Apologies to anyone who was looking for another Dean/Becca story... It was a close call and as I said to some of you, I did realise after putting it to a vote that I didn't actually have an idea planned out for them... However, a plan is formulating but I'm afraid you'll have to wait as I have so much to do with Seth/Siobhan first. But before that, we gotta get this RoLex one-shot done and dusted. I know I said it would be a few stories before I got back to RoLex and I honestly had planned to let this lie for a little longer but I just couldn't get this out of my head.
Big thanks to LetItReign for the inspiration for this final scene.
And huge thanks as always to everyone who reads, reviews, favourites, follows etc etc. As I'm sure other writers on here know, it means so much.
DISCLAIMER: I own nada but my lovely OCs, which now includes a baby OC (I feel like a proud Mama myself!)
WARNING: So much fluff. A little language.
Italics = flashback
Enjoy x
Lex stirs next to me, her leg curling over mine as she presses herself firmly against my side. With my eyes still closed, I turn my head, my nose nestling into her thick bundle of hair, the soft strands tickling my skin. She sighs in her sleep, her warm breath floating across my bare chest as I let my fingers drift lightly across her shoulders.
I let one eye open, taking in the dark curtains. Turning my head, I squint at the bedside table and see the time is just after six. I'm about to turn back, pull Lex closer into my arms and let sleep take over when there's a soft snuffle from the corner of the room. I raise my head from the pillow, my eyes squinting once again as I look over to the crib where Ella lies. There's another snuffle, followed by a soft whine.
Lex groans next to me, moving away on auto-pilot as she pushes back the sheets.
"I'm coming," she half-yawns as she stretches, her head rocking back as her arms reach upwards. She gives me a curious frown as I reach out and stop her, tugging her slowly back into bed. "Ro–"
I press a kiss to her forehead as I pull the sheets up around her. "Go back to sleep. I got this."
"I know you do, but she'll want feeding and–"
"You put a bottle in the fridge last night." I kiss her cheek. "Sleep, baby girl. You need it."
She protests softly but doesn't move as I leave the bed and tug on a pair of sweatpants. Ella's whines are growing louder by the minute as I lean down to scoop her into my arms. "C'mon, Pumpkin, let's give your Mama some peace and quiet eh?"
Ella's fist knocks gently against my chest as I leave the bedroom, closing the door behind me. Her whines slowly fade as she gazes up at me as we cross the hallway and into her nursery. "Don't give me that look," I chuckle. "We've done this before, remember?"
Her grey eyes continue to stare as I lay her down on the changing mat and set to work changing her diaper. "See?" I say as I lift her back up and press a kiss to her forehead. "We make a good team, huh?"
She gurgles quietly as I close my eyes and hold her close, breathing her in. Despite Lex sending me photos every day, it still amazes me how much Ella can change in a week. As much as I love my job, being on the road is never easy. It was hard enough to get used to leaving Lex behind every week, but it's far easier to deal with separation like that between two adults. A baby doesn't understand why you have to leave and doesn't know when you'll be back, just looks at you with her piercing eyes and makes you question every single decision you've ever made. I naively thought it would get easier each time, but three months later, it's still as hard as it was the first time.
"You hungry?" I murmur as I pick my way carefully down the stairs. I'm still so conscious of how small she is, how delicate her body still is, despite the fact that she's being gaining weight steadily, seemingly inheriting both mine and Lex's appetite. She's definitely not as tiny as she was when I first held her, first kissed her tiny forehead and stroked her soft cheek moments after she was born. But it only becomes clear how big she now is when I see Lex or our Moms or Shiv or Becca hold her. And then she's eventually passed back to me or my Dad or Seth or Dean and I realise how small and defenceless she still is and will be for a long time. I feel a surge of protectiveness towards her, despite the fact that any one of those guys would happily step up to defend my baby girl if called upon.
Ella nuzzles at my chest as we head into the kitchen and I cradle her with one arm as I open the fridge to retrieve the bottle left by Lex. I warm the bottle under the tap and then make my way through to the lounge. The couch is strewn with blankets from where all three of us spent the evening and I settle onto them with a sigh as Ella, much to my amusement, lets out a similar sound.
"Alright, alright," I grin down at her. "You're definitely your Mama's daughter. The sight of food and patience just goes out the window."
