With a world tightly wound around the next breath of a falling star, there was an eerie calm to being thrown in the dark. For a moment, there was no need to be seen; no need to rage light upon light to claim the sky; no need to lace skin in scars to avoid a million eyes.
No.
Here, in the dark, there was no world. Here, there was just unadulterated life.
And that memory was curse all on its own.
"Kururugi!" The name banged louder on the door than the hand that knocked. "You're on in ten! What the hell are you doing in there?"
Suzaku's shoulders flinched, pulling himself from his hands as he glanced at the door behind him. The metal door was racked by another fury of knocks followed by his name.
"Please tell me you're not stoned," the man said, voice twisted between a whine and a groan.
Suzaku fought against a smirk as he replied, "Not yet!"
The man mumbled something under his breath, but Suzaku could practically see his shoulders relax on the other side of the door. Scuffling followed next to the door with a light clinking of glass.
"I thought I told them not to delivery any flowers," the man mumbled. Suzaku pressed his lips together, his eyes dropping to his laced fingers. "Toss 'em, right?"
"Yes." Suzaku said. "Please."
The man grunted in reply, his footsteps already clonking down the hallway. "Ten minutes!"
Suzaku waited until the call faded in the distance and swung around to face the vanity. He cursed under his breath at the sight of reddened eyes burning beneath swollen eyelids. The compact that Cecile had given him when he refused to have someone cake his face with makeup was nearly empty from trying to cover his current dilemma. The eye liner kept running from the tears that crept down his cheeks, the eye shadow made his eyes seem bloodshot; the foundation turned him into a red faced ghoul, and the mascara—he shivered at what had possessed him to even use it—almost did more damage than the flowers sitting outside.
His knuckles itched to splinter the mirror in front of him, but he caught himself despite the desperate ache. He dropped his head, blinking rapidly to keep the next wave of tears from his eyes. Yet, even with them gone, the flowers that always sat outside his door burned in his mind. The dark, rich mauve petals that would stand upright for him turned his stomach inside out. The golden bulbs that reached out from the cupped flowers with so many promises made his skin yearn to crawl off his bones. But worse of all, the lone note that sat in the bundle of roses and agapanthuses always read, 30785 Shinjek Sq.— Midnight – Yours, Always.
Stop it! Suzaku screamed into his knuckle he hadn't realized he had been biting. The tears streamed faster down his face, his muscles locking in place as a hundred things and nothings began to tear through his mind. He lost count of how many of those notes he tore to pieces, mercilessly plucked petals from beautiful flowers, demanded they be thrown away before reaching his door, and burned the entire delivery. Yet they never ceased to arrive on his vanity; fluffed and in pure bloom.
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! The skin on Suzaku's knuckle split under his teeth when a light knock rapped on his door.
"I have ten minutes!" Suzaku snapped.
"And I have nine."
A shock ran through Suzaku at the voice, stilling him completely. The door clicked, footsteps glided through a sea of strewn pillows, and arms engulfed him in an air of the ocean and cologne that made noses wrinkle. And Suzaku fell into it so easily.
"You're not supposed to be in here," Suzaku said quietly.
"Yeah?" A chin gently nuzzled into his hair. "Perks to you being the only rock star with sense and me being…well me."
Suzaku choked on a laugh and a whimper while a hand took hold of his bitten knuckle.
"Now what have I said about biting yourself?" Lips brushed against the puckering marks on his hand. "That's my job."
Tremors slowly overtook Suzaku's body as he collapsed into the body pressing against him. "Gino."
Gino sat behind Suzaku on the plush bench, pulling him flush against his chest. He wrapped an arm around his shoulders while the other snaked to his waist. His lips left feather light kisses against the sliver of skin that peeked out from the collar of his shirt.
"Breathe. Breathe." Gino said. "He's not here."
Suzaku shuddered in his grasp, letting his head drop back against the crook of Gino's neck. His fingers found the strong bicep holding him in place and traced the skin. Though he told himself not to think about it, he was always astonished at how different Gino felt. The coarse set of muscles under his hand just an inkling of a reminder that he was in safe arms.
"Safe arms," Suzaku murmured absentmindedly, rubbing his thumb over his arm. "Not a bad line."
"Is this for the love song you're finally going to write me?" Gino asked.
"Shut up."
Gino chuckled, "That's more like it."
Suzaku nudged his head under Gino's chin playfully before groaning at his reflection again.
"You don't look so bad," Gino said.
"Easy for you to say," Suzaku replied. "You won't have two million eyes watching your every move."
"Two point five."
"Same difference. They'll be judging me and wanting their money back."
"Hey," Gino unwound his arms and tilted Suzaku's face to look up at him. Their noses bumped together before Gino spoke. "They don't want to see how well you can act. They want to see you." Suzaku was about to retort, but clamped his mouth shut at the blazing aquamarine that stared him down and swallowed him all at once. Gino's voice lowered to a hush as he said, "And you wouldn't have gotten this far if they didn't want that…like I do."
Suzaku's breath hitched at the back of his throat. He swallowed thickly and darted his eyes away.
"You're an idiot," he mumbled.
Gino merely grinned, kissing his forehead. "I know."
"And your eyes are gross."
"Oh, you flatterer!"
Red dusted Suzaku's cheeks. His reflection revealed pink tinged eyes, yet the swollen eyelids remained. One glance at the clock sitting on the vanity made him whine helplessly.
"I have five minutes," Suzaku said.
"And I have four." Gino replied. "Please, tell me what else it is that you adore me for."
"Your loud mouth isn't one of them."
"Aw!" Gino crushed his arms around Suzaku's waist, pressing his cheek against his. "You're too sweet!" Suzaku rolled his eyes despite not moving away from the other's nuzzling. "And, no more tears! With three minutes to spare!"
A hardly noticeable pink web crept along Suzaku's eyes. He hummed in mixed approval, glaring at his eyelids, as Gino propped his chin on his shoulder.
"You can pass the puffiness for lack of sleep." Gino said. "So since I banished your teary eyed makeup, do I get a private dinner with the rock sensation, Zaku?"
Suzaku's lips twisted into a small grin as he carefully shrugged Gino away. "Only, if the prestigious Mr. Weinberg promises not to attack any of my fans."
"But they're always over you!" Gino tossed his head back and groaned. "I swear that one hoard was going to have an orgy with you right there on the stage if I didn't get there in time."
"Sure they were."
Suzaku nudged Gino to the doorway, bantering back and forth, until Gino clamped a hand on the door frame and turned towards him. He ducked his head down to meet Suzaku's eyes.
"I'm serious." He said. "I won't let anyone touch you."
Suzaku froze, one hand clenching the door handle tight. "I know."
Gino's brows knitted together, his mouth opening to say something, but quickly shut it. He stared almost pleadingly into Suzaku's eyes.
"Can I…can I say it?"
His heart hammered against his chest, yelling at him to say yes. But Suzaku pressed his lips together instead and pecked Gino's cheek.
"After the show," he said, forcing a smile. "For real this time."
Gino stared at him, brows still puckered in a frown. He reluctantly nodded and leaned down to kiss Suzaku's forehead.
"After the show," Gino said.
The patch of skin Gino kissed buzzed with warmth long after Suzaku saw the blonde braids flick around the corner of the hall. Suzaku didn't remember when he closed the door or even when he dragged himself backstage. But amidst the humid air and swatting of gnats, he forced himself to run the list of songs through his head. And when the lights finally fell upon the stage, the cry of his name howling louder than the wind, Suzaku felt at ease looking out into the darkness.
Not knowing of a greater shadow lurking beneath.
Long time no see! Hope you like the start of Rock Star Break Up Song's reboot. I will try to upload generally sometime on weekends (most likely Sundays) when life allows me to *nervous chuckle* Let me know what you think and thanks for reading!