Phil's POV
I had been out all day and was dying to get home. Images of the warm flat and my comfy bed swirled in front of me as I made my way out of the train station. I picked up my pace as soon as I saw the flat in the distance and practically ran up the stairs. I let out a small sigh as I let myself in and kicked off my shoes, stretching out my sore feet. I started creeping quietly to my room when I heard a faint "Phil? Is that you?" I made a face as I altered my course to the living room. I was hoping not to wake him up but, as always, Dan wouldn't go to sleep until he knew I was home. As I turned the corner I saw Dan sleepily rubbing his eyes as he sat up on the couch. I smiled at how cute he looked when he was tired before walking over to him and kissing him, our lips fitting perfectly together.
Dan and I had been living together for 5 years but had been dating for 3 of those years. We are both youtubers and have decided it was best to keep our relationship a secret. Everything was going great. I had never been happier and I think Dan felt the same, but I could never really be sure because I'm not in his head. If I was, my life would be so much easier.
"Dan, why are you still up?" I asked, pulling our lips apart.
"I was waiting for you to come home and I guess I just passed out on the couch." I rolled my eyes. That was such a typical Dan thing to do. I swear he slept on the couch more often than he did in his own bed!
"Alright, well why don't we go to sleep? I'm exhausted and I can tell you are too. We can sleep in my bed tonight." Dan suddenly jumped up excitedly and grabbed my hand to pull me into the bedroom. He loves it when we sleep in my room because he thinks I have a better bed but I secretly enjoy his room more because it smells like him. I got ready as quickly as I could and by the time I turned off all the lights, Dan was already fast asleep on his side of the bed. I crawled in and snuggled up to him, draping my arm protectively over his body before falling into a deep sleep where I dreamt of nothing but Dan.
Dan's POV
I woke up lazily the next morning, vaguely aware of Phil pressed up against my body. I laid there feeling his warmth and watching his chest rise and fall rhythmically for a few minutes before rolling over to check the time. It was only 9 in the morning but I yawned and slipped out of bed, careful not to disturb my sleeping boyfriend. I sat on the couch and flicked through some channels before settling on a cooking show and going on the internet. I had just posted a new video yesterday so I was curious to see what kind of comments everybody was leaving me. As always I got comments asking why Phil wasn't in more of my videos and the typical haters, but people seemed generally pleased with this video. I smiled and remembered that Phil and I were supposed to film a new gaming video for our channel today, but we could do that later.
I walked to the kitchen and poured myself some cereal, sighing as I closed every cabinet door yet again. I have to find some way to condition Phil to close them himself. I loved that boy more than anything but sometimes he drove me insane. I made tea for both of us and brought Phil's cup into his bedroom and put it on his nightstand. I decided to go into town and do some grocery shopping so I quickly wrote a note in case Phil woke up and slipped out the door.
I was gone for a good couple of hours because I got sidetracked in the gaming store but now I had some new games for Phil and I to play for our gaming channel and began the walk home. I checked my phone every couple of minutes to see if Phil had texted me because he usually would have by now. I looked at the time and frowned. It was 2:30, what was he doing? I made my way back to the flat quickly and dropped off the bags in the front room before checking Phil's room. I knocked but there was no answer so I walked in. He was still sleeping peacefully in bed, but this was really late, even for him.
I shook him gently until his eyes flickered open. I chuckled. "Good morning sleepy head. You aren't supposed to sleep the whole day away! We have a video to film."
"But Dan I'm so tireeddd" He whined, burying his face back into the pillow. I frowned and yanked the covers off of him.
"It's almost 3 in the afternoon Phil, you need to get up now." I made my voice stern but I was getting a little bit worried about him. He had been acting strange for a few weeks. He slept all the time and has barely eaten anything.
Phil's POV
I knew Dan was right but I still didn't want to move. I didn't want to worry him, though, so I forced myself to stand. "I'm gonna go shower real quick and then we can film!" I tried to sound cheerful but I knew he wasn't buying it. I walked quickly to the bathroom and shut the door before he could say anything else. I sighed, leaning against the door of the shower, and turned the water on. I felt infinitely better as the water washed over me, but I still knew something was wrong. I hadn't felt very well for a while now but I didn't want to tell Dan because I knew he would make me go to A&E and I definitely did not want that.
