Rumor Has It
Author Notes:
I seriously don't know what the hell was I thinking, writing something like this...
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
"... Ku... Kumo-san?"
"... What now, woman?"
"I think boss is heading this way...!"
"Hn?"
"... Eh? Hibari-san? Chrome-chan? What are you two do...ing?...HIIIIIIIIIIE! I...! You two...? HIIIIIIIE?"
"Damn you, Sawada Tsunayoshi. You're too loud."
"..."
"Uhm... Ku... Kumo-san? I think he's fainted."
"... Annoying herbivore. It's like he's never seen anyone making out before."
"Oi, Hibari! Have you seen Juudaime anywh...ere...?"
"..."
"Again? Damn it."
"... WTF? You? Her?...You? Argh! This is the school roof, bastard!"
"You're seriously that eager to be bitten to death?"
"Nghn! Just text me when you see Juudaime!"
"... I haven't seen Arashi-san run away that fast since...well...since SHITOPII-chan."
"Hn"
"And should we told him that boss is in the clinic?"
"You talk to much, woman."
"Hahaha... Hibari-san? Chrome-chan? Hahaha... Are you sure you haven't eaten anything weird lately, Gokudera?"
"Argh! You damn baseball idiot! Go see for yourself then!"
"Why not? I'm sure you've made a mistake, anyway. Hahaha..."
Dear Vongola Decimo,
We are terribly sorry to inform you of the incident regarding your Rain Guardian. Apparently, Yamamoto Takeshi has gone through a massive traumatic experience, which had him slip into a short coma for the time being. The cause of this regretful incident has yet to be determined. We hope to solve his case as soon as possible.
Another notice will be delivered to your famiglia if there's anything change.
Have a good day,
Akashi Kotetsu.
{Ciaossu?}
{Reborn?}
{Dame-Tsuna. I thought I told you not to call me unless there's an emergency?}
{Re...Reborn! Woahhhh!}
{If you're just gonna cry then I'm hanging up.}
{*Sniff* This IS an emergency, I'm telling you. Something incredibly disturbing has happened...}
{... You've gotten laid?}
{Hm... Wha...? NO! What the hell? Reborn!}
{Che.}
{Don't you 'che' me, Reborn! You should be ashamed of yourself! Get...get laid?}
{Tch. Shut up, Dame-Tsuna. You're sixteen, and a virgin to boot. YOU should be ashamed of yourself. Go ask your Guardians if any of them are as clueless as you.}
{... None... None of your bussiness! I'm calling you to talk about the disturbingly aghast affair of Hibari-san and Chrome-chan!}
{... Hibari?}
{Yeah. And Chrome-chan. I'm telling you, my mental health are seriously in great danger...}
{*Clop*}
{...tongue and everything. I swear, it's like he was biting her face off, literally, and... Reborn? Hello? Hello? Hey!}
{Kyoya!}
{*Clop*}
...
"He hang up! Why?! I haven't even SAID anything, Reborn!"
"Silent! You are sounding like Dame-Tsuna."
"But... But... Kyoya's all grown up... Woaaaah... I myself haven't gotten a girlfriend!"
"Your predictable future of being a nun forever has nothing to do with Hibari's lovelife. Be reasonable, Dino."
"... I have to help him to find a suitable ring!"
"It's unlikely that those two are getting married THAT soon. They are underaged, after all."
"No matter! I have to be of SOME use! Kyoya! Ascending to adulthood! God, I'm crying..."
"... You're disgusting, Dino."
Dear Skylark-kun,
Lately I've heard some disturbing news concerning you and my cute, cute Chrome. Dearest, I KNOW that you have always been having an unhealthy obssesion with me, but snogging the air out of my dear Chrome's lung isn't going to help you get any closer to your fantasies involving me, I'm afraid.
That is to said, GET AWAY FROM MY CHROME. I still can possess her any time I want, mind you. So, unless you want to make out with ME (like I know you DO), keep your hands to yourself.
Mukuro Rokudo
Dear Mukuro-sama,
Please refrain from making a nuisance of yourself. As much as I'm appreciate your endless concern regarding my innocence, I have to ask of you to stop accusing Kumo-san of the homosexuality that I'm pretty sure only you have, no offence. Don't make me have to sue you for sexual harrassing my boyfriend.
I have stolen this letter from Kyou-san's desk, so rest assured that whatever reasons he has for attacking you, this has nothing to do with it.
And lastly, Mukuro-sama, black-mailing is considered breaking the rule of Namimori, and while you could be considered his soon-to-be brother-in-law, Kyou-san's patience has its limit.
Please, try to get along, for my sake, at least.
Best wishes,
Chrome Dokuro
"HIBARI! I've heard the EXTREME news! When is the wedding?!"
"...loud..."
"... Wha...? It's hurt to the EXTREME! HAHAHA! So I see that even marriage has yet to nip the youthful MASCULINE carnivorous spirit of yours! Good!"
"...Seriously... Fuck off."
"Nonsense! It is an EXTREME ocassion to celebrate! NOW! For the power of LOVE, of MASCULINE PRIDE and YOUTHFUL SPIRIT of bachelors, I DEMAND a treat to all comrades!"
"..."
"...Hibari! Oi! Where are you going? What about your FIGHTING SPIRIT to the EXTREME?"
"..."
"Chrome-chan! Is that true?"
"...? Wh...at?...What's true?"
"You know, the things they said... Are you and Hibari-senpai, like, a couple now?"
"Hahi! Too forward, Kyoko-chan! Tsuna-san said we should be sensible!"
"..."
"..."
"... Oops? Hahi..."
"Well... I wouldn't said that we aren't..."
"Oh my!"
"HAHI?"
"Bu...but...there's no wedding..."
"...Oh... You heard about that, too?"
"Somewhat... Don't tell Kyou-san, though. He's already been in a bad mood lately."
"... Still, Chrome-chan? You have to tell us everything..."
{Hello? Heelooooo?}
{Lambo-san, please. You're eight years old already.}
{Ipin? Nyahahahaha! There's gonna be a wedding~ Wanna come?}
{...There is?}
{Nyahahaha! Of course, AhoDera told us that Eye-patch and Monster are gunna be 'bound by marriage', or something... Wanna come?}
{...Monster?}
{You know, the dude with scary eyes, weird weapons... Purple-ish all the time... Hello?... Ipin? Oi! Ipin!}
...
"I think she's just fainted. Why?"
"Because you're stupid, that's why."
"Hey! AhoDera!"
"..."
"OUCH! What was that for?"
"... Say, Kumo-san?"
"Hn?"
"If they are THIS excited over some baseless rumor concerning our marital status..."
"You are hesitating again, woman. I thought I had made myself perfectly clear that I will NOT tolerant any sign of herbivorous behavior?"
"...what will they do when they catch wind of the fact that I'm, well, pregnant?"
"... You are WHAT?"
"Well, I know that I'm underage, and all... But..."
"Chrome."
"Eh?... Yes!"
"We'll kick the lot of them off to Italy (They're bound to move there in a year anyway), the wedding will schedule exactly the same day you turn eighteen, and I get to name the little carnivore. Any question?"
"... Please open the window, Kyoya-san. I think I'm about to puke."
"... I still get to name the brat, though."
And so the most violent, isolated and carnivorous Guardian of the Vongola Famiglia ended up getting himself an underage wife, Tsuna's crew had several field days, Mukuro suffered from an everlasting trauma he happen to called his life, Dino started self-proclaiming himself as the greatest godfather to anyone who was unfortunate enough to accidentally stumble upon him, and Reborn, well, Reborn was just generally being Reborn.