I was sitting at my computer and watching the rain when the idea came. At first I thought of making it a chapter of Zivaisms but it somehow started its own life and ran out of my hands. I didn't bother catching it.
Disclaimer: I still do not own any of them, I only own my thoughts about them.
Ziva David looked out of the window. It was raining outside. She had varying feelings about the rain. One the one hand she liked it, the rain was something she had rarely seen in her homeland. The incessant pour of it cleaned the world – it washed stains off the pavement, dust off the leaves of the trees. It could relieve or enhance emotions, depending on the situation.
But on the other hand she absolutely hated it. It started coming down when she least expected it. It drowned out the sun and painted everything in murky greys. It made her hair get stuck in all the wrong places, soaked her like a homeless dog. When left in its mercy for a prolonged period of time, it made her feel cold. And Ziva hated feeling cold.
But sometimes she found it calming. When she stood by the window at the NCIS Squad Room and looked out, she felt like it was a balm to her troubled mind. The rain was so lasting, so symmetrical, so... balanced.
Ziva felt like she had become one with the rain. Watching it pour from the sky she didn't even notice what was going on around her. Her coworkers' hassling seemed to fade into nothing, into emptiness. She was in her own little world, with nothing but the water to keep her company, and it felt nice.
She felt her mind spinning back to the past, bringing back memories she had thought were long forgotten.
Suddenly she remembered one moment so clearly as if she were actually there. One night in the past. One certain night, much like this one in the present, but at the same time so different.
Yes, she had felt the weight of her past then too, remembered all the terrible things she had done, but it was not the same. She had never imagined something like this could happen to her. That she would have someone she cared so much about that everything else seemed insignificant by comparison.
And she had hurt that someone. That special someone who she knew was still so close to her and yet so distant as if they were living on different planets. It was no excuse that he had hurt her too, she couldn't find any mitigating circumstances in hurting him like she had.
She missed him. Missed him like she had never missed anyone. She missed his smile, his laughter, the spark in his eyes when he looked at her. She missed his hands and the electricity she felt whenever he touched her. She missed the feeling that he was always there for her. But most of all, she missed knowing that she could always trust him, no matter what.
She had lost that. And she didn't believe that trust would come back as easily as it had come the first time.
Again she remembered that one night when they had stood in front of the hotel, drinking coffee. She had told him about her little sister, about Tali and what had happened to her. It wasn't a story she told everyone. Even now, after four years of friendship, trust and something she wouldn't dare name, she didn't understand what it was that made her trust him so. She had known him for mere days, yet it felt like they'd always been connected somehow.
And then they were sent on an undercover mission, with the loss of her brother still fresh in her heart. A brother she had killed. It was something that needed to be done, but that didn't lessen the pain it caused her. The only person that had really protected her, who had seen her become something she detested and still hadn't turned away from her, because he understood her, because he loved her for her, and not her actions.
That night, in that hotel room, she felt something similar from him. She felt love. Not some short one night love, not even brotherly love, but the kind of love a man feels for a woman, and it was strong. It hit her with all its force and it was new to her. Strange. Nothing like that had ever penetrated the invisible shield she had built around her, a shield that made many people think she didn't care. She did care. But her experiences had taught her not to show affection, not to show the real her.
That night she had let her walls down and realized what it felt like to be loved. To be accepted by someone who knew what she was and didn't care. From that moment she had trusted him fully, loved him back. There was a special bond between them, something more than that between partners. A bond more likely to form between lovers, between family. It was a connection she believed could never be broken.
But it was broken and now she desperately wanted it back. She missed it more than she had missed anything else in her whole life.
She knew she would regret it terribly if she didn't try to rebuild it, that trust and friendship and... that other thing. Right now.
There was one name spinning in her mind. A name that meant so much to her, more than anything else. A simple name, consisting of four letters. Four beautiful letters that she had begun to love. Tony. He was all that mattered to her right now.
And at that moment she decided she'd do everything it took to get that special bond back.
She drew in her breath and walked slowly to his desk.
"Tony," she began, carefully searching his eyes. "I think we should start over."
She saw the beginnings of a smile brighten his face. They both had wounds that could not be healed in one day, but time would accomplish what a day could not.
She saw in his eyes that he was more then willing to forgive her. That he wanted it back too. After everything she had done, he was still giving her a chance. She smiled too.
And there happened something at the same time behind the window and inside their hearts.
The rain stopped.
Hope you liked it. Was it too poetical, too lyrical? Was it just right? Let me know what you think. Thank you.