Here comes a little humours one shot. I recently had a little case of writers block so I figured it would get better by writing some crazy nonsense. In my stories Sheik is a girl and a separate character. Also, I have descriptions of Kyle and Oscar (My OCs) posted right at the start of Peach on Crack in Chapter six if you want to know what they look like since they will be in this story (and in a lot more). I'm sorry again that I take forever. Oh, and here's swearing and violence. On to PIE WAR!
Kyle: Yeah, sure. You're just lazy.
Me: No, I'm not!
Kyle: *points at me* LAZY!
ME: Quit it right now!
Kyle: … Does Marth die of pie?
Marth: Hey!
Roy: That rhymes!
Me: No!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, except my OCs and ideas.
Birds chattered, flowers bloomed and the atmosphere was pleasant. So quiet, so beautiful. It was quickly shattered as Smashers piled out of the mansion, carrying sacks filled with sand and other various protection means. Bazookas, catapults and other weapons to hurls objects were eagerly carried outside. The teams of smashers raced. They only had 20 minutes to set up a protective wall or bunker.
Earlier that day…
"Hey, everybody, we should have a war!" Roy yelled at the top of his lungs crashing into the living room with the assembled smashers, panting heavily after sprinting from who knows where into the mansion. It was a day with no brawl and everybody was bored out of their minds, blankly staring ahead.
"Woohoo! Yeah, BRING IT ON!" a hyper active Toon Link shouted. Murmurs of approval went throughout the room.
"NO!NO!NO!NOOO!" Master shrieked, crashing through the door horrid images of expensive bills and a mansion reduced to dust haunting his mind. "And WHO gave Toon Link Red Bull again!?"
Snake shamefully sunk deeper into the couch.
"Oh come on!" Oscar complained; his plan on 'accidently' killing Marth and his friends shattering into pieces.
Master Hand quickly zapped him causing Oscar's hair to go hedgehog style. "Alright, here is what I would allow. So listen up suckers! A) No weapons except the ones appropriate for the activity. B) If I see even a tiny scratch of damage on the mansion you're ALL getting deep fried. C) Since you want a 'war', you're allowed to have a paintball war and ONLY use paintball guns."
"No, we had a paintball war last week!" Ness whined. Usually Ness wouldn't mind a paintball war, though since he was cruelly targeted and hit in the balls by snipers Oscar and Kyle to point where the boy could barely stand, Ness was very much against a paintball war.
"PIE WAR!" Marth, Ganondorf, and Lucas suddenly yelled in epic unison. Murmurs of approval travelled through the room. The three quickly gave each other an epic high five executed in a most epic manner.
Master Hand considered it for a moment. "Alright, but no blades in pies, GOT IT?" Master Hand said especially thinking of two certain villains. Plus, last Halloween he had witnessed the horror of what some people gave little kids along with candy on the television. Master Hand had almost fainted at the sight of sharp, deadly razor blades amongst the candy. "Now go get tons and tons of PIE!" Master Hand exclaimed with a war cry. The Smashers didn't need to be told twice and quickly scattered all over the place getting pie through various means such as stealing when Master Hand wasn't looking, baking, abusing Marth's black visa card, and even asking (or threating in the villains case) strangers for pie.
Finally after twenty minutes preparing bunkers and protective walls and dragging gear behind said structures, the last and most important part of the war was brought outside. Tons upon tons of pie. Mountains of pie. All kinds of pie. Teams savagely grabbed as much pie as they could in 20 minutes. While all smashers anticipated the warfare of smashing pies at your opponents, some even with various modifications, one smasher by the name of Lucario was not concerned of this matter. He drooled and strained himself to hold back and wait for the magical word Go! As the sweet beckoning scent of chocolate pie wafted past his nose in a most teasing manner as Lucario's only goal was to devour each single crumb of chocolate pie. Marth, Ike, Roy, Link and Pit made up one team. Peach, Zelda, Samus, Sheik and Nana established a girls' team. Snake, Toon Link and Meta Knight forged an alliance. Jason (Pokémon Trainer) figured he already had his own team through his Pokémon and released Ivysaur, Charizard, and Squirtle. Olimar had the same idea pulling dozens upon dozens of Pikmin out of the ground. Ness, Lucas, Popo, and Pikachu teamed up. Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi formed the childhood friends. Bowser, Wario, and Sonic made another trio. Kyle and Oscar made an evil duo. Wolf, Ganondorf, and King Dedede teamed up with Dedede summoning a lot of Waddle Dees and Waddle Doos. Fox, Falco, and Kirby made an alliance. Donkey Kong, Diddy Kong, and Captain Falcon formed a group, while Captain Falcon shouted out random quotes from Planet of the Apes and apes taking over the world. G&W (Mr. Game&Watch), R.O.B, and Jigglypuff made a rather peculiar trio.
Master Hand took a deep breath, then loudly announced "GO!", hiding behind a protective wall and watching the fight ensue as pies gracefully sailed through the air; Lucario sailed among them capturing as much chocolate pie as he could with a wide open mouth. He also made little doggy noises on the side. Though Lucario was pelted with pie from all sides he didn't care; he must eat all chocolate pie. Every single crumb.
Marth, Ike, Link and Pit furiously threw, fired and launched, and dropped in Pit's case, as he "pie bombed" other teams and evaded ammunition. Their team mainly fought the girl's team, Kyle & Oscar, and Snake's team and the little kid's team, while all three teams also targeted each other.
At Olimar's bunker …
It took 10 pikmins agonizing long 10 minutes to pick up a pie. The small pikmins carried the chocolate pie finally up to the front wall next to Olimar, who pointed over the wall at R. team. With all their might the pikmins threw the pie. It didn't get over the wall. Instead it only fell in front of the pikmins and partially on Olimar's foot. Promptly, Lucario quickly turned around in the air making a beeline for Olimar's bunker. Then he slithered on the ground around the back, stuck out his tongue and savagely licked off chocolate off Olimar's shoe, who was rather disturbed, especially when Lucario made grunting noises like a pig. Leaving Olimar to stare after him, Lucario raced back into the battle field jumping, twisting, howling, barking, snapping, and lunging after every single bit of chocolate pie. Because, he must EAT ALL CHOCOLATE PIE!
Watching his pikmins trying to throw pies, but getting nowhere, Olimar decided to join R. team. A terrible mistake. Kyle, in dragon form, noticed Olimar leaving his protective walls. For a few minutes now, Oscar had catapulted huge pies to Kyle, who in turn bitch slapped them at opponents with his giant tail. They also filled each pie with a large rock. Oscar launched another pie, Kyle pulled back his tail and slammed it against the pie sending it straight into Olimar's face.
"TEAM OLIMAR OUT!" Master Hand announced, while Crazy went to dig the unconscious, most likely injured Olimar out of the pile of blueberry pie and carry him off the battle field. Oscar and Kyle smirked and high fived, which looked rather ridiculous with Kyle still as dragon.
At two other bunkers …
Bunkers opposite each other the two teams, Mario's and Bowser's, fiercely started the battle off with a staring match. Until a crumb flew into Mario's eye and he wailed that his eye burned. Like lightning both teams grabbed for pies and flung them over to the enemy with as much force as possible. A few pies were chocolate, but they were airborne only for seconds as Lucario whizzed by devouring them in one bite. A pie filled with a Koopa shell smacked him in between the legs with quite some force, but Lucario didn't waver, not from this hit, not from the previous, now bruising hits, and not even from Kyle's and Oscar's hits, (greatly upsetting the two). No he could not waver, not flinch as he sped towards his next goal, his surrounding a blur aiming at his so precious goal: the next chocolate pie. What he didn't know and ignored to smell, that it was one thrown from Snake, whom embedded a grenade in the pie. Lucario swallowed the pie, sailing past Snake and Toon Link. Everything slowed down for the three as Toon Link and Snake stared and the grenade exploded in Lucario. His stomach inflated, but went unharmed. The grenade caused Lucario to fart out the explosive shooting him forward to the next chocolate pie with rocket speed. Dazed, disturbed, and perturbed at the sight Toon Link and Snake could stare for two minutes protected by their bunker wall.
Wario chuckled to himself and farted at a pie before launching it at Yoshi. Poor Yoshi almost fainted at the stench and quickly returned the favor with two pies filled with rotten eggs. Both pies hit Wario in the face rendering him unconscious. And stinkin'. Bowser and Sonic couldn't take the stench and went to the other side of the bunker, which didn't bring relief after all.
"Crazy, it is your job to clear out teams that can't fight anymore!"
"But brother, only Wario is knocked out not the whole team!"
"So? He's not going to wake up anytime soon and he's stinking his team to defeat!" Master Hand emphasized his point by pointing out to Crazy the brown flag that bowser's team was waving desperately, which meant that they needed an unbearable, unconscious team member removed from the battlefield.
