Disclaimer: I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant
"You go through boyfriends spectacularly fast," Skulduggery Pleasant noted. Valkyrie Cain, his 16-year-old partner, glared angrily. "First it was Fletcher, then it was Cae-" He was cut off by Valkyrie. "Don't ever say his name. Ever. And besides, I like Deviant."
Deviant Script, the new consort of Valkyrie Cain. It set Skulduggery's teeth on edge. He always felt that spark of anger whenever he saw them together. It was stupid, he knew, but he did.
That afternoon, Fletcher had been watching him appraisingly. Even he'd
managed to figure out Skulduggery's feelings, and he was rather stupid. Their conversation had went something like this:
Fletcher: You know, you and Valkyrie would make a good couple.
Skulduggery: Pardon?
Fletcher: I see how tormented you are when you look at them together. It's cute.
Skulduggery: Are you a mind reader now? I don't even have a face! And you think me being tormented is cute?
Fletcher: What? No. I think the idea of you and Valkyrie together is cute. Anyways, Deviant isn't right for Valkyrie. He's a Necromancer, and Valkyrie is a Elemental at heart.
Skulduggery: That was surprisingly sentimental.
Fletcher: Yeah, I know. But I'm just saying that when Valkyrie breaks up with Deviant, tell her your feelings before she moves on and falls in love with Dusk or something.
Skulduggery had no idea how Dusk had come into that conversation, and he was faintly disgusted just thinking about it. Now, Skulduggery pulled open the door of the Bentley for Valkyrie and she hopped in moodily. "What?" "It's Deviant. I don't think he's right for me." "You just said that you liked him less than 10 minutes ago!" Skulduggery sighed.
"Well, he's a Necromancer! He's too into...death for my liking. He's obsessed with it." Skulduggery sighed. Fletcher had been right on with his prediction. They had arrived at Valkyrie's house, and Valkyrie started to make a grilled cheese.
"Oh. My. God." Skulduggery enunciated each word meticulously, and started backing away. "What?" "Yesterday you tried to make toast and you burned the toaster down. I'm experiencing extreme deja vu here!" Skulduggery voiced. "It was a deficient toaster!" She was laughing as she pushed the button of the toaster all the way down. So was he.
And then Deviant Script popped right into the middle of the kitchen and totally ruined the moment. "What the hell are you doing in my house?" Valkyrie shrieked. Deviant held up his hands. "Look, Valkyrie, I-" Valkyrie cut him off. "I was going to break up with you anyway, but you just popped right into my house! You shadow traveled into MY HOUSE! Bye, Script. Go."
Deviant started to speak, but just then, the toaster dinged and the button flew up. The piece of bread shot out of the toaster and hit Deviant right in the face. He fell backwards and landed unconscious on the floor. "Grilled Cheese: 1. Script: 0." Valkyrie laughed as she casually tossed Script's prone body out the door.
Skulduggery studied his partner. No. He wouldn't tell her how he felt today. After all, there was plenty of time. Today, he would just relish in the warmth she gave him.