"Phil? Are you almost ready? We're gonna play more Sims 4!" His voice broke into my thoughts and I smiled as I turned the water off and got ready. After straightening my hair I walked out of my room and bear tackled Dan, who let out a surprised yelp before laughing and pulling me into his arms.
We sat in the same position for a minute, until I grabbed his face and planted a slobbery kiss onto his cheek. "Ew gross, Phil!" He laughed, rubbing vigorously at his cheek to get off all my spit. I got off of him and took my place on the couch while he started the camera. It took us almost an hour to film the video because we were constantly having to pause the game until we could overcome our fits of laughter. I swear, every time I looked at Dan I fell deeper and deeper in love with him. I didn't think that was possible.
When we finally said goodbye to our viewers and stopped the video I was unbelievably tired. Dan must have noticed because he said "Hey, I'll go edit this if you want. Can you order some take out?" I was relieved that I wasn't going to be in charge of the editing process and gladly called in our order.
Later that night we were both sitting on the couch watching a movie and eating dinner when Dan turned to me.
"You know I love you, right." He asked, tears forming behind his eyes.
I immediately paused the movie and looked at him, incredulous. "Of course I know that, bear! I love you too. Why are you crying?" I put my food on the table and pulled him close to me so that his head was resting on my chest.
"I just- I don't know" Dan choked, burying his face into my shirt. "You haven't been yourself lately and I feel like I did something wrong or that we are drifting apart and I couldn't stand losing my lion and-" I cut him off, kissing his lips. I didn't realize he was worried about me, and I felt a pang of guilt.
"Do you hear my heartbeat?" I asked, resting his head back onto my chest. "It beats for you. Only you, Dan. I am completely and utterly in love with you and I have been since the moment I saw you. You are my everything and you will never lose me." I could feel him smiling and then he sniffled once, composing himself.
"Alright" I clapped my hands, pushing him back to a sitting position. "Let's get your butt off this couch and go do something productive!" I heard an audible groan as he stood up. I took his hand and forced him to the kitchen. We stood there in awe of how much of an absolute wreck it was and I turned to face Dan. "I think you'll feel much better once this is cleaned up." I reached for a mug to start washing but I felt Dan's hand on my shoulder and he quickly snatched it from my hand.
"You will not be touching any of the good dishes, butterfingers. I would like to still actually have things left in the kitchen once we finish here." Dan smirked, turning on the water. I stuck my tongue out at him before handing him a plate and putting a bowl back in the cabinet. "Phil-" Dan started, eyeing me with disdain. "I know you are going to fucking close that door, right?" He tried to look mad but I could see the smile playing on the ends of his lips. I smiled slightly and made a show of closing the cabinet. I kissed him and told him I was going to sleep. I barely made it to the bed before falling asleep on Dan's side of the bed.
Dan's POV
The next morning, I woke up in my own bed, feeling lonely without Phil. I went into his room last night but he was already asleep and spread out along the entire bed so I decided not to move him. I slowly stood up, trying not to lose my balance and slowly made my way to Phil's room. I poked my head around the door and was surprised to find him already out of bed. I found a note in the kitchen and recognized the handwriting immediately.
Dan,
I just stepped out for a few minutes to take a walk. I need the fresh air! I love you, I'll bring home some Starbucks.
Phil xx
I smiled and flopped down on the couch, waiting for my coffee to arrive. I felt my phone vibrating and quickly grabbed it off the table, hoping it was Phil.
"Hey Dan! Do you and Phil want to come over and hang out with Chris and I?"
It was PJ. I got out of my messages and clicked the phone icon.
"Hello?" I heard Phil's voice. He sounded out of breath. He must have been walking pretty quickly. I chuckled at the thought of Phil exercising before I answered.
"Hey! PJ just texted me asking if we wanted to come over. I haven't responded yet because I wanted to see what you were up to! Do you wanna go? I could use some fantastic foursome time." I was silently praying he would say yes, or at least let me go without him.
