Images spun in front of his eyes. They were dizzying, swirling so fast that the colors of his memories blended. Confused clips from his past, stained glass windows, iron gates dusted with snow, a child crying, were so distorted they no longer looked familiar. He watched as a stranger to his own mind. There was no emotion connected with the thoughts, even if he vaguely recalled pain at the time they occurred. In fact there wasn't pain in his mind or body as he felt his fall come to an end, even though he knew there should be. But then again, he'd never been known for sensitivity.
Time wasn't running the way it should. He knew he couldn't still be falling (he wasn't that far off the ground) but his body was still floating. Or was it? Time wasn't sequential anymore; he was a child now. The snow was caught in his hair and he was cold. But then he wasn't anywhere, incoherent tones filled his eyes, or was it his ears? Light and sound were the same thing now, there was never a difference. There wasn't coldness anymore, feeling didn't exist. He was inside a building, outside himself. He was watching a little boy, then the snow fell more. He was cold again. Very cold...too cold.
But there was warmth. And the lanterns stopped spinning so fast. The warmth was in his arms. No, it wasn't his arms, it was along his back. Yes, his back and neck...but his face was cold and so were his toes. His chest was cold...his body was cold. And the air was so heavy on him...he couldn't lift a finger. But why move? He was watching the little boy. There was an old man, he was kind. And other boys, and some girls. But the place was lonely and rainy. The rain was never nice, it was always cold. So cold, but the boy never looked cold. He wondered who the boy was. But he twas the boy, he thought. The snow was in his hair. He wondered who he was.
Something secret, he remembered. He was something secret, where was he now? He knew he was waiting for something to happen, had it happened already? It was taking too long, he was impatient. He hated to not know. Yes, and he hated not being able to do something about it. He hated losing control...or just losing. That was it, that's what he hated! Losing, he hated to lose, he hated to lose, he wouldn't lose, he could never lose, it was wrong. Wrong had to be stopped, he hated things that felt wrong. But there was something wrong, time wasn't fast enough. Something should have happened by now, this wasn't right. It was wrong. He wasn't the boy, there was no snow. There wasn't warmth, no warmth that was his. He wasn't the same anymore, he wasn't the boy. He was L.
L.
The letter shot him back to reality and pain seared through his chest. The memories he'd unknowingly relived sped faster and vanished, melting away from his eyes. More pain, it was shooting through his limbs, burning inside his body. It was like acid, it was throbbi—no. It didn't throb. The pain didn't pulse behind his eyes as it should. It just persisted, dissolving him from the inside out. He wasn't supposed to be feeling this; he knew it. He knew he was no longer supposed to see, but he needed to. He couldn't let himself embrace the comfort he felt floating above his own consciousness. He needed to see. The truth was evident, but he needed proof. He always did.
Slowly the world came back into focus. It was bright and wrong. But as bright as it was, the colours were muted. He couldn't hear and couldn't smell. He didn't know the taste of his own mouth and his skin felt numb, even with the corrosion just beneath its surface. But he could see. Singularly focused, his shifted his eyes ever so slightly. He could see him. No, it wasn't him, it was someone else. Someone he'd been fighting so long to see.
Kira
L smiled inside. Light Yagami was grinning as he looked down at him. Light looked so happy as he held him. His eyes were giddy, probably even crazed. His lips were mocking; he was so smug. He must think he won. But that was something Light never fully understood...you couldn't win if your opponent never lost. So L smiled inside; L never lost. Light Yagami was Kira. He knew he was right all along. It was finally confirmed.
His eyelids were too heavy now and the pain was finally subsiding. He knew what it meant, but he didn't mind. He'd never been one to believe in God, so there was no afterlife. Just rest, and rest would be good for him. He was so tired now, after solving such a difficult case. It was so relaxing to finally finish that long fall. He was floating.
Time wasn't running the way it should. Colour and sound fell silent as Light Yagami's fingers trembled against L's cold body. The air was heavy on his chest and, for a moment, he couldn't think. All he knew was what he'd just done. His only focus was on the emptiness that was once Ryuuzaki. But his eyes had closed now; they couldn't watch him anymore.
Never before had Light felt so divine.