A/N – Okay, this one, left field. I'm not even sure what I was trying to do here. I just, I think Parker was a little bit more level headed when dealing with her rape. I'm definitely not saying that Veronica didn't have her reasons for being who she was; I just think that Parker didn't change as different or as drastically as Veronica did. But then again, this is just a story and my muse I think was a little bit drunk. I hope you enjoy, and I definitely hope you weren't offended.
Three hours later and she knew that the perfect date wouldn't happen to her. Not here, not now. Not when something this big separates her from the really great guy who's currently sitting in the room next door, sitting on the bed next to the ex-girlfriend that he can't seem to let go off. She knew it was only a matter of time before Veronica Mars would come between her, Parker Lee and Logan Echolls. It was only a matter of time before one of them or maybe both of them would crash and burn and need each other. She was a fool, a great big fool to believe that she could even come close to being someone who could compete with Veronica for Logan's heart.
Letting out a breath, she pulled her legs up on the coffee table crossed at the ankles, glancing at her watch, one hour and 12 minutes in to the date and he had gotten the call that Veronica was drunk, very drunk at a frat party and wouldn't stop making a fool of herself. Wouldn't listen to Wallace, to Mac, not even Piz. She didn't want them, she wanted Logan, wanted to tell him, god, it didn't even matter what the hell Veronica had to say to Logan, just the fact that she wanted anything to do with him and Logan was out of the chair and rushing out of the restaurant running full speed towards her. Even now, even knowing what little of their past that had been spilt by Mac or by Logan she wouldn't even come near to understanding what it was between Veronica and Logan that they depended on each other this much.
Parker sighed, the time on her watch 9:43 pm and she was thinking of calling it a night, her date with Logan a wash and her attempt at dipping in to the date pool a complete failure. She laughed softly to herself; fate sure had sick sense of humor. The one boy she thought might be worth putting herself out there for was still in love with the girl that had dumped him without even so much as a flicker of attention in his direction. Truthfully, she hadn't had such high hopes of this turning into something, a relationship, it just, it seemed easier if it was someone she could maybe trust. She had known enough about Logan to know that he was a good guy and bad enough to know that her parents would have plenty to say. She wasn't that vindictive, or at least she hadn't been, but then rape tended to bring out new character traits, or was it flaws. Either way, she wasn't so enticed to the idea that you had to be that strong like Veronica, or that scared like Veronica. In the end, Veronica was hurting and it didn't help that she just lost the one person that could understand it all.
Standing up, she thought about telling Logan that she was leaving, but by the lack of communication as he carried Veronica in to the suite, she figured he'd already added two plus two and it didn't add up to include her. When you've spent that much time alone, and that much time getting your heart broken and people disappointing you, you learn who sticks around and who's gonna catch you when you fall. Pulling on her jacket and grabbing her purse, she walked quietly towards the door, opening it slowly hoping to be as quiet as possible.
"You're leaving?"
Her eyes flew to Logan as he walked out of his bedroom, closing the bedroom door behind him, Parker smiled, "yeah, it's getting late, and I'm singing the third wheel blues." She had to give him credit; he tried his hardest to make an awkward situation a little more comfortable with the easy smile and the hands in his jean pockets. "It's okay Logan, not meant to be."
"I'm sorry," He spoke instantly, standing still, his eyes tired and his stature slouched slightly, "it's ah; it's an odd number day."
"Odd numbered day?" She raised an eyebrow.
Logan shook his head with a shrug, "she used to say that when I was being nice to her it was an odd numbered day."
"I see," Parker nodded slowly looking away from him, pulling her jacket tighter around her body, "tell Veronica that I hope she feels better tomorrow."
"I'd let go if I could," Logan spoke quietly walking towards her, his head down, as he got closer he smiled slightly, leaning against the back of the chair, "there's just—"
"A lot of history," she finished with another nod, letting out a breath she wrapped an arm around her body, holding on to her elbow. "You're the only other person she trusts."
He scoffed softly, shaking his head, "people keep saying that." He yawned, running a hand over his face. "I kick myself sometimes, I mean, how many times can a girl like Veronica fuck me over before I wise up and walk away. Maybe love just makes me a sucker," He shrugged his shoulders, "I tell myself this is the last time, no more going back and forth. But she's my best friend, you know. And you don't let your best friend down." He sighed, dropping his head back to stare at the ceiling, "she's made me mad, furious really, but she's never let me down. Saved my ass more times than I can count." He leveled his gaze on her again.
Parker smiled at that, she couldn't quite figure out what crusade it was, but Veronica always seemed like she was on, and at first it seemed cool, now it just seemed like hiding. If they think you're angry, then people won't ask any questions. She had thought it was strange, but then again the girl carried a taser, she was okay being in the dark on that one. In the end, Veronica was just scared and pushing until she was proven wrong.
He sighed, staring at the ground, "like I said though, it's an odd numbered day," he breathed giving her a crooked grin.
"I thought being nice was supposed to happen every day," Parker shot back, meant to be teasing but sounding more frustrated than funny.
Logan laughed at that, "Veronica missed the memo." His smile fading as the silence filled the space between him and her. "She's a nice person; you just gotta get to know her."
"How long do you suppose that'll take?" She sighed, giving him a exasperated look.