Ella blinks solemnly up at me as I shift my arm slightly so I can test the temperature of the milk against my wrist. She wriggles as I do, the bottle almost slipping from my grip as I clutch her closer to me to stop her from tumbling from my arms.
"You got me once with that trick, Pumpkin. I ain't being caught out a second time," I murmur as I offer the bottle and her eyes briefly close in satisfaction.
My head rocks back against the couch for a second, before I raise it again and continue to watch Ella feed. I'm determined not to miss out on anything, especially something like feeding her which is such a rare occurrence for me to help with. Lex's own determination to breastfeed Ella for as long as possible makes it difficult for me to help out. Maybe I missed the memo, but I don't remember anyone telling us how hard it would be. It was painful to watch Lex wince her way through every feed for the first week or so. All I could do was sit by and watch and offer moral support each time she got up in the night to feed. And then Ella decided that it was impossible to settle in anyone else's arms other than Lex's after a feed. The noise that would erupt from her tiny body whenever Lex passed her to me after feeding was heartbreaking, even more so at 3am when emotions inevitably run high. I felt helpless as Lex eased her back into her arms, her own eyes brimming with tears as she rocked Ella back and forth, murmuring to her softly.
The first week passed in a haze, with barely enough time to think let alone take in everything that had suddenly changed in our lives. It wasn't until I went back on the road, a two-week stint with time overseas ahead of me that all the fears I had felt before Ella arrived suddenly re-surfaced. Should I have pushed for more time off? Was it right to leave Lex alone with Ella so soon? Should I even be going on the road in the first place? Waas my career really worth sacrificing much needed time at home? Endless questions flooded my mind as I struggled to get back into the groove of life on the go, plaguing every waking moment I spent in gyms, cars, airports, arenas, hotel rooms. Every day I would FaceTime Lex, watching the dark circles under her eyes grow day by day, both of us determined to keep upbeat despite the difficulties facing us as new parents.
But it was when I came home that it really hit me how difficult this really was. Lex kissed me hello and Ella promptly cried out. At first I thought it was the lack of attention from me, so I took her in my arms, pressing my lips to her forehead, my eyes closing as I tried to hold back showing exactly how much I'd missed her. Yet still she cried, her face scrunched up and red from the effort. It was only when Lex took her back that she calmed, taking painfully deep breathes as Lex soothed her and offered me an apologetic smile.
"She's been cranky all day."
But it wasn't that. And we both knew it. She didn't know who I was. I was as unfamiliar to her as a stranger off the street. Every time I tried to hold her over the next few hours, she had the same reaction and every time it cut a little deeper until I felt like I couldn't take anymore. It was an endless cycle for the next month, all three of us at constant breaking point. Every day I prayed that something would give, for some miracle to occur that would mean my own daughter would at least spend a few quiet moments in my arms before she cried for her mother. That's all I wanted – to hold her, to give Lex a much deserved break, to prove to myself that I was perfectly capable of this new role that had been bestowed upon me.
It felt like all my worst fears were being confirmed. Throughout the entire pregnancy, I had been scared. Scared of missing the birth, scared of doing the wrong thing, scared of what this unknown journey would do to me and Lex. I almost fucked up on the first one, making it with just ten minutes to spare. It still amazes me what Lex did to bring Ella into this world. I can still remember the way her hands gripped my forearms, her face scrunched up in a painful grimace as Dr Ash guided her through the last stages of birth as I whispered words of encouragement until a nurse took over so I could round the bed and watch Ella arrive. I remember grabbing Lex to stop her from falling on weak legs, guiding her down to the floor, peeling her gown away from her chest so that Ella could placed on her skin. That first cry will stay with me forever, as will the relief that washed over me as I watched Lex hold her close, tentative fingers running over her head as I told her how amazing she was. And still is. There are many things I have been proud of in my life: countless career achievements, proposing to Lex, our wedding day, but nothing compares to the moment that I held Ella in my arms for the first time. The picture that Lex snapped of us mere minutes after her birth has remained as my phone background ever since, despite all the other photos I have of her. In that moment, I forgot about all my fears.
