The Path
by TJHECTER
-Summary: "He feels like he's walking on the edge of a building surrounded by mist and flame. There's a constant burning, clenching discomfort inside him that he couldn't ignore. It is deeply rooted inside his chest, clinging to his heart and throbbing with his every heartbeat. Thump. Thump. Thump." —Some Leo angst. Drabble. Might be triggering.
-Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT.
"The sharp edge of a razor is difficult to pass over; thus the wise say the path to Salvation is hard."
—Katha Upanishad (Also quoted in W. Somerset Maugham's The Razor's Edge)
He feels like he's walking on the edge of a building surrounded by mist and flame.
A step of wrong, he will fall, fall into the whiteness and be gnawed by the biting flames.
However, there's a constant burning, clenching discomfort inside him that he couldn't ignore. It is deeply rooted inside his chest, clinging to his heart and throbbing with his every heartbeat. Thump. Thump. Thump.
A sting of pain shoots up and he almost cries out. But he never makes any noise when he's in pain. He will never, ever do that. Endurance, strength, focus, the power of one's will—those are the things that would help. Cry out? No. Complaints are to be ignored and thrown aside. One must not be satisfied with himself if he desires perfection.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
The pain grows wild with fury, as if it's fighting for his attention like a grumpy child.
He cannot sit down, rest, or do anything about it. The only thing he can do is go on. There's no sleep, no comfort, no intermission, only lingering agony…
He remembers how he used to believe in values and dreams. How he used to feel the breezes caressing his skin and enjoy the delight, and how he used to trust himself with his aspirations. Now there is no pleasure left in his life. Repetitive routine, tasks, and conversations. Dull. Dull. Dull! Friends, family, blades and battle. They bore him. Oh they do. He used to think there must be something beyond everything that he does. Is there anything?
Is there?
He repeats the question to himself, and his strides has become limping. There is nowhere else to go, no other fate to choose. And he realizes that this is childish—what he thinks, feels, and whines about. Yeah, there's no other choice. A ninja completes his mission. End of the topic.
He continues to drag his feet forward, and the world around him becomes blind white.
And how dreary things are. How dreary.
No use to discuss the questions concerning existence. Existence is there, inside him. Existence is pain. To exist means to swim in the jungle of thorns. Birth is pain. Remembrance of past and the delightful moments make him fear what is about to come. When he touches his swords, the moments pass through his mind in a blur. He knows that momentary feelings are nothing but transiency of life, but why do they bother him so?
He silences his thoughts.
Once you fall, you fall forever.
He fears. He fears the fall.
He feels like he has fallen before, and now everything is nothing but the aftermath. Is it not?
A ninja…
A man…
He blinks and marches on. And the white light is brighter than ever.
—The end.
-A/N: Sheesh, sometimes it's just easier to stay hurt than to embrace the comfort, right? XD. People need more wisdom on treating themselves. Cigarettes don't help. Stay away from substance abuse, kids...also sprach Ol' Hec.