Well, I was just thinking

Well, I was just thinking…how do authors put Harry Potter into their Harry Potter fics? I mean, it's not like we can just call J. K. Rowling and ask if we can borrow the kid. So, what happens?

Well my faithful readers, I have answered this question. And passed off one of my dreams as a story.

Disclaimer: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Song belongs to Bowling for Soup.

Read on, dudes!

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How Do Authors Get Harry Potter for Their Stories?

AKA: Kidnapping Harry Potter

"This isn't the place!" A hissed whisper slithered into Harry Potter's ears.

"Yes it is!" was the indignant, yet still quiet, reply. "See, there's the Dobby-closet from book two."

It was summer, so Harry Potter was at his aunt and uncle's house. So who could be up, in his room, whispering in the middle of the night?

Harry opened his green eyes. Things were a little fuzzy without his glasses, but he could just make out two black blobs. Make that two arguing black blobs. He carefully reached for his wand, which was under his pillow.

Suddenly, one of the blobs made a gesture. "Shh!" Harry ceased movement. Silence, and then "He's awake."

How perceptive, Harry Potter thought. Then all his thoughts stopped as the other blob came closer and spoke.

"Oh, isn't he adorable!" This blob had a higher voice than the other one, definitely a girl. It was also shorter than the first blob, but that probably meant it was bending over.

"Shut up!" hissed the second voice. It was difficult to describe this voice correctly because it was hardly more than a hiss, but Harry decided it was a raspy voice.

Harry sat up and fumbled for his glasses. The blobs settled into more humanoid shapes but remained black. "Who are you and what are you doing here?"

Harry had decided the blobs were not Death Eaters. Not even Voldie-pants employed people this stupid. But that didn't mean he didn't think they were dangerous. It just meant they weren't Death Eaters.

The taller blob reached over and flipped the light switch. Harry blinked a few until his eyes had adjusted. Then he simply stared. Both blobs (definitely human) were clearly defined now, and both were decidedly feminine.

The closer girl was the shorter of the pair. She had long honey hair, no bangs, big blue eyes, and a sweet smile. The other was about a sixth of a meter taller than her companion, and if the first girl had been light, this one was definitely dark. Her dark brown hair was cut short and choppy, her smile was anything other than sweet (more like dangerous), but her eyes were grey. Both girls were wearing block ninja suits.

And he had been thinking they had been blonde bimbos.

"What are you doing here?" Harry insisted.

The taller girl leaned closer to him. She grinned and her eyes widened, the whole look was that of a maniac. Especially with the next words. "We're gonna kidnap you!" she said in a sing-song voice.

"What?!" They didn't seriously think they could just kidnap him? Did they? People did do crazy things. Voldemort was living proof of that (unfortunately).

"Hold this" said the shorter girl pleasantly. Harry, puzzling over the possible insanity of the duo, responded affirmatively. Suddenly, he felt a brief tightening at his waist. He glanced down…

…And found himself tied up!

"He's being a lot more cooperative than I thought" admitted the shorter girl.

Harry shook himself out and reached for his wand. It wasn't there! The taller girl waved it at him, still wearing that strange grin. Harry stared at her.

"Who the heck are you people!?" the boy demanded as he struggled against his binds.

"You really wanna know?" asked the first girl, grin gone but eye impossibly wide. Harry thought about that, but the girl spoke before he had a chance to withdraw his question.

"I" she paused and stepped back for dramatic affect. "Am the fabulous JadeAshes! FanFiction-comedy writer extraordinar! She bowed towards him with a flourish.

"Ahem!" The shorter crossed her arms impetuously. JadeAshes sighed.

"And this is my annoying editor-of-a-little-sister, Crystal."

"I read all her work and decide whether or not it's good enough for the web!"

"Well" JadeAshes waved her hand in a vague gesture. "Enough introductions! I need you over in America before sunrise if I'm ever gonna upload my story." And the sister proceeded to drag Harry out of his room and down the stairs.

"You cannot think you're gonna get away with this!" exclaimed the very confused wizard.

JadeAshes paused and looked at him. "Why not?" she asked. "I did it with the hero-team the Teen Titans."

"Yeah" Crystal agreed. "She took 'em right out of their beds!"

Harry stared at JadeAshes in horror. "You're insane!" Despite the exclamation point, it was said in a horrified whisper.

"Thank you!" The author brightened. "I've been working at it for years!"

The sisters drag a too-shocked-to-protest Harry Potter from his house. Then JadeAshes opened a muggle device Harry recognized as a laptop computer. She pressed a few keys.

"Hey! Wait!" Harry finally protested loudly.

"Shh" Crystal muttered in a disapproving tone. As if she expected Harry to go along with this. The boy felt a faint twinge, as if he'd let the girl down. Then he snapped out of it.

"Look" Harry whispered furiously as JadeAshes typed on her laptop. "This is the only safe place for me. I can't leave!"

"Yeah, that's what it said in the books." Crystal nodded, gazing over at whatever her sister was doing.

"Don't worry." JadeAshes spared him another strange, smiling glance before turning book o her work. "Where we're going will be very safe for you, very indeed."

"Okay" she exclaimed happily. "We're ready! Crystal, grab HP!"

"What?! But—" Harry began, but he was too late.

Then there was a bright flash. Then Harry fell onto a soft, plush carpet in what had to be a bedroom. JadeAshes set her computer on a bright blue desk. Bowling for Soup was playing in the background.

Sail around the world

And tell 'em all to keep singing it

La, la, la, la, la

All we need's a harmony

And we'll convince the world to sing

La, la, la, la, la

Throw your arms around someone (Throw your arms around someone)

Maybe spread a little love!

I know it sounds a little dumb

Maybe I'm a little drunk!

But all we need it some ice cream and a hug!

Crystal turned to her sister and yawned. "Later, sis. I'm gonna get what sleep I can." Another yawn. "Tell me when you get reviews in." Then the girl who Harry considered safe left him with madness incarnate.

"But—but" JadeAshes spluttered after her sister. "I was gonna get Hermione next!"

Crystal shook her head vigorously. "I may not have read the entire series, but I've read enough to know that Hermione's the smartest of the three, and she'll probably hex with a…a…a donkey tail or something."

"Ya' think?!" JadeAshes seemed far too happy about the possibility. "Ya' think she could jinx my hair orange or lightning lemon?"

Crystal simply shook her head and left.

Harry was alone with a maniac. JadeAshes's face was blank for a few seconds, then she grinned crazily at him.

"Voldemort" Harry whimpered, as the girl drew closer. "Help!"

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How'ja like it? Was it good?

Oh, and if you're wondering about that second genre? Harry wouldn't let up until I'd picked. He was screaming about "kidnap victims" or something. Well, there ya' go! A second mystery solved!

REVIEW!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! (Harry screaming.)

SHUT UP!

JA (and Harry Potter says "Help!")