I wanted that moment back. I wanted more moments like it. I wanted to be able to hold my daughter and have her know that I was there for her, that I would protect her and love her and do anything for her. It didn't matter that I knew I was doing all those things for her, I just wanted to show her that I was the main guy that would always be there for her, no matter what happened. It felt like a punch to the stomach every time she cried in my arms. I'd rock her, whisper to her as I walked around the house in endless circles, trying to get her back to sleep until Lex would ultimately take her back and she'd instantly quieten.
And then one night I woke to find the bed empty, the bassinet in the corner of the room empty too. I felt guilty, realising that I had slept straight through Lex getting up to feed alone when I had vowed to always wake with her and keep her company. I stumbled from the bedroom, standing blearily in the hallway for a second to get my bearings before spying the faint light from the nursery. Pushing the door quietly open, I found Lex asleep in the nursing chair in the corner of the room, Ella on her chest. I remember biting my lip nervously, my hands shaking as I slowly crossed the room and lifted Ella into my arms. She squirmed at first, her face wrinkling up as she struggled to get comfortable in my unfamiliar hold. And then she softened, visibly relaxed against me and I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Hey." Lex's voice startles me from gazing down at Ella who continues to rest peacefully in my arms.I raise my head and see her smile sleepily at me.
"She's... Lex..."
Her smile widens. "We had words. I told her that Mama needs some rest so she needs to quit being a little madam and appreciate the fact that her Daddy wants to cuddle her once in a while because that's more than other little girls get."
I chuckle softly as Lex stands and leans up to kiss my cheek.
"Don't take it personally, Ro," she whispers softly. "She doesn't understand."
"I know," I exhale slowly. "I just wish I could explain to her."
"You can," she says simply. "Talk to her like you did before she was born. You spoke to her every day when she was inside me and you still call us every day to say goodnight. Just tell her then. The more you tell her now, the more she'll understand when she's older."
"Maybe." My gaze returns to Ella, still relaxed and comfortable. "I don't think I've held her for this long since she was born."
Lex grins. "All I can say is that she'd better still like a cuddle with me otherwise we've got some rough times ahead when you're back on the road." She curses under her breath. "Sorry, bad joke."
"It's okay," I reassure her, gently moving Ella so I can hold her with one arm and reach the other out to Lex, pulling her close and brushing my lips over her forehead. "I love you."
"Me or her?"
"Both of you. Like you wouldn't believe."
"I believe it," she murmurs against my chest, a finger reaching out to dance down Ella's arm to her tiny fist. "We love you too."
Something happened that night. I'm not sure what. Whether it was just that Ella was half-asleep when I took her into my arms or that she finally realised that I was here to stay, even if I was gone most of the time. Whatever it was, it made everything just that little bit easier. I could get up with Lex and actually help by burping Ella and soothing her back to sleep. I could hold her and cuddle her whilst watching TV, allowing Lex a few sacred hours to herself.
We both held our breath when I came back from my next stint on the road, Lex looking on anxiously as I picked Ella up from her bassinet. She stared up at me curiously and I could see her thought process play out on her face as she made up her mind as to whether or not she remembered me. And then her eyes drifted shut and she turned her head into my chest. She didn't utter a noise as I kissed Lex with her still in my arms, didn't even mind when I moved across to sit on the couch and flicked on the TV. Even when she woke in the middle of night and I took her into my arms after she was done feeding so Lex could go to the bathroom, there was no crying, just another look of curiosity as if she was just as surprised as I was by this turn of events.
The bottle slips from Ella's mouth as she turns her head away, seemingly uninterested in the rest of its contents. I offer it to her again, but she avoids it, her eyelids drooping.
"Not yet," I murmur, resting the bottle on the coffee table before moving Ella in my arms so I can burp her. She obliges me and then yawns, her body stretching out in my grasp and I debate taking her back upstairs. But then I remember the tired look in Lex's eyes and I decide not to disturb her. So I shift on the couch, laying across it with Ella on my chest, my arm carefully placed around her so she can't fall off me. Her little hand splays against my skin and I rub my thumb across it, grinning as she lets out a small sigh.
My moves to cup the back of her head as I lean forward to kiss her softly, breathing in her warm, comforting scent. Rocking my head to the side, I watch her eyes slowly close, a soft whisper of a breath escaping her as she relaxes against me.
