It was raining outside, and John thought "oh shit i'm fucked what do i do?" So he booted up his computer to pester some of his chums on Pesterchum.
He saw that his good old pal Dave was online, so he opened up the chat.
- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -
EB: hey dave.
TG: hey john i'm kinda busy
EB: what with?
TG: i am enrobed in chafing, wriggling god fucking damned puppet pelvis
EB: oh shit dude.
TG: yeah
TG: my bro's being a dick
TG: just like
TG: all this puppet dick
EB: haha.
EB: nice one dude.
TG: no
TG: not nice
TG: i don't like puppet dong
EB: oh.
EB: well
EB: talk to you later?
TG: sure dude
EB: okay bye.
- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-
So he couldn't talk to Dave because of his bro or something retarded like that.
Luckily, it seems Rose just got online.
- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]-
EB: what's up rose?
TT: Well.
TT: It seems that the apocalypse is nigh.
TT: And I have thrown my cat's grave on the floor so I can use the space it was taking up for more important things.
TT: Like escaping the apocalypse.
EB: woah.
EB: is that because of sburb?
TT: I think it is.
EB: i'm glad i managed to escape then.
EB: should i leave you to it?
TT: Yes, that would be nice.
EB: okay.
EB: see you later.
EB: when you're not dead hopefully.
- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]-
Shit.
That left Jade.
And then.
I don't fucking know.
- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]–-
EB: hi jade.
GG: hi john!
EB: you up to anything?
GG: nope!
EB: you sure?
EB: nothing at all you might be doing?
GG: one hundred percent sure!
GG: whoa what was that?
EB: what was what?
GG: there was a loud noise outside my house!
GG: it sounded like an explosion!
EB: wow, really?
GG: i will go outside and look...
EB: oh man, alright but be careful, ok?
GG: i will! :)
- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]–-
John had no friends.
How sad.
John gets himself a tissue.
To blow his nose.
As he is such a pussy anything makes him cry.
- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB] –-
EB: oh shit.
CG: HEY DIPSHIT.
EB: hi.
CG: THE WAY YOU KEEP THIS CHAT OPEN ALL THESE TIMES IS HILARIOUS.
CG: WITHOUT EVER STOPPING.
EB: hey that's a good idea.
CG: NO DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE.
- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB] –-
And so, John had achieved nothing.
And we, the audience, learnt nothing.
I doubt many people even found this entertaining.
And any Homestuck fan would see many logic holes, for example, I'm pretty sure Jade didn't hear the noise at the same time as Rose escaping the apocalypse or Dave beingenrobed in chafing, wriggling god fucking damned puppet pelvis.
But this is my first time writing a fanfic and probably my last so that means you have to excuse any flaws. :^)
I probably could've spent more than an hour or two writing this, but I'm too god damn lazy.