Rock a bye baby

On the tree top

When the wind blows the cradle will rock...

"Mommy?" I say as I'm walking down the hallway of our house to my room

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall

And down will come baby cradle and all...

I walk up to my mom and touch her shoulder while she rocks in her chair and she turns around and BAM! shes a walker.

I wake up in a cold sweat. I should be used to this by now. Every night for the last month I have had the same dream about my mom. She used to sing that song to me when I was little and I couldnt fall asleep because I was scared of the "monsters". I laugh now looking back on it because I never thought that the monsters I was afraid of would come to life. Nor would I ever anticipate having to face this hell all alone.

I wake up and the sun is barely shining over the Sanctuary and I start to wonder what the day has in store for me. I want to go outside the walls and maybe try and find some more pancake mix to cook tonight when I cant sleep then decide against it because there is no way I will be able to get out of this hell hole without a fucking babysitter. Apparently having a vagina means you are not allowed to function as an adult.

I throw on some clothes and go for a walk and I make it outside just in time for Negan and his band of merry men to pull in. Must have been an eventful night, usually they're back by sundown. I heard rumblings through the Sanctuary that Negan found the "bastards" who killed the men at our compound and was going to make them pay and last night was the night. Negan is always "eye for an eye" or "Im gonna take half your shit because I protect you" blah blah blah.

If you ask me those men got what they deserve. Of course I would NEVER say this out loud but Karma is a motherfuckin bitch and after terrorizing people for as long as he has, something was bound to happen. The sad part is I know he didnt go after those group of people beause he was upset we lost a part of our community. He went after them because he was infuriated that someone out smarted him and got the best of him

I hear him before I see him. It is almost impossible to miss that booming voice.

"Get that piece of shit in a cell. NOW!!"

I peek from around a tree I had hidden behind and see them dragging a disheveled looking man from the RV and kick him into the prison area.

The man is covered in blood and his hair is covering his eyes. My mind can only imagine the things Negan was must have done to him.

I see Negan light a cigarette and talk to Dwight.

"Break him. When its done come and get me."

Negan starts to walk away swinging that fucking bat over his shoulder

"If you do good Dwighty Boy I'll send Sherry your way for the night" He says with a wink.

Dwight just nods and stubs his cigarette out and stomps off.

What a piece of shit. He knows what he did to Dwight and Sherry. Nothing is ever enough for Negan. He will torture you until you're begging on your knees for him to stop and then hell look at you with a smile that never reaches his eyes and hug you and act like hes your savior because he stopped. Trust me I know.

Laying in bed that night, Shocker, I cant sleep. I keep seeing that man in my mind getting his ass kicked into a cell. The saviors, and I use that term very loosely, like to break their prisoners so they become one of us. The way they choose to do that is depiscable. I know right about now that man was probably on the 100th replay of 'Easy Street' and being fed 'dog food'. While emotionally being tortured with whatever Negan had on him. By the time Negan is done with him he will be a shell of the man he once was. For some reason with this guy I just cant let that happen. I had to do something, no matter what might happen to me. If Negan was going to kill me he would have done it a long time ago.

I throw on a hoodie and go down to the kitchen to make myself and mystery man some pancakes. Cooking is my therapy. Always has been since I was a kid. I get it from my dad. He always used to tell me "There is no problem that cant be fixed without a warm batch of banana nut pancakes". Of course supplies are scarce at the moment so im lucky if I even have pancake mix never mind bananas or nuts but somehow sitting in this big industrial kitchen I can be transported to some of the happiest times in my life. I feel safe. It makes me miss my dad something fierce and I have to swallow that emotion down deep in my gut because when it comes to thinking about my parents its one of those bottomless pits of emotions where I am afraid if i start crying Ill never stop. Last time I let myself succumb to the darkness was 385 days ago. Ill never do that again.

Proud of what I was able to accompish with almost no pancake mix and only one egg I head out with 3 plates to the prison. I spot Dwight sitting in a chair with his feet up smoking a cigarette and playing wall ball against what I am assuming is the mans cell.

He sits up straight when he spots me and groans.

"Natalie what the fuck are you doing here. Im not in the mood for this shit tonight."

I plaster a fake smile on my face and hand him a pancake.

"Take a walk D."

"You cant bribe me with food. The repercussions arent worth it. Even for your pancakes." He says taking a bite.

I huff and give him my food as well.

"Take 2 pancakes, leave the keys and give me 10 minutes. No one will know. Not even him. Im not stupid."

He gets up puts his keys down and walks away.