Something tickles my nose and I scrunch up my face, my eyes opening slowly as I blink in the sunlight now streaming across the room. Lex's upside down face grins at me, her finger brushing over my cheek.
"Hey, sleepy heads," she whispers, leaning down to kiss me, her hand moving to cup Ella's head as she kisses her too. Her loose shirt brushes over my face as she does and I inhale a mixture of Lex's and Ella's lotion. As she moves back, I raise one hand to stop her, pulling her mouth back to mine.
"What was that for?" she asks softly as I release her.
"Nothing," I murmur, reluctantly letting go as Ella squirms against me. I watch as Lex lifts her from my chest, allowing me to sit up so she can join me on the couch. I curl my arm around her and pull her close as she settles Ella on her chest instead.
"Here," she passes me her phone. "I couldn't resist."
Unlocking it, I stare down at the screen, a grin tugging at my lips. "You can never resist."
She chuckles. "Maybe you can finally replace that photo of you and Ella on your phone."
"What's wrong with that photo?"
"Nothing. I love that photo, but she looks so different now." She twists her head and presses her lips to my chest. "She's not going to be tiny forever."
"I know."
"I just thought I'd give you an equally adorable, but more up to date, photo to use." She plucks the phone from my hand and sends the photo to my own phone. "She still looks tiny on your chest."
She does. I mean, she felt tiny when I was lying there with her, my big arms protecting her from harm, but seeing it is something different. She's wriggled a little higher in her sleep, or I've pulled her closer, I'm not sure which, but it's resulted in her head being nestled under my chin. Her arm is stretched out, her fingers splayed against my tattoo. One of my arms arm is curled under her bottom, securing her in place, whilst the other is bent so that my fingers rest close to hers.
I take the phone back from Lex and flick it back onto camera. Lex squeals as I reverse the lens so that our faces show up on the screen.
"Ro!"
"What?"
"I got out of bed ten minutes ago, my hair hasn't been washed for almost a week, I've got a shirt on that's covered in milk stains, spit up and god know's what else and my eyes look like I've just done ten rounds with–"
"Still beautiful though," I interrupt.
She rolls her eyes, her head dropping forward to nuzzle against Ella. "Your Daddy thinks he's such a charmer."
I chuckle, still refusing to put away the camera. "It's the truth."
"Your Daddy is also delusional," she continues to talk to Ella. "Too many bumps to head, isn't that right?"
"You're the one who wants me to change my phone background," I point out.
"Not exactly what I had in mind," she grumbles.
I rock my head to the side and kiss her cheek. "Can't a guy get a photo with his two girls?"
"He can, when one of them is wearing actual clothes and has at least had a chance to wash her face."
"Fine," I murmur, my hand cupping the back of her head and twisting her mouth towards mine. It's brief, but long enough for me to snap the photo without her noticing.
"Ro..." she whines as I hand back her phone with a sheepish grin.
"Beautiful," I murmur as I kiss her again and then press my lips to Ella's forehead.
"Some days I wonder what it would be like to have a boy and then I realise that it would have been your son and I wouldn't have a chance in hell in surviving the double charm offensive," Lex comments as I laugh.
"Don't listen to your Mama," I stage-whisper to Ella. "She loves my charming nature just like you do." Ella's eyes open, squinting up at me as I stroke her cheek. Her mouth stretches wide, the corners turning up into a smile, making me grin in return.
"Yeah, you find that amusing now. You just wait until she's offering that smile up to some high school boy."
"Not gonna happen, is it Pumpkin? Nope, that smile is always gonna be just for me, right?"
"Delusional," Lex mutters.
"Don't shatter the dream for me just yet."
She cups my face as I straighten. "I find it adorable," she promises. "Although I will be there to capture the look on your face when she charms her way around you and heads out the door on her first date in an outfit that you are sure to find issue with."
"Your Mama's got a mean streak," I say to Ella.
"Payback's a bitch," Lex grins and then yawns with a shake of her head.
"You wanna go back to bed? I can look take care of Ella until she needs feeding again."
Lex shakes her head. "No, I need to stay awake otherwise I'll be worse when you go back on the road tomorrow."
"So what do you want to do today? I can make breakfast, we can chill out..."
