I do not own Fire Emblem in any way, and I acknowledge the other things that I parody too.
This story is set as a Fire Emblem - Radient Dawn parody set in a regular high school zone. I have only selected a few characters to be in
the main story itself, however I'm making sure every single character in Radient Dawn gets at least one cameo.
Senator Valtome is now the class teacher, Vice-Minister Lekain is now Vice-Principal Lekain and Prime Minister Sephiran is now Princial
Sephiran. I also parody one of Family Guy's famous gags - a reference is made then they actually show it happening.
I rate it fairly high mainly for violence, possible raunchiness and same-gender raunchiness, possible drug references, almost definitely
some suggestive themes and some medium-level to possible high-level course language.
Feel free to call me racist, call me homophobic, call me anything, but I'm none of it. I'm a straight female teen who loves her Fire Emblem =)
I don't make fun of only the one topic, I make fun of everything.
So, read the first chapter, and if you don't like it, you can send in a review with some constructive criticism.
Good reviews are always good to hear, so I wouldn't mind seeing some of them =D but don't send flames. It's a waste of precious seconds
in which you could be doing something slightly less useless as I will completely ignore them anyway.
I hope you enjoy!
"Uwee hee hee," chortled Valtome. "And why, if I may ask, have you left it at home, Mr. Rolf?"
Rolf gulped. It wasn't the first time he had left his homework at home. Next to him, Shinon
smirked, knowing what was going to happen next.
"Uwee hee hee hee," Valtome chortled again. "Uwee hee hee, well Mr. Rolf, you have let me
down and your classmates down. I've had enough, go and see Vice-Principal Lekain at once."
Rolf left sullenly, not wanting to face Lekain again.
Last time, Lekain had him rewarped to the inside of a volcano.
Needless to say, Oscar and Boyd were not exactly impressed.
As Rolf passed him, Gatrie tripped him up. This sparked up a riot of laughter, particularly
in the presence of Calill and Shinon... and Valtome.
Rolf was long gone before Valtome stoppedwith his "Uwee hee's"
and stopped curling his hair with his fingers.
"Uwee...uwee hee...hee hee...uwee...uweee......." he mumbled.
Ike's group of friends was like a three-course meal, as Ilyana said.
"Ike was the main course, with Elincia on the side. Shinon and Boyd and Gatrie
were the bullies, like the entrees... and you have the... beautiful... Geoffrey...
and... *drool* the dessert... *CRUNCH* ... *CHEW* ...mmm yeah..."
In the cafeteria, Ike actually did find his group of friends. As Ilyana had half
managed to explain, Ike was 'with' Elincia. Shinon, Boyd and Gatrie were his friends,
but they weren't nice to the so-called nerds. Lucia was Elincia's best friend, and
Geoffrey was Lucia's brother, and he was 'with' Mia.
"Oh my God, did you see Mr. Mrs. Valtome today?" Shinon asked.
"Meh... it wasn't as hilarious as the time we brought that nudist along."
Valtome was drawing on the blackboard. The nude boy walked in. Valtome did a
double take, and fainted
"But did you see Rolf? Dude your brother is a wuss!" laughed Gatrie to Boyd.
"Probably crying to his loser friends," Boyd replied.
"...a-and he made me clean his..." Rolf cried to Mist.
"Oh, Rolfie, he made you clean him there as well?" Mist said, sympathetically.
"Yeah well, Lekain is not particularly known for his modern punishments." added Titania.
Nephenee is in a guillotine. "You will regret passing that note, girl,"
"I'm glad you guys are my friends..." Rolf sniffed.
Rolf, Mist, Rhys, Titania, Zihark and Ilyana were close friends. But unknown to every single
one of them, the person they all secretly admired (ADMIRED) admired them back.
This led to quite awkward silences and awkward situations.
The group is dead silent. A newcomer, some guy called Aran, is looking nervous.
After another few seconds of silence he suddenly jumps in front of a bus.
"Hey Rolf," Ilyana piped up. "Let's find your brother so we can get money from him. I'm
starving!"
The group looked at each other.
"Ilyana, you just ate the entire crate of burgers from the cafeteria!" Titania whispered.
Rhys nodded.
"Hey, I've done worse!" Ilyana protested.
The door opens, revealing Ilyana in a stripper's outfit.
"Is it you..." asks a boy.
"It's me..." she replies, seductively. "I'm Ilyana... but you can call me The Mistress..."
"Really!! Sweet! My name is Edward! I .. uh... so..."
"Here, let me help you relax..." Ilyana said sexily, walking in, and unzipping his pants.
*CRUNCH*
"Well...true..." Rhys agreed.
"Let's find Oscar." Zihark said, wanting to change the subject.