"But he STINKS!"
"He stinks each day at some point, anyway. Now go get him off the battlefield!"
"But brother it will be my stinking demise!"
"You will be fine! GO!"
"You're so meeeeaaannn!" Crazy H. shouted, floating off to pick Wario off the battle field. When he arrived, Bowser and Sonic had tears in their eyes from the stench and wondered if it was better to just get out of the bunker and try to survive on the open field. Crazy Hand begrudgingly picked up Wario and flicked him far behind the mansion. Satisfied that Wario's smell wouldn't bother anybody, Crazy floated back to his brother while dodging pies and made a point for the next five minutes of how courageous he had been to remove Wario off the battle field.
"Crap, now it's two against three!" Sonic mumbled. Bowser and Sonic fought hard, but it slowly showed that they were outnumbered.
While they struggled, Toon Link struggled, too, aiming, or trying to aim at one of them while crazily waving a pie in the slingshot in front of him, sticking his tongue out, twitching with his right eye and making noises equivalent of "Dwubuubuwoodru".
"Just aim!" Snake desperately yelled, but it went on deaf ears. Annoyed, he booted Toon Link in the ass, causing the kid to leg go and hurl it at Bowser, while freezing in spot with his tongue out (Don't ask why)
Sonic spotted the incoming ammunition and swiftly hid behind Bowser, whose back faced the incoming pie. The blow bowled over Bowser, who landed on Sonic. Bowser got back up again, while Sonic staggered seeing stars and therefore failing to react to the chocolate pie coming at his face. The chocolate pie smacked in his face covering every centimeter with chocolate pie and snapping Sonic out of his daze. But before he could move, Lucario was before him and assaulted his face, licking off the chocolate pie off his face, everywhere, even in the ears and almost bit off Sonic's tiny round nose, all the while grunting and slobbering. With a last agonizing, wet lick Lucario turned around in a most triangular fashion and sped off. Sonic was rigid, not able to move, all that he could think of, as slobber steadily dripped off his face, was that he almost lost his nose, had been licked inside the ears and all over his face and that he had Lucario's spit in his mouth and that this ever disturbing memory was carved into his soul, never to leave.
Kyle grinned a toothy grin, spotting this perfect moment to coldly take out Sonic. Oscar catapulted another large pie, this time filled with a stick of dynamite from who knows where, to Kyle, who bitch slapped the large pie with his tail at Sonic with high speed. The pie slammed into the traumatized Sonic, the dynamite stick exploded and shot away Sonic along with Bowser.
"TEAM BOWSER OUT!" Master Hand announced, causing Crazy to float off to perform his duty.
Meanwhile the bunker of Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi was filled up with pies surrounding the three from Snake and Toon who were grinning like they were on crack again. Then Snake took out a remote and gave Toon the honor to poke it. Toon Link raised his pointy finger, turned it and gracefully prepared it for the glorious task by licking his finger. "Gross, you little shit head, wipe it off!" "Sorry" Toon apologized, wiped his finger on his sleeve and proceeded. BOOOM! And the Mario bros along with a dino were on their painful way to the closest city. Crazy cursed as he tore through the sky like a bullet, collecting the Mario Team. Crazy returned and dumped them in a pile on the sideline, making one of Bowser's spikes almost poke out Sonic's eye, and resumed his spot next to Master Hand.
Captain Falcon reached back only to grab air. Snapping his head around he was dismayed of the sight of only twenty banana pies, the other ones consumed or being consumed by Diddy Kong and Donkey Kong. Their team wasn't functioning and running out of pies. And running out of pies meant certain doom. A very painful one if Oscar and Kyle decided to take you out. Their opposing team consisted of R.O.B., G&W, and Jigglypuff, and unlike them, they were somewhat functioning. Captain Falcon quickly snatched up a pie and hurled at R.O.B., who had turned around to grab a pie. The incoming banana pie hit R.O.B. on his switch on the bottom, plugged it and blew a fuse taking out the robot and shocking G.W. and Jigglypuff. With Jigglypuff and G&W dazed, Captain Falcon quickly used his chance and picked up two more pies and hauled them at the two. One took G&W out, but Jigglypuff remained standing. Suddenly another pie smashed into Jigglypuff, a pie filled with a rock. The pie dented Jigglypuff, then retaliated back at the attackers who quickly ducked. The dent filled up again, leaving Jigglypuff as round as ever. Kyle snarled, still in Dragon form and shot up into the sky. Grinning, he sped down to Jigglypuff and did the meanest, cruelest, cheapest thing he could ever do with his giant arse- he sat down on Jigglypuff. And had to fart.
"Hey, how come Kyle is sitting in Jigglypuff's team bunker?" Crazy asked Master Hand.
Master Hand looked over to Kyle and found a sitting Kyle and knocked out G&W & R.O.B., but no Jigglypuff- and it quickly dawned on him. "Kyle get your giant fucking arse off of Jigglypuff, you bastard or you are OUT!" With a snort, Kyle complied and returned to his bunker to Oscar, while Crazy picked up the three unconscious (and one flat) Smashers off the battlefield and dumped them on the sidelines.
While the pie war was every team against every team, some teams preferred a fierce rivalry such as Wolf, Ganondorf, King DeDeDe's team & Fox, Falco, Kirby's team. Both teams had about the same amount of pie and restlessly shot ammunition at each other. King D. used his Waddle Dee's to help, causing the bunker to be severely overfilled posing all kind of hazards. Such as tripping.
"Get your fucking waddle Dees out the bun-" Ganondorf failed to finish his sentence as he tripping over one of the hundreds waddle Dees and slammed a lemon pie dripping with lemon juice right into Wolf's face. "My EYES, they BUUURN! Ganondorf you dipshit!" Wolf howled, but was silenced as two pies, thrown by Fox & Falco, collided into the side of his face, causing the lupine to lose his balance and suffer the fate of tripping over a Waddle Dee. Ganondorf yelled in frustration at King Dedede, who didn't listen at all, and started to violently shove pie down the obese penguin's throat until he could no longer blow his whistle. Taking safety measures, Wolf and Ganondorf decided to dump their teammate kicking him out into the open battle field, kicked out all Waddle Dees and stomped onto the whistle of doom reducing it to smithereens. Satisfied, that there was a chance to win, the two high- fived and engaged in their rivalry against Fox's team. Out in the harsh open, King D. helplessly flailed his stubby arms, unable to get up and trapped like a turtle on his back. Fear slithered down his spine when he met Kyle and Oscar's sinister gaze & grins from a far. They spotted him. They were going to destroy him. In seconds, pies of all kinds sped at him, with speed and aim with killing intend. About to pass out from all the pies shoved down previously from Ganondorf, his former "teammate", he closed his eyes and tried hard to scream nor cry and look as manly as an obese penguin, unable to get up could look as the painful rock filled pies mercilessly collided with him pushing him into unconsciousness with birdies and stars circling around his head. "KING DEDEDE OUT!" Master H. yelled. Crazy Hand quickly spotted the penguin and floated to him. He didn't care for the froth on King D. 's mouth due to severe overeating of pies, then realized how heavy he was and, being the lazy glove he was, slowly picked up King D. And chucked him into the K.O. pile (many mourned in complaint, but nobody cared). Crazy quickly zipped back next to his brother making sure to dodge incoming pies and Lucario, whom almost looked like he could have rabies from slobbering and snapping after chocolate pies.
Captain Falcon reached back for a pie to participate in Wolf & Fox's fray only to find himself empty handed. Captain Falcon swung around finding to his horror, the bunker completely pie less. Not a crumb was left and his so called teammates, snoozed in the shade of the bunker, stuffed with banana pie. Captain Falcon paled and to make things harder, heard Toon Link. Grinning, Toon Link detected the pie less bunker, leapt out in front of the bunker, shot a flare, made a peace sign and pointed at Captain Falcon's Bunker, yelling' "BUNKER OUT OF PIE!"