"I was thinking maybe we could go out? Go to brunch, the park..." she trails off. "I haven't been out anywhere but the store for three days."
"Sounds perfect," I tell her. "You go first, I'll look after Ella. Take your time."
But she nudges me to get up instead. "No, I'll get her dressed while you shower."
"You sure?"
She nods. "We can have some Mama and Ella time, can't we?" she grins at Ella who gurgles in response. "Go," she tells me again.
"I love you."
Lex's face softens. "I love you too. Now go, before I change my mind and we never leave this house because I refuse to get out of the bathroom."
"You know, I have a renewed respect for any parent who has more than one child," Lex sighs across the table. Ella squirms on her lap as she attempts to cut her French toast. "I don't think I've actually finished one meal since I gave birth."
Wiping my mouth with a napkin, I hold out my arms. "Give her to me so you can eat."
"And let your own food go cold?" she raises an eyebrow. "Whoever holds her starves. It's the cruelest game ever."
I chuckle. "I don't mind."
"It's okay. Just... Just do me a favour?"
"Anything."
She nudges her plate towards me. "Cut this up so I can eat it one-handed?"
I grin, moving our water glasses out of the way so I can reach for her knife and fork. "What do you do when I'm not around?"
"Oh, we have lots of fun and games, don't we?" she jiggles Ella gently on her lap. "The other day, I managed to make a sandwich, but then she refused to let me put her down so I could eat it. I ended up with her sprawled across my lap whilst I ate and by the time I finished, she'd gone to sleep. I had to wake her because my legs went dead."
I laugh as I push her plate back towards her. "You know I'm more than happy to look after her if you want to go out on your own when I'm at home."
"I know." Lex shrugs. "But I like spending time with you too. Both of you," she corrects.
"My Mom is still offering to take Ella for a day or two."
"My Mom too. I'm just..." she picks her fork back up and selects a piece of cut toast. "I don't know if I'm ready for that yet."
I smile. "It's okay. No-ones pressuring you. But the offers are there when you want to take them."
She smiles back at me and then laughs. "Maybe I'll re-consider when the lack of sleep gets too much." She pauses to chew. "Although I doubt that's what anyone wants us to get up to."
"How so?" I say, reaching for my water and taking a sip.
"Your Mom basically hinted that if we wanted to get going on baby number two that she would quite happily take Ella off our hands."
I cough mid-swallow, causing Lex to laugh as I splutter and fumble for my napkin. "She what?" I manage to gasp.
"She was very sweet about it actually. She said she understood completely about how difficult it was to find time to spend as a couple when you have a newborn, but you know, ultimately people find a way because hey, lots of people have more than one child," Lex's eyes dance over the rim of her glass. "Even Shiv offered."
"To what?"
"Look after Ella. Although that was before she became Seth's personal nurse."
"I suspect Ella might be a dream compared to Seth."
Lex giggles. "Quite possibly. Anyway, as I said to her, it's nice that everyone wants to do their bit to make sure that we eventually have sex again."
I reach out and slide my hand over hers. "I wasn't hinting."
"I know." She lets my fingers slip between hers and then squeezes my hand. "I miss us though."
"Me too."
Silence floats over us as we go back to eating, Ella cooing in Lex's lap, her eyes following my every move across the table. I widen my eyes and stick my tongue out, making her laugh and squirm excitedly.
"Careful!" Lex scolds gently as Ella's fist connects with her arm and almost knocks her fork out of her hand.
I push away my plate and stand, moving around the table to take her from Lex, grinning as Ella stares up at me innocently. "Oh, that's right, butter wouldn't melt."
Lex smiles in thanks as I take my seat again. "It's already so hard to say no to her. I'm dreading when she gets big enough to wreck havoc and gives me that oh-so-innocent look. Or rather, when she gives you that look and you let her get away with murder."
"Hey, I can be strict."
Lex's eyebrow slowly raises. "Oh yeah? Like when?"
I hold her gaze steadily. "You know when," I say evenly, smirking as her cheeks flush faintly.
She nudges my foot under the table. "Behave, Mr Reigns."
I reach for her hand again, drawing it up to kiss just above her wedding ring. "Never."