Oscar was atop his pony. So were Astrid, Makalov and Kieran.
Oscar was waiting... he was waiting...
waiting...
"Now!!!" cried out Kieran.
"Where? WHERE?" yelled Oscar.
"Over there, to the west dumpster!" pointed Astrid.
"Go!" yelled Makalov.
The four horsemen slash horselady rose as fast as they could towards the dumpster.
"Stop right there!!!" screamed Astrid.
"Police!" Kieran yelled out.
Shinon stopped threatening the young boy called Tormod.
"Oh.. please," he groaned. "You cannot possibly be taking this job seriously."
Oscar scowled.
"It is our job as the Playground Police to stop any and all means of bullying!"
Shinon rolled his eyes.
"This is almost as pathetic as the time Reyson tried to play soccer."
Reyson goes to kick the ball. There is an awful cracking sound and Reyson falls
to the ground as if he simply deflated.
"Pathetic or not, it's still our job!" Makalov said haughtily.
"Ahhhh shut up," Shinon pushed Makalov off his horse.
Makalov hit the ground and scraped his knee.
"Aaaawwwwwwwww!!!" Makalov burst into tears. "Owwwwwwwwww-w-ww..."
The other three drew in massive breaths.
"Hmph..." Shinon simply walked away.
"Quick, get him to Rhys! He's a medical trainee!" shouted Astrid.
"NOT HER!!!!!" Makalov bawled.
"Ohhhh there we go, I'm so sorry, Mia. It's never taken me fourteen pokes
to find a vein in somebody's arm."
"Hey Calill!" called out Gatrie, his eyes filled with lust.
"Step off, Gatrie," said Calill coolly.
Calill was the sex symbol of the entire school. She was the only person in Principal
Sephiran's advertisement of the school, and since that went on air two weeks ago,
the school has enrolled about twelve girls and two hundred boys.
"Hey, Calill!" called out Lesbian Laura, her eyes filled with lust.
"Step off, Laura," Calill said, every more cool than before.
Calill continued walking in her tight-fitting uniform and high heels.
"Hey, Calill!" called out Soren.
"Soren! How's it going?" she smiled as they started walking down the corridor
together, laughing and talking.
Lesbian Laura was heartbroken.
"Gatrie, why is Calill so nice to Soren?" Lesbian Laura asked.
"It's because he's gay!" Gatrie replied, viciously. He hated Soren because he was
a homosexual. "He's the only guy in the school who won't hit on her! Bloody homo..."
Soren, Zihark, Rhys and Rolf are all in a female strip joint. Zihark is grinning, Rolf is
gawking with his mouth open, Rhys is trying to pray, but he only has one eye
closed and the other eye wide open, and Soren is looking through a Woman's Weekly.
======================================
The Lunchtime Recess bell rang. Everybody started to go back to class - except Ike and Elincia
who were still in the cafeteria. And if you looked reeaall hard, you could spot a certain
lavender-haired girl gnawing a drumstick poking out of her mouth in the corner. And a very
self-conscious looking Zihark.
"Ike...we have about three minutes..." Elincia hinted smoothly.
"Excellent!" Ike grinned. He went and went to get one of Ilyana's drumsticks.
Ilyana saw him approach, and when he reached for her food, she began to growl menacingly.
Ike leapt back as Ilyana bared her teeth and growled again.
"Okay, missie, I think it's time for class..." Zihark said softly.
"But I haven't had entrees yet!" Ilyana complained.
"Cmon!" Zihark pleaded. "I'm scared to go out alone!"
"Oooooh Zihark!" a female voice sounded through the corridor.
Meg stood at the end of it, hearts for eyes, and begins sprinting towards him.
"It's coming at us!" shrieked Soren.
"Run!" cried Ilyana.
Meg bowled them all over.
"Strike!" Boyd gave Gatrie a high-five.
Ilyana put four drumsticks in her purse.
"Alright, let's go."
Haar closed his locker, but was greeted by Jill.
"I'm pregnant!" she whispers fiercely.
"What??" he whispers back.
"We slept together. You remember?"
Haar rolls off the top of Jill.
"That.. was... amazing..." pants Jill.
"Yeeeaaahhhh... thanks sexy gnome..." Haar replies.
"Awww...you smoked it again didn't you."
"You'll remember now, and for the rest of your life!" she cries, and runs away down the corridor.
Haar doesn't know what to say when the whole corridor stares at him.
"We have sex a lot."
TO BE CONTINUED
Sorry for such a short chapter, guys. I've been too busy playing the game itself to write about it XD
Anyway, I may continue if I get nice reviews... maybe not if nobody's impressed... then I'll feel rejected =) lol