step back each time he began to advance towards her until she was against a wall. Worry overcame her. What would he do?
"We discussed that matter before."
His body was now closed against her. He spoke staring into her eyes with his lips just a centimeter away. He brought up his hand to her face. Afraid of what he was doing, she flinched and closed her eyes, turning her face to the side. When she felt him brush a strand of hair out of her face, she opened her eyes and returned to face him.
His eyes were no longer piercing, nor cold or empty as they once was. The eyes that used to scare her were now upsetting her. They were now filled with hurt, regret, compassion, and love. Never had she thought someone could depict all such different emotions at once.
"Tell me you don't love me." he said softly.
"What?" she asked not sure if she heard him correctly.
The rain was rather loud, and since she hadn't had time to pull her hood back on, she was now as drenched as he was.
"Say you don't love me. If you do, I'll never bother you again. Just look me in the eye and tell me." he said.
"Please. Let go, you're hurting me." she said as he pressed her harder into the wall.
"Then say it!" he said a bit more forcibly.
"No!" she shouted back.
"Why not!? Say it! Four words, four bloody words and you won't say them! Just say it!"
"I can't! Okay? I can't!" she said between sobs before pulling away from his grasp and sinking closer to the ground.
He released her and took a step back. She looked up at him. Her mascara was now smeared and her hair had now fell plump on her shoulders. With it raining he couldn't tell that she was now crying.
She loved him. He knew it, she loved him all along. With that he walked back over to her.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
He wiped away the mascara on her cheeks and cupped her face in his hands. She looked up at him, knowing what was coming next. He kissed her. It took only a second for her to register what was happening, and yet, she didn't pull away. She knew it was wrong to continue to kiss him, but she couldn't help it. It had been far too long for her not to feel his lips upon hers.
Relief and a flicker of hope washed over Draco when she responded to his kiss. So many emotions were going through Draco's mind as he realized that he wanted more, no, he needed more. At this, he deepened the kiss and asked entrance to her mouth with his tongue, which she granted.
This was it, he thought. Finally she had decided to be with him once and for all. Joy was flooding over him as he thought this. After two years, they could be together. He could be happy with her. If only the moment could last forever. He began to put his arms around her but stopped feeling her pull away figuring she was as out of breath as he.
"That was amazing." he said as he still had her face cupped in his hands.
"W-we can't do this." she panted.
Draco felt a pang in his stomach as he heard this.
"Why? We love each other, we deserve happyness just as much as any other person in the world!"
"Still, we can't. You know that just as much as I do." she said avoiding his gaze again. He would never understand how much it hurt her to be saying this.
He knew she was right. But he also knew, that this was his last chance with her. Again, he kissed her. And again, they began wrapped around each other's bodies. But as before, she pulled back away, this time sobbing before taking steps backwards.
She was drenched now. The clothes she had been wearing now clung to her like a second skin, and her hair in a matt on her shoulders entangled in wet curls. The light from the street in front of them illuminated their shadows in the corner.
He could still hear her sobbing and knew what was coming next. Though this time, he would try to stop her. He couldn't lose her now after she had just returned. This time, he would try to not let her speak those two words he hated so much. Not again, he couldn't hear those words again. They hurt enough the first time, he coudn't handle the pain it caused him a second time.
"Hermione, please...don't say it.."
And yet those two words that clawed so deeply at his heart, began to form from her lips between sobs.
"I'm sorry.." she said before running back towards the street without taking a second look.
He could see her bring her arms up to wipe away her eyes and try and clean off her face some as she ran. Whoever said it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all was a dirty liar. He couldn't bear to see her go the first time, and it hurt twice as much to watch her leave a second. He'd lost her again.
Now, she had went running as fast as she could around the corner and was out of sight. The only thing left was him hearing one last choked sob. But he wasn't sure as to whether the sob was emitting from her mouth, or his.
She was the only ray of light in his life. The only thing he'd looked forward to seeing, the only thing he'd had to care about. Without her, life had no purpose, as did his heart. It was just there beating as though it were not there, without any other purpose than to keep him alive.
I'm sorry. The cruelest words, Draco thought, to be in the english language. Just two simple words and someone could have their hopes and dreams for the future crushed into oblivion. Rain continued to pelt him repeatedly as he stared straight ahead where she stood only a few moments ago. The words kept ringing in his head. I'm sorry. I'm sorry...I'm sorry.
That was when he made his decision to do it when he had reached his home. It was not only out of grief that he commited his deed, but of that and hope. Hope that he could see his parents again, see Dumbledore, and all of his fellow students from school that had innocently lost their lives. There was nothing left for him here, but there was a whole new life for him waiting.
So before he did anything, he walked over to his bed, and he held a picture close to him. It was a picture of him, and his mother and father when he was a small boy. He had to have been no older than three. They were playing together in a park, even Lucius was smiling like he'd never been happier. It was before he'd become self-absorbed in the dark arts so much. Together they looked so happy, Draco thought.
Then, in his hand behind it, was a photograph of him and Hermione. It was from their 7th year, on their anniversary. He was kissing her on the cheek and she was laughing, trying to push him away jokingly.
That was it. That was his only photo of them together. There weren't enough. There were too many moments between them that he'd took for granted. Now all he had left were the memories that slowly faded away with him.
A single tear drop landed on the photograph weighing it down a bit on one side. More tears began to fall as he drew his wand and pointed it towards himself. He began thinking of all the people he had lost. Hermione, his parents, his friends, it seemed that everyone had left him here. And then he thought of the new life waiting for him, and he began to muttering shakily. With a trembling lip, he silently muttered the words so that only he himself could barely hear them.
"Avada Kedavra"