Captain Falcon peed his pants as every smasher turned his ammunition at his bunker, momentarily forgetting fierce rivalries, and launched a barricade of deadly pie at him. The sky darkened, pie zoomed towards Captain Falcon, he shit his pants, and shed a tear, before finally rock filled, bomb filled and all sorts of other things intended to hurt crashed into the bunker setting off a large mushroom explosion. Crazy Hand quickly floated into the smoking, burning mess, shrieked in horror, and then carried Captain Falcon wrapped in a bazillion towels out along with the apes. Murmuring spread as everybody thought Captain Falcon died, but their suspicion was assuaged as Captain Falcon's speedo slowly floated down from the sky. Stark, white and stiff at the realization why Crazy had shrieked, the smashers quickly returned to war, desperately trying to forget what happened by throwing pies with deadly high velocities at their opponents. Wolf rubbed his eyes, ducking behind the bunker wall. While his eyes didn't burn anymore they still itched in between, annoying Wolf greatly. Pies came from both sides, but neither were losing nor winning. Ganondorf grumbled, annoyed by the stalemate. This was going nowhere, at this pace they could go on forever until both teams would have to give up from exhaustion! Or hunger, or a bathroom break, whatever came first. Unbeknownst to Wolf and Ganondorf, Kirby stealthily sneaked up to them from the back in their bunker. Wolf, close to the edge of the bunker, howled up in pain as Kirby transformed into his ground pound form and crushed his foot. Kirby quickly made his exit, whizzing around the corner and floating back to his team, while Wolf hopped around on one foot, not looking where he was going. Wolf realized too late that he had accidently hopped out of his bunker and was exposed in the open. Gritting his teeth, Wolf tried to run back to the safety of the bunker walls, but quickly stopped and returned to hopping. Unfortunately for Wolf he was too slow. Kirby held a pie and hovered above him, giving a small evil smile before letting go of the pie right above Wolf. Wolf winced and the pie exploded and sent Wolf straight into a tree, knocking him out. "WOLF OUT!" Master H. announced. Ganondorf face palmed, muttering about Wolf being an incompetent idiot. All on his own Ganondorf tried hard to fight back, but the other team was slowly overpowering him. Kirby repeated his move, stealthily sneaking up. But this time Ganondorf noticed him. Ganondorf was stumped for a moment. Kirby was quite balloon like and besides bomb or Kyle and Oscar's rock filled pies, nothing knocked him out. Using a bomb pie meant blowing himself up. Ganondorf grinned as he thought back to King. D.. Quickly Ganondorf grabbed poor little Kirby and stuffed him like a thanksgiving turkey with pies with the last one being an activated bomb pie. Ganondorf quickly threw a dazed Kirby into Fox and Falco's bunker, giggling to himself like a little girl, while crouching behind the wall.
"Giving up Ganondorf!?" Falco yelled, overly confident in himself.
"Hey, how come Kirby got thrown back so fat?" Fox asked.
"What do you-"Falco's eyes doubled and only managed to stutter for a few seconds. Kirby was round already. But now, his stubby limbs were barely visible, he couldn't get up and his eyes looked tiny. "Why is he so fat?"
"I don't know, that's what I asked you!"
"Hey, what's this noise?"
"Do you mean the 'fzzzzzzzzzz' noise?"
"Yeah, like that, just like a bomb!"
Fox and Falco stiffened and looked at each other and attempted to kick Kirby far way. But their attempt was in vain as Kirby detonated sending them flying and knocking them out. The walls of the bunker toppled down and Kirby deflated after the blow up, knocked out.
"TEAM FOX OUT!" Master Hand declared, sending Crazy off to work. Ganondorf roared in triumph, making a crucial mistake. Two, actually. First, he yelled drawing every smasher's attention to him. Second, he exposed his upper body above the wall. In seconds, hundreds of pies knocked him out and tore down the bunker walls. "GANONDORF OUT!"
Crazy Hand whizzed off and returned with Wolf, whom he had forgotten to pick up, and Ganondorf, dumping them in the K.O. pile.
With only six teams left, all targeting each other, and Lucario, the war grew more intense. It was a miracle that Lucario stayed thin and hadn't turned into a furry, fat ball yet, from all the chocolate pies. Spotting a very large pie heading toward their bunker, Meta Knight decided to take the foe head on. Sword out, MK took off and landed before the bunker, facing the pie heading straight for him. With lightning reflexes and his 'huyaya' battle cry, MK slashed the pie in all directions, denigrating the pie into tiny crumbs collecting around him and slowly swallowing him in a pile. As the pie as a whole vanished, Meta Knight had trapped himself in a pile of pie crumbs covering him, unable to move. While most other smasher ignored him and Master Hand didn't call him out, one smasher did care. But not for him, only the chocolate pie he was covered in. Slobbering, snapping and slithering with lightning speed like a ferocious snake, Lucario moved away strip after strip of chocolate pie, accidently biting Meta Knight, who had no room to dodge at all. Lucario tore in, again and again. A terrified Meta Knight was covered in scratches and bites by now. Meta Knight slowly, but surely pushed his sword through the mass of pie, feeling Lucario approaching. Meta Knight shifted more to the side and with a last push, shoved his sword into a tunnel Lucario had eaten. Lucario narrowly missed Meta Knight, but stopped by the sword. In seconds, Lucario stuck his tongue out and licked every inch of the sharp blade without attaining a single scratch. The Pokémon stared at the disturbed puffball for a moment and sped off again. In about a minute MK was freed from the pile, but till covered from head to toe in chocolate pie. Startling Meta Knight, Lucario attacked from behind and grabbed Meta Knight. Without remorse or mercy, Lucario savagely licked off chocolate pie from Meta Knight everywhere. Meta Knight fainted and Lucario dropped him chasing more chocolate pies.
"Do I really have to pick him up?"
"Yes, Crazy, you do."
"But he's covered in saliva!"
"PICK. HIM. UP."
"Why don't you?
"Because I'm the announcer. META KNIGHT OUT!"
"This is unfair! Who assigned the roles!?"
"You did, Crazy."
"…" Crazy tried to come up with a comeback, but failed. Sulking, Crazy slowly made his way over to Meta Knight and quickly threw the puffball from a far in to the K.O. pile.
"Darn, we lost Meta Knight." Snake mumbled, watching from the safety of the bunker. It looked rather grim for them. Along with Kyle and Oscar, they were the only team with two members, while the other remaining teams greatly outnumbered them. His gaze stopped by Charizard as he watched the fire Pokémon burn incoming pies. An idea formed in Snake's mind and with a sly smile he picked a bomb pie. "Hey Charizard, think you are fast enough to roast this pie?" Snake launched the pie and crouched behind the wall.
Charizard, growled, feeling challenged and breathed out as much fire as possible at the pie, setting off the bomb. The explosion knocked out Charizard and irritated Ivysaur, causing it to whip Squirtle across the face with its vine whips. Squirtle tumbled back and picked up a pie. Peeved, it walked up to Ivysaur and smeared the pie into Ivysaur's face. Ivysaur loudly complained and tackled Squirtle, catching Jason's attention.
"CHARIZARD OUT!"
"Stop, it you two, we already lost Charizard! If you keep fighting, we will lose!" Instead of dipping their head in apology, both scrunched up their noses and decided to fire pies at Jason using Hydro Pump and Vine Whip. Jason flew back and landed on his butt at the edge of the bunker. "What is wrong with you two, do you want to lose!?"
As the three bickered on, Snake pulled out a bazooka and concentrated the fire at one spot on Jason's bunker wall. Pie after pie slammed in the wall, slowly creating a hole. Snake shoved three missiles in three pies and gave one remote to Toon Link to guide one pie, while he guided the other two. Carefully Toon Link and Snake flew the pies through the hole and disposed one pie in front of Jason's Pokémon and Jason. The three tried to leap away, but as the pies touched the ground they exploded destroying the whole bunker and knocking out Jason and his Pokémon and launching them high in the sky.
"TEAM JASON OUT!"
Crazy quickly zipped over to the three and caught them before they could land on the soil. Snake and Toon Link high- fived. "Should we team up another team? We are only two and now it will get harder." Toon Link asked, not daring to peer over the wall.
"Good idea. Pack some pies. Which team should we join …" Snake mumbled. While Snake thought about, which team to join, Toon Link carefully packed up a bunch of pies. "How about Marth's team? If we give them the peace sign, they most likely won't destroy us right away, unlike the other teams. And they are very likely to let us join."
"Alrighty, I'm ready to go."
"Let's go, get under the cardboard box." Snake slipped under his cardboard box and provided Toon Link with another one, who closely followed Snake's lead. Unscathed, the duo arrived at Marth's bunker. As soon as they entered, a boot stopped their tracks stepping on Snake's cardboard box. "Well, well, I wonder who that is." Roy said with a smirk.
"We come in peace!" Snake said.
"Then crawl out with hands up and no weapons!" Ike ordered.
Snake and Toon Link did as told. Toon remained silent behind Snake as Snake explained, "We want to join your team. We brought some pies to supply ammunition." Ike jerked a thumb to the packaged pies and looked at Link, who nodded and quickly, but carefully, took the pies and set them down behind him away from Snake and Toon Link.
"What do you think Marth?" Pit asked.
Marth ducked as he made his way over. Kyle and Oscar had noticed their lack of firing ammunition using it to their advantage.
"Pit, Ike, fire back!" Marth said. Ike and Pit nodded retaliating with their own pie against Kyle & Oscar.
"Yeah, they can join." Marth answered. Snake and Toon Link rushed to the front making themselves useful, launching pies at their opponents.
Snake peered over the wall. Kyle was still in dragon form enabling him to slap large pies at his opponents or slap incoming pies away with his large tail, giving him a huge advantage. "Toon Link, look for the largest chocolate pie you can find."
"Aye, sir!"
After a minute or two they found a large chocolate pie and pulled up a catapult. The two quickly set down the pie and with a quick, confident aim, Snake shot the pie at Kyle just as he tail slapped away a pie. The pie hit Kyle in the crotch. Kyle growled and started to wipe off the chocolate pie. Kyle snarled viciously as Lucario quickly approached, having smelled the pie, to warn off Lucario. Everybody stopped fighting to watch. Oscar vanished. Kyle would kill Lucario if he dared, but not even a certain death would keep Lucario away from chocolate pie. Lucario approached. Kyle tensed. In a blink of an eye, Kyle pulled back his tail and smacked Lucario away like a ragdoll. Lucario landed harshly and rolled a few more meters away. Some of his bones were most likely broken, but Lucario didn't care as he only had one goal. Jumping to his feet Lucario took off straight for Kyle again. Oscar returned with a hose. Seeing Lucario close in, the demon turned up the hose. The force pushed back Lucario quite a distance. Oscar swiftly aimed at Kyle right at his crotch washing off pie with the water. Kyle's eyes turned into dangerous slits as he turned to Oscar with a low, deep growl.
"Hey, I got rid of the pie!"
Kyle transformed back and punched Oscar right in the face "You didn't have to have the pressure so high, moron!" Oscar and Kyle glared at each other, but turned to look at Lucario like everybody else. Besides the pig like noises Lucario made, he also rooted in the soil for every last crumb. Checking twice that he didn't miss any pie, Lucario bounded off into the battle field to pursue more chocolate pie. Kyle (He didn't change into dragon again) and Oscar resumed throwing pies and the battlefield quickly returned to normal with the occasional Lucario sailing through the air.
At the kid's bunker (including Pikachu)….
"Ness, Marth's team got bigger! Snake and Toon Link joined and now they have SEVEN members! We are only four!" Popo complained.
"Don't worry Popo, we will win, just keep fighting! At least we aren't as small as a team as Kyle and Oscar." Ness reassured Popo.
"But they are vicious! And Kyle can turn into a dragon!" Lucas whined.
"Pika! Pika!"
Ness huffed and turned around, ignoring his teammate's complaints. Pikachu and Popo went back to throwing pies. Lucas slowly peered over to the wall to Kyle and Oscar. Right now Kyle was just in his normal form, not in dragon form, but Lucas still feared him. Kyle looked over to Lucas, causing the boy to shiver and sink lower behind the wall with a frightful gaze directed at Kyle. "Hey, Kyle, Lucas is a pansy. He just looked at you and is about to pee his pants" Oscar remarked. Kyle turned around to meet Lucas gaze filled with fear. "Let's take out the pansy."
"No, Oscar, let's let the pansy take out his own team."
"What do you mean?"
Kyle didn't bother answering Oscar's questions. He turned into a dragon, leaned out three quarters of his body out of the bunker, stretched his neck and roared Lucas right in the face. Lucas screamed and leapt back, running zig zag around in the bunker wreaking havoc. Satisfied, Kyle hauled his body back into the bunker and changed back just as a pie shot past his head, narrowly missing him.
"Lucas stop!" Ness put his hands out in front of his hands, trying to stop Lucas from running around like a chicken with its head cut off. His request fell on deaf ears as Lucas bowled him over, screaming, for the second time now. Popo tried to scramble up, but quickly went down with an 'Oof!' as Lucas ran over him pushing his friend into the dirt once again. Lucas had trampled a quarter of their pies by now rendering them to useless mush. Pikachu desperately tried to zap Lucas out of his madness worsening the situation. The blond howled up in agony and grabbed non-trampled pie flinging the pastry in random direction hitting Ness in the face in the process. Popo, finally feeling secure not to be stepped on like a door mat again, got up. Dusting himself off, Popo didn't notice the glue filed pie heading straight for him. The pie smacked against his cheek and instantly got stuck. Popo flailed around with his arms, trying to scrape of glue pie while dodging Lucas' pies. Ness caught another pie and flung it at Peach smacking the princess on her chest.
"He's actually good. We will have to resort to the distraction." Samus grumbled, preparing a pie. Samus turned around and threw it at Ness hitting Ness in the face. The pie splattered revealing its' content. A bra. Ness grinned and giggled to himself, perverted thoughts floating in his mind. Completely distracted, Samus quickly used the opportunity to launch a pie reeking of perfume at Ness, hitting him again in the face. Ness wrinkled his nose and started coughing. The perfume soaked pie slowly cut off his air supply getting Ness wheezing and gasping for oxygen. After a few minutes of struggling, Ness fainted.
"NESS OUT!"
Pikachu watched the madness, unsure of what to make of the situation. Deciding to try the impossible again (that would be getting Lucas out of his madness), the Pokémon charged his cheeks. Charging up was short lived as Pikachu got hit by a pie thrown by Lucas. Pikachu started up again, but quickly stopped, scratching himself behind the ear. Within seconds, Pikachu scratched himself like no tomorrow due to the itch powder filled pie. Master Hand stared long and hard, wondering if Pikachu would ever recover from the itch powder during the battle. Seeing the Pokémon roll, scratch and develop froth at his mouth from unbearable itchiness, Master H. decided it was better for Pikachu to get out "PIKACHU OUT!". Popo finally scraped off the last bit of glue pie. For no reason, Lucas jumped forward, snagged Popo at the arm and threw him to the girls' bunker. The boy crashed into Samus' boobs with his face, pissing off the bounty hunter. Samus grabbed Popo by the neck of the parka and drop kicked the poor little guy right over to Marth's bunker. Snake, using completely unnecessary large binoculars, whipped out a huge rubber band, caught Popo, who was barely holding on to consciousness and his breakfast, and shot the kid to Kyle and Oscar. Popo slammed butt first into Kyle's face making Oscar laugh at his friend. Kyle yelled in rage and stomped on the unconscious Popo, who really didn't give a shit anymore. Grabbing Popo at the parka hoodie, Kyle threw him against the mansion's wall. Popo hit the wall hard, making it crumble on a tiny spot and slowly slid down into the K.O. pile. "KYLE! No the WALL! NOT AGAIN!" Master H. cried and decided to zap Kyle as punishment. Kyle growled, but ignored the zap. "POPO OUT!" Lucas, now all on his own, still flung pie everywhere with increasing speed. The other remaining three teams couldn't even stand up anymore, ducking behind their walls due to the pies flying everywhere. Kyle, being the impatient prick he always is, got annoyed and turned into a dragon. Ignoring the pie pelting him, the shadow dragon took a deep breath and blew fire at Lucas the pies got burned to ash and a small flame licked Lucas hair. Lucas' hair quickly caught on fire. The blond screamed, stopped, dropped and rolled, which didn't really help. Not wanting to get called out for arson and murder, Oscar pulled out the hose again and fired the water beam and Lucas. The flaming hair was quickly smothered and Lucas fainted. "LUCAS OUT! KIDS TEAM OUT!"
By now the last three teams were running low on pie. Not all of Kyle and Oscar's pies were filled with rocks anymore. Seeing Roy distracted, Oscar grinned and launch a pie at Roy. The pie smashed against Roy's shoulder and the teen howled up in pain. The pie slid off revealing a sharp knife embedded in Roy's shoulder. All guys in the bunker froze to stare at Roy. "O-Oscar just threw a knife at m-me! T-t-that could've h-hit m-my head!" Roy squeaked. Another pie whizzed by barely missing Marth's head. The pie hit a tree trunk and slid off, while a shiny blade remained stuck in the trunk. Marth started swearing like no tomorrow at Kyle and Oscar, catching Master Hand's attention. Confused, Master Hand wondered what brought Marth to swear like that, but it only took the glove a few seconds to spot the knifes as the sun shone onto the gleaming blade. "KYLE & OSCAR! I SAID NO BLADES, YOU'RE OUT, YOU LITTLE FUCKING RATS!" Master H. roared. Marth's and the Girl's team stopped fighting, surprised at Master Hand's swearing outburst. Kyle & Oscar feebly protested, but were quickly subdued as Master H. yelled at them again and zapped them quite harshly. Grumbling, the duo sat down at the sidelines, leaning against the wall. The fighting resumed and Marth bandaged Roy's shoulder.
"Crap, what do we do!? They have two more teammates! And good ones!" Nana complained. It looked grim. They didn't lose terribly, but slowly ever so slowly the boys took them out. "Eep!" Nana ducked just in time. The pie thrown by Marth with great aim sailed over her head and hit Peach instead. Marth's hard throw knocked out Peach. "Girls, we need to do something!" "PEACH OUT!" "Now we are only four!"
"Don't worry Nana, I got this…" Samus mumbled filling a distraction pie. Peeping over the wall, she quickly spotted her perverted target. Snake. With a quick thrust the pie sailed right over to Snake. Halfway, though, Lucario shot in the path chasing after a chocolate pie. Samus growled. No way, not some stupid chocolate obsessed jackal was going to ruin her plan! To her luck, Lucario passed by fast enough the pie almost touching his tip of his tail as it sailed past. Snake barely noticed the raspberry pie in time and grabbed Toon Link as meat shield. The pie hit Toon Link in the face. "Oh, lookie! It's a panty and bra from Samus!" Toon Link exclaimed licking raspberry pie off his face. Snake chucked Toon Link away and snatched up the panty and bra with lightning speed. Grinning, Snake stared at the clothing and smelled it, perverted images plastered in his mind. Link noticed the vulnerable Snake and desperately tried to take away the panty and bra, while trying to restrain himself. Pit noticed the two and landed in front of them with a beet red face protecting them with his shield. 'Three distracted. Leaves only Toon Link, Ike and Marth throwing pies.' Samus thought, smiling to herself. But her smile turned into a frown watching Marth aim very good and dodging easily with his speed. Ike threw hard. Samus' mood turned sour watching Marth slice a pie in half, the half spinning off past Ike's head saving the mercenary from a hit in the face. Nana and Toon Link fiercely targeted each other, but neither was getting anywhere. Each landed some hits, but none of them would knock the opponent out. Toon Link stuffed a bomb into an apple pie and shot it in front of Nana with his bow. Nana jumped back, but still got caught in the explosion. Nana toppled back and tried to scramble to her feet as Toon Link pulled off the same move again. Nana was too slow, the pie exploded and Nana got flung out of the bunker. "NANA OUT!" Samus swore under her breath, determined to avenge poor little Nana. Toon was dancing on the bunker wall, singing some random happy song and didn't pay any attention to his surroundings at all. Samus slapped a pie in Toon Link's face with her whip, knocking him out."TOON LINK OUT!" Sheik grumbled having missed Marth. Both targeted each other, both were fast and both did graceful flips and such to dodge. They never hit each other and only tugged on each other nerves with playful verbal exchanges. "Darn it, Marth, stop moving!" Sheik shouted, a pie grazing her elbow. "But then I would lose!" Marth replied with a fake pouty face. The two kept up their game, leaving Ike, Zelda and Samus to battle it out. Ike ducked just in time making Zelda grumble. "Marth, get your bitchin' princess royal ass over HERE and quit playing Romeo and Juliet with Sheik!" "I'm not playing Romeo and Juliet!" "I don't care, get your ass over here Juliet!" "Sheik is the girl!" "Stop blaming Romeo for your girliness, BULLY!" "That's IT!" Marth yelled and tackled down Ike, punching him in the face. After punching Ike in the face, Marth resumed his fight with Sheik. "Ouchie…" Ike muttered and stood up. Zelda had decided to attack Marth with Sheik. 'Nah, Juliet will do fine' Ike thought, glancing over to Marth. 'Where is Roy...' "What the hell!? Roy what are you doing!?" Ike roared. Roy snapped out of his snooze, yelling in defense "OW!OW! I'm wounded, I can't fight!" "Get off your ass!" "I'm wounded! If I move, I will die!" "You're FINE!" Ike grabbed Roy's arm (on the non-injured side) and yanked him up on his feet. "Fight or I will throw you into the open field!" Ike threatened. Roy nodded and stuck his tongue out at Ike when he didn't look and flipped him the bird. Zelda decided to quit battling Marth, which was very frustrating, and picked on Roy. Both threw a pie at the same time. Roy dodged the pie and Lucario coming after it. Zelda dodged, but the pie still smeared her dress. "Let GO!" Link spat, pushing his boot in Snake's face and tearing at the underwear. "Never, ELF!" Snake retorted. "I'm NOT an ELF!" "Tell that Santa!" Snake said and stabbed Link in the foot with a pocket knife. "AAAHRG! THE FUCK SNAKE!?" With a war cry Link jumped on Snake and two continued fighting, rolling on the ground and passionately tearing at the undergarments. Zelda slowly got peeved as her dress got smudged with pie over and over again. Annoyed, Zelda burned all incoming pie. And messed up, burning a bomb pie. The pie exploded in front of the wall, tearing down the sand bags. With a large hole in the wall, Marth, Ike, and Roy didn't waste a second and bombarded the girls with pies. Pit abandoned shielding Snake and Link and air pied the girls. A well-aimed pie from Marth took out Sheik. "SHEIK OUT!" Roy stunned Zelda with a dekunut filled pie and followed up with Toon Link, whom Crazy forgot to pick up. The knocked out Toon Link sailed through the air and hit Zelda in face taking her out the shocked princess. I mean seriously how often do get hit in THE FACE with TOON LINK!? Even for the smashers this wasn't the norm. "ZELDA OUT! CRAZY, YOU FORGOT TO PICK UP TOON LINK!" "SNAKE, LET GO!" "NOOOOO!" Needless to say with only Samus left in the bunker, the bounty huntress was pelted with pie. Samus was quickly taken out, hit by three pies at once. Samus fell backwards and hit the ground, knocked out. "SAMUS OUT! GIRL'S TEAM OUT! MARTH'S TEAM WINS!" The boy's high-fived, but their glory was smothered as a large shadow crept upon them and the sun got blocked out. Eliwood poked out his head from top of the battle ship, which miraculously glided forward on land, and threw down the anchor, yelling "IT'S NOT OVER BITCHES!" "What is he doing here?" Marth asked. "I don't want to know, I don't know, and we are going to die, because he got a navy, air force, and frigging army!" Roy whimpered as a cannon pointed at the boys. "Hey, my two boys! C'mon, play with ol' papa and his toys he stole!" Eliwood laughed and fired 200 pies in five seconds per cannon (There's lots of cannons on the ship!) at Marth and Roy. Marth and Roy jumped to the side. Well, actually Roy yelled 'Save me, Marth!', jumped into the prince's arms and then Marth jumped to the side holding Roy. Roy clung to Marth and the two desperately tried hiding behind a tree. "Papa knows where you're hiding! Muhahahaha!" Eliwood shot a pie bomb at the tree (he thinks such games are completely safe) ripping the tree into a bazillion splinters. "C'mon, let's get those bitches!" Ninian, Mist, and other familiar faces to Ike, Marth and Roy showed up with grins on their faces. Helicopters pie bombed without remorse, letting it steadily rain deadly pie. Eliwood's ship and two more ships made use of the cannons firing even more pie. Tanks crushed bunkers and ravaged over the soil firing pie everywhere making everybody take cover and pelting the unconscious smashers. A pie ripped through the undergarments destroying them. Snake cried. Link yelled in joy. Within seconds, the place turned into a deadly full scale war with Eliwood terrorizing the poor teens, especially Marth and Roy, and the few conscious smashers dodging for their dear lives along with Master & Crazy Hand, who tried to stop this madness in vain. Snake desperately took out his codec, just having avoided a pie headed for his balls and called for help. "Come to papa!" Eliwood called out to a fleeing Marth and Roy. "Eliwood, stop now and take your medicine!" Lyn called approaching the tyrant with a helicopter. "Not happening, BITCH!" Eliwood retorted, turned the largest cannon on her and shot down the chopper with an enormous pie. "I will stop you!" Lyn called, crashing landing next to the K.O. pile, causing Popo who just woke up to faint again. "Hahaha! Got you! You can't run from daddy!" Eliwood grinned, having Marth and Roy encircled with tanks, turrets aimed at the teens from all sides. Roy quivered, wondering if he wanted to say a last sentence before his father would shoot him down with his brother. Marth stared at Eliwood for a second, smirked and grabbed Roy, jumping on a tank and over it, shouting "You will never get us!" "Argh! You were always the fast one… But I will get ya!" Eliwood shouted, submerging back into the tank. "Mist! Spare me!" Ike whined, pushed against an oak tree. "It's war, sweet brother! Mwuhahahahaha!" Mist fired, blowing up the tree. Ike jumped aside and latched himself onto the barrel, wondering if his sister would seriously kill him or if she wanted to scare him. "That won't save you Ikey!" Mist giggled, pulling out a rocket launcher. (Of course filled with pie, which is filled with a small rocket). Yeah, she seemed serious. (Eliwood corrupted her!) With a frightened 'Eep!' Ike let go of the barrel and dropped to the ground, running away, the pies landing right behind following him every step. The battle field filled up with pies, but never did a chocolate pie lie around, for Lucario ate them all. And I'm telling ya, there were a lot of chocolate pie fired at once. "Ha! Take this Eliwood, you will be stopped once and for all!" Lyn yelled. The sky darkened even more and everybody looked up to see Lyn in a gigantic chopper, dangling a pie, the size of the battlefield, under it. Lyn smiled and pressed a button, dropping the pie. The pie smashed onto the field covering EVERYTHING & EVERYBODY in pie. The pie was multi flavored, including chocolate, causing Lucario to zigzag around in the pie mass, looking like Pac man, snapping and devouring the chocolate parts. "Woohoo! This is awesome!" Eliwood joyfully shouted, oblivious to the damage he caused. Lyn tackled the man and shoved medicine down his throat, before he could start another war and attack his own children. A submarine emerged from the pie mound and just touched Snake's head. Otacon stuck his head out. "We're are here!" "Too late Emmerich!" Snake grumbled, eating bacon bits from the pie mass. Raiden jumped out of a helicopter and missed the submarine and landed next to it on Ike's head, who just got up for air. Raiden sunk to the bottom, pushing down Ike, in seconds. "You missed the sub" Snake commented. "I know, how do I get out?" Raiden asked, from the bottom of the very deep hole. "Dunno, try digging" Snake suggested. Raiden started digging, but the hole collapsed making a farting noise and covering Raiden in mounts of pie. "If he dies of lack of oxygen, I'm not responsible" Snake muttered, eating bacon bits. "We are alive!" Roy gasped, just reaching the top with Marth of the pie mass. "Give daddy a hug!" Eliwood exclaimed, appearing next to them. Eliwood embraced the two in a giant bear hug, squishing himself and the boys into the pie mountain. "This got way out of hand…" Marth muttered. "Well, bro, this will take a lot of cleaning up." Crazy said to Master H. "And I know just who to let clean up EVERYTHING!" Master Hand replied, staring angrily at Eliwood. "ELIWOOD, YOU WILL CLEAN UP EVERYTHING!" "NEVER!" Eliwood retorted, shaking his fist. Without warning, the crazy redhead hit Marth and Roy over the head with the flat side of his sword. The two fainted and Eliwood complained about his back, all the while yelling to Mist to bring up the van. Mist came up driving a large van as close as she could to Eliwood. 'Alright, I'm creeped out by my sister now' Ike thought wading out of the pie mount. Eliwood threw Roy and Marth into the van, complained about his back and grinned crazily, watching Link slowly struggling out of the pie mount with Toon Link holding onto his shirt. Eliwood waded through the pie mass expertly and stopped in front of the two boys with a crazy grin on his face. "Link, will Roy turn out like him when he's older? I mean, he already looks like him…" Toon Link whimpered. "I don't know… but he's not going to kidnap me and I'm saving my friends!" Link said and avoided a swipe from Eliwood. Toon yelped, letting go of Link's shirt. Shaking, he slowly crawled away in hopes of saving himself. Out of the mount pie, Toony continued to crawl, not daring to look back. Suddenly, two boots barricaded his way and Toon Link looked up, peeing his pants at the sight. Mist, grinning, towered above him and growled, "You're coming with me squirt." "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! Leave me alone crazy lady! Ike control your insane sisteeeeerrr!" Toony screamed, trying to flee. Mist grabbed Toon Link's shirt and knocked him out, dragging the boy to the van and throwing him in. Link avoided a hit and glared at Eliwood. "Give up, elf!" Eliwood taunted, smirking. "Never! AND I'M NOT AN ELF!" Link replied. Caught up in fighting Eliwood, Link failed to notice Hector sneaking up behind him. Hector swiftly knocked out Link and high- fived Eliwood. ELIWOOD!" Lyn and Master Hand screamed, both heading for him. Completely forgetting Link, Eliwood and Hector gulped watching the two angry figures approach. Hector bolted to the van. Eliwood was about to sprint to the van when he noticed Kyle and Oscar leaning against the wall. The two, being on the sidelines, had escaped getting swallowed up in pie and relaxed, with Oscar enjoying a lollipop. "C'mon, Eliwood!" Hector called. "We must kidnap them, too!" Eliwood called back. Hector sighed, knowing Eliwood wouldn't leave. Mist and Hector got out of the van, while Eliwood distracted Master Hand and Lyn chasing after him. "What do they want?" Oscar nonchalantly asked Kyle, watching Mist and Hector approach. "I don't know and I don't care" Kyle replied, closing his eyes. Oscar shrugged and watched two coming closer, while trying to get the lollipop to stick to his tongue without holding it. "Hey, do you guys need a ride anywhere?" Hector asked standing in front of Oscar. "No, do we look like we have to get somewhere?" Oscar sneered and stopped playing with his lollipop. "Now, get out of my face, you're blocking the sun." Oscar licked his lollipop again, failing to notice Eliwood crouched down beside him on all fours and licked the lollipop exactly at the same as Oscar, his face lighting up with impish glee. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Oscar wretched, spit, chucked the candy at Eliwood and tried to get Eliwood poison off of his tongue using his hands. While everybody regarded Eliwood's saliva as poison, Eliwood himself thought it to be healthiest thing that ever existed. "I think I will burn my tongue to disinfect it" Oscar muttered. Eliwood grinned, albeit sad on the inside at the prospect off his spit on Oscar being burned away and handed the demon a flamethrower. Oscar burned his tongue, not even flinching and with a snap of his finger fixed his tongue, making it look like he never burned it in the first place. Hector used his chance as Oscar was distracted and knocked him out with his axe (not the sharp edge!), while Eliwood knocked out Kyle. Hector and Eliwood quickly threw the two into the van, complained about their backs and climbed into the van. Mist hopped and sped off stomping on the gas pedal and ran over a stop sign, speeding through town.
"ELIWOOD! YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS!" Master H. roared. Lyn said goodbye and took off with her chopper, contacting Ninian that Eliwood completely lost it again and kidnapped Smashers. "Oh well, he will pay some day… Now, somebody has to clean this. Someone like a smasher." By now all the smashers were conscious and as soon as Master Hand uttered the last word, everybody fled the scene with supreme skills. Unfortunately for Snake, his skills were not supreme enough and the poor guy tripped over a rock, instantly doomed to clean up everything on his own. "Clean it up, Snake" M. H, commanded and floated away. Snake cussed, got a shovel and started filling up a semi-truck that most likely, Eliwood forgot and had left there.
Raiden kept digging and digging. Upwards. Sideways. He didn't know anymore. It just seemed infinitely high. And nobody was going to help him. Raiden was almost sure he would die under loads of pie. But just as Raiden's last hope seemed to trickle away, light peeked through the mass. The light grew and Raiden stretched his hand out to it. Instead of a loving hand, Raiden felt the edge of the shovel crash onto his hand. "OW!" Raiden drew back his hand and shielded his eyes as the object heaved away the last bit of pie mass. Raiden looked up seeing the one that had rescued him, which turned out to be Snake. The very same Snake that left him to die after the pie avalanche had swallowed him. First Raiden cursed at Snake, then yelled, stomped his foot, flipped the bird and yelled once again "YOU. LEFT. ME. TO. DIE!" "It would've been impossible to find you in the pie mount." "YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY!" "Hey, Raiden!" "WHAT!?" "Yelling causes vibrations which can cause avalanches to unstable soft masses like loosely packed snow. Or pie in this scenario." "Sh-" With a farting noise, the pie around Raiden collapsed covering him anew in pie. Snake sighed and looked around. He was never going to get done. To his luck, though, Crazy Hand appeared and decide to clean up everything. Snake didn't waste a second at his opportunity to ditch his job and raced off. Entering the mansion he bumped into Link, holding paper, pencils and a map. "What'ya up to?" Snake asked. "Saving Marth, Roy and Tuna." "All on your own against the crazy redhead?" "Nope, not alone. The rescue crew consists of me, Ike, Sheik, Samus, Zelda, and Pit. Lyn is helping out at the castle, catching Eliwood, or trying anyway. Ninian will act as distraction to Eliwood when we move in." "Count me in." The two went into the kitchen where the group discussed a plan.
"Roy, get yo hand out of my face!" Marth complained.