"Umm I'm really not feeling like seeing anyone right now, Dan, but I think you should still go over! I'm almost home so I guess I'll catch up with you later?" He seemed perfectly fine with staying home so I didn't question him.
"Okay! Are you sure you don't wanna come? It'll be fun!" I taunted him, hoping he would change his mind.
"Nah, I'm sure. Love you, see you soon." I heard a click and knew he hung up on me. I shot PJ a text saying I was on my way over and bounded down the stairs, excited to see my friends.
Phil's POV
I was actually quite glad that Dan decided to go to PJ's without me. I really wasn't feeling well and the last thing I wanted was Dan fussing over me. I sat in Starbucks for a while to make sure Dan was gone before walking home. I wasn't even moving very fast but I was running out of breath incredibly quickly. I attributed it to my poor exercise habits and made a mental note to start working out more. I knew it wouldn't happen but it's the thought that counts. When I was safely back in my flat I grabbed Dan's cereal from the cupboard and began eating it straight from the bag as I settled in to watch some Buffy. A few hours later I heard my phone buzzing in the other room and got up to check who it was. I only made it a couple steps before getting dizzy and grabbing onto the sofa for support. I shook my head to try and clear away the fuzz but black dots were starting to take over my vision and I collapsed onto the floor. I woke up a few minutes later and attempted to crawl to the phone to call for help but the darkness pulled me back under and I was powerless to fight against it.
Dan's POV
When I got to Chris and PJ's place they were in the middle of filming a video so I jumped in halfway through. We laughed and joked for an hour trying to finish the video and when we finally did I flopped onto his bed, clutching my sides to try and stop my laughter.
"That was great, guys! Do you wanna play some video games?" I asked, eyeing the Xbox.
"Sure!" Chris said, smiling widely at the thought. "Why didn't Phil come? He would have had so much fun!"
I sighed. "I don't know actually. Phil hasn't been acting himself lately. He never wants to do anything anymore and he's always so tired! I'm probably overreacting but I wish he would talk to me."
PJ placed his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure he's fine, Dan. Let's go play Sonic, that'll definitely get your mind off of it!"
I knew he was right but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. After about an hour of playing video games I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I called Phil to check in on him.
"Come on, pick up. Please pick up." I cursed when the phone went to voicemail. I don't know why, but in that moment I knew everything was not okay.
I walked back to the lounge and said goodbye to Chris and PJ, making up an excuse about Phil getting sick. "I hope he's okay!" Chris called as I walked out the door.
So do I Chris. So do I.
I walked as briskly as I could back to our flat as it was now getting dark outside. As I opened the door I heard Buffy playing on the TV. I sighed internally, preparing myself for yet another night of endless Buffy episodes. Don't get me wrong, I loved the show, but I couldn't watch it as much as Phil always wanted to. But this meant that Phil was safe and I was worrying for nothing. I stepped inside and looked around. "Phil?" I called, not seeing him on the couch. As I turned the corner to check his room, I let out a small shriek as I took in the sight I hoped to never have to see.
The black-haired boy that I was so incredibly in love with was on the floor in a heap, motionless. I ran over to him and fell to the floor, desperately looking for any signs of life.
"Phil?" I screamed, tears forming in my eyes. I tried to blink them back but to no avail. "Phil dammit wake up! I need you. Please."
As I rubbed my hand over his face I instantly knew why he had collapsed. He was burning up. I had never felt anyone with a fever that high before. But he was breathing. I felt relief wash over me for a moment before I remembered that Phil was still in no way alright. I pulled him into my lap and took out my phone, punching in 999 as quickly as my shaking fingers would allow.
After I hung up I threw the phone down and gently caressed Phil's face, leaning in to kiss his soft lips. I prayed this would not be the last time I would get to kiss him, but I savored it as if it would be.
A couple minutes later the paramedics were storming the apartment, assessing the situation. "In here!" I called, still holding Phil close to me. They started fussing about, asking me all sorts of questions I was not prepared to answer. I let the tears flow freely as I watched them take Phil away on the stretcher. I wasted no time running out the door and following them to the hospital.
