Title: Brittle Papyrus
Author: Broken Music Box
Rating: PG
Summery: Malik quarrels with a friend and thinks about it. (one-shot)
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I am alone.
I am so alone, I feel it must tear me apart inside, clawing at the sides of my heart in an effort to kill me.
If I said sorry, it would fix nothing.
It would atone none of my words, my actions. The hurt. It wouldn't change.
If I got down on my knees and begged forgiveness, sacrificing my pride for you, would it help? Seeing me down on my knees, begging for you not to hate me?
If you hated me, I could handle it. I could, honest. The clean hatred of an enemy wronged, yes. The clouded rage of a slighted friend? No. I couldn't handle that.
What about this situation makes my control tremble and tumble out of reach? I managed to keep the urge to turn my knife's blade bloody tucked away in some far edge of my mind for so long. This just set me off. Again.
My breathing is harsh as I face off against you. You've forgiven me on some level, enough to face me and demand to know who. Who? Who what? I don't know. You probably don't either.
I stubbornly refuse to name names. What good would it do? It is wrong to hand over someone who trusted you. Even if it means betraying someone else, you keep everyone's secrets. You end up being the person in the middle, hearing every side of the story. Knowing it all, but unable to say anything.
This is the reason I never wanted friends. No. Not friends. Acquaintances. That is all they are. People I had no choice but to know. I have no friends. I curse my own weakness, that little longing inside of me that says that being alone isn't good. It was never there before.
I turn and walk away. In a few weeks, you won't even remember who wronged who and what was the outcome. I even offered to take the blame, offering you the chance to hate me. Playing martyr. I think it has finally sunk in that I can't.
So. You hate me but you don't.
-Fin-