Lex flops onto the couch next to me, her head immediately finding its usual spot on my shoulder. Her feet slide against mine as she snuggles closer and I absentmindedly press a kiss to her head.
"You wanna watch something on TV?" I murmur.
She shakes her head. "Not really."
I slide my fingers through her hair, scooping it away from her face and neck. I let my hand slip to her shoulder, working my fingers over the knotted muscles. She sighs softly, her head burying further against my neck.
After brunch we headed to the park, Ella falling asleep in a matter of minutes as we took a slow circuit, Lex's hand in mine as we took the opportunity to catch up. But I was determined to keep up the brief flirtation that had occurred over brunch, letting my hand slip from hers to wrap around her waist, curling my arms around her when we paused for a second, dropping kisses to her shoulder and neck to stop myself from groaning as she pressed her ass against my crotch.
Despite the fact we're yet to get a chance to do anything aside from exchange the odd kiss and cuddle whilst Ella is asleep or at least distracted, I have no urge to pressure Lex. As much as I want to get that side of our relationship back to where it once was, I accept that it's going to take a while. But that doesn't stop me from touching her, from kissing her, from showing her that I'm clearly still attracted to her. She might worry about when she last washed her hair or how her clothes don't fit properly, but that doesn't make her less beautiful to me. I swear that watching her give birth as given me a new admiration for how incredible her body is. I'm not naïve to think that everything would just slip back into place and I don't even want her to. She's always had a natural curve to her lines that attracted me in the first place and those curves are still there, just softer than before. And I don't mind that. In fact, in my mind, it just gives me more of her to love and to hold.
As she stretches against me, I take the opportunity to pull her on top of me, my hands sliding over her back, to her hips which I squeeze gently before cupping her ass.
"Ro..." she exhales against my neck.
"Baby girl?"
"That... That feels nice."
"Yeah?" I smile into her hair. I let my hands drift upwards again, this time slipping under her shirt so I can feel her warm skin. She hums in satisfaction, her head twisting slightly until I feel her lips on my neck.
I was worried that she would shy away from me, that once we were home from hospital and she could move around more easily, that she'd start to hide her body from me. It was another one of my fears and I knew it would be a slippery slope that would be hard to climb back from. And although she still has a habit of shrouding herself in old maternity shirts, it seems to be more to do with the ease of feeding rather than shielding herself away from me. She still leaves the bathroom door unlocked when she showers, not even blinking if I venture in to brush my teeth. There's always part of me that wishes I could join her, but I don't want to push it. So I just enjoy watching her blurry outline behind the steamed up glass, chuckling as she sings and then admonishes me for laughing at her.
Lex's fingers trail across my shoulder and she gradually props herself up to look at me. "Thank you."
I give her a puzzled look. "What for?"
"For everything," she says simply. "Being a good father, a good husband. Just a good person in general."
"That's quite a pedestal you're placing me on."
"You do the same to me all the time and I rarely tell you I think the same way about you."
"And you don't have to."
"But I want to. You need to hear it," her gaze drops suddenly.
"Hey," I say gently, easing a finger under her chin and bringing her gaze back up. "Why do I need to hear it?"
"I... I know it wasn't easy for you at first. And I'm sorry that I didn't do enough–"
"Stop, Lex. You did everything you needed to do at the time."
"But–"
I shake my head. "No, please don't blame yourself for what happened at the beginning. It's in the past, we got over it. Me and Ella? We're like this now." I cross my fingers. "And that's all that matters."
"But I know how hard this still is for you. I know you worry, hell I worry, about what's to come and what else we might have to overcome. We've never been that couple that keeps everything pent up, we learnt that we can't function like that and I just worry that with less time to just be us, that we might end up doing just that."
"If we were becoming that kind of couple, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now." I say gently. "Lex, worrying about what's around the corner is natural. Neither of us have ever been in this situation before, we're new parents, trying to figure it out like all the other new parents do. And sure, I still have those fears that I had before Ella arrived, but you do an incredible job of making me realise that I can do this. I wouldn't be able to do any of this if it wasn't for you."
"Ro–"
"You have amazing resilience, Lex. I'm in complete admiration of what you do day in, day out when it comes to Ella. I hope you know how much I appreciate it, how much it means to me, how much I love you."
"I do," she whispers. "I swear, Ro. I really do."