When I saw the looming building I paused, gathering the courage to walk in there. What if Phil died on the way to the hospital? What if he's in a coma and will never wake up? I began to panic and my head felt dizzy. I squatted on the floor and held my head in my hands.
"You alright mate?" I looked up to see an older man around 40 staring at me with concern.
"Yes- Actually no, I'm not alright. My boyfriend was just taken to the hospital and I don't know if he's okay or if he's dead and I'm such a massive fuck up that I can't even bring myself to walk through the doors to figure it out." At this point I was crying again and the man reached down to help me up. I tried smiling at him but it was so fake I gave up and let my face fall again.
"Kid, I'm really sorry about your friend, but I think you need to go check on him. I'm going that way too if you want to walk with me. My wife has been in the hospital for 2 weeks but she finally gets to come home today!" He smiled widely and I couldn't help but feel happy for him.
"Aww that's great!" I beamed. "I'm Dan, by the way."
"Charlie"
We walked in silence the rest of the way into the hospital. I reached the desk and immediately felt the panic surging through me again.
"Can I help you?" The receptionist looked at me expectantly.
"I, uhh, I'm-" I stopped, not being able to say anything more.
"This young man is looking for a friend who was just brought here. His name is-" Charlie cut in, saving me.
"Phil" I choked out. "Philip Lester"
"One minute dear, let me check the computer." The receptionist turned away from us and I gave Charlie a grateful smile.
"So I never asked, why is your wife in the hospital?" After all he had done for me, I felt so bad that I hadn't once asked about his wife.
"Cancer. She has a brain tumor and it's getting pretty bad. Sometimes I'm so worried that every moment I see her will be my last." He shook his head sadly, looking at the floor.
"Oh man, I'm so sorry Charlie." I didn't know what else to say. Luckily, the receptionist saved me by turning back to us.
"Phil came in pretty unstable with a dangerously high fever but they managed to stabilize him and he is now in room 612."
I almost cried with relief when she said that he was okay and turned to Charlie.
"I have to go see him now, but it was great meeting you! I hope your wife gets better, I'm happy you're taking her home." I smiled at him and he grinned back.
"Thank you Dan. Best of luck to you and your friend!"
I called the elevator and waited for it to reach level 6. It felt like forever when the doors finally slid open, revealing a large ward with rooms on both sides. If I was actually paying attention I might have seen the sign saying "Oncology Unit", but I was too busy focusing on how to find Phil.
I counted the rooms as I passed by them, eagerly looking for room 12. I didn't even bother knocking before I walked in, my heart shattering when I saw Phil in the bed. He looked so small and frail, his hair sticking messily to his face and prominent bags showing under his eyes. I walked slowly up to his bed and grabbed his hand, bringing it up to my lips and closing my eyes as I breathed in Phil's scent. I felt a small squeeze and opened my eyes to find Phil looking up at me, his blue eyes vibrant against his pale skin. I felt the tears coming again.
Phil's POV
The first thing I noticed was the pain. My head was throbbing and my throat was dry, but the second thing I noticed made all of the pain go away. I felt a hand warming mine, and I knew it was Dan's before I even opened my eyes. I slowly flickered them open, wincing as they adjusted to the light. I turned my head to see Dan crying as he held my hand. His brown hair was hanging in front of his eyes and he looked so distraught. He didn't notice me looking at him so I used all my effort to squeeze his hand. His head snapped up and I looked into his chocolate eyes, red from crying.
"Hey Phil!" Dan sniffed as he wiped his eyes. "How are you feeling?"
"Amazing now that you're here!"
"They don't call you amazingphil for nothing now do they?" I grinned widely and scooted over, patting the bed to get him to sit next to me. He moved and I laid my head on his shoulder.
"Do they know what's wrong with me?" I whispered quietly, not really wanting to hear the answer.
"I have no idea." Dan sighed. "They haven't told me anything yet. I can go ask if you want." I shook my head vigorously.
"Let's just stay here for a bit, yeah?" He nodded and I snuggled closer to him, falling asleep.
When I woke up it was morning and there was a man in a white coat standing in front of me, whispering quietly with Dan. They both noticed me stirring and the man cleared his throat.