"You owe me Nattie. 10 minutes thats it. I dont know what you want with that one. Hes not even talking."

I take the keys and try to figure out which one works all the while talking to Dwight.

"D, I remeber when you were broken and burnt to a crisp and all alone and I was there. Not Sherry, me. You know how I am, I see something that is broken I try to fix it. I cant help it. No one deserves to be abandoned. Even in this fucking place."

He just looks at me and nods with acceptance. He knows better then to fight me when I got my mind set on something and whether he wanted to admit it or not, he knew I was right.

"10 minutes Natalie" he says as he takes his plate and walks off.

I walk in the cell and what I see takes my breath away, and not in a cute romantic sort of way. A gut punching, heart stopping way. I see the man laying on the ground in what I can only assume is a mixture of piss, sweat and vomit.

He blinks hard and jumps back into the corner when the light hits him and it breaks my heart all over again. I realize in that moment he probably thought I was Dwight or even worse Negan.

I kneel down and grab his arm talking in a hushed voice.

"Hey shh, shhh, its okay. My name is Natalie. Im here to help you."

I try to push the hair back from his face so I can see his eyes, but he pushes my hand away and stares at the ground.

"I brought you some food. Pancakes is kind of my specialty."

I push the plate towards him and he just looks at me with sheer terror and I realize he probably thinks Im the good cop to Dwight's bad cop and I was sent here to posion him.

"Ill tell you what. How about I take a bite and then you can see its safe and realize Im not one of those savages sent here to torture you."

He looks at me quick and nods.

I nod back afraid If I smile at him he will run to the other side of the cell and I will lose what little progress I have made with him.

I cut into the pancake and take a big bite making sure to get syrup on it to as to not leave anything to chance.

He sees me swallow and waits a couple minutes and is still staring at me.

"If it was posioned I would be showing some sort of symptoms by now. Eat it. I probably only have about 5 more minutes in here and I need to take all evidence with me. So whatever you don't eat is going to get thrown out and youll be left with whatever slop they are giving you."

That was just the push he needed and he inhaled the pancake and gave the plate back to me.

He moves in the cell to try and get comfortable with me in here with him and I notice a picture on the floor. I pick it up and look at him with utter horror. He has tears in his eyes and i see this man is utterly broken.

"Jesus Christ what did they do to you?"

He barely whispers and says "I did that"

I look at him in disbelief brushing away the tears that threaten to fall.

"Listen to me. You did not do that. It was that sick fuck and his precious bat. This is what he does. He shatters your world and then makes you think its your fault its happenning. Its wrong. This is not on you. This is on him."

I pick up the picture and look at it again.

"That man, was he your family?"

He just nods. Guess we are back to charades.

"Well from what I can see you loved him very much. Losing family is hard. Trust me I know. But If he even cared for you half as much as you cared for him he wouldn't want you to be doing this to yourself, like some sick form of self mutilation. Remember he isnt here now, you are"

He doesn't say anything just stares at the wall and I can tell hes crying by the way his shoulders are shaking.

Suddenly there is 2 pounds on the door and I know my time is up. He jumps and pushes me behind him to protect me. His reaction takes me by surprise and I cant help but smirk.

"Woah killer its okay. I might be tiny but I can handle myself. That's just D letting me know I have to go."

I help him sit down and grab his hand and to my surprise he lets me.

"Ill try and get back tomorrow if I can"

I stand up and brush off my pants and go to leave when I hear a raspy voice.

"Daryl"

I turn around shocked almost unsure of what I heard.

"Excuse me"

"My name. Its Daryl"

I smile and say "Well Daryl its nice to meet you. Little hint, when that god awful song comes on, try making up your own lyrics. Might help a little."

And with that I am gone. Dwight closes the cell and just looks at me.

"Going to open up a shelter for lost puppies next Nat?"

I look at him and walk away flipping the bird saying "Id watch out if I were you Dwighty. Don't want the big bad Negan finding out about you and Sherry's little stair romantic rendevous."

I tiredly make my way back to my room and shut the door. I take off my hoodie and start to climb into bed hoping I can actually sleep tonight. I let my hair down and turn around and scream when a light turns on and I see HIM sitting in my rocking chair in the corner.

"Jesus fucking christ!! You scared the shit out of me!!"

I hold my chest willing my heart to stop pounding.

He places the bat down and starts chuckling. He stands up and walks over to me putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Tsk. Tsk. Now is that any fucking way to be talking to your dear old dad."

I look at him with disgust and dissapointment.

"Hello father."