Rebel Just For Kicks
One shot / 1200 words
There were more consequences to upgrading the Regalia than Ignis had originally anticipated.
...
...
The moment Cindy drove that monstrosity out of the garage, Ignis just knew the day would be unproductive. Noctis had stars in his eyes as Prompto exclaimed over the vehicle, vehemently snapping pictures. It looked like the original Regalia could neatly fit under this thing's wheels. What would King Regis have thought?
"The way that thing's built," Gladiolus said, "she can probably go just about anywhere."
Ignis tried to see the merit in that concept. They could save time by taking a more direct route, but he had a feeling that would be the exact opposite of what would actually happen. Roads kept them on track, not gallivanting off into the wilderness.
"Only one way to find out," Noctis said. "Let's see how far she can go!"
Ignis asked, "Do you want me to drive?" He knew it was a moot question, since Noctis was climbing into the driver's seat. The incredulous look Noctis gave him confirmed his suspicions. Prompto was already in the passenger seat, so Ignis took the place behind the driver.
Prompto turned around. "So, what do you think?"
"I think it makes the prince look like he is compensating for something," Ignis said.
Gladiolus snorted. He already had taken a book out. "And that's what the D stands for."
Through the rear view mirror, Noctis gave Ignis a dirty look.
The truck was brutally thrown into gear and it took off with a roar. The moment there were no guard rails Noctis yanked the truck off the road. The truck bounced and bobbled, going over rocks that would be better described as boulders with ease. Well, ease for the truck—not so much for the passengers. Ignis gripped the edges of his seat, which gave him no recourse when Gladiolus was forcefully thrown on top of him. Ignis couldn't swear or even gasp — there was no air left in his lungs.
Why didn't Cindy put seat belts in this thing?
The next sharp turn was the opposite direction, twisting them all the other way.
"Damn it," Prompto gasped. He hit Noctis on the arm, much too lightly in Ignis' opinion. "Give us some warning next time—"
Noctis stomped on the brakes, throwing them all forward.
"Sorry," Noctis said.
"Arrogant prick did that on purpose," Gladiolus muttered. He had put his book down some time ago. Or maybe it had flown out of the car and Ignis hadn't noticed.
The truck lurched forward. At the pace they were going—and taking routes better suited to hikers and chobocos—the countryside soon changed to a lush wooded thicket. They careened through bushes and bramble. Ignis found himself leaning towards Gladiolus as the wayward stems and branches started slapping him. Why didn't they have the hood up?
The truck crushed most of the bramble into wood chips beneath it. The tree, however, stood its ground. They found themselves at a stop before it registered what had happened, bodies thrown forward and the front windshield crackled all across. Good quality safety glass, Ignis had to note. Unfortunately they couldn't see out of it now.
But that was not going to stop Noctis, was it? The tree standing in his way was a challenge. He rammed the truck forward a few times, finally backing up when the tree didn't budge and the truck no longer had headlights. He drove around the offending barrier. Ignis could have sworn Noctis glared at it as they passed by.
They hit a few more trees, and when each proved as solid as the last, Noctis finally went back to driving through bushes. Even that failed him when a hidden dip caused them to tip forward and get stuck. The wheels spun and Ignis could almost hope they would have to be towed away.
"The truck needs to like, bounce or something," Prompto said. "Press the space bar!"
"This isn't a game," Ignis muttered.
The truck started to leap into the air, jumping up and down like an excited kid at a candy store. The wheels found purchase and they shot backwards. Noctis steered them around the small gully and pressed down on the gas. Prompto seemed pleased his idea had worked. Ignis dared not ask how the idea had worked.
Scenery zipped by and Ignis just couldn't tell how much time had passed. There was no chance of a radio with the incessant rumbling thunder of the truck's engine. When they came across a road, Noctis hopped the truck over the guardrails. It was his new favorite move. Ignis hoped they didn't come across any accessible cliffs any time soon.
At first Ignis thought that a nice, flat surface would be better, but the thought slipped away as the asphalt gripped the tires and the truck's speed increased.
There was a little blue car in front of them, and Noctis honked. The car just couldn't compete with the creature bearing down on them. Ignis could have sworn it was shaking in fear.
"Just pass them," Ignis said.
Noctis turned in his seat. "What?"
"Never mind, eyes on the road!"
Noctis rolled his eyes and straightened. "Where'd the car go?"
"I don't know," Prompto said. "I had my eyes closed."
Gladiolus shrugged. "There was a turn off, maybe they pulled over."
Ignis looked behind him. He didn't see the little blue car.
The road was coming to a T, and Noctis actually applied the brakes to make the turn. The truck shuddered and seemed to be…rolling off of something.
It was the little blue car. It had been trapped between the wheels, the truck almost riding it along.
Noctis pulled the truck to the side and went around the car. Ignis could see the fear-stricken faces of the passengers within.
"Hmm. Oops," Noctis said.
Ignis shook his head slowly. "Well, well, well."
Noctis drove a little slower after that, but Ignis didn't think he had learned any lessons. They eventually came to a stop and Noctis unceremoniously got out. They all followed suit.
"Here," Noctis said. The keys were pressed into Ignis' hand. "I'm bored. Drive us back."
...
Cindy's horrified face at the truck's condition when it rolled back into the lot of the Hammerhead would have been priceless, if she had been directing it at the right person.
"Oh…bless my…what did ya do, Ignis?" she said, hands on hips. The truck was quite the wreck. There were dings, dents, gouges, and scratches. Not a single piece of glass was intact. It was impressive the tires had managed to survive.
"Don't shoot the messenger," Ignis said. "I have simply returned the parcel. Please charge all repairs to the prince's account."
"Downgrade it back to the regular Regalia while you're at it," Noctis said.
...
When they received the car back in one piece, Ignis took the keys. Noctis didn't argue.
...
-fin-
Notes: Based on watching my sister play FFXV when she upgraded to the Regalia Type-D. She is generally a more reserved player, and totally let loose. We couldn't breath from laughter by the end. The little blue car is a true story. Otherwise I'm sure I took a few writing liberties. And I didn't include a high jump because, simply, she had not realized she could do that. That was probably a good thing.