"Hello Phil, my name is Dr. Johnson and I've been the one looking after you. I'm afraid your labs came back with a few worrisome results, but we have to do some more tests to be sure. I'm sorry but we're going to have to keep you until all of the tests are complete." I could tell Dan had already been told all of this because he was just watching me, trying to gauge my reaction. I just nodded, feeling disappointed that I would have to spend one more minute in this room.
"Do you know what it is yet?" I asked, feeling frustrated that nobody was being totally honest with me.
"We don't want to worry you unless there is actually something to worry about so I'm just going to quickly run the tests I need to and then get back to you." I held Dan's hand as he took the samples he needed and breathed a sigh of relief when he left. I turned to Dan, watching his expression turn sour.
"Do you wanna see what kind of movies this place has?" I smiled, trying to lighten the mood, but Dan was having none of it.
"I don't care about the fucking movies Phil, okay? I just want to know what is wrong with you so we can fix it and get on with our lives." I stared at him blankly, trying to think of a response that would make him feel better. When I came up with nothing he walked back over to me and curled up on the bed again. "I'm so sorry babe, I'm just feeling a bit stressed. Let's watch a movie."
I don't know how long we were sitting in bed after that watching movies but suddenly the door swung open and Dr. Johnson came back in with a small group of other doctors flanking him. I suddenly felt cold, as if I knew what was coming. Dan sat up stiffly, waiting for the news.
"Alright Phil, here's what we've found. You have abnormal blood counts consistent with leukemia. I am so sorry but you have cancer."
I felt a surprising release of tension in my body at his words. It wasn't good news but I finally had a reason for how poorly I had been feeling recently. There was a name for the silent killer taking over my body.
I have leukemia.
Dan's POV
"You have abnormal blood counts consistent with leukemia. I am so sorry but you have cancer."
My heart dropped through the floor and the world began spinning around me. Phil. My Phil. The reason for me getting up in the morning. My lion... has cancer. It didn't seem possible to me. I felt such a mix of emotions in that moment I was unable to speak.
"How- how bad is it?" Phil asked, seeming surprisingly calm about the whole thing.
"You have acute leukemia, which is why the disease progressed so fast. There is a pretty good chance of curing it, or at least putting you into remission for a while, and then we can try other therapies and treatments to prevent it from coming back. For now, I would just like to develop a plan with you for treatment. Is that okay?"
Phil and I both nodded. I reached over with my shaking hand and grabbed his, holding it close to my heart before kissing it. We listened to the doctors rambling on about treatments and future appointments and how our life is about to drastically change for 45 minutes. I was barely paying attention, though, and missed most of what they were saying. I couldn't stop thinking about Phil. He was too perfect for this to happen to him. He had never done anything bad to anybody. The boy still cries when I kill the bugs in the house for fuck's sake. If anybody deserves a happy, pain free life it would be Phil, but the world doesn't work that way and now my boyfriend is dying and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
They let me take Phil home that night, as long as I promised to bring him back for his first treatment in a couple days and give him all of his meds on time. I tried protesting because I wanted the treatments to start as soon as possible, but one look at Phil shut me up. He looked so exhausted and I knew we should go back home for a bit first.
I helped Phil inside and we walked to the couch. He laid down and I carried in the duvet from my bed for him to snuggle up in. I asked if he wanted to watch TV but he shook his head.
"Dan we need to tell my parents. And PJ. And Chris." His eyes starting welling up and I knew I had to be his strength, his rock, no matter how much I wanted to break down.
"I can call them if you want." I offered, picking up his phone.
"No," he shook his head, "I think I should call them. They would want to hear it from me." I nodded and handed him his phone, watching him punch in his mum's cell number. After a few rings I heard her answer. I started getting nervous.
"Hello? Phil? Are you there?" Phil kept opening and closing his mouth, trying to speak. I knew he wouldn't be able to get it together long enough to talk to them so I gently took the phone out of his hands and held it up to my ear instead.
"Mrs. Lester? Hi, it's Dan."
"Oh hello Dan! How are you sweetie?"
"I'm fine, but that's not what I'm calling you about. It's about Phil." I heard her take in a sharp breath.
"He's okay isn't he?" She asked, her voice suddenly shaking.
