Dear Diary,
If anyone could read my mind, or feel what I thought, they would think I was a sick, disgusting person. Which I probably am. But if anyone knew my true feelings for him, everyone would hate me. They would never speak to me again. Never.
Why? I am in love with my brother. Yes. My own brother. I'm pretty sick, huh? It's understandable if everyone hated me if they ever knew. But no, I have to keep it to myself and never speak of it. It is a forbidden subject to ever bring up.
I love Taichi with all my heart. And I have to deny it all. What are the chances of him feeling the same way for me? If he knew the way I felt for him, he would despise me as well. I'm his own sister. Why could he love me? Well, maybe because:
a. He is my brother - not even half brother, brother-in-law, step brother, etc. But full brother.
b. He is two years older than me. Taichi is 15, I am 13. If I found out an 11 year old liked me I would be disgusted.
c. He already has a long-distance girlfriend. Mimi. Stupid, ditzy, pink hair full of glitter, etc. Everyone expects me to love everyone and be kind, but they don't know the real me. I hate Mimi.
d. He doesn't even like me that much in a brotherly/sisterly way. So what's the point?
Nevertheless, I still love him. But he already adores his girlfriend, and everytime she visits Japan (coming all the way over from New York City) they make out for about two hours minimum. They they brag about how much they love each other. In fact, he loves Mimi so much, he couldn't bare to dump her because she lives all the way in N.Y.C - thousands of miles away and even in a different country. They rarely ever see each other.
But no. That doesn't prevent them from talking everyday. Taichi checks his e-mail EVERY SINGLE freakin' day to see if he has any e-mail from her. Then he calls her once a week long distance when mom and dad let him.
I'm just mad. I rarely ever get so angry like this. But I don't tell it to the world, I just hide in a little corner of my room, minding my own buisness, while I write for hours in this diary about how pissed I am. I need a new diary because this one has so many entrys soon I'll run out of pages. Hey, what can I say, I have a lot to say - even though I keep quiet in front of other people.
Everyone expects me to be perfect. They think I'm the perfect little goody two shoes but I'm not. I want to tell to the whole world about my love for my own brother and my hatred for Mimi, but I just stay silent. Now I have a reputation for always being there when my friends are down, but I can't say anything that I'm feeling bad about.
Usually I feel bad when I see something connected with Taichi-and-Mimi. They're like one word. It's always Taichi-and-Mimi. Taichi-and-Mimi this, Taichi-and-Mimi that. Taichi-and-Mimi love each other SO much that they'll probably get married and have kids (which. . .um. . .means reproduction!) and live a perfect life in a big mansion in N.Y.C., North America or Tokyo, Japan.
Why did I just have this sudden outburst? Well, since my brother is at soccer practice he, unfortunately, forgot to close out of his e-mail and shut the computer down. So, what did I find? I found a love letter to Mimi right there on the screen. I printed it out so I could glue it in here:
Mimi,
I love you so much. I'm sorry I forgot to e-mail you yesterday. I was very busy with homework. But I would always choose you over something else I had to do. I miss you so much, we haven't seen each other for three whole months! But I get to see you in another two months.
Things are going great down here. But I wish you still lived in Tokyo. Your parents said that you might come down to live here this summer with your aunt, right? I hope you do so much. Didn't they also say that you might move back down here in Japan in another 2-3 years? I would like to hear more about it. Wouldn't it be wonderful to see you everyday!!
You wouldn't believe how much I miss you. I'm sorry if it feels like I'm not spending enough time talking to you lately, but I've been very busy with school work. It's getting harder for me everday to catch up. The teacher says I'm slow.
I have to go now. Going to soccer practice. E-mail me back, my Mimi. Bye.
Love, Taichi
That's just sick. 'My Mimi'? I'm sorry but. . .That just doesn't sound right. They aren't even a good couple! Well, I don't think so. . .But everyone else does. They say, "Ohhh, look, it's Taichi-and-Mimi! The cutest couple in the world!"
But I can handle it. . .I think. Taichi had a girl friend before Mimi. It was Sora Takenouchi, the beautiful anti-preppy, tomboyish, intelligent, kind girl. She's the exact opposite of Mimi. She would be the last person on EARTH to dye her hair pink and cover it with sparkles. Maybe she would dye it pink to make herself look like Kelly Osbourne, but that's the only reason that she would do something like that.
Oh, poop. I have to go. Taichi's back, and mom's calling for dinner. I'll try to write more tomorrow, if I'm not flooded with homework.
-Hikari