Her lips are soft and warm, opening to welcome me as I curl my fist through her hair and hold her to me. I tug on her bottom lip as we part for a second and then come back for more, our mouths crashing together as my hand grips her ass and squeezes. She moans, the sound vibrating through me causing a small growl to rip through me. I can feel her lips tug into a smirk mid-kiss, her skin heating as I slip my hand back under her shirt.
It takes all my strength to pull back, especially when I see the hazy look in her eyes, her plump lips that just beg to be kissed and bitten.
"I like this," she murmurs, her hand stroking my cheek, smiling as I twist my head to kiss her palm.
"Like what?"
"It's silly."
"Tell me."
"I like what we're doing, it's... It's like we're finding out about each other all over again, only we already know what we like so it's..." she pauses, searching for the right words and I decide to help her out.
"Like we're discovering what we're good at all over again?"
She smiles. "Exactly."
"I like it too." I think back to the easy nature of our flirting over brunch and in the park. "We've got all the time in the world to do this, Lexi."
She shivers as my voice drops and I utter my nickname for her that I haven't said in a long time. "I know."
"And I am more than happy to take my time discovering every single inch of you."
"I..."
I cup her face with both hands and hold her gaze. "Every inch, Lexi. Every blemish, every line, every mark. All of you."
She nods. "I..." she swallows, her eyes darkening. "I look forward to it."
I quietly move my suitcases out into the dark hallway. Creeping back into the bedroom, I grab the last of my belongings and dump them into my backpack. Glancing at my watch, I realise I'm ahead of schedule, my cab not due for another half hour to take me to the airport. I yawn, tempted to lie back down next to Lex, but I know I'll never be able to get back up again if I do.
Our evening together continued with long, lazy kisses, only interrupted once by a hungry Ella, who promptly fell back asleep the moment she was done. And soon after, Lex followed suite, snoring softly against my chest for almost an hour before I finally brought myself to wake her and suggest we head to bed. It was quite possibly the first evening where we'd had such extended time to reconnect and I'm grateful for every second we had together.
I step towards the bassinet, peering inside to check on Ella. I smile as I watch her stretch in her sleep and I can't help but reach down to gently stroke her cheek with my finger. She sniffles, her head turning away from my touch, her eyes slowly opening.
"Shit," I murmur under my breath. "Hey, Pumpkin... Go back to sleep. Daddy was just saying goodbye."
But her eyes stay resolutely open, gazing up at me until I give in and reach down to pick her up. She's quiet and still in my arms, giving off no signs that she's hungry or uncomfortable. I kiss her forehead, my eyes squeezing shut as I contemplate the next week on the road.
"Daddy's gonna miss you," I whisper. "You know that he does, right? He thinks about you all the time." I pause and correct myself. "I think about you all the time, Ella. I've got all these pictures of you on my phone, but nothing compares to seeing you when I come home and find you and your Mama waiting for me."
I tuck her closer, rocking her back and forth as she continues to stare up at me, her eyes piercing through me. "One day, I'll be able to explain to you all that I do for you and your Mama. But right now, you just gotta know that I work so hard to make sure you have everything you could possibly need. You understand that, right? I know that other Daddies are always there for their baby girls and I'm so sorry that I can't be like them. And it's not because I don't love you just as much as they do. Because I do, Pumpkin. I love you so damn much it hurts. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, nothing. But I gotta work, I gotta keep a roof over your head and make sure your Mama's got everything she needs to look after you when I'm not here."
Ella's head cocks to one side, her arm stretching out and I reach for it, feeling her fingers wrap around my thumb. She holds on tightly and I can feel my eyes start to sting.
"I love you, Pumpkin. That's all you gotta know for now."
A pair of arms slide around my waist and I feel Lex's cheek press against my back. I take a deep, shaky breath and she squeezes her arms gently around me.
"It's okay, Ro. She knows."
Fin x
A/N: Just in case, please know that I'm in no way saying that breast is best by putting this into my story. I just felt like it would be an interesting avenue to explore when it came to how Roman struggled to connect with Ella. I'm aware that it's a very sensitive issue and I am by no means using this story as a vehicle for my own views on the issue. As far as I'm concerned, it's each to their own and what works for new parents and their babies x