"No, he's not okay. Phil has leukemia. We found out this morning. I thought you should know." She was audibly crying now and I was finding it increasingly difficult to hold in my own sobs.
"Can I- Is Phil there? Can I talk to him?" I looked over at Phil, who was shaking his head vigorously.
"Actually, Phil is sleeping right now and I don't want to wake him, but I'll have him give you a call later, yeah?"
"I guess so. Thank you for calling Dan, I really appreciate it. Take care of my boy for me." Her voice broke and I nodded before realizing that she couldn't see me.
"Of course Mrs. Lester. I always do." I hung up and called Chris next.
After Chris informed me that him and PJ were going to be dropping by the next day, I excused myself to go into the hall. At this point my emotions were getting the best of me and I couldn't hold it back anymore. I cried and cried until my body had no tears left and I was physically exhausted. I felt a hand touch my shoulder and Phil slid down the wall to sit next to me.
"Hey, it's okay Dan. Shhh it'll all be fine." He held me in his arms and rubbed circles on my back. I kicked myself internally for falling apart with him here but I didn't have the energy to stop it.
I tried to believe him that everything was going to work out but I just couldn't. "How do you know?" I whispered, breathing in the scent of his cat shirt.
"Because you and me are soul mates and soul mates can get through anything, as long as they do it together. My cancer is just a blip on our radar and in 10 years we'll be able to look back on this time and realize it only brought us closer together." He kissed my head and stood up, helping me up along the way.
As I turned to look at him, a thought suddenly occurred to me, making me frown. "How long were you feeling poorly before today?"
He tensed up at the question. "What do you mean?"
"You clearly didn't just suddenly feel bad one minute and pass out with the degree fever you had. You must've not felt well for a bit before."
He paused, presumably trying to come up with something to say. He gave up on finding an excuse after a few seconds. "A little over a month." He said in defeat. I stared at him with anger brewing in the pit of my stomach.
"Are you kidding me Phil? You've been feeling poorly for OVER A MONTH and never thought it was a good idea to tell your BOYFRIEND?" I was properly pissed at this point.
"I didn't want you to worry." He said in such a small voice I barely heard him.
"Didn't want me to worry? You have god damn CANCER Phil. I AM worrying! If you would've not been a fucking prick about it and told me last month maybe it wouldn't have gotten to this point!" I knew that probably wasn't true, but I wasn't really thinking about what I was saying, I was just expressing my discontent with the whole situation.
"Come back inside Dan and we can talk about it there." He grabbed my arm to lead me through the door but I pulled back.
"I have to call one more person first, okay? Then I'll be in." He nodded and closed the door behind him, leaving me alone in the hall. I dialed the number I needed and held it close to my ear, hoping she would pick up.
I heard shuffling on the other end and then "Dan?"
I sighed with relief. "Mum."
"You alright Danny?"
"Yep-" I started to choke, "Er- Actually no mum. I'm not okay and I really need to talk to you."
"Come on sweetie what is it? You can tell me anything."
"Phil. He has cancer and I don't know what to do!" I heard my mom breathing heavily through the phone and I could tell she was trying to stay composed for me.
"Oh my god Dan. Does his mother know?"
"Yeah I called her before calling you."
"Good, good. Is he getting treatment?"
"Yes but I don't know how to do this mum. I know I have to stay strong for him but I don't think I can. I'm falling apart!" I let out a choked sob.
"Listen to me Daniel. You are stronger than this. I know right now it might not feel like it, but you and Phil are going to get through this and you are going to love him just as much as you do now. He needs you more than even he realizes but you can only do so much. If you have to cry, let it out. Nobody will blame you. I'm so sorry this has happened but if I believe in anyone, I believe in you. I love you Danny." I let out a shaky breath. She always knew how to make me feel better.
"Thanks mum I'm glad I called. I better get back to Phil. I love you and I'll call with any news." I hung up the phone and prepared myself to face Phil. I wiped the tears from my face and smoothed my hair. As I pushed open the door I heard Phil talking to someone. I didn't want to eavesdrop but I heard him anyway.