"Not sure if anybody gets to know her," he shrugged looking at the wall across from him. "She's funny like that." Parker sighed, laughing tiredly, he looked back at her.
"Maybe love isn't enough Logan. Maybe you want it to be, but it's not. You can keep forcing it, pushing it down or stretching it out, maybe a person can only love, so much. In the end, it just, takes more than one person in love to make things work," Logan stared at her for a moment, his expression blank, mask in place. Parker glanced around the room, scratching the back of her head, "maybe I don't have a clue what I'm talking about. I just, I just think that there's only so much pain you can take before you break, before it's too much space between the two of you."
"The hero is the one that stays," He pursed his lips, she gave him a confused look, he sighed, "she said that to me once. Something she told her dad, the hero is the one that stays; the villain is the one that leaves. You're probably right that love can only smooth over so many cracks. Maybe in the end I'll figure out I should have walked away, but you can't convince me that it wasn't worth the try. Love isn't so cut and dry, we might wish it was, but you know it's not." He chuckled to himself, "I know you think I'm a sucker, and maybe I am weak, but I love her. And I'm not quite ready to let it go I guess."
She used to believe in love. Fairy tales and happy endings, but then she was raped and nothing after that seemed so cut and dry. She had never grieved for something so hard than the loss of that part of herself. Never had been so furious and felt so damaged. She was broken and she felt like she was a mess. And she had never felt so connected to someone like she had been to Veronica. Here was a girl who knew the pain and knew the loss and yet, she'd come through to the other side barely unscathed. A complete lie.
She was raped and it wasn't going to go away, even if she pushed it down and lied to herself that she was okay, that she was whole again. She was shattered, in tiny pieces on the floor, flung from one side to the other. Break an arm, you wear a cast and you let it heal, they stop calling you the kid with the broken arm. When you're raped you're branded, you're always tagged. It was like a tiny weight on your heart. Parker Lee, rape victim. Parker Lee, sexual assault victim. Parker Lee, so stupid for taking that drink, for flirting with that guy. Parker Lee, no longer innocent, no longer care free. Parker Lee, jaded. Parker Lee, scared out of her mind.
Parker Lee, too tired to be that angry.
Or maybe just Parker Lee.
She didn't want to be angry like Veronica, or sad or just plain tired like Logan. It might hit her as she made her way home tonight that she might be a little bitter about tonight, but she'd push it down and pretend it was really nothing until eventually it was really nothing. If someone like Veronica could find someone like Logan then she figured there must be something right with the universe. Nothing could possibly go that far wrong if there were still people like Veronica who lost too many people or Logan who was just plain lonely, if those could find love, then it's gotta still be out there.
"Maybe eventually, wherever she's headed, maybe she'll find some answers to your questions," Parker reached out touching his shoulder lightly, "maybe you will too."
He nodded, pulling his hands out of his pockets, shoving up the sleeves of his black shirt, "you're right. It's just; I don't like seeing her hurt. The one thing I've always been good at is being there for her when she's breaking."
"Maybe," she nodded again, glancing around the room; she let out a breath, "one day she's gotta learn to fight her own battles Logan."
He smiled slightly, "she's already fought a lot of battles on her own. She's not perfect, hell if I said she was I was probably trying to sell you something. But, she's got steel in her veins I think," he laughed again, his hands sliding back in to his pockets. "I don't get to see this side of her very often, I miss it."
And it was as if someone had painted a very clear, perfect picture. In the end, it wasn't Logan versus Veronica. It was us versus them. It had been decided very earlier on in their lives that Veronica and Logan were on the same team, and just because you break up it doesn't mean that you're off the team. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but you keep playing and you keep practicing and you finally get the perfect chemistry until passes are thrown with no looks and you know their steps before they make them. Veronica had Logan and Logan had Veronica, for better or worse.
In the end, they'd figure out a way, it might take a few tries, okay, maybe a dozen or two tries to get it right, but they'd figure it out. A player never gives up, never says die. The player is never as good as the team, the player gives their all until there's no more sweat, there's no tears and there's no more strength.
Sighing, Parker smiled at Logan, pushing down on the door handle, "I gotta get going Logan."
Logan nodded, standing up straight, holding the door open for her, "You know, it's gonna sound lame, but I really am sorry Parker."
Parker shook her head, forcing another smile, forcing down the bitterness of a wish unfulfilled, "we're friends Logan. It's what we do." She ran a hand through her hair, "you guys, you'll make it, anybody who thinks differently is just lying to themselves."
He yawned again, shrugging, "You're the kind of girl that a guy kicks themselves for, for not being good enough." Before she can stop him, he pulled her in to a hug, brief but long enough she realizes. He was never hers to have, never hers to keep and sure the heck was never hers to claim. There was plenty of love out there for her, and it wasn't in the form of Logan Echolls. "Take care of yourself Lee."
She laughed softly with a nod, "night Echolls." She gave him a small wave as she made her way towards the elevator. Tonight had been a wash, had been a failure in dating. Even though her hopes hadn't been high for her and Logan, she figured maybe it was okay to not be his savior.
A/N – All mistakes are mind, I'll take credit for them. Thanks for reading, thanks for listening. And if you wanted to review, that'd be alright too.