Once Was Blind
Rating: PG-13/T
Genre: Drama/Angst/Tragedy
Summary: And suddenly Niklaus understood everything. Spoilers for 3.08 "Ordinary People".
Author's Note: This one just kind of hit me.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries. It belongs to L.J. Smith/The CW.
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Mikael is not his father.
Niklaus comes to that realization, shirt and mouth still bloodstained from the kill, and suddenly everything is clear.
Years and years of cold looks, of disgust, of disinterest and hatred from Mikael are now suddenly understood.
His mother's declining warmth towards him over the years, never standing up for him when Mikael was harsh.
In some ways, knowing makes it less painful. Knowing and understanding that there was and is a reason for the way they treat him, and not simply because they just don't like him. It's not because of me- Not quite. It's because I'm not his.
Father must have been so hurt.
Mother must have been so ashamed.
But in other ways, it makes it so much worse. Partly because he knows that Mikael isn't obliged to give a damn about him and partly because it means that Esther chose her husband over her son. Niklaus screams inside his head. This isn't my fault! It's not my fault! How can I help it?
Father's not my father.
My mother's a whore.
Mikael is gone. His rage has peaked, and he has his sword. Niklaus isn't certain who his target will be, specifically, but he knows that someone will die; probably many someones.
Esther is left with him. There are tears streaming down her face. He assumes that like Mikael's rage, it is her shame that has become overwhelming.
"We knew," Esther whispers, chest heaving slightly from her sorrow. "We knew. I told your father, and he was so angry… And hurt. So hurt. I didn't-" Her face contorts in grief. "I made a mistake, Niklaus."
And I'm the one who had to pay for it. Three children born after me and he certainly didn't turn his back on you.
Esther rises from where she'd sank against the wall and moves over to sit next to Niklaus on his bed. "I accepted that you probably weren't his, but I-" She sniffs. "I think a small part of me wished, all of these years, that I might be wrong." Her hand comes up to stroke his hair. "I wanted so badly for him to love you, accept you, and… I know it does not always seem that way, Niklaus, but he does love you."
I notice that you did not say that he accepts me, though.
"And I love you too." Her lips quiver as she says that. If he weren't so numb, he would be wondering at his strong mother breaking down into tears. "I'm so sorry, Niklaus. I've neglected you. I was so ashamed for straying from your father, and every time I looked at you and knew that you weren't his that shame always came back. It stopped me from treating you the way I ought to have."
You could have tried.
The tears are falling freely again. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." Her arms come up to wrap around his shoulders. So many times Niklaus had wanted this kind of comfort from her, and so many times he'd been denied it. He lets his head come to rest on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry too, mother." He takes in a deep breath; her scent is one he's known since birth. Old and familiar, but not as comforting as it should be. "And I want to forgive you. But one thing?"
"Anything, sweetheart."
Niklaus pulls his head up so that he can look her in the eye.
CRUNCH.
Esther's breath catches in her throat, and it takes full ten seconds before she looks down to see his hand embedded into her chest. She slowly looks back up at him, expression unreadable. Hurt? Betrayal? Good. That's what he wants. He wants to see in her eyes what she must have seen in his all of these years.
"I forgive you, mother." He whispers into her ear before the light disappears from her eyes.
Niklaus rips her heart from her chest and leaves it beside her body on the bed for his father. He tells Rebekah and Elijah that Mikael killed Esther, and they believe him without question.
Esther is dead.
And now Mikael has lost three of his most precious people.
It's a start.
-End