"Yes dad I'm feeling fine right now. Please tell mum to stop crying" "Yep, I will." "Yes, he is." "Alright love you too, goodbye." As he hung up I closed the door loud enough for him to know I was there.
Looking at his defeated figure made me feel horrible for the way I treated him in the hall. "I'm sorry for yelling at you like I did. I know this isn't your fault. You know how bad I am in stressful situations!" I jokingly pushed him over on the couch and picked up the other end of the duvet he had wrapped around him. He smiled up at me.
"Wanna play video games or something?" His smile grew even wider, hoping I would say yes.
"I would love nothing more than to kick your ass at some prime video games."
We spent the rest of the day laughing and playing games together. I beat him in almost all of them but that didn't stop him from trying to sabotage me every chance he could. It almost felt like everything was normal again. Around 7 I decided to order a pizza and by the time I came back Phil had turned off the TV.
"Do you think we should make a video?" Phil asked.
Phil's POV
Dan looked at me for a second with a confused expression on his face. "Do you wanna... Tell them? Shit. I totally forgot about the fans." He sat down next to me and started rubbing his temples.
"Well I don't know if I'm ready to tell them quite yet. We are going to have to do it eventually but I just thought we could film a video for each of our channels because I don't know when we're going to be able to make one next, you know?"
"Honestly, YouTube is the farthest thing from my mind right now but you're probably right. Let's script!"
Neither of us really had any ideas so scripting took forever. The pizza had been delivered and eaten before we had our ideas down. We grabbed the camera and equipment and set up in Dan's bedroom first.
"Hello Internet!" He started, waving gleefully at the camera. "So today I want to talk about grocery shopping."
I watched from behind the camera as he continued filming. I always loved to watch him talking to his fans because he was so happy and in his element. I hoped that if I died, he would continue to make videos and interact with his fans.
When he finished we shifted everything over to my room so that I could make my video. I sat on my bed and did a quick fringe check. I took a deep breath and smiled, determined not to show that anything was wrong.
"Hey guys! So last week I had the most horrific experience of my life." I paused for dramatic effect, making faces at the camera.
I continued telling my story, using large hand gestures and crazy faces, all the while aware that Dan was watching me with a look of love and sadness. I worried that that would be the only way he'd look at me from now on.
When I finished I looked up at him, handing him the camera. "Do you want to upload your footage first?" He was still looking at me but didn't move to grab the camera. "Dan? Either you're going to take the camera or I'm going to use it."
"Oh sorry. Yeah, I'll upload." He grabbed the camera and turned to leave. "Phil?" He spun around when he got to the door.
"Yeah?"
"I was very surprised by how happy you sounded. It was great." He smiled and walked away before I could reply.
I leaned back on my bed and spread my arms over my head. I had almost fallen asleep when I heard Dan start absentmindedly singing in the other room. A familiar rush of warmth filled my body as I listened to him. I loved him more than life itself and I found myself incredibly relieved that it was me who had cancer and not him. I creeped quietly to his door so that I could listen to him better.
"I've got troubled thoughts and a self esteem to match. What a catch." he sang quietly to himself as he clicked away on the editor. I smiled widely, recognizing the Fall Out Boy song immediately. I closed my eyes, enjoying listening to my boyfriend singing without any other care in the world. Everything was so uncertain now and it scared me, but I knew I had to be strong for Dan. He was gonna need help through this and it was up to me to do that.
He noticed me standing there, then, because he stopped singing and started staring at me. I opened my eyes and chuckled at his embarrassed expression. I bounded over to his chair and gave him a sloppy kiss. "I love you Daniel James Howell!" He laughed and kissed me back. While we were kissing I reached behind him and grabbed the camera off the desk. I waved it in his face as I pulled away. "I only came to get this." I teased him playfully, spinning around and running out.
I heard him laugh. "I hate you Philip Michael Lester!" I smiled and settled in to edit my video.
Once both of our videos were edited and uploaded, I was surprised by how late it was. That was the latest I had stayed up in a month. Dan grabbed my hand and led me to his bedroom. I grinned, excited to sleep in his bed. I took my contacts out and brushed my teeth before sliding in next to him. I heard Dan whisper something to me, but I was already too far gone to hear it.