A/N: Hi ! So I am not a native english speaker so I am doing this to practice a bit !
This fic will not 100% serious but there will still be mentions of depression and probably of suicide. Just to warn. I am not really used to write in english so I may screw a bit. I do apoligize for the mistakes that are going to be in this fiction. And there is going to be a bit of swearing, so rating T.
So only mentions of the star wars univers and Thrawn in this first chapter, but there will be more in the next one.
Also, first chapters are not my cup of tea. Usually, the following chapters tend to get better so I won't hate you if you just jump ahead.
Chapter 1 - I don't want to be a Death Trooper... I want to be a Grand Amiral
"All horse-riders just suck. Have you seen them? I mean, they are just effing ridiculous."
"But... I... I am a horse rider..."
"Then you just are like all the others."
And they all laughed...
" How could you do that? That's just so unfair! But you know what? You failed, girl: she can't do anything, that stupid assistant. What did you expect? That she'll put us all in detention? She can't put a whole class in detention, you silly."
" But..."
" Shut up. Nathan didn't do anything, you just said that so you could get away with it. But guess what, genius? No one believes you. No one ever did."
I am pretty sure I cried after that...
"Going to the bathroom, you scum? "
"How can you even still be here? You should be ashamed of yourself, that was a very low blow."
"Yeah... But everyone in this school knows you are just a piece of shit."
Maybe they are right...
Maybe I am just a piece of shit...
OH. That was just another nightmare... It felt so real... Again...
"Yeah," I thought while taking my grey coat of the coat hanger. "That was just another boring day..."
Swiftly taking my bag and other belongings, I exited the lab where I was working. A prestigious medical lab where I was spending approximately forty percent of my life. Another forty percent was spent in the hospital I was consulting in. That left around twenty percent : that part was shared between public transports, basic needs like sleeping, while what stayed was usually used to read fanfiction or books, watching movies and just watching the night sky while rewriting my favourite scenes while including an Original Character that usually represented me in some way, like any proper fangirl had at least done once in her life.
Some other days, I was just going to a con or doing a quick city tour if it was my first week in a new city or country.
Or at least, that's all that happened usually around nine-ten months a year, when I didn't have my seasonal depression.
Yup, in case you hadn't noticed, I am a quite successful doctor (or at least enough to travel all around the world, being invited in some schools, labs or hospitals) single (even though I am still quite young, that will probably never change, 'cause really guys, who would like to put up with a doctor-fangirl-that traveled too much and never stayed in the same country more than six months, like me ?), also emotionally unstable, and former gifted child. Oh, I forgot, former bullied child with a huge lack of self-confidence and that never got over it.
Yeah, I know, from this point, I am kind of a failure.
I hadn't been bullied for a really long time, and never physically. It was all in the head. Maybe that's why my parents didn't get the thing. I was younger, naive and probably not really used to live in society. It lasted one year and a half.
It had been worse than Hell.
I am pretty sure you don't actually care. You arrived here by mere luck and don't really care, I am sure.
Anyway, you don't risk anything, I've been taking my medication. And reading again Thrawn's journal. That was one thing that kept me moving along with the antidepressant. I don't know, I just find it highly inspiring. I am pretty sure I could even quote it :
"One is born with a unique set of talents and abilities." I tried, remembering chapter 14. "One must choose which of talents to nurture, which to set aside for a time, which to ignore completely..."
"Sure Alex, "Said a voice behind my back as I arrived at the train station."It would have been a good idea if you had done just that. But you couldn't, could you ?"
"Olivia !" I ran to her. It had been quite a time since I had last seen her. Two years. Three years. Maybe more. After all, I had just come back from England, where I had been working on a project to help the recovery of patients that just had had surgery. "Oh, girl, I missed you so much! How are your studies going ?"
"Wow, girl, you've been away for really long, so I guess I can't blame you. But still, with your genius level intellect..."
"Stop That," I growled, which was never a good sign. But I guess she just ignored it.
" ... I thought you would have remembered that they finished two years ago."
I stopped right on my tracks. Oh, come on. What kind of friend was I?
"Shit, sorry Olivia, I must have lost track of time." I apologized sincerely.
"Yeah," She said. "And I guess you lost track of time the same way the invitation for my wedding lost itself somewhere between America and Britain ?"
My face turned pale. Oh, come on. Not that too! No no NO NO! That was bad... How had the bloody thing never found its way to me ?!
"Hey, I was just joking. Really, Alex... Alexandra! Breath, please. It's tomorrow, so you're not too late. Seems like you came back to Paris just on time..."
Had I mentioned that I probably was the most stressed person in the world? Well, now I did. I started breathing again, realizing that I had been holding my breath. I had started to hyperventilate. Again. Olivia led me to a bench where we sat down. I quickly looked around us :
"Look, you are my best friend. We went through a lot together. I am not mad at you. But maybe... Well you know... We are always seeing you on TV or something like that and... You look even more tired each time we meet you again. You are doing way too many things. I may not be the doc here, doc, but you really should rest."
"Can't" I mumbled. "Too many things to do."
"That's the issue, you see. You've always been good at nearly everything! And before you start whining, yes I know you are not in your good ...months, but still, that's no excuse. We both know the truth, you are smarter than others. You have some skills like Thrawn would say. But instead of doing what he suggests, you tried to stay good at everything. No offense, but it is not possible, even for you, sugar. Like your favorite blue guy would say: Sometimes the choice is obvious. Other times, the hints and proddings are more obscure."
"Alright," I sighed, not wanting to fight about this the day before her wedding." I'll try."
Olivia gave me a sharp look with her green eyes. Then she sighed, not really believing me.
"Here, give me your number. I'll send you a text with the address. Promise me you'll come."
"Why do I feel like I have something to fear if I promise ?"
I didn't like her tone at all.
"Just promise !" She said a playful light in the eyes.
"Right, you won, I promise. But if we had been in America, I would have sued the post for not delivering that stupid piece of paper and having me being in such a ridiculous situation... So, what's the deal ?"
"It is a Star Wars themed wedding." Oh, gosh, I hated that smile. But the worst was to come. "You have to come cosplayed. And you can't come in Grand Admiral."
Oh, no. No way. The only cosplay I had besides that was an old death trooper cosplay. I hated it.
"You sure? After all there were twelve Grand Admirals so... Please I don't want to be a death trooper. I want to be a Grand Admiral."
"No Way. No Grand Admiral, already taken."
Too bad I had promised. Couldn't go back now. Well, damn it.
"I hate you, right now, you know ? Just tell me who is taking my favorite cosplay away so I can kill him with my bloody old E-11 blaster riffle."
"Don't you have anything better to do?" She sighed.
"No. And don't think I'll apologize."
"No apologize required, agent. After all, I am sure we will still spend a great time together. Dismissed."
"Oh, go to hell, Olivia."