"Get your face out of my hand!" The two groggily woke up and almost fell out of the bed trying to get up. "Aw, Roy, you pig, you drooled!" "What do you mean… Oh I did. Whoopsies." "Argh, your drool is on my shirt!" "Hey, are you pregnant?" "I'm a guy dumbass, are you stu-" Toon Link slowly emerged from Marth's shirt, yawned and asked "Where are we?" "GET OUT OF MY SHIRT!" "What?" Toony asked confused. Marth growled, "Get out!" grabbed Toony by the collar and threw him out of his shirt. Which looked quite funny as it took him a while, Toony got stuck several times and Marth almost fell over. Instead of helping, Roy laughed his ass off. "What were you doing in my shirt!?" "I felt lonely and it was so soft and warm in your shirt." Toony answered, whining. "STAY OUT OF MY SHIRT, YOU CREEP!" "Can I get in your pants then?" Toony asked with a grin, being a complete idiot. "NO, YOU SICK MINDED CHILD!" "But still, where the hell are we?" Marth and Roy looked around and immediately knew where they were. Both face palmed, cussed, and answered "At home with dad" in perfect sync. "Wow, you're sure you're not twins? Aaaand, WE ALL GONNA DIE!" "Shut up, Toony!" Marth and Roy yelled in perfect unison. "We need a plan…" Marth muttered. "We shall sacrifice Toon Link and throw him out the door." Roy proudly declared. "No!" Marth said, "We would have to explain his disappearance! Let's check, who's out the door, standing guard… although I think I know who it is." Marth went to the door and knocked. "Hey, Marthy boy, happy to be home? Eliwood's gonna come real soon and have some son-father-son time, and I'm not letting you out of this rooooom." Hector happily announced. "Well, we will be out here in no time! Hector is as dumb as a doorknob!" Roy said. "Yeah, but first we have to distract him, he's dumber than a doorknob and has muscles, which is a stupid combination. Let's go check this closet." Marth suggested. As the three walked across the room to the closet, Toon Link asked, "Aren't you insulting Ike kinda, too. He ain't smart and he's got muscles." "Hector is waaaayyyyyyyyy worse than Ike." Marth replied. The three opened the closet and stumbled upon some shirts, a pant, a brush, candy (which TL claimed), a boot, string, a rat (which jumped into Roy's face, who screamed at threw it into Marth's face, who screamed and threw it over to the bed.), a moldy steak (Ew), some underwear (which nobody touched or refused to go near to), a beautiful flowing blue nightgown, and a picture. The three teens looked curiously closer at the photo and screamed; throwing it away, after realizing that it was a picture of Eliwood doing Ninian with a big wide grin. It also included a caption saying 'The creation of Roy'. "Your father is SICK!" Toon Link screamed looking at the two equally horrified boys. "Marthyyy, we need a distraction~" Roy sang, swaying the nightgown in front of him and grinning at Marth. "No" "Do you want to have 'son-father-son' time?" "No" "Do you want to die here?" "No" "Will you wear it?" "No" While Marth and Roy argued, Marth only answer being 'No' every time, Toon Link crawled under the bed, found something stuffed it his pockets and emerged from the bed again. By now, Roy had miraculously convinced Marth to play distraction without being punched. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Marth first considered changing in the closet, saw the moldy steak, shooed Roy and Toon Link under the blanket, covered their faces and quickly changed in the room. "You can throw off the blanket now." Marth announced. Roy gasped and almost fell out of the bed, while Toon Link just stared and mentally wished boobs on Marth. The nightgown gently hugged Marth's figure, although the boots looked a little out of place, but that didn't affect Marth's sexiness. Marth's face reddened of embarrassment only adding cuteness. His tiara perfectly fit with the nightgown. The nightgown end gently swished a little over the floor and the sleeves perfectly wrapped around his slender arms, become more wide and loose towards his hands. The nightgown was a sky blue shade fading into white towards the rims. Roy's nose exploded into a nosebleed as Marth proceeded to the door. Marth softly knocked on the door and said, "Hector, I need the washroom really bad." "I'm not falling for that… Fine, I will open the door, but you have to stay back, no running me over, okay?" Hector said. "Ok", Marth chirped and took a few steps back. Hector opened the door, stepped in, and closed the door. Hector gasped and couldn't utter a word looking at Marth, but the pervy thoughts were evident in his eyes from reading way too much porn. "Hey, bastard" Marth growled playfully, hands on hips, a smirk and a grin playing on his handsome features. Hector's nose exploded in nosebleeds and he stood frozen and Marth slyly approached him. "Oh my gosh, so sexy, want now! Not enough tissue!" Roy frantically tried to find more tissue as his nosebleed kept going. His eyes darting to Toon Link, Roy snatched the boy's cap and blew his bloody nose in it. "Hey, my cap! I need that for MY nosebleed!" Toon Link whined. Marth slid his fingers over Hector's chest and quickly without making a sound, ripped off the key band off Hector, dropped it, and kicked over to Roy and Toon Link, while trapping Hector's attention, gazing into his eyes. Roy and Toon Link didn't get the cue. "Run, you morons!" "No!" Hector yelled, but Marth quickly subdued him by taking his chin, going on his tiptoes and whispering in Hector's ears "Don't leave me!" Hector instantly ignored Roy and Toony speeding out. Toony turned around again, deciding to protect Marth, or in his mind protect the princess. Toony ran in, jumped and clung to Hector's head, then peed his pants, since he was scared that Hector could hurt him considering size different, turned his head, saw Marth exit, grinned and started humping Hector's head vigorously emitting grunting, moaning & screeching noises and watching Marth. Hector fainted and landed with a thud. As Hector fell, Toon Link jumped off and sped after Roy and Marth, his pants on fire and his balls jingling like Christmas bells.
"Where are we…" Oscar yawned, opening his eyes. . Kyle mumbled something under his breath and opened his eyes, too. Both screamed upon realizing that they had been spooning, jumped up and fell out of bed. "Ow, my head where are we?" Kyle growled. "What hap- oh right, that lil' bitch and the idiot." Oscar sneered. "I heard that!" Mist yelled from outside the door. "Seriously, you think this puny door will keep us in the room?" Oscar mocked. "Or you little weakling?" Kyle joined. "Stupid little girl. Let's get out." Oscar said. Kyle turned into a dragon, almost filling up the whole room and reducing Oscar to a pancake squished to the wall. "Can't you be more considerate and NOT stand right next to me?" Oscar complained squashed into a corner. Kyle huffed equivalent to a 'whatever' and slowly turned around. With a swing of his behind, Kyle ripped down the wall. Mist took cover and gaped at the sight. 'Crap, what now?' she thought. Kyle snarled at her, enjoying scaring the girl. "Payback time, bitch!" Oscar muttered, appeared behind her and knocked her out with a piece of wood from the splintered door. Oscar climbed on Kyle and Kyle tore through multiple walls and through the roof. While heading home, Oscar unwrapped another lollipop and plopped it in his mouth. Kyle smelled the cherry scented candy and growled in a low tone, which basically meant, "Seriously? Another one?" "What? So I like that candy, okay?" Oscar retorted, leaning back and stretching out on Kyle. Kyle rolled his eyes, huffed and sped up with a mighty flap of his wings snapping after birds in front of his giant maw.
Marth raced around the corner, Roy right behind him (still with a nosebleed) and trying to grab his ass, and Toon Link behind the too, still wishing for Marth to grow boobs (and still having a nosebleed, too). Marth collided with another figure and toppled back, mowing over Roy (who was quite happy, where his hand landed), who in turn mowed over Toon Link. Poor Toon Link was left to squirm and gasp for air as Roy never wanted to move his hand, Marth got up and mauled Roy for touching his butt. After mauling Roy, who didn't really care and FINALLY got off Toon Link, Marth turned around only to have blood spray all over him from massive nosebleeds. Snake, Ike, Link, and Pit stood in front of the trio, gaping, perverted thoughts governing their minds and looking Marth up and down over and over again. Samus, Zelda and Sheik stood behind them. Ike decided to let his pants give in and attempted to grab Marth. Marth evaded his grasp and jumped at the wall and past Ike. Landing on the floor gain, Marth finished his triangle and sped off for the entrance off the castle. The girls followed. Ike cussed and after realizing Marth was getting farther away from them, the males broke out into a run after Marth, almost tripping each other. Marth abruptly stopped and avoided Hector jumping at him. Snake pulled out his gun and shot a tranquilizer dart at Hector's nuts, saying "That's mine, mine alone!" Marth quickly sped off, the girls right after him. The boys continued following, but Ike tripped Snake, glanced at him and said, "Wrong. He's mine!" Ike turned and ran after the group. Snake growled, cussed at Ike and sped after the mob. Everybody ran over Hector. The group almost reached the entrance with, but Eliwood jumped out in front of them. "Ah boys, you're staying home! Oh my gosh, Marth what are you wearing!? It's sob hot!" Eliwood gasped, nosebleed already starting. Eliwood. Tried to grab Marth, but before redhead could lounge at him, Lyn jumped at Eliwood with yelling and kitty noises. The two rolled out of the way as a ball, along the wall. In between Lyn yelled at them to run. The teens didn't need to be told twice, especially Marth when seeing the guys catch up and staring at him with those eyes. The troop raced through the entrance, out to the courtyard only to be stopped right at the defensive wall entrance by Eliwood once again. Link zigzagged over the courtyard, screaming and avoided the chicken AT ALL COST. Toon Link clung to Link's leg, screaming and wildly lashing out with his little sword after chickens. "You won't' escape daddy twice, my boys!" Eliwood blocked the exit and approached the group, who took a step back. The smashers considered using their weapons, but there was no need; Ninian approached Eliwood in a silky, sexy, revealing dress, a mischievous smile playing on her face. Without a word Ninian raced up to Eliwood, took his head pushed his face into her boobs, whispering in his ears "You're coming with me baby. Let's roll." Eliwood giggled, and grinned, letting himself get dragged away by Ninian, who gave the smashers a sign to run while she distracted Eliwood. The group raced off. After a while, the troop stopped in the forest. "We should teleport home that will be faster." Marth said, glancing behind at the guys slowly catching up, while fighting amongst themselves. "And quick before the perverts get close." Marth muttered. "I can try a teleportation spell! I will first get us home and then the perverts." "NO ZELDA, NO SPELL!" Marth, Sheik and Samus cried. Zelda looked perplexed, which slowly turned into a hurt expression. Marth mentally slapped himself but said it anyway. He didn't want to hurt Zelda's feeling and definitely not let the guys get close. "Alright Zelda, get us home, but make sure you know the spell, alright?" "Ok, Marthy!" Zelda chirped and whipped out a book. Zelda did the spell and Samus, Sheik, and Marth held their breath and closed their eyes. Slowly, ever so slowly the three opened their eyes and sighed with relief finding themselves in the forest beside the mansion. Zelda gave Samus, Sheik, and Marth some time to head to the Mansion. The trio sped off and after eight minutes Zelda decided to pick up the guys. The princess teleported back to the now confused boys, glancing around for Marth. Zelda quickly did her spell, dumped the guys in the same spot in the forest and teleported herself to the mansion. Arriving in front of the mansion, she followed Marth's, Samus, and Sheiks voice behind the mansion. The three stood under Marth's, Ike's, and Roy's room, talking. "Can't you just get changed here quickly? We won't look and will make sure nobody else does." Samus asked. "No, Roy got my clothing. After I got changed I gave to Roy to hold on to it, while I distracted Hector." Marth answered. "Well, you won't have luck going through the front. The other smashers are lingering around inside by the entrance. When they see in that nightgown, they gonna come after you like crazy." Zelda informed. "Can you jump up two storeys?" Sheik asked looking up to the balcony. "Nope only down." Marth answered, "but if we can get Roy here, I can get my clothing." Zelda teleported and returned with a confused Roy. Toon Link clung to Roy's back and as soon as the little boy saw Marth, he started humping Roy's back. Roy yelled, grabbed Toon Link and threw him off. Samus and Sheik held back Roy and Toon Link. "Where is my clothing, Roy?" Marth asked annoyed. "Dunno, gave it to Ike. I was too lazy to carry it." "Roy…" Marth growled. "Well, we need a plan now. The guys are probably going to find us soon, looking for you like bloodhounds." Zelda mentioned. While Toon Link jumped back and forth in a yoyo fashion, the things from under the bed slipped out of his shirt and cap, turning out to be red hair extensions and a sexy orange dress. "I got an idea." Marth smirked, hands on his hip, looking at the clothing, then at Roy. "We need a distraction." "No way! Anyway, we already got one~" Roy protested, looking at Marth. The two looked each other in the eyes for a minute, and then yelled in unison, each making a fist, "Let's settle this with rock, paper, scissors, bitch!" "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY NOT TWINS!?" Sheik exclaimed. "No! Why does everyone keep asking that!?" both retorted. The boys quickly looked at each other again, then shook their fists three time. The tension was so high everything seemed to move at snail's pace. Their fists unfolded and Roy came out with paper, Marth had scissors. Marth smirked with triumph; Roy fell to his knees and sobbed. Head down, Roy took the outfit a grinning Toon Link presented to him and walked into the bush at the forest edge, quickly getting changed. Roy emerged from the bush. The group turned around. Zelda's, Samus', Sheik's, and Marth's eyes doubled in size. Toon Link's mouth fell open, his jaw hitting the soils, his eye size doubled, and his nose exploded once again into a nosebleed. Samus quickly tightened her hold Toon Link's collar, restraining the horny kid from jumping on Roy or Marth. The dress fit perfectly not to mention his hair. Peeved, Roy asked, "What now?" "Go to the entrance and get everybody's attention on to you." Sheik told him. Scrunching up his nose, Roy stomped around the corner to the entrance. The rescue guys noticed him, still. Nosebleeds again. Roy pushed open the front door and yelled on top of his lungs, "FREE PIZZA!" and stepped back. Every single smasher raced outside to the entrance. The guys gasped, exploded in nosebleeds (Kyle and Oscar punched each other in the face, saying they didn't get turned on at all, and it was the nosebleeds were due to the punch.) and Roy ran for his life, screaming. The smashers stampeded after him (Kyle and Oscar said they had something to do in town as an excuse), except for Nana and Peach, who wondered what that was all about. Samus let go off Toon Link and booted him further away from Marth. Seeing Roy in the distance, Toon Link zipped after the stampede. The girls and Marth waited for the stampede to disappear into the distance. With all other male smashers gone, besides Marth, the group headed into the mansion. Sheik explained to Peach and Nana what was going on, Zelda & Samus went into the kitchen and Marth headed into his room and quickly changed into a black hoodie and blue jeans. Marth came back downstairs, finding Zelda and Peach in the kitchen making dinner. Marth joined them. A few minutes later, Sheik and Samus helped, too, cutting vegetables. After a few hours, the guys came back, panting and starving. Roy was not among them. Sad, that, who they presumed to be a random hooker, had tricked them and made them run for miles for absolutely nothing, the guys slowly filed into the dining room and slouched in their chairs, sitting down at the table. Marth set down plates, while the girls brought out the food. For once, they seemed civilized and actually waited for platters to touch the table. As Marth passed Ike, Ike poked him, gaining his attention. "Your clothing, Roy gave it to me." Ike said, and handed the teen his clothing. Marth finished setting out plates and quickly brought his clothing to his room.
In a store in town…
"Hehehe" Roy giggled to himself, finishing up getting changed and out of the dress. The boy looked at the picture he took with his phone, when a certain someone wasn't looking. The picture was a perfect shot completely catching Marth off guard and in a sexy pose in the nightgown. Roy giggled to himself again, mean little thoughts going through his mind. "I can so use this as blackmail!" Roy thought, exiting the change room. Roy headed back to the mansion and paid a taxi with the remaining cash he had.
Back at the mansion…
Marth sat down between Zelda and Ike. Ike stared at him, poked him in the cheek for no reason, then resumed eating. Glancing up again, Ike witnessed Marth preparing another plate, besides filling his own. Ike poked Marth again in the cheek. Marth didn't react. Poke. Marth twitched. Poke. "What, Ike!?" Marth asked. "For who is the second plate?" the mercenary asked. "For Roy." "Where is Roy anyway?" "I don't know." Marth finished up Roy's plate, put it in the fridge, and resumed eating. Towards the end of dinner, Roy entered. Marth motioned for the redhead to follow and gave him his food plate. As night settled in, everybody got ready for bed, save for Master Hand, who grumbled at the bills in front of him from damage caused by Eliwood.
In Marth's room…
The boys took turns getting changed in the bathroom. It was Link's turn, Marth was next. The green capped teen finished up, but a piece of fabric sticking out of a cabinet. Link investigated and pulled out the nightgown. With a nosebleed, Link exited the bathroom, held up the nightgown, grinned at Marth, and exclaimed, "I found Marthy's pajamas!~" Yelling, things crashing and running echoed through the mansion for the next hour.
I hope you like it! I sure enjoyed writing this madness! :D Please review or fav or both. My fire emblem story will be updated very slowwwlyy as I'm working a lot on my book now. After I'm done with my book though and it's published I'm going nuts on fanfiction, though. I have so many stories planned :D Kyle and Oscar belong to me. Also a big thanks for my brother. He put ideas into this, too and co-wrote it with me
Kyle: Why didn't anybody die!?
Me: Shut up! You get to go badass in my book! And later…. In some stories…
Kyle: Why only some?
Me: Because! I should make you an adorable kitty in one story…
Kyle: Hell no! *pukes*
Me: And Oscar a sweet, sweet puppy….
Oscar: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *pukes*
Anyway, bye, bye for now. I might upload some art on deviantart for